TonyeBarcanista:

The emboldened is pure nonsense (with due respect sir)!

A strong man is the man that lives to his conviction. He is not conditioned to accept things because he needs validation of people to be called a strong and real man.

As for the OP, I believe that she is economical with the truth. There is something that is missing in her story.

She can't expect her bf to trust her blankly without earning it. I suspect that he must have seen some conversation on her chats; and this promoted him to further investigate her. I also think that her action and "friendship" with other guys fuelled his action more.

I don't care what people think but I don't see what the man does as evidence of being insecure! In fact, any action taken by any man to safeguard his mental and emotional wellbeing is welcomed as long as it doesn't infringe on the right of the other party. It is left for the woman to clear his doubt (if indeed she has nothing to hide) or ship offfffffff!

Finally, no REAL man would allow himself to be blackmailed with "Insecure" tag

kazyhm:


This is the best comment so far........

People use ego to to blackmail men that is trying to stay true to himself........I won't lie I gave been in the op boyfriend scenario before......I dug because of inconsistence in her stories......and I thank God I was ahead of her disjointed stories/lies/excuses


The op is not saying the truth.....and this days people justifying waywardness of females too much........

The op moved out of her parent's house to for what ? Meanwhile her boyfriend found out she had relationship while she is in her parent house back then from her Facebook chat...so why did she have to move out to be free ?

Sometimes the standard these ladies are setting does not conform with their way of life.

bukatyne:


@bold

Excuse mi sir?

kazyhm:


Did you understand the op side of the story ?

emmaodet:
Singing Fela - Palava u dey find, Palava u go see oooo

I think you have seen what you are looking for now, freedom.
Freedom, to live your life, see any man you want to see, go in and out anytime you want.
But you forgot one thing tour parent know which is the problem most youths have -
Freedom is not cheap
Freedom is not free after all
Freedom comes with Responsibilities
And the last which is the mist Important for you -
With More Freedom, comes less Commitment.

Because when you have freedom, there is No accountability to anyone which leads to people becoming more and more loose.
When under a guardian, you become accountable to them be it your parent, uncle, sister etc
You can't just go to a party or a date and come in at night without them calling you, warning you or threatening you thereby putting you in check.
Also, on average and on statistics, the average lady staying alone is more loose sexually, more promiscuous than the one under a guardian.
Most men want loose women and women staying alone for their sexual desire but will opt for a woman who is under a guardian for marriage.
And you also know it deep down that the number of sexual partners you have had as increased astronomically compared to when you were under your parent. You can deceive me and deny it but not yourself.

If you like double date or multi date, ti a ba so ada soke ni igba igba, ibi pelebe bayi ni o ma mu lele.
If you throw up a cutlass a thousand times, it will always come down and settle in the flat position one thousand times, Never the pointed area.
In other words, you will face similar challenges year in year out whether a single date or multi dating.
Call them insecure, weaklings who can't handle an independent lady staying on her own, low self esteem guys, na u sabi.
Nature is nature and won't change bcus of your opinion or your fellow ladies who are languishing is your similar state.
There are more homely grown women under their guardians who can be married so why give myself headache on a woman who is not accountable to anybody?
A very big recipe for disaster.
Am sorry, if i have a daughter, she won't stay alone and if my wife had stayed alone when we were dating, am sorry i won't have married her.
Call me uncivilized, weakling or insecure, na u sabi.
Will a woman under a guardian guarantees been faithful? Of course not but the chances of her not been faithful increases astronomically when staying alone, not that she will anyway.
If what you want is marriage, i think you made a wrong move but if what you want is independent and live your life the way you want it, then you are on the right track.

bukatyne:


I did (probably forgotten. There are two many stories to keep up with)

bukatyne:


At least, you believe I am a woman. Fair enough.

Man pleaser, that's another feather to my cap on NL

I am 100% fair and empathetic to women. Don't confuse giving tough advises towards a greater end as 'unfair'. I don't pander to people or give advises they want to hear. I give advises I see is best situated to their situation after evaluating their unique circumstances and their leverage.

I also do not do bandwagon effect and independently access situations drawing from real life experiences. If I ask you to quote ten posts out of my 19,000+ posts where I blamed a woman blindly, you would not be able to do so.

See me as that mother or elder sister that will 'beat' you to read your books so that you can excel and tie the biggest gele during your graduation.

