OP, I understand how you feel cos I feel same. I have to excuse your mother partially but not entirely. She went through alot, carrying the responsibility of father and mother alone however after those episodes of frustration, it would have gone a long was if she, from time to time, drew you close, gave you a tight hug and said I am sorry or all will be well.

You see people, being a mother is not just about ensuring your child is still breathing through their nostrils, there is a lot more to do emotionally for that child.

OlawaleBammie:


See oga, na wetin i know i talk, and na wetin u know u galk as well, to each of his own abi how dem dey take talk am.

And that proves exactly what I said about a culture of beatings.

You cannot even counter what I wrote. Na you know wetin you know. This is what a culture of beating does. It kills critical reasoning

Shibaraba:
No matter what she did I'll tell you who you are

You're an ingrate.
If she had thrown you away at 18months and followed another man you won't be typing all this bullshit. This children sef when I suffer for them sometimes I ask myself is it worth it. But I keep doing it for God. See here now.

My mama has broken my femur, cracked my humerus, beaten me blue and black, poured pepper on my body, the unthinkables,yet I adore her. For she is all I've got. She's your real family. If all the chips are down she go still show. She must get your back. See as you type well. She sent you to school. You no dey see tabon tabon on nairaland? Bad English everywhere. But you. .. .No make me talk Abeg. You dey make me vex. Make I no go over ex catch corona

pls o, disclaimers for all that will read this and think it's normal in nigeria to be battered with broken bones by your own mother, IT IS NOT NORMAL NOR ACCEPTABLE! WHAT KIND OF NONSENSE is that?

ornicus:


And that proves exactly what I said about a culture of beatings.

You cannot even counter what I wrote. Na you know wetin you know. This is what a culture of beating does. It kills critical reasoning

How do u want me to counter wen i always find it difficult to type, not dat i dont know wat to say or how best to reply you but to type is one of my problems. that is why i just waived it away like dat.



are u a male or female?

OlawaleBammie:


How do u want me to counter wen i always find it difficult to type, not dat i dont know wat to say or how best to reply you but to type is one of my problems. that is why i just waived it away like dat.



are u a male or female?

Why will you not find it difficult to type. You typed a looking epsitle but the moment you were challenged, typing became hard. Abi it is because I am not a pikin you can shut up with a quick slap?! Or blow to the head?

ornicus:


Why will you not find it difficult to type. You typed a looking epsitle but the moment you were challenged, typing became hard. Abi it is because I am not a pikin you can shut up with a quick slap?! Or blow to the head?

Ogaaa

could u bliv i didn't read all u typed earlier? i didn't read dem all.

the reason i typed all those epistles is cus i dont just want an enmity between a son and a mother

see bro, even me mysef, not dat am on a smooth term with my mother oo, infact i love my father a thiusand ways more than i love my mother, but in one way or the other mh mum recv much from me than my father does.


and u said u challenged me, me i didn't see it as a Challenge from u oo, only if h want to banter with me of which i dont indulge in.



As i said before, typin is my problem


ARE U A MALE OR FEMALE??

OlawaleBammie:


Ogaaa

could u bliv i didn't read all u typed earlier? i didn't read dem all.

the reason i typed all those epistles is cus i dont just want an enmity between a son and a mother

see bro, even me mysef, not dat am on a smooth term with my mother oo, infact i love my father a thiusand ways more than i love my mother, but in one way or the other mh mum recv much from me than my father does.


and u said u challenged me, me i didn't see it as a Challenge from u oo, only if h want to banter with me of which i dont indulge in.



As i said before, typin is my problem


ARE U A MALE OR FEMALE??

My gender is not your business. Figure it out. Or is the only thing you can figure out the trajectory of the firewood you throw at your kids?

Go and talk to your mum like an adult.
Table her sins before her and state what it has done to u.
Don't allow her emotionally blackmail u with crying and cursing.
Be very firm and demand an apology from her.
Also let her know it has driven your sister out of the house from her.

