I (31 female) met this naija born man (39 male) on dating app. I am Haitian American born in the US , my parents came for US.
At first we were just friends. I didn’t want anything serious.

We met and instant sparks. Laugh, dance. The vibes were 100%

He asked me to be his girlfriend about 6 weeks . I say yes. He has most qualities I am seeking.

He tells me .. I have something important to tell you. I beg him to tell me , and he says he will in person.

I asked about his visa status but he was never open about it. This was the red flag I wish I didn’t ignore


He tells me he is married in a sham marriage . He was set up with a woman who he paid . The woman has her own life set up and boyfriend , baby.

He is almost 2 years in the process .


I asked him why didn’t you share this with me before asking me to be your girlfriend ?

He says he was afraid I would not want to be with him.


I told him he does not have the right to hide something to critical to me . Due to my feelings for him, it is now difficult for me to make sense of this.

Logically, I KNOW I need to walk away and date someone who can give me what I deserve .


I cannot wait 3-6 years .


I told him I wish he was almost done with the process or met him before. He shares the same sentiment .



I’m happy he didn’t wait until months later to tell me .. however I am sad he didn’t expose this before asking for a commitment from me .



I am 31 years old. I am working towards getting my masters, home ownership, and children hopefully in the future. I wanted him to be ready on my same timeline but now I realize I cannot achieve my dreams with him by my side. I will most likely do this alone .



Anyone have experience being US born citizen dating someone who is in a sham marriage ?


Am I mad?

No, you aren't mad.

If it doesn't feel right by your instincts, just let it go because your instincts will always lead you right.

daddytime:
No

No as to what ?

BelleFamn:
I (31 female) met this naija born man (39 male) on dating app. I am Haitian American born in the US , my parents came for US.
At first we were just friends. I didn’t want anything serious.

We met and instant sparks. Laugh, dance. The vibes were 100%

He asked me to be his girlfriend about 6 weeks . I say yes. He has most qualities I am seeking.

He tells me .. I have something important to tell you. I beg him to tell me , and he says he will in person.

I asked about his visa status but he was never open about it. This was the red flag I wish I didn’t ignore


He tells me he is married in a sham marriage . He was set up with a woman who he paid . The woman has her own life set up and boyfriend , baby.

He is almost 2 years in the process .


I asked him why didn’t you share this with me before asking me to be your girlfriend ?

He says he was afraid I would not want to be with him.


I told him he does not have the right to hide something to critical to me . Due to my feelings for him, it is now difficult for me to make sense of this.

Logically, I KNOW I need to walk away and date someone who can give me what I deserve .


I cannot wait 3-6 years .


I told him I wish he was almost done with the process or met him before. He shares the same sentiment .



I’m happy he didn’t wait until months later to tell me .. however I am sad he didn’t expose this before asking for a commitment from me .



I am 31 years old. I am working towards getting my masters, home ownership, and children hopefully in the future. I wanted him to be ready on my same timeline but now I realize I cannot achieve my dreams with him by my side. I will most likely do this alone .



Anyone have experience being US born citizen dating someone who is in a sham marriage ?


Am I mad?

Future is NEVER GUARANTEED... so I would not advice you to wait

I would not also say you should dump him... THIS IS TRUE LOVE, the fact that a guy could actually tell you the TOTAL BITTER TRUTH....HE TRULY LOVES YOU AND YOU MAY MAKE THE MISTAKE OF DUMPING HIM FOR A COMPLETE DECEIVER


so here is what to do,


SIT HIM DOWN AND PLAN IT OUT
you could still have a baby with him in the next two years without marriage yet.

or he has to cancel the fake marriage BECAUSE ITS A CRIME and then you marry him legally

BelleFamn:
Am I mad?

Nope

BelleFamn:
I (31 female) met this naija born man (39 male) on dating app. I am Haitian American born in the US , my parents came for US.
At first we were just friends. I didn’t want anything serious.

We met and instant sparks. Laugh, dance. The vibes were 100%

He asked me to be his girlfriend about 6 weeks . I say yes. He has most qualities I am seeking.

He tells me .. I have something important to tell you. I beg him to tell me , and he says he will in person.

I asked about his visa status but he was never open about it. This was the red flag I wish I didn’t ignore


He tells me he is married in a sham marriage . He was set up with a woman who he paid . The woman has her own life set up and boyfriend , baby.

He is almost 2 years in the process .


I asked him why didn’t you share this with me before asking me to be your girlfriend ?

He says he was afraid I would not want to be with him.


I told him he does not have the right to hide something to critical to me . Due to my feelings for him, it is now difficult for me to make sense of this.

Logically, I KNOW I need to walk away and date someone who can give me what I deserve .


I cannot wait 3-6 years .


I told him I wish he was almost done with the process or met him before. He shares the same sentiment .



I’m happy he didn’t wait until months later to tell me .. however I am sad he didn’t expose this before asking for a commitment from me .



I am 31 years old. I am working towards getting my masters, home ownership, and children hopefully in the future. I wanted him to be ready on my same timeline but now I realize I cannot achieve my dreams with him by my side. I will most likely do this alone .



