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Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? - Romance - Nairaland

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Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by beejaei: 5:15am On Dec 28, 2010
For some time NL has had a deluge of thread that lament the unhappiness of married life. This has made me to consider more seriously my initial plans not to get married. I mean what is the use? It seems as though it is inevitable that at some point every married person gets to the stage where they either do not love their spouse anymore, do not understand their spouse or just do not want to be in the marriage. Some say "fight till the end." I say "maybe not always." I saw my mum fight till the end with my dad. Today we the children are doing well and that makes her happy, but I cannot help but think that our happiness is at the expense of her happiness. She lived a life of sadness, disrespect and wickedness- and she endured it all - so as to ensure her children's future. She almost literally gave up her life and dreams for us. Should anyone have to do that? This perspective makes me very wary of marriage. So my question is "is marriage really worth it?" "What are the benefits that offset the terrible disadvantages?" For singles, "have the terrible examples of marriage made you rethink whether or not you want to get married?" "What are you most scared about when you look forward to a married life?"
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by Girl846(f): 6:16am On Dec 28, 2010
Its plain selfishness lipsrsealed
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by beejaei: 7:19am On Dec 28, 2010
Whats plain selfishness?
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by InkedNerd(f): 8:07am On Dec 28, 2010
@OP: I just don't really have a desire to get married. As far as I'm concerned the only benefits I see are legal benefits--health benefits, tax purposes, government benefits, estate planning benefits, etc. When I was younger, I used to think about marriage but eventually at some point I just disregarded the whole thing. As a little kid, up, I used to think that it was a must but with time I began to realize that the only reason I thought it was a must was because I'd been conditioned to believe that that's what you had to do.

Girl846:

Its plain selfishness lipsrsealed

How is it selfish? Is it a must for someone to get married?
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by daduke2k(m): 8:36am On Dec 28, 2010
*jusv passing*
merry christmas
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by sistajay(f): 9:59am On Dec 28, 2010
Im so ready to get married. . . . .sob. . . . sob. . . . sob . . . Im still here waitin . . . . sob. . . .sob . . . .oh where can he be? . . . . .
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by iice(f): 4:21pm On Dec 28, 2010
Interesting
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by beejaei: 12:36am On Dec 29, 2010
^^
@Inked Nerd

What do your parents feel about this? I cannot tell my mum. I will break her heart and take away her happiness.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by violent(m): 1:08am On Dec 29, 2010
@OP

Marriage is essentially a tie to mega responsibility and a single vágina for the rest of your life. Think about this and consider the unending flow of testosterone, it becomes almost an impossible task!
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by beejaei: 6:08am On Dec 31, 2010
new perspective on the issue.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by InkedNerd(f): 6:20am On Dec 31, 2010
beejaei:

^^
@Inked Nerd

What do your parents feel about this? I cannot tell my mum. I will break her heart and take away her happiness.

Hmmm, well I haven't spoken to them about about it directly but I think they have an idea about it since I'm the one in my family who's "different". So you, you're not interested in marriage eh? Hmmm, interesting. Would you mind sharing you're story with me? I tend to become fascinated when I come across other Nigerian who have similar if not the same views.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by lagbaja21: 7:16am On Dec 31, 2010
Inked_Nerd:

@OP: I just don't really have a desire to get married. As far as I'm concerned the only benefits I see are legal benefits--health benefits, tax purposes, government benefits, estate planning benefits, etc. When I was younger, I used to think about marriage but eventually at some point I just disregarded the whole thing. As a little kid, up, I used to think that it was a must but with time I began to realize that the only reason I thought it was a must was because I'd been conditioned to believe that that's what you had to do.

How is it selfish? Is it a must for someone to get married?


I assume that you live in the western world, right? This is usually the case with our women who live there, They tend to want to emulate the white people, some take it too far like you.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by InkedNerd(f): 8:21am On Dec 31, 2010
lagbaja21:

I assume that you live in the western world, right? This is usually the case with our women who live there, They tend to want to emulate the white people, some take it too far like you.

Assume what you like sweetie.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by Onchedu(m): 8:43am On Dec 31, 2010
ur mum is a womderful woman. As much as I don't know her I have uncommon respect for her. She, in love, sacrificed herself for the better of other people. She could have chosen to opt out of her suffereings but she did the better thing and now U and Ur siblings have a good life.
She has shown Christlikeness in her choices and that is very highly commendable.
She isn't only a good mother but a wonderful wife. Tell her a stranger said so.

Now the only reason I'm not married yet is cos I'm not as financially stable as I feel I would be comfortable being, considering the responsibilities of being a good husband and father. If U no fit provide the basics comfortably e dey hard make love survive well o.