She has anger issue.
She is not the only one who brought up children alone and won't be the last.

There is no excuse for emotionally abusing your children and calling it training.

Look at the men and women of Nigeria.
Almost all of us display sign of being abused as we grow.

Intense hatred for other gender
Impatience
Depression
Hot temper
Tantrums
And most importantly, we repeat the same to those under us.

Has it made Nigeria better or us?

The men think the world revolve around them and behave as they want after all bible and Koran said they are lord( only reason Nigerian men support religion)
The women, instead of settling any score they have with their men transfers the pent up anger and frustrations to the kids and other people available.
And the circle continues.

And here we are with dysfunctional country.

ornicus:


My gender is not your business. Figure it out. Or is the only thing you can figure out the trajectory of the firewood you throw at your kids?

Forget about the trajectory cus there has always bn misfiring from time immemorial,

before i answer u ir give u wat u want, tell me ur gender.

OlawaleBammie:


Forget about the trajectory cus there has always bn misfiring from time immemorial,

before i answer u ir give u wat u want, tell me ur gender.

I am non binary gender fluid

ornicus:

I am non binary gender fluid

I dont get this. U mean u don't belong to any gender??

iamoyindamola:
No matter what, she's still your mother. I'm sure her bad tempered was due to the hardship and frustration, now that you old enough you can talk to her and encourage her as well.
Catering for you and your sister at a very early stage is bad for any single mother

So true... Your mother was just so frustrated... Poverty can make one mad honestly... Just try and draw her closer.... How old are you now?

Lamanii22:



So true... Your mother was just so frustrated... Poverty can make one mad honestly... Just try and draw her closer.... How old are you now?

Not me madam

iamoyindamola:
Not me madam

Sorry... I wanted to address that to the OP.... PARDON ME

I'm 23.

OlawaleBammie:
U re just talking like a small pikin.

Do u tink its easy raising children all alone?

Do u tink about she shame she faced after ur papa's demise?

Do u know the kind of allegations she was subjected to which led to the retrieval of ur father's properties by his families??

Can u count how many days she had to sleep with empty stomach just to face her responsibilities (u and ur sister)

Do u tink its easy moving from one location to another??

Do u tink its easy trying to provide necessities for u just for u to b equal with ur mates?

Do u tink its easy facing abuse from ur husband's family? Am sure she faced it.

Av u sat down and tinn about how troublesome u could be? Dont tell me u re not while growing up.

Do u think about how depressed she is? Even in depression she was stil there for u and ur sisters.

Do u know how hostile one can b why depressed??

Do u know what she had to cope with just to feed u, pay bills and other necessaries??
Am very sure one day she was deep in thought and u came with ur usual wahala, dat is why she threw u knife, not dat she wanted to but u and depression caused it.

Its a pity u didn't see her one of those nights wen she was crying alone cus u were deep asleep. She needed a helping hand but non showed up, instead she was denied of her husband's properties. This alone may make her hate u guys u know!!!

Its a pity u re putin her into sword again tru ur actions and inactions.


U BETTER APPRECIATE HER FOR NOT TAKING THE DECISION TO SELL UR SISTER ON EBAY TO LIBYA AND TRANSFER U TRU DHL TO COTONOU

Nicely put. OP, listen well and good. Abuse of any nature is unacceptable but you must understand where your mother is coming from even if you can't condone it. She is as depressed if not more than you. Thank God you are able to recognize these things and hopefully, you turn out better than your mother.

Please see your mother and talk to her. She doesn't have to win the best mom award but you should recognize her for the little she was able to do in spite of her own circumstances. It looks like you all need each other to be better people. Good luck.

ibkayee:
People are going to call you ungrateful since she's caring and did her best to provide, but....and whilst I understand that her behaviour is a result of frustration, bad temper and nagging aside, she threw a knife at you before, this isn't normal and not something to just be swept under the rug, even if it's an isolated incident.