Anyone have experience being US born citizen dating someone who is in a sham marriage ?


Am I mad?

partially I think...but I don't blame you at all

Bellefamn , greetings.

Could you please read my thread.

This is the link Bellefamn: https://www.nairaland.com/5683702/marriage-need-wife-soul-mate

BelleFamn:



No as to what ?

You ain't mad...

ikh777:


Future is NEVER GUARANTEED... so I would not advice you to wait

I would not also say you should dump him... THIS IS TRUE LOVE, the fact that a guy could actually tell you the TOTAL BITTER TRUTH....HE TRULY LOVES YOU AND YOU MAY MAKE THE MISTAKE OF DUMPING HIM FOR A COMPLETE DECEIVER


so here is what to do,


SIT HIM DOWN AND PLAN IT OUT
you could still have a baby with him in the next two years without marriage yet.

or he has to cancel the fake marriage BECAUSE ITS A CRIME and then you marry him legally

Will him canceling the fake marriage ruin his visa and chances to stay in the US?

Let him go no matter how much it hurts you.
Fraud and deceit are things one should not tolerate if you want a solid foundation in marriage.
Believe a better one and yours truly will come.

BelleFamn:
I (31 female) met this naija born man (39 male) on dating app. I am Haitian American born in the US , my parents came for US.
At first we were just friends. I didn’t want anything serious.

We met and instant sparks. Laugh, dance. The vibes were 100%

He asked me to be his girlfriend about 6 weeks . I say yes. He has most qualities I am seeking.

He tells me .. I have something important to tell you. I beg him to tell me , and he says he will in person.

I asked about his visa status but he was never open about it. This was the red flag I wish I didn’t ignore


He tells me he is married in a sham marriage . He was set up with a woman who he paid . The woman has her own life set up and boyfriend , baby.

He is almost 2 years in the process .


I asked him why didn’t you share this with me before asking me to be your girlfriend ?

He says he was afraid I would not want to be with him.


I told him he does not have the right to hide something to critical to me . Due to my feelings for him, it is now difficult for me to make sense of this.

Logically, I KNOW I need to walk away and date someone who can give me what I deserve .


I cannot wait 3-6 years .


I told him I wish he was almost done with the process or met him before. He shares the same sentiment .



I’m happy he didn’t wait until months later to tell me .. however I am sad he didn’t expose this before asking for a commitment from me .



I am 31 years old. I am working towards getting my masters, home ownership, and children hopefully in the future. I wanted him to be ready on my same timeline but now I realize I cannot achieve my dreams with him by my side. I will most likely do this alone .



Anyone have experience being US born citizen dating someone who is in a sham marriage ?


Am I mad?

So what exactly is the problem? since you can't wait for him move on already, it's simple as A.B.C.

Notasaints:
So what exactly is the problem? since you can't wait for him move on already, it's simple as A.B.C.

The issue i am having is I have deeply happy with him. I wish this was not happening. I wish he was either already a citizen or met me before .

Reality sets in, and my logic kicks in. However my heart is pulling the strings and telling me , what if no other man can make me feel how he does ?

thorpido:
Let him go no matter how much it hurts you.
Fraud and deceit are things one should not tolerate if you want a solid foundation in marriage.
Believe a better one and yours truly will come.

I agree. Integrity and honesty is something I have listed in my desires in a man.


When one door closes, God has a better one for you

BelleFamn:



I agree. Integrity and honesty is something I have listed in my desires in a man.


When one door closes, God has a better one for you

Yea,believe.
I wish you happiness.

No Matter how much it hurts, just know moving on is the right thing for you. And no you're not mad.

BelleFamn:


Will him canceling the fake marriage ruin his visa and chances to stay in the US?

Integrity counts. Let him do things honestly. ELse he will waste your time. You can not be the only one thinking of a way through

Love affair again.

At OP, make sure you find someone with integrity as someone here rightly said. Marriage is not all about what you see now but what'd see later. No matter how long and how far you find love, make sure you find integrity. Now, what if that your boyfriend gets married to the lady processing his papers or maybe have been sleeping with that lady.. In other words, he's not your man. You're not getting any younger and don't become a baby mama Bellefamn

LosC:
Love affair again.

At OP, make sure you find someone with integrity as someone here rightly said. Marriage is not all about what you see now but what'd see later. No matter how long and how far you find love, make sure you find integrity. Now, what if that your boyfriend gets married to the lady processing his papers or maybe have been sleeping with that lady.. In other words, he's not your man. You're not getting any younger and don't become a baby mama Bellefamn

I agree . He is technically married (he didn’t tell me until 7 weeks ). They went to the courthouse two years ago.

She has a bf and just has a baby.

He does not live with her , which makes no sense to me because I thought in these business arrangements the “couple” have to live together or share address ?



What I am having trouble with is how lazy he was with the information. I assumed he would be more concrete and detailed such as :

I got married this date
My interview is this date
I get my green card this date around estimate
I will dissolve marriage this date

And then allow me to decide .



