Thanks to all of you for your replies. Thank you too for those who are blaming me, coz I'm just human, and you are right, I also need to check myelf first before putting the blame on my husband.

It definitely is easy for anyone of us to tell you what we think of you or what we think we should do, It doesnt make it right. I'd assume you dated your husband for some time before you got married and as such there must be some things you like . If you say he hasnt changed that means he still has the same qualities you fell in love with and decided to marry him for or are you saying those things dont count anymore or ,  Is there something going on with you presently that might be affecting the way you feel.

Adedayoone, though my husband and I met in a very particular situation, and didn't have much time for romantic dates then, I saw essentials qualities in him, which I still see today. I might emphasize too much on what doesn't work rather than on what is good, but I cannot deny the fact that he still has the major qualities I first saw in him and that made me choose him to be my husband.

As CC said, maybe I should drop some of my standards, I'm trying but it's really hard. When we first dated and got married, we both knew we had huge challenges to face, and we did overcome the biggest ones - which I'm very proud of - but we also knoew that marrying each other, considering our very different background would need us to buildd our own family culture, to find our own way, where we'd both be comfortable. I knew it and I was ready to give up some aspects of my culture and to face the consequences, I did it, it was hard sometimes, but I really tried, and my husband knows it. Now, I might be wrong but I feel I came halfway, so how about him? is it too much to ask for him to step away from his comfort zone a little, to make me happy?

The more I think about it, the more I see two main issues in our marriage: First, I feel that I have sacrificed many things to be with him, but didn't get anything in return (ie he didn't do the same), and I resent that. Secondly, I'd love to talk with him about it, he might have a different opinion on that matter, maybe he changed many things that I didn't notice, maybe I made mistakes without knowing it, but it's just impossible to get him to talk, I might be wrong somewhere but I honestly don't know where.

I'm not talking to him these days, we are just living in the house like roomates, I need time to think, I'm also thinking  about all of your advises, please, if you see something that I didn't see, let me know,

1. You can chose what school you go but you cannot chose what is taught you, if you press yes, but you cannot chose who teaches you, if you insist, fine but can you cannot chose how you are taught.

2. If you want someone who thinks and acts like you, then you might as well marry yourself. I'm sure his nose is different from yours so how do you expect his brain (a far more complex organ) to be the same as yours.

3. Anything that doesn't kill you will make you stronger, wiser, richer. You are the only one I know who wants to remain weak, dumb and lean.

4. The law of relationships states that 'a union (of any type: marraiger, business, religious, political, etc) only works when one party is prepared to be cheated, short-changed, undermined, cowered; and remains in that state with a broad smile. Anything else is from James Cameron.

5. Love is giving and not getting.

6. Marraige is not trading where both sides seek an advantage over the other. In any case who said you are losing. If the ship cracks up today who gains, who loses.

Igonih:

At poster

sit him down and talk to him. Maybe he has some friends like those ones here who tell him you want more love and attention from him because you want to cheat on him(Irony) ? Have a heart to heart talk with him and let him know that you married him so you can work TOGETHER as one and be each others best friend.
Nigerian men could be selfish at times. I was at a hotel poolside once in owerri with some friends and next to me some  men were boasting to their friends how grateful their wives should be if they come home and eat her food and how their wives, dont even ask questions if they leave the house at night. that, they set boundaries and the wives dare not cross it. The sugar daughters were just laughing and mocking the poor wives. Now if those women complain these kinds of men blaming you will also blame them. To such men a woman should just shut up and be happy they married her.

Igonih, the bolded part brought tears to my eyes. When we first started living together, and I used to aks him where he was going / what time he'd be home, my husband was always shouting at me and getting mad, that I wasn't supposed to know or ask, that he wouldn't take nonsense from his wife. I was shocked. It took us well over a year for him to understand that my questions meant no harm and were just casual talk (+ I needed to know if he'd be home for dinner or not, or if I had to wait for him etc.).
Thank you for your kindness, it seems you understand what I really want.