I always stress that people are not one dimensional, she can be a caring mother who provides and have traits of an abuser at the same time. Your matter is kind of difficult because Nigerians have a habit of dismissing abuse as long as the parent caters financially, to add to this your own mum is even caring, I understand the pressures she's faced but we can't ALWAYS use this as a reason to excuse unhealthy parental practices...like throwing a knife at your child. It's definitely a sticky one....

To be fair, I appreciate that you may not be able to narrate your entire life story, but I don't know the full, intricate details of what went down in your household, as far as what your faults may be etc

neighter here , nor there!

I like the fact that you (OP) is talking and willing to speak what you feel, it mean you're soft toward your mom and you're a good son.

Those referring to you as an ingrate knows nothing and has experienced nothing of such.......they are probably team of bandwagon for gender equality advocate who justifies woman actions with unreasonable reasons and downplays it ripple effect in the long run.......ignore them.

You see those advocating for single parenting especially ladies; they advises every woman to work and make money and be independent of men...quitting every relationship at the slightest misunderstanding......the results...is what the op narrated....changing diiks from one location to another carry personal baggage everywhere.....marrying, dating and remarrying all in the name of finding emotional comfort and support..........thereby creating a toxic society, breeds emotionally damaged children and spreading bitterness.

This should be an insight rather than calling the op an ingrate.

ibkayee:
People are going to call you ungrateful since she's caring and did her best to provide, but....and whilst I understand that her behaviour is a result of frustration, bad temper and nagging aside, she threw a knife at you before, this isn't normal and not something to just be swept under the rug, even if it's an isolated incident.

I always stress that people are not one dimensional, she can be a caring mother who provides and have traits of an abuser at the same time. Your matter is kind of difficult because Nigerians have a habit of dismissing abuse as long as the parent caters financially, to add to this your own mum is even caring, I understand the pressures she's faced but we can't ALWAYS use this as a reason to excuse unhealthy parental practices...like throwing a knife at your child. It's definitely a sticky one....

To be fair, I appreciate that you may not be able to narrate your entire life story, but I don't know the full, intricate details of what went down in your household, as far as what your faults may be etc

This right here.

the struggle is a muthafucka. one fine day my sis said remember that time when things were very hard for dad and he was taking out all the frustration on us? i had never realized it, but she was absolutely right. there was a point when my dad was very broke. then the least thing would set him off. wasting food, asking for new shoes when our old shoes were fine. .

being broke is a terrible thing, and it makes parents very very aggressive. if you are struggling to manage your tiny salary and your kids are casually pissing it away because they don't know what up. . .my three year old loves messing with water. he is always going to open the dispenser and spilling water everywhere. a bottle that should last four days can be gone in two. sometimes i have bought something and mentally calculated it will last 2 weeks and then i find my kids have finished it in 2 days. if there is disposable income, its a lecture. if things are tight , its a furious tirade , tantrum and threats.

you just hope that you don't overdo it and end up with kids that are resentful.

ayobamiJR:
Unfortunately. No one judged by listening to ME (the other party). It would be so foolish to assume that this is our life story in details, Nah.

I had even written a movie script that is yet to be produced with this story and it sure make sense and inside the story, I was busy glorifying mother's love but I sure as hell knew that children are not meant to be subjected to sufferings.

Did I even tell you how she stopped sponsoring my school at a time?

Or did I tell you how she maltreated me when she remarried in another mans house?

Did I tell you how she misdirected my own life with a bit of her promiscuity?

Did I tell you of the day that she showered me curses for almost 1 hour because I said I've rented an apartment and I can't stay with her anymore?

Don't think I'm an ungrateful child cos I bought my mom mobile phones, paid her salaries for not even working for me, took great care of her when she's down.

She might have sold me. Yeah and I might just end up with some rich nigga. Cos at a point in time, just like typical African parents, she stopped doing things and withdraw the love when I clocked 17.