I asked him how would he feel if I entered such business marriage with someone and his face dropped.

The more I write this out , the more sense I am making.

BelleFamn:



I agree . He is technically married . They went to the courthouse two years ago.

She has a bf and just has a baby.

He does not live with her , which makes no sense to me because I thought in these business arrangements the “couple” have to live together or share address ?

A few years ago .. I was asked to do this for someone and offered money and they explained to me the steps so I am somewhat aware of this scam.

What I am having trouble with is how lazy he was with the information. I assumed he would be more concrete and detailed such as :

I got married this date
My interview is this date
I get my green card this date around estimate
I will divorce this date

And then allow me to decide .


I am a very detail oriented person. I understand this is illegal but I get why people do it.

I asked him how would he feel if I entered such business marriage with someone and his face dropped.

The more I write this out , the more sense I am making.

I understand your plight. The funny part is that he doesn't even know when he'd become a Citizen. Sometimes it's beyond one's expectation.

Try and give another person a chance and save yourself this emotional stress.

Love is good

Bellefamn , it's unfortunate things are going wrong but what's his response. Does he want you to move on?
If No, you may have to wait for him then.

Bellefamn , i actually sent a mail to you. Kindly hear me out and know what I've got to say.

ChimdiAC:
Bellefamn , it's unfortunate things are going wrong but what's his response. Does he want you to move on?
If No, you may have to wait for him then.

He cried and said he regrets this marriage he is in and he wishes he met me 2 years ago. He says he was on the dating app just to meet companion. He dates women previously just for fun and never had to disclose his marriage arrangement.

He said with me he didn’t think it would go pass what it has with me. He mentioned it’s only been less than 2 months but he felt in his heart he could not hide it anymore .


I cried so much last night because of this. He also cried. We both knew the end is approaching. It is so painful.

For me .. it hurts because I meet this man but he can’t give me what I want currently. For him, he says he doesn’t want to lose me however he knows it is selfish to ask me to wait and he wants me to be happy.

We both learned about each other cultures.

I was looking forward to us growing together and we both have shared we see this long term.

Now this ruins it because I don’t know how long he has to go.


My heart is broken.

BelleFamn:


He cried and said he regrets this marriage he is in and he wishes he met me 2 years ago. He says he was on the dating app just to meet companion. He dates women previously just for fun and never had to disclose his marriage arrangement.

He said with me he didn’t think it would go pass what it has with me. He mentioned it’s only been less than 2 months but he felt in his heart he could not hide it anymore .


I cried so much last night because my dream of being a Yoruba wife has now diminished.

We both learned about each other cultures.

I was looking forward to us growing together and we both have shared we see this long term.

Now this ruins it because I don’t know how long he has to go.


My heart is broken.

sorry Dear.
One more thing, Please also try and do background investigation very well to be sure he doesn't have wife or children back in Nigeria.

This hand writing ain't american . Op comot for here . Sham marriage my foot. She is married to him but giving birth for another man. This story can't be real

STENON:
sorry Dear.
One more thing, Please also try and do background investigation very well to be sure he doesn't have wife or children back in Nigeria.

I search his name online but I cannot find much except his LinkedIn.


How will I be able to do investigations with this ? Does anyone help with this type of service ?

ednut1:
This hand writing ain't american . Op comot for here . Sham marriage my foot. She is married to him but giving birth for another man. This story can't be real

This is very real. I don’t know what I need to do to prove this.

It doesn’t sound real at all which is why I am making this post to make sense of it .

I only have the information he’s given me.


I did counter him and said .. how can his “wife” (I put in quotes because he says it’s just an arrangement) had a baby. I asked him, wouldn’t her having a baby by another man make this “marriage” look fake? When you go to the interview .. won’t they ask about this baby?

I asked him if the baby is his and he said no.

I went to his place and it’s just his , no sign of a woman. However , how can I not be sure that baby isn’t his ?


This is 100 % . Sounds fake af, but I cannot make this up.

I’m trying to make sense of it all.

ChimdiAC:
Bellefamn , i actually sent a mail to you.
Kindly hear me out and know what I've got to say.

I replied

BelleFamn:



I search his name online but I cannot find much except his LinkedIn.


How will I be able to do investigations with this ? Does anyone help with this type of service ?

Do you know any of his Nigerian friends or family back at home?

STENON:
Do you know any of his Nigerian friends or family back at home?

Not physically, but I’ve spoken to a couple on the phone

One of his best friends from Nigeria is visiting in the summer and he casually mentioned ill meet him when he travels here.

Idk anymore

Although he opened up a bit late, he actually meant well. If he were to be trickster, he would have deceived you all the way;

WISHING YOU THE BEST POSSIBLE

BelleFamn:



Not physically, but I’ve spoken to a couple on the phone

One of his best friends from Nigeria is visiting in the summer and he casually mentioned ill meet him when he travels here.

Idk anymore

that is very good. You can also plan a week summer trip to meet his Parents and siblings in Nigeria