Marriage is a bed of roses. The thorns give it character without which it would be boring.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by InkedNerd(f): 8:48am On Dec 31, 2010
Onchedu:

your mum is a womderful woman. As much as I don't know her I have uncommon respect for her. She, in love, sacrificed herself for the better of other people. She could have chosen to opt out of her suffereings but she did the better thing and now U and your siblings have a good life.
She has shown Christlikeness in her choices and that is very highly commendable.
She isn't only a good mother but a wonderful wife. Tell her a stranger said so.


Now the only reason I'm not married yet is cos I'm not as financially stable as I feel I would be comfortable being, considering the responsibilities of being a good husband and father. If U no fit provide the basics comfortably e dey hard make love survive well o.

Marriage is a bed of roses. The thorns give it character without which it would be boring.

Awww, that was sweet cheesy
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by Onchedu(m): 8:55am On Dec 31, 2010
Postee, now that U know hosw better U mum could have been treated, emulate her selflessness and make a better spouse than U feel hers was, and at least a good enough parent as she was to U and Ur siblings. Keep her flame alive and maybe if not U, if the 'tradition' is carried on, one of her descendants will have a more fairytale-like marriage in reality with more happy love filled times than sad ones,
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by birdman(m): 9:41am On Dec 31, 2010
Inked_Nerd:

@OP: I just don't really have a desire to get married. As far as I'm concerned the only benefits I see are legal benefits--health benefits, tax purposes, government benefits, estate planning benefits, etc. When I was younger, I used to think about marriage but eventually at some point I just disregarded the whole thing. As a little kid, up, I used to think that it was a must but with time I began to realize that the only reason I thought it was a must was because I'd been conditioned to believe that that's what you had to do.

How is it selfish? Is it a must for someone to get married?


To be honest, this is a western way of thinking. To the African or Asian mind, this is a self-centered way of looking at things. The community's needs are bigger than your needs, and you are supposed to play your part by having a stable family that produces a responsible next generation. After all, a previous generation brought you into being and spent energy nuturing you. So you have to give back, otherwise you are being selfish.

I'm not saying its right, or wrong, but that's the general idea for non-western societies.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by olanabbey(m): 9:55am On Dec 31, 2010
It's been in me since I was lil. Marriage has never attracted. The only 'successful' marriage is that of ma parents amidst war(spiritual,physical),upssss and downssss. We only take is as fate and look up to God simply we sooo much believe in God of Heavens. As for me,I can't keep doing something for a long time. Marriage is for life I guess. I can't afford to hurt the future of some girl out there.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by InkedNerd(f): 10:05am On Dec 31, 2010
birdman:

To be honest, this is a western way of thinking. To the African or Asian mind, this is a self-centered way of looking at things. The community's needs are bigger than your needs, and you are supposed to play your part by having a stable family that produces a responsible next generation. After all, a previous generation brought you into being and spent energy nuturing you. So you have to give back, otherwise you are being selfish.

I'm not saying its right, or wrong, but that's the general idea for non-western societies.

You can still achieve those things without having to get married. It seems like what you're describing here is more of a communal contract. You mention a previous generation bringing me into existence so are you trying to tell me that without marriage I wouldn't exist? Its almost as though you think that just because an individual or two individuals are not necessarily tied [I'm using this word loosely by the way] to another that they cannot produce a child. You can still have children and contribute to the needs of the community without having to marry.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by orbaxy(m): 10:11am On Dec 31, 2010
@Poster, "married" isn't a compulsory status waiting to be adopted. You can file in or stay out. I believe the benefits of marriage outweigh the challenges.
everybody needs a soulmate, someone to confide in, someone to see you through and stick by you even when your beauty is gone and you look more like a goon wink
someone willing to share his/her life with you despite the odds and most of all, someone the "society" will recognize as your legal partner and you wont have qualms making it to heaven( true talk) because believe me, alot of people will be shut out cos their "pencil" was found gulity writing on papers that aint theirs.

thats my 25 kobo.

@Inked nerd,
I adore you but fault that orientation of yours. Its very probable you've been through a turbulent relationship or you just don't mix with the right people.
You need a man who's gonna love you more and prove to you that eternal happiness can be found in just "one guy". give it a shot. wink
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by InkedNerd(f): 10:25am On Dec 31, 2010
orbaxy:

@Inked nerd,
I adore you but fault that orientation of yours. Its very probable you've been through a turbulent relationship or you just don't mix with the right people.
You need a man who's gonna love you more and prove to you that eternal happiness can be found in just "one guy". give it a shot. wink

I need? I need? Hmmm, if I may ask, what makes you think I "need" a man? Suppose I'm content on my own? I enjoy the idea of companionship but I doubt that need is the correct word. And no, I have not been in a "turbulent" relationship in the past. I'm not one to look down on my relationships with the opposite sex. I cherish every relationship I have had with individuals of the opposite whether it is a friendship, romantic, or strictly platonic relationship. Just because I don't necessarily share your views on marriage does not in any way indicate that I have been in a turbulent relationship or that I am not mixing with the "right" people. I hang out with individuals of all walks of life. By the way I adore you as well kiss.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by porasog(f): 10:34am On Dec 31, 2010
hmm this thread is tempting oh, I'd rather let it pass.
Inked_Nerd:



I need? I need? Hmmm, if I may ask, what makes you think I "need" a man? Suppose I'm content on my own? I enjoy the idea of companionship but I doubt that need is the correct word. And no, I have not been in a "turbulent" relationship in the past. I'm not one to look down on my relationships with the opposite gender. I cherish every relationship I have had with individuals of the opposite whether it is a friendship, romantic, or strictly platonic relationship. Just because I don't necessarily share your views on marriage does not in any way indicate that I have been in a turbulent relationship or that I am not mixing with the "right" people. I hang out with individuals of all walks of life. "By the way I adore you as well" kiss.

shocked shocked shocked
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by orbaxy(m): 10:34am On Dec 31, 2010
Inked_Nerd:


I need? I need? Hmmm, if I may ask, what makes you think I "need" a man? Suppose I'm content on my own? I enjoy the idea of companionship but I doubt that need is the correct word. And no, I have not been in a "turbulent" relationship in the past. I'm not one to look down on my relationships with the opposite gender. I cherish every relationship I have had with individuals of the opposite whether it is a friendship, romantic, or strictly platonic relationship. Just because I don't necessarily share your views on marriage does not in any way indicate that I have been in a turbulent relationship or that I am not mixing with the "right" people. I hang out with individuals of all walks of life. By the way I adore you as well kiss.


lol. I aint trying to play psychology on you but i'll rather view your position as "subnormal". By the way,  at your leisure, you can fly down to dubai lemme treat you to a glass of pineapple juice blended on gin wink  kiss
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by alisigwe(m): 10:48am On Dec 31, 2010
@inknerd,are u 4 real?u sound lik u running away 4rm sth or u tryn to find yourself in a foreign land.whatever
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by InkedNerd(f): 10:57am On Dec 31, 2010
alisigwe:

@inknerd,are u 4 real?u sound lik u running away 4rm sth or u tryn to find yourself in a foreign land.whatever

I'm not running away from anything nor am I trying to "find myself". This is just how I feel. When I was younger, I always questioned the notion of marriage so this isn't something that I just suddenly started believing.

porasog:

hmm this thread is tempting oh, I'd rather let it pass. shocked shocked shocked

Hehehe, wettin dey shock you? grin

orbaxy:

lol. I aint trying to play psychology on you but i'll rather view your position as "subnormal". By the way,  at your leisure, you can fly down to dubai lemme treat you to a glass of pineapple juice blended on gin wink  kiss

Subnormal eh? Hmmmm. Sweetie, I've always been a free thinker. As I've gotten older my views have expanded. I am aware that in African culture someone like me would be considered odd or perhaps lost but this who I am. If I live my life according to how someone else wants me to live it, am I truly living? No. I can only live my life to the best of my ability. If others don't like it then too bad for them. And I might take you up on that offer wink.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by Creamish(f): 11:37am On Dec 31, 2010
Im all for marriage totally out of respect for God and my family. I love s#x and if i want it with a clear conscience, i better b married. Marriage isnt totally about s#x tho' but its d one reason i cannot afford to skip d walk down d aile . . . cheesy
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by tine(f): 12:15pm On Dec 31, 2010
Its intresting the way most people think a lady must want to get married or something is wrong.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by InkedNerd(f): 12:19pm On Dec 31, 2010
tine:

Its intresting the way most people think a lady must want to get married or something is wrong.

Yupp, a lot of them still think we're just baby making machines.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by alisigwe(m): 1:55pm On Dec 31, 2010
Ladies,ya'll confusing me,am i missing sth?i mean why would u nt want to get married,are you dat ugly?or fat?what on earth can u compare to raising a family together?
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by InkedNerd(f): 2:16pm On Dec 31, 2010
alisigwe:

Ladies,ya'll confusing me,am i missing sth?i mean why would u nt want to get married,are you dat ugly?or fat?what on earth can u compare to raising a family together?

What kind of question is that? Is it a must for a person to be married? Besides, aren't there people who are fat and ugly and married? Smmfh. Keep in mind, this isn't a question that is geared only to women. Ask your brothers as well because as far as I'm concerned there was no specific gender mentioned by the OP.
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by tine(f): 2:22pm On Dec 31, 2010
@alisigwe, there is nothing wrong with raising a family if that's what you want, but why do u assume every woman wants to raise a family?
Re: Why Dont You Want To Get Married Or What Are Makes You Apprehensive About It? by InkedNerd(f): 2:33pm On Dec 31, 2010
tine:

@alisigwe, there is nothing wrong with raising a family if that's what you want, but why do u assume every woman wants to raise a family?

He also seems to assume that everyone wants to have some sort of companionship undecided

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