@marvel10: I work full time and take a course at the same time , hoping for a better financial future for the family. It's true that the money side is not great and that it can affect the relationship to some extent, but though we are not rich, we don't lack anything either - by the grace of God, and we went through much harder times than this in the past, so I'm grateful for what we have now.

sometimes I wish I could just read his heart and know what he's thinking about,

@poster
How good is ur sex life with ur spouse? do u both satisfy each other sexually? both before mariage and now?
this is very important. i say this because most marriage problems are rooted in the poor sex life of the couples
think about it,

@Abydee,

A number of people have proffered some very good advice to you, and I hope you can learn from some of them (especially CC).
As a man, i would like to add that marriage has its stages. If you wedded in a church, then you must recognize this phase (the "for worse" phase). The ideal marriage never changes and remains evergreen. But considering that even time always changes; you should expect some of these changes that you are passing through. No one in a marriage has any experience beyond the one he or she has gone through. So, the idea is to learn as you go along and also sometimes to learn from friends.

One of the dilemmas about men is that most of us would rather impress our friends than impress our wives. And since most of our friends are not essentially the best of role models, they end up rubbing off on us in the worst of manners. Having said these, you have been blessed with something that some families lack; something that is a joint product of you and your husband; and that is your child(ren). This is the time to split your attention and love between your husband and your children. A lot of men “wake Up” from their slumber and “come back home” when they realize that their children is slipping away from them. That is not to say that you should use your kids against your husband. Far from that; you should invest your effort in strengthening the bond between you and your children. Your husband will notice that as time goes on, and will come to the realization sooner or later that “this project we jointly started together is slipping out of my reach”.

So hold on and keep striving. Do not relent. We all are learners and students in the classroom of marriage which has no breaks, holidays nor recreation. We are learning all the time.

@Poster
As Rhea said, good advices have been proferred to you. Nairaland is wonderful (the good and the bad, yet lots of the good) when it comes to helping a situation. In my opinion all you have complained of here suggested that your heart is screaming for communication and more communication, understanding and more understanding. It seems that you are unable to convey to your husband the desires and longings crouching somewhere in the inner crannies of your heart. You did a good job of sharing them with us from all your narrations and I am sure that if you do better jobs of letting your husband understand these feelings that you managed to put in a great way in this forum that he will be touched enough to want to get out of his comfort zone and see to your happiness too.

Have him in a relaxed and romantic environ and tell him that you love him very much and wishes to work hand in hand with him to fully utilize the great potentials of the love you two are capable of instead of making do with just a little bit and unsatisfactory percentage of it. There are great infos online on how you can turn things around in your marriage. I love cosmopolitan(cosmo is wonderful, believe me!), redbook and all their advice and I searched for a little info that will do you good and got this for you

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/How-to-Stay-Hot-for-Each-Other?click=main_sr     (the introduction)
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/How-to-Stay-Hot-for-Each-Other-2
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/How-to-Stay-Hot-for-Each-Other-3
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/relationship-advice/How-to-Stay-Hot-for-Each-Other-4

A million dollar worth of good info on marriage are in the web, you can search for them and get through to your man as well as spice up your marriage to an unbelievable new leaf and out of the rut your adventurous heart is begging to be freed from. You have the power to make it brand new, I believe. USE IT!

Since your husband likes clubbing and hanging out, Why dont you just dress up one day and tell him you feel like hanging out also.

free yourself and start enjoying life,do things that will take stress out off you ,whether good or bad but better not let him know if it is bad ,bad advice but it helps me

Reference:

1. You can chose what school you go but you cannot chose what is taught you, if you press yes, but you cannot chose who teaches you, if you insist, fine but can you cannot chose how you are taught.

2. If you want someone who thinks and acts like you, then you might as well marry yourself. I'm sure his nose is different from yours so how do you expect his brain (a far more complex organ) to be the same as yours.

3. Anything that doesn't kill you will make you stronger, wiser, richer. You are the only one I know who wants to remain weak, dumb and lean.

4. The law of relationships states that 'a union (of any type: marraiger, business, religious, political, etc) only works when one party is prepared to be cheated, short-changed, undermined, cowered; and remains in that state with a broad smile. Anything else is from James Cameron.

5. Love is giving and not getting.

6. Marraige is not trading where both sides seek an advantage over the other. In any case who said you are losing. If the ship cracks up today who gains, who loses.

guy u too much

Chrisbenogor:

All these marriage threads springing left and right self, YIKES! Is there anyone enjoying their marriage abeg?

Interesting and funny question.
Well, i think i'm enjoying mine. Nobody has it 100% anyways.