A woman chooses her man so who do we blame if her man turns out bad?

At least, we would blame her for not choosing well.

If she thought she chose well and the man turned out wrong, she should sit down and backtrack to where she got it wrong and not make that mistake again.

When you become more observant and true to yourself, you will find out that the average Nigerian woman has placed herself in whatever position she finds herself relationship/marriage wise. She also does not know how to evaluate her leverage per situation hence keep making funny decisions.

I used to be very up in arms that Nigerian men are 'bad' till I saw that the woman wailing her husband does not do any chores is the same woman telling her son 'he is a man' and pushing all chores to her daughter; the one wailing about a cheating husband is the same one excusing a cheating colleague or her brother that had a kid outside. The one complaining about an 'abusive' husband is the same one calling another gentler man weak.

So I changed my approach: build yourself to a standard woman, choose a good man and be good to him. I believe a woman is to make her man happy so it is her duty to choose the man that will inspire that naturally in her.

You see, just how it is an anomaly darkness and light to co-exist, you can not have an expectation from your man and another from your male relatives. You cannot make wrong decisions and cry foul when the consequences of those decisions come biting. You cannot have your cake and eat it.

Are there bad men? There are. Infact, I always talk about the average 'Nigerian' man is not marriageable.

Would it now make sense for me to marry that average 'Nigerian' man and wail three years down the line?

Would it not make sense to make the right choice of a man and live happily ever after? As much as we complain that Saudi Arabia is unfair to women, some men still taught their women how to drive. What does that tell you?

The quality of a woman's life is dependent on the men around her that is why the Ibunkun Awosikas, Sheryl Goldbergs and Folorunsho Alakijas keep emphasizing on the quality of men young women marry.

Maybe your post makes more sense today hence my willingness to type this epistle.

bukatyne:


At least, you believe I am a woman. Fair enough.

Man pleaser, [s]that's another feather to my cap on NL

I am 100% fair and empathetic to women. Don't confuse giving tough advises towards a greater end as 'unfair'. I don't pander to people or give advises they want to hear. I give advises I see is best situated to their situation after evaluating their unique circumstances and their leverage.

I also do not do bandwagon effect and independently access situations drawing from real life experiences. If I ask you to quote ten posts out of my 19,000+ posts where I blamed a woman blindly, you would not be able to do so.

See me as that mother or elder sister that will 'beat' you to read your books so that you can excel and tie the biggest gele during your graduation.

A woman chooses her man so who do we blame if her man turns out bad?

At least, we would blame her for not choosing well.

If she thought she chose well and the man turned out wrong, she should sit down and backtrack to where she got it wrong and not make that mistake again.

When you become more observant and true to yourself, you will find out that the average Nigerian woman has placed herself in whatever position she finds herself relationship/marriage wise. She also does not know how to evaluate her leverage per situation hence keep making funny decisions.

I used to be very up in arms that Nigerian men are 'bad' till I saw that the woman wailing her husband does not do any chores is the same woman telling her son 'he is a man' and pushing all chores to her daughter; the one wailing about a cheating husband is the same one excusing a cheating colleague or her brother that had a kid outside. The one complaining about an 'abusive' husband is the same one calling another gentler man weak.

So I changed my approach: build yourself to a standard woman, choose a good man and be good to him. I believe a woman is to make her man happy so it is her duty to choose the man that will inspire that naturally in her.

You see, just how it is an anomaly darkness and light to co-exist, you can not have an expectation from your man and another from your male relatives. You cannot make wrong decisions and cry foul when the consequences of those decisions come biting. You cannot have your cake and eat it.

Are there bad men? There are. Infact, I always talk about the average 'Nigerian' man is not marriageable.

Would it now make sense for me to marry that average 'Nigerian' man and wail three years down the line?

Would it not make sense to make the right choice of a man and live happily ever after? As much as we complain that Saudi Arabia is unfair to women, some men still taught their women how to drive. What does that tell you?

The quality of a woman's life is dependent on the men around her that is why the Ibunkun Awosikas, Sheryl Goldbergs and Folorunsho Alakijas keep emphasizing on the quality of men young women marry.

Maybe your post makes more sense today hence my willingness to type this epistle[/s].

UjuJoan2:


Please don't let anyone make you feel bad for wanting to go out on your birthday. It's your birthday, you deserve to be pampered or pamper yourself. Why should you suffer because you have a selfish man?