I understand your pains and sincerely, her treatment is not justified however, could you and your sister find a way to forgive her and you all start afresh? She could have acted out of ignorance and the funny thought of abuse equals tough love and discipline.

As for those saying you are ungrateful, you are not. It was her choice to birth as such, her responsibility to do all she did in terms of providing for your basic needs.

ayobamiJR:

I'm so impressed. I'd try to think about it but one thing is, do you justify abuse on children?

No one's justifying abuse. Here's my two cents, there's no manual on parenting. Good parents usually try their best to provide for their children especially to cushion for the lacks they may be having. However, some conditions like in your situation the loss of her husband(1), the inhumane treatment to she and her kids by her in-laws(2), the unfairness of life(4), the hustle and bustle of catering for herself and her kids(5), I could go on and on, these conditions affect a person. She had to do the work of both a mother, father and in your ignorance I'm pretty sure you offended her because you yourself got offended. A large number of African parents don't know how to apologise and over the years it affects the relationship with their children, but hear this, when children grow up it is mandatory for them to heal the wounds and fix the broken bridges from the past. There's a lot you didn't know about and still don't know about because you abandoned your mother and influenced your sister to do same. I urge you to find her now and reconnect with her. Your mum needs you more than you know it. Family is life.

Lol. This guy is mad.




What you said here is the normal growing up orientation in a Nigerian home.

Knife cut na small thing.

All these are what you should look back to and thank her for preparing you ahead of a journey. Don’t waste time resenting her cause you’ll spend greater part of your life doing that instead of living the life and appreciating everyone around you.


I was taken away from my mom 3, reunited with her at 24. She tried to explain but I didn’t care to know what the story is. Instead we talk almost every day, and she prays for me too.

aminusodiq:
dear op... Read nd digest dis... Maybe u will see dis situatuon in a different way!!!

In which other different way?

No matter what happens, a mother is still a mother.

What if she aborted you then because of one selfish reason or the other.

The only way you can appreciate her is by nursing nonsense against she in your mind and coming here to put down craps.

You could not wish your biological mother happy mother's Day maybe because you wouldn't want to be a mother tomorrow or you wouldn't want your own child to appreciate you as well because there is no way you can train a child under such conditions that you will not offend that child.

Just pray that your mother's cross will pass you by; if not, by the time you will look for she for apologies and making it up for she, it might be too late. God forbid!

Learn to appreciate what you have!!!

OlawaleBammie:
U re just talking like a small pikin.

Do u tink its easy raising children all alone?

Do u tink about she shame she faced after ur papa's demise?

Do u know the kind of allegations she was subjected to which led to the retrieval of ur father's properties by his families??

Can u count how many days she had to sleep with empty stomach just to face her responsibilities (u and ur sister)

Do u tink its easy moving from one location to another??

Do u tink its easy trying to provide necessities for u just for u to b equal with ur mates?

Do u tink its easy facing abuse from ur husband's family? Am sure she faced it.

Av u sat down and tinn about how troublesome u could be? Dont tell me u re not while growing up.

Do u think about how depressed she is? Even in depression she was stil there for u and ur sisters.

Do u know how hostile one can b why depressed??

Do u know what she had to cope with just to feed u, pay bills and other necessaries??
Am very sure one day she was deep in thought and u came with ur usual wahala, dat is why she threw u knife, not dat she wanted to but u and depression caused it.

Its a pity u didn't see her one of those nights wen she was crying alone cus u were deep asleep. She needed a helping hand but non showed up, instead she was denied of her husband's properties. This alone may make her hate u guys u know!!!

Its a pity u re putin her into sword again tru ur actions and inactions.


U BETTER APPRECIATE HER FOR NOT TAKING THE DECISION TO SELL UR SISTER ON EBAY TO LIBYA AND TRANSFER U TRU DHL TO COTONOU

So this is you boldly and blatantly excusing the serial abuse of a child, who did not ask to be brought into this world, who did absolutely nothing wrong than just being a child, by his own mother, a full-fledged adult. This is you siding an adult and making the victim feel like an oppressor and deny his pain thus perpetuating the cycle of buried trauma and the many dysfunctional consequences that's bound to follow in this young man's life.

