I never knew I would have to post anything personal on nairaland but I deeply feel like sharing this.
I am a graduate in my late 20s. And I got employed in 2017. In 2018 I told my dad my intention to move out and be staying alone so that I would be a bit free. This is because all through my undergraduate years, I went to school from home and couldn't really have male friends around.

My mum was totally against it, but dad was indifferent . Her opinion was that men would play me and not get serious with me.

In July 2018, I moved to my own apartment. Now the problems is, men I meet are either after something else or just want to be eating my food or collecting money from me. The ones that are a sane: have trust issues.

I don't know if men think when a lady is living alone she's not to be trusted or she's a cheat.

In November 2019, late last year, I started dating this guy. And everything seems normal, till he starts snooping around my phone. Atimes he will visit my place without calling, but I will wave it off. I think of it as him just trying to surprise me.

But on the 15th of January this year, he wrote me a very long message on whatsapp telling me how I have been disloyal and dishonest deleting text messages. What sort of nonsense is that? Is it possible for him to see a deleted text message?
I was never even receiving text messages from admirers except on my birthday. Which he didn't even give me anything. I was even the one who transferred money to him to take us out because he had not been paid and was short on cash. He said he couldn't go out since he was short on cash that we should stay at home, but I said it was my birthday and really felt like eating out.
I feel there is nothing bad in helping him out when he is in need and this is how he is paying me back; accusing me falsely, painting me bad when I have not done anything wrong.

He went and hacked my Facebook and was sending me chat history of 2016 and 2017 that had no business with his life. Digging my privacy and lunching accusations as if I had met him in 2017 and 2018.

All my life I had only get to keep a single man at a time unlike most of other ladies around me. I am starting to believe the adage "don't keep all your eggs in one basket". I am thinking putting all my thoughts and hope in a single man while trying to settle down is a mistake.

waiting for the complete story...

What's the purpose of the last paragraph of you having to transfer funds to his account cause he wasn't paid yet?


Change the dating field you meet the persons in your dating history. While it may appear that you're different persons on an individual level when you pick or get picked from a circle/clique,similar mind frame can cause your love interests to act similarly and have almost similar attitude.


Don't give up yet. Chances are if you spinner your circle of interests and explore more, you may meet other persons. One thing I want you not to take lightly is the possibility of meeting potential which some work/adjustments would be required on your end to bring to prime level.


In love, hope is key. Don't give up yet till you find and catch him.

Best of luck.

Following

.

At least, you admitted a lot of the men you've met have trust issues with you...it isn't just your boyfriend.

Perhaps it's time for you to look inwards and evaluate yourself - why is it that men find it hard to trust me? This is what you should be working on instead of blaming it on your independent living arrangements.

A good number of young women live alone and have trustworthy relationships that even lead to marriages, stop deceiving yourself.

crackkhaus:
At least, you admitted a lot of the men you've met have trust issues with you...it isn't just your boyfriend.

Perhaps it's time for you to look inwards and evaluate yourself - why is it that men find it hard to trust me? This is what you should be working on instead of blaming it on your independent living arrangements.

A good number of young women live alone and have trustworthy relationships that even lead to marriages, stop deceiving yourself.

Seems she hasn't met the one and needs to go through this sorting process till she and one she'll click with meet.



PrimadonnaO how far na. Omo Oyedepo

Hmmm!!

Firstly,it is not you, it is the sociwe find ourselves. But then u need to set the rules. I lived alone for two years before I met my hub and honestly he live in the other room from mine.

I set my rules that no matter what, I won't bring any guy to my house and I stood by it. I had I relationship then but I never allowed him visit. I go out when I want to and make sure I was home before 8, cos then I do close from work by 5.
I earned a lot of respect from everyone in that area without me knowing cos I wasn't the only single lady in that compound. I didn't even notice my hub then, but he was a secret admirer.

To cut the long story short, the landlord, other tenants, friends on the street all stood for him.