@Op
i feel you're whining. Most of us women whine.
Your husband isn't a bad man, it's just that he isn't bending to your desired shape.

Just try and accept him the way he is.
It's a wonder you couldn't detect the personality of the man you dated before marriage.

I want to believe you're a non Nigerian.
That is a major factor affecting you guys. Clash of cultures!

Bottom line is, TAKE HIM FOR WHO HE IS.

Could you give him the link to this your post for him to read?

BlueDiva, I might be whining, and my husband might never fulfill all of my desires, but how much does it cost him to buy a few bucks'present? how much does it cost him to sit down and listen to me from time to time? To have a nice word for me? Or at least to acknowledge that he is not that kind of man, that he understands my needs and requests but cannot fulfill them?

I accept and love him the way he is, I'm not saying I'm ashamed of him or want him to be a completely different man, I just want him to adapt, in a way that he is comfortable with, to some of my own culture/needs/desires. I did it for him, why couldn't he do it for me? Are we not just two humans in love? Is marriage just a contract where he hires a wife and I just get the right to shut up? As I said before, I am open to any suggestions or remarks he has to make, but how can I cope with the situation when he doesn't even accept to [i]talk [/i]about it?

BlueDiva, no offfense, I'm just trying to make myself clear

well it seems like you guys are stuck in a rot. this is no reason to break up a marriage and render your child 'psychologically messed up' for the rest of his life. you know sometimes you have to face the reality of what life is really about and it is not a fairy tale. married life is not fairytale. i get the feeling that you are both very proud people. well its time to put pride aside and face each other and come up with ways to spice up your marriage. but do not break-up a home because you are bored. thats just crazy. you are a woman with a kid for chrissakessss what are you looking for ? you are missing nightclubbing abi ? you are missing hanging out with your buddys abi ? look all the chips are stacked against you
1, you have a child, very few men will date women with kids unless she is either very attractive or very rich
2, women have friends as backup plans. this means a womans friend is her friend until she meets a man and when she does she ignores her friend and immerses herself in her man. so if you break-up your home because you want to hang out with the girls, dont be surprised if the girls break-up with you when they find men.
3, sleeping around when you have a kid at home is a tricky situation. the man you are sleeping with is not their for your kid. he wants your puntang, so he has no kinda desire to wanna please your child. so basically your kid is the unwanted third wheel

so as you can see ? its in your best interest to re-engage your man. infuse some zest into your marriage.

hi poster u may miss this post , and u may not life can be tricky.
i respect your sincerity but i dont tink u will get THE ans u sort here.
tell u wat print ur post and give ur man as he leaves the house (in the morning),

i rest my case.

oh and if you have gained any kinda weight, lose the weight, eat healthy, and try to make yourself very sexy. then watch him follow you around like a lapdog. what you have described basically seems like the man has lost interest in you sexually. maybe you are a shadow of what you once looked like. you do know that women with kids do change physically. try taebo .

and if i may ask what is your nationality ? nigerian ? what state ?

what God has join together let know man put asunder

Op, I went thru each and every one of your post, but before I conclude on anything, I'll like to say that, you know there'r two sides to a coin? Now, this is your complaints about your husband, and your husband is not here to tell us his own part of the story/problem between you and him (he might not even have the taught in his mind that you had something like this in your mind about him, which is to say, maybe, you have not had a heart-to-heart SERIOUS  FAMILY DISCUSSION with him). I believe you must have shared all this story with some of his close friends before bringin it up here in NL, and, maybe, yet, he refused to settle down and think. But, I totally dis-agree with you bringin up his problems infront of his friend, while he is there. Even if it's ME, I'll do dsame thing that he did, and when I come back to the house, I'll give you a serious warnin for it never to happen again. You can complain your husbands problem to his friends, but not when he's there, it's insultin, and un-apropriate, so, pls, take note.

Marriage is not a friendhip. It's not something one can just walk into and decide to come out whenever he or she likes, just b'cos, either one of the couple is nomore happy with the other. It's not a case of boyfriend and girlfriend, wherein, one can just walk out of the friendship and BOLDLY ask the other not to call him or her again just b'cos, he or she has found someone else that he or she thinks is better than the former. Ya, it does happen. It's stil an open relationship, not yet married, so, anything goes. But in the case of marriage, it's a different situation entirely. One has to use his or her HEAD so as not to make the wrong decision.