Well done sir.

DeeMain:


So this is you boldly and blatantly excusing the serial abuse of a child who did not ask to be brought into this world, who did absolutely nothing wrong than being a child by his own mother, a full-fledged adult. This is you siding an adult and making the victim feel like an oppressor and deny his pain thus perpetuating the cycle of buried trauma and the many dysfunctional consequences that's bound to follow in this young man's life.

Well done sir.

Absolutely No sir, am not disputing the fact that he might have bn subjected to different abuse, wat am just insinuating is dat he shouldn't tink about that and pay a wrong with a wrong IF AT ALL IT TURNS OUT TO B A CHILD ABUSE. two wrong would never make a right bro.

ayobamiJR:

I'm so impressed. I'd try to think about it but one thing is, do you justify abuse on children?

You'd try and think about it, so you've never thought about it before? You're a big fool. You better go on your knees and beg your mother.... These things happened everywhere in naija homes... That woman is depressed, she's been shouldering all the responsibilities alone... If you don't want to ruine your life go and make peace with your mother.. Ungrateful fool, idiot

Huh, did you miss the op's gender being Male? Always letting your gender bias get in the way of your objectivity.

NextD18:
99.846% of Nigerian ladies don't have strong connection and good relationship with their mothers, reason they hate and detest mother inlaws so much, especially if their man is so close to his mother.

So calm down and keep pushing positively, you are not the only lady that isn't in good relationship with her mother.

Winneygirl:
I understand you completely.
Those calling you ungrateful have not lived that life.
That was her idea of parenting and it is sad that we pass off being physically and emotionally abusive as good parenting.
.
She's family and you should take care of her needs as much as you can.
You will notice that as she grows older, she will be less angry and more lonely.
Call once in a while to check on her, and provide for her needs.
With time, you will feel less anger/resentment.

Dear Op, take this particular post to heart. I agree completely with this.Endeavour to show your sister this as well. In all of this she is still your mum and there is nothing you can do about it. Lovingly point out where she has erred to her as well because she doesn't know better. If you treat her with disdain and she weeps or murmurs let alone opening her mouth to speak it would be a valid curse.

I strongly advocate that churches, NGOs even individuals should get education and sensitize the public about proper parenting.There are a lot of marriage classes but no parenting classes.

ayobamiJR:
Unfortunately. No one judged by listening to ME (the other party). It would be so foolish to assume that this is our life story in details, Nah.

I had even written a movie script that is yet to be produced with this story and it sure make sense and inside the story, I was busy glorifying mother's love but I sure as hell knew that children are not meant to be subjected to sufferings.

Did I even tell you how she stopped sponsoring my school at a time?

Or did I tell you how she maltreated me when she remarried in another mans house?

Did I tell you how she misdirected my own life with a bit of her promiscuity?

Did I tell you of the day that she showered me curses for almost 1 hour because I said I've rented an apartment and I can't stay with her anymore?

Don't think I'm an ungrateful child cos I bought my mom mobile phones, paid her salaries for not even working for me, took great care of her when she's down.

She might have sold me. Yeah and I might just end up with some rich nigga. Cos at a point in time, just like typical African parents, she stopped doing things and withdraw the love when I clocked 17.

Judging your mother for having sex after the death of your father. I'm glad I'm not your mother.

doublegoldcrown:

Judging your mother for having sex after the death of your father. I'm glad I'm not your mother.

And I'm glad that I'm not your son.

ayobamiJR:


And I'm glad that I'm not your son.

Lovely

You yourself acknowledged the fact that she tried her best for you.. Pls she could be naturally bad tempered but she really wants the best for you. I get infuriated each time I remember my dad style of parenting, but he thought he was giving us the best. Pls forget about the bad times and strive to help her as much as u can. No one is perfect