I can't relate. I'm single and living alone... I don't get those vibes at all.

But perhaps, you're a bit "too accommodating."
I infer that you send money to guys and cook for the world. Lol. That's just funny.

Except we're really chummy and I trust you, I'm never inviting you to my house. I've had guys who stopped talking to me because I wouldn't let them come to my house, and I absolutely don't care. If I'm not asking to come to your house, don't come to mine either, it means we aren't on that level of closeness yet. And yes, if different guys come in and out of your house, it would put a question mark on your character. Perhaps you should think about that, too.

kunleweb:




Seems she hasn't met the one and needs to go through this sorting process till she and one she'll click with meet.



PrimadonnaO how far na. Omo Oyedepo

How do you know Oyedepo is my papa?

PrimadonnaO:


How do you know Oyedepo is my papa?

With all that Raza ka la ta zo ma ta to la na ta li ko ko to ma ta Ricca posts. That kind fire only burns from a source na

We live and we learn.. Never give a man your money. Even if they pretend to be dying.

I hope you didn't borrow him a huge sum of money before he started to dig up your Facebook? That's part of the gimmicks they use when they are trying to run away with your money. They will bring up all kinds accusation. They can even say your grandmother was a woman and so they are no longer interested

kunleweb:



With all that Raza ka la ta zo ma ta to la na ta li ko ko to ma ta Ricca posts. That kind fire only burns from a source na

Hahahahahhahaha. Nice!!!

PrimadonnaO:


Hahahahahhahaha. Nice!!!

kunleweb:

I'm fine by the way... how are you doing?

The problem with the both of you is incompatibility.

The both of you are incompatible.

While he is insecure, you are self centered and not truthful.

We have no business hearing of how you sent him money on your birthday.

You are trying to make him seems ungrateful, but in reality, he told you on your birthday that he has no money and that he hasn't been paid. You were the one that sent him money even if he didn't ask because you wanted to celebrate your birthday.

Secondly, while he might be insecure by going into your past, but you have to understand that there was something that triggered his action that prompt him to start looking into your past, even as to hack your Facebook accounts.

There is something you are hiding from him and he is beginning to see the signs.

Anyways truth is that if the both of you truly Love each other and you want to see the Union work, then you both have to talk to a relationship expert, a therapist.

It will go a long way in helping the both of you but if there are no therapist around then you just have to break up because the sad truth Is that the relationship will never work without expert opinion on it.

Right now the both of you are incompatible.

Adios!!!!

JasonScoolari:
Dear Cityqueengirl,What has the transfer got to do with this now?
Is it your stylish way of deflating his ego?
.

I believe you have never been lied against. You have never been slut shamed because you are a man.
So it is wrong to say I helped him out? Because of his ego?
So what happens to my own ego?

PrimadonnaO:


I'm fine by the way... how are you doing?

I'm very down. Since the day I asked you stop over at May fair gardens you declined I've been feverish since

kunleweb:


Seems she hasn't met the one and needs to go through this sorting process till she and one she'll click with meet.

PrimadonnaO how far na. Omo Oyedepo

Then she should break up with the nigga and continue the sorting process.

kunleweb:



I'm very down. Since the day I asked you stop over at May fair gardens you declined I've been feverish since

Hian! Your speculations are something else! Take some aspirin and lots of water... not stopping over at Mayfair Gardens anytime soon.

crackkhaus:

Then she should break up with the nigga and continue the sorting process.

Immediately. Too many immature brothas for our generation o

PrimadonnaO:


Hian! Your speculations are something else! Take some aspirin and lots of water... not stopping over at Mayfair Gardens anytime soon.

Oops. Where would you rada stop over,Blenco, Shop rite, Hot Bread Or all the way to Eleko

Foodqueen:
Hmmm!!

Firstly,it is not you, it is the sociwe find ourselves. But then u need to set the rules. I lived alone for two years before I met my hub and honestly he live in the other room from mine.