Meanwhile, one can stil walk out of marriage if he or she can NO LONGER bear the pain that the marriage brings, but it must be after all the following questions have been met: "Have you discussed it with your mother? your mother inlaw? relatives? Close friends (both married and single)? Marriage councellin? etc. If you haven't, then, pls, do, for, I believe they'r the most important people that one have to consult durin quakes in marriage. But if all these has been met, and yet, your husband is stil adamant of changin gear, then, I think it's time to give him a break. When I say, "give him a break", am not sayin "DIVORCE". I mean, take your child(ren) and leave the house for sometime (maybe some weeks, or, if possible, a month), and findout his reaction about your absence.

Now, some people are quick to JUDGE that, the OP had another man in mind, that was why she wants to leave. Which man in his RIGHT SENSES would leave his wife and children at home while up in a club merryin with other female over there, while he has responsibilities back at home to take care of? Come to think of it, it's not a matter of once in a while with friends, but, almost everyday, and some people are here sayin the OP wants the touch of another man. What if something wrong is happenin at home (God forbid tho) and his attention is SERIOUSLY needed, what do you expect the OP to do (mind u, kids are involve)?

To all of you guys sayin the OP needs the touch of another man, let me ask you a question. . .
If you get married and one day, your wife walks up to you and said she want's to go to club with her young sexy friends (ans she herself is also charmin), what would be your reaction/first taught (mind u, she just asked you for the FIRST TIME, takless of a wife that has been visitin the club ever since her marriage)?. . .y'all would smiley give her the go-ahead, right? . . .While thses are people that there wife can NEVER EVER request for such outin!

Op, CC, made some very good point of which you can also try out some of her advices to see it it could help, but to tell you the fact, if ALL what you poured out here is the TRUTH and nothin but the TRUTH, RANOSCKY CANNOT TAKE SUCH !!!  

The quote below is the ultimate, if you ask me!

puskin:

mMm??. . . . .it looks dis mystery lady that has dis problem has virtually tried @least every thinkable solution in the book (known and the unknown).

So, the only thing I can say is try harder, pray and have a lil' more patience and when U absolutely absolutely absolutely know U can take it no more. . . . . , U LEAVE!!!!

As simple as that, I can't shout, abeg!

Ranoscky:

Op, I went thru each and every one of your post, but before I conclude on anything, I'll like to say that, you know there'r two sides to a coin? Now, this is your complaints about your husband, and your husband is not here to tell us his own part of the story/problem between you and him (he might not even have the taught in his mind that you had something like this in your mind about him, which is to say, maybe, you have not had a heart-to-heart SERIOUS  FAMILY DISCUSSION with him). I believe you must have shared all this story with some of his close friends before bringin it up here in NL, and, maybe, yet, he refused to settle down and think. But, I totally dis-agree with you bringin up his problems infront of his friend, while he is there. Even if it's ME, I'll do dsame thing that he did, and when I come back to the house, I'll give you a serious warnin for it never to happen again. You can complain your husbands problem to his friends, but not when he's there, it's insultin, and un-apropriate, so, pls, take note.

Marriage is not a friendhip. It's not something one can just walk into and decide to come out whenever he or she likes, just b'cos, either one of the couple is nomore happy with the other. It's not a case of boyfriend and girlfriend, wherein, one can just walk out of the friendship and BOLDLY ask the other not to call him or her again just b'cos, he or she has found someone else that he or she thinks is better than the former. Ya, it does happen. It's stil an open relaionship, not yet married, so, anything goes. But in the case of marriage, it's a different situation entirely. One has to use his or her HEAD so as not to make the wrong decision.

Meanwhile, one can stil walk out of marriage if he or she can NO LONGER bear the pain that the marriage brings, but it must be after all the following questions have been met: "Have you discussed it with your mother? your mother inlaw? relatives? Close friends (both married and single)? Marriage councellin? etc. If you haven't, then, pls, do, for, I believe they'r the most important people that one have to consult durin quakes in marriage. But if all these has been met, and yet, your husband is stil adamant of changin gear, then, I think it's time to give him a break. When I say, "give him a break", am not sayin "DIVORCE". I mean, take your child(ren) and leave the house for sometime (maybe some weeks, or, if possible, a month), and findout his reaction about your absent.