Yes, I call him selfish because birthdays don't just spring on us. He knew months beforehand that it would be your birthday. He should have saved towards it or even borrowed, instead he took money from you to take you out on your own birthday. What kind of man is that A selfish man with no pride. Bad bad combination. No wonder he is so obsessive.

Please move on and dump his sorry ass. If you stay with him you will regret it.

And please, don't you ever give a man your money to do something for you. If he wants to do it let him find the money. If he doesn't want to do it, do it for yourself and feel good about it. You can support him financially if you want to help, but don't ever give him money to take you out or buy you a gift. What's next, giving him money to pay your bride price? Please don't start what you can't finish.

And yes, men are selfish. They will take advantage of you if they think you are too nice. So stop being too nice. Stop cooking for anybody in your house. Stop hosting people, period.

I too lived as a single working class. I lived in a three bedroom apartment so my place always had traffic. From my relatives to my friends and their boyfriends and toasters. Yes, people talked, neighbours called me irresponsible, but I didn't care. I don't let people dictate what I do for any reason. If I wanted to invite a man over, I would do just that and not care what people think. And I never wasted anytime with insecure men who would question my lifestyle. The people I dated knew me enough to know what I could and could not do.

Please please please, live your life. You only get to do it once. One day you will meet the right person, and you'll know he is the one.

You write as if you are a 12 years old girl child.

In all the op had talked about, it's the money she sent to her man, that's your problem.

Ladies like you will never have a working relationship because you are selfish, self centered, insecure, greedy even to your own husband.

Relationship is all about sacrifice.

Women like you will start asking her husband money for garri to make Eba but you used your money to buy Brazilian hair.

chriskosherbal:
I was about to give a piece of my mind but you beat me to it, can you imagine as if she is better than ladies who have or are still giving to thier men. You marry such women and you run out of cash at some point in time just know you are finished.

It's every man's prayer that God will not connect him to such selfish, self-centered, egocentric, never-sacrifising type of woman, who believes it is only the man's money that is good for spending and not hers, this type will be building houses and the husband will be borrowing to feed the children both contributed to have .

Op pls don't follow that ladies advice you have a good heart just pray more and watch keenly the man that will appreciate and like you for who you are will definitely show up...

bukatyne:


This is just April na and there has been kwarantine so the relationship might have died a natural death.

Ricchcream:
I'm just checking. Silly scallawags giving Naija men bad image upandan

bukatyne:


Hahahahahahaha

Why do I feel I have watched this movie?

He went to hell abi?

Mariangeles:


You think you have life all figured out don't you? You think know it all and what you know applies to all women right?
Let's just hope you stick to your stances and beliefs when you're the one at the receiving end.

Ricchcream:
Really?

Ginalex:
@the bolded, u are more than a man pleaser nne... Going about kissing asses of all the nairaland dudes so that they'll like you is what you live and breathe on ... Everything a guy does, you try to twist it and eventually fault the woman... Asslicker oshi like you ... Don't bother quoting back 'cause I'll ignore your very existence

bukatyne:



Hahahahahahahaha!

I do actually if it is the movie I am referencing.

Ricchcream:
Madam, we don't do movies here

bukatyne:


Toor.

Only memes.

Ricchcream:
You are smart.

bukatyne:


My middle name is smart.

Nobi today

Ricchcream:
Oyaa, Smart Adeyemi. You're doing well

bukatyne:


Biko don't relate me to any Nigerian politician

Ricchcream:
Ah you dont want big men, I pity you

bukatyne:


Any man I chose to be with would automatically be big because he would have the qualities to be.

Now add my own qualities, we are gonna be 'big' together

bukatyne:


Why the beach?

YoungPerson:

Lol. Beaches are for makeups not breakups.
Pick a quiet beach.

emmaodet:

There are more homely grown women under their guardians who can be married so why give myself headache on a woman who is not accountable to anybody?
A very big recipe for disaster.
Am sorry, if i have a daughter, she won't stay alone and if my wife had stayed alone when we were dating, am sorry i won't have married her.
Call me uncivilized, weakling or insecure, na u sabi.
Will a woman under a guardian guarantees been faithful? Of course not but the chances of her not been faithful increases astronomically when staying alone, not that she will anyway.
If what you want is marriage, i think you made a wrong move but if what you want is independent and live your life the way you want it, then you are on the right track.