I set my rules that no matter what, I won't bring any guy to my house and I stood by it. I had I relationship then but I never allowed him visit. I go out when I want to and make sure I was home before 8, cos then I do close from work by 5.
I earned a lot of respect from everyone in that area without me knowing cos I wasn't the only single lady in that compound. I didn't even notice my hub then, but he was a secret admirer.

To cut the long story short, the landlord, other tenants, friends on the street all stood for him.

What a post

(To be clear, I don’t like it. However it’s your life)
Cheers

Mineisgrace:
We live and we learn.. Never give a man your money. Even if they pretend to be dying.

I hope you didn't borrow him a huge sum of money before he started to dig up your Facebook? That's part of the gimmicks they use when they are trying to run away with your money. They will bring up all kinds accusation. They can even say your grandmother was a woman and so they are no longer interested

Lol.

Ooops, sorry, my great grandfather was a woman.

Cityqueengirl:
I believe you have never been lied against. You have never been slut shamed because you are a man.
So it is wrong to say I helped him out? Because of his ego?
So what happens to my own ego?

My ex has done worse..... Or should I say I was "slut shamed" by my ex when things where not going smoothly.... Don't bring gender into this.


The truth is, we have no business with you transferring money to his account. He has trust issues, that's the bone of contention here not transferring of funds.

Mineisgrace:
We live and we learn.. Never give a man your money. Even if they pretend to be dying.

I hope you didn't borrow him a huge sum of money before he started to dig up your Facebook? That's part of the gimmicks they use when they are trying to run away with your money. They will bring up all kinds accusation. They can even say your grandmother was a woman and so they are no longer interested

You write as if you are a 12 years old girl child.

In all the op had talked about, it's the money she sent to her man, that's your problem.

Ladies like you will never have a working relationship because you are selfish, self centered, insecure, greedy even to your own husband.

Relationship is all about sacrifice.

Women like you will start asking her husband money for garri to make Eba but you used your money to buy Brazilian hair.

kunleweb:



Oops. Where would you rada stop over,Blenco, Shop rite, Hot Bread Or all the way to Eleko

No. Ijebu-Ode!

The truth is men don't wanna hear or know about your past.

No man wants to hear that you are now an angel after living like jezebel. That being said, I think the guy just want to path ways with you but don't know how to go about it.
He has no business with people you dated before you met him so far you are no longer exchanging communications.

Most men are insecure and it doesn't help that most girls ain't faithful either. In the university, we knew how easy it was to lay our female neighbours who lived alone. Let me borrow sugar or let's watch a movie and one thing leads to another even when she has a boyfriend.

Even though I consider myself liberal and didn't bother myself much about what a girlfriend might be up to, sometimes thoughts always crop up about what she's actually doing. It's easier for a girl leaving alone to 'escort' a friend to a club or to go see a movie etc.

I will advice you to be a bit patient. Most men will always have their doubts. If it becomes such an issue, find another man.

PrimadonnaO:


No. Ijebu-Ode!

Greener Pastures

MRcocaFanta:
You write as if you are a 12 years old girl child.

In all the op had talked about, it's the money she sent to her man, that's your problem.

Ladies like you will never have a working relationship because you are selfish, self centered, insecure, greedy even to your own husband.

Relationship is all about sacrifice.

Women like you will start asking her husband money for garri to make Eba but you used your money to buy Brazilian hair.

I was about to give a piece of my mind but you beat me to it, can you imagine as if she is better than ladies who have or are still giving to thier men. You marry such women and you run out of cash at some point in time just know you are finished.

It's every man's prayer that God will not connect him to such selfish, self-centered, egocentric, never-sacrifising type of woman, who believes it is only the man's money that is good for spending and not hers, this type will be building houses and the husband will be borrowing to feed the children both contributed to have .

Op pls don't follow that ladies advice you have a good heart just pray more and watch keenly the man that will appreciate and like you for who you are will definitely show up...