Now, some people are quick to JUDGE that, the OP had another man in mind, that was why she wants to leave. Which man in his RIGHT SENSES would leave his wife and children at home while up in a club merryin with other female over there, while he has responsibilities back at home to take care of? Come to think of it, it's not a matter of once in a while with friends, but, almost everyday, and some people are here sayin the OP wants the touch of another man. What if something wrong is happenin at home (God forbid tho) and his attention is SERIOUSLY needed, what do you expect the OP to do (mind u, kids are involve)?

To all of you guys sayin the OP needs the touch of another man, let me ask you a question. . .
If you get married and one day, your wife walks up to you and said she want's to go to CLUB with her friends, what would be your reaction/first taught (mind u, she just asked you for the FIRST TIME, takless of person that has been visitin the club ever since her marriage)?  

Op, CC, also made a good point there of which you can also try out some of her advices, but to tell you the fact, if ALL what you poured out here is the TRUTH and nothin but the TRUTH, RANOSCKY CANNOT BEAR SUCH !!!  

The quote below is the ultimate, if you ask me!As simple as that, I can't shout, abeg!

i think you are giving the woman too much credit. she did personally say that he is a good father and a good man and the only problem is that he does not give her enough attention. dunno sha i think she is either having the '7 year itch', or he is depressed, or he has lost interest in her sexually. i can bet my last dollar it is one of the 3

Hello

Lots of marriages go through this and yours is therefore not different.  You need to work on how you can get the man to listen and change some of the
things which need changing and you also need to make changes yourself.

Find the best way through church, family or independent counselling.

Prayers will be a bonus.  But trust me there are loads of women and men going through stagnant relationships and hopefully, all people have said will help you get the best out of your marriage.

Thanks for sharing and good luck ,

I see a woman desirous of cheating.
I see a woman desirous of tearing her home apart.
I see a self-centred woman blaming an innocent dedicated husband for her libido.
I see a woman who wish she make costly mistake.
I will not pity the woman,
But my sympathy is with the young unassuming husband,


that exactly i was thinking about the poster

@Abby,
You have a right to want to be loved.
Personally, i love to have attention, love and care from my man.

The bitter truth is some men will never be romantic or emotional.

My kid brother always complains that his girlfriend is not soft, she doesn't cry or act all emotional like other women.
He feels bad that his babe doesn't crave cuddling, isn't crazy about gifts etc.

That is just the way some women are too.

Since you've made attempts to influence your man and he hasn't improved, accept him the way he is.
The most realistic solution is to divorce him and get a man you're compatible with.

Always remember, the grass is never really greener on the other side either.

Ranoscky, thanks for your post. It is true, I said my husband doesn't have any major problem with his responsibilities as a father/husband. He likes clubbing and hanging out a lot, but I have no reason to believe that he misbehaves there, he doesn't come back home drunk, and I know most of his friends. That beoing said, it was still a great pain for me to let him go without saying anything. As a newlywed and new mother, I also wanted fun, hanging out or special time with my husband. But I felt abandonned a lot. We talked about it, I still feel sad when I think about it, but I don't keep resentment for that. But I have to say, I still felt a pinch in the heart last month, after he received a good news from work, his first action was to go out, with one of our friend that was at home at that time. he didn't think about celebrating with me, didn't think about celebrating at home. Like I'm not part of his private life.

Many people ask about our sex life, I don't want to talk too much about it on the internet, but to answer the questions: problems are the same in our sex life. I long for more time together, and more listening of my own desires in the bedroom. He never complained to me that it was not enough/often enough. I even feel that he is getting more "traditionnal" than he was when we were just gf/bf, there are many things he now judges "inappropriate", some topics he doesn't even want to talk about. I would never want him doing something he doesn't want, even if it's out of the blue, but at least, I'm his wife, we should be able to talk about it right?

As for my nationality, I'm a european raised african, both my parents were born and raised in europe, so african culture is widely foreign to me, as I never went there until I met my husband.

AbyDee:

Ranoscky, thanks for your post. It is true, I said my husband doesn't have any major problem with his responsibilities as a father/husband. He likes clubbing and hanging out a lot, but I have no reason to believe that he misbehaves there, he doesn't come back home drunk, and I know most of his friends. That beoing said, it was still a great pain for me to let him go without saying anything. As a newlywed and new mother, I also wanted fun, hanging out or special time with my husband. But I felt abandonned a lot. We talked about it, I still feel sad when I think about it, but I don't keep resentment for that. But I have to say, I still felt a pinch in the heart last month, after he received a good news from work, his first action was to go out, with one of our friend that was at home at that time. he didn't think about celebrating with me, didn't think about celebrating at home. Like I'm not part of his private life.

Many people ask about our sex life, I don't want to talk too much about it on the internet, but to answer the questions: problems are the same in our sex life. I long for more time together, and more listening of my own desires in the bedroom. He never complained to me that it was not enough/often enough. I even feel that he is getting more "traditionnal" than he was when we were just gf/bf, there are many things he now judges "inappropriate", some topics he doesn't even want to talk about. I would never want him doing something he doesn't want, even if it's out of the blue, but at least, I'm his wife, we should be able to talk about it right?

As for my nationality, I'm a european raised african, both my parents were born and raised in europe, so african culture is widely foreign to me, as I never went there until I met my husband.

at least you are african. are you purposely ignoring my posts ? did i hit the nail on the head ? hit a nerve maybe ? let a love-vendor know. i got 5 minutes before i gotta jet outta here.

@OP
May you have peace n fulfilment in ur marriage IJN.
U made a statement in ur post that didn't quite go down well wit me, somethin like not wanting to live him now. You're in it my dear, no going back, it's til death do u part, have dat consciousness. In addition to some of the good advice u'v gotten from this forum, I'll advice u invite a friend over, if there's anybody close to him, married and that has a good home, invite them over for lunch or dinner, let him see them under ur roof, don't make any unnecessary comments or gestures, just play the humble and good wife, hang around successful families. You'll be surprised at the good effect this will have in ur home.

About talking to friends or family members, in my own view, it was better to do it in his presence, I didn't mean any wrong by this, I personnally wouldn't want people discussing such issues if I'm not around.  Maybe that's another culture difference. I don't know if I should talk to his family, I would feel so shy and uncomfortable raising the topic with his parents/siblings.

As for me wanting to cheat, if I wanted to I would have posted my story on a european forum, I would already have had plenty of answers telling me to go ahead and divorce my husband/find another man. But I chose to come here on NL, knowing very well the kind of answers and encouragements I would get. I guess some guys just can't handle the idea that a woman is more than a maid thrilled with cleaning, cooking and changing diapers.

buzugee:

at least you are african. are you purposely ignoring my posts ? did i hit the nail on the head ? hit a nerve maybe ? let a love-vendor know. i got 5 minutes before i gotta jet outta here.

buzugee, I answered about the sex life and nationality. As for my look and weight. My weight now is less than it was when we met, I don't dress up much on a daily basis, but I never did (even when we dated), and he used to tell me that he likes my "natural" look, but I make extra efforts from time to time. I believe I still look fine, at least I lost my belly after the pregnancy, not like him

NLers wetin una no go do,imagine infidels dey do marriage counselling    

@ poster.
I neva thought I'd be posting this on this forum.
I really needed to read again to be sure you are not my wife.
With the clubbing, smoking, drinking etc, I was so sure that U couldnt be talking about me. LOL
But seriously, I think my wife will say most of these same things about me.
So be sure yours is not a strange situation.
I really do love my wife, but I just realise that I do some of these things and find it difficult to change-I,m trying though.
Sometimes, I get frustrated with my own life, my job, get envious of my friends and even sometimes envy her own pay( just a little more than mine).
At those times, I just withdraw into my own shell, not wanting to be bothered.
Same could be happening to your man.
I believe with a little more patience, understanding and SUBMISIVENESS, he'd change-just like I am making serious efforts to change too.
It's not hopeless.

wow, this is really a touching story,
i bet the woman is caucasian n the man african?

thank you drmoney, you made me smile   ,  I think my husband might be a little like you too, if something doesn't go fine, he just closes down completely, doesn't talk or anything. I know he has been frustrated a lot with his professional life lately. I know that he wishes to show off to his friends, probably to me too, but hey, do we have to wait for him to "make it" to be happy? Can't we enjoy what we have while we are here and while we are young?

I encourage you to keep up your efforts with your wife

///