humble2:
Hello people

Please help with your inputs....I will be very brief.

A man married a woman.. the marriage produced a kid. Along the line they had an unreconcilable issue...I called it unreconcilable because the man had begged the woman, called elders and everyone in sight to help beg but the woman is unforgiving. Now after some years of the woman staying out of their matrimonial home. (Cos she moved out with the children) she called the man and told him she wants to move on and remarry and that the man should tell her how to return the dowry paid on her. She is also making the man sign an undertaking that he can always come to see the children whenever he wants. Though the agreement didn't state that the children can always visit their father whenever they want.

Now my question,, should the man accept the dowry or he should reject it but let her move on?

Secondly, the agreement stating that he can only visit the children at her maybe new home. Is it proper? Cos as it is the children cant go to their fathers. Please ur opinions are welcomed.. DNT mind my typography.

Well, the dowry is supposed to be returned by her family not her

That means the final end of the relationship

For her to really refuse all beging shows that she is really fed up with him and the marriage

It's not idle for the man to visit her in her new home hence the arrangement for him toeet them at another choosen venue

However, the children are supposed to visit the dad too, so for her to refuse that is between the two of them, may be he is a paedophile

Well in anyways, if that will make her happy or make him happy let the dowry be returned to him and everyone one should move on

nams77:

Its not a matter of paying off. Some custom in the south requires that bride price be returned or it will be deemed that they're still together and if they woman have any sexual relationship in this state, she might suffer repercussion from ancestral arrangement

So what I am pointing out is this:
The woman is playing god here. Since the man didn't pay the dowry to her but to her people, she cannot quietly pay the man off. She has to go all the way. It's a path she has chosen, and she must trod the whole length.

Listen, marriage is tough, let no one fool you. So is divorce. Choose your tough carefully.

sisisioge:
The dowry return thing is an igbo thing but I think her people would have to return same to your people.


Regarding the visitation rights, biko draw the agreement together or get a lawyer to help with that as it is important that you guys do this in agreement and cordiality. Does it include provision for child support too? What were her concerns for only allowing visitation within her premises? It is not easy o...try not to escalate the matter too much so you can continue to have assess to your kids. Person wey carry them go before fit disappear patapata with them...good luck.

Not only Igbo dear, almost every part of Nigeria

humble2:
Hello people

Please help with your inputs....I will be very brief.

A man married a woman.. the marriage produced a kid. Along the line they had an unreconcilable issue...I called it unreconcilable because the man had begged the woman, called elders and everyone in sight to help beg but the woman is unforgiving. Now after some years of the woman staying out of their matrimonial home. (Cos she moved out with the children) she called the man and told him she wants to move on and remarry and that the man should tell her how to return the dowry paid on her. She is also making the man sign an undertaking that he can always come to see the children whenever he wants. Though the agreement didn't state that the children can always visit their father whenever they want.

Now my question,, should the man accept the dowry or he should reject it but let her move on?

Secondly, the agreement stating that he can only visit the children at her maybe new home. Is it proper? Cos as it is the children cant go to their fathers. Please ur opinions are welcomed.. DNT mind my typography.

The man should get a lawyer involved to draw up a proper agreement that in no way waives his rights as the father of the children. This agreement that the woman is presenting is a cheap one that can become toilet paper tomorrow.

Meanwhile, he should collect the bride price and free the woman, no long talk.

ShenTeh:


So what I am pointing out is this:
The woman is playing god here. Since the man didn't pay the dowry to her but to her people, she cannot quietly pay the man off. She has to go all the way. It's a path she has chosen, and she must trod the whole length.

Listen, marriage is tough, let no one fool you. So is divorce. Choose your tough carefully.

My broda. I am not a baby o. I responded that way because i felt that ur position was that it doesn't matter if the dowry is returned or not.
In delta state, it is a must that it is returned irrespective of court proceeding.
She can't return on her own. Her family will request for the man and his family to come pick up the dowry

ibkayee:

We don’t know what the husband did though. You’re saying all of this without knowing what happened? What if it’s a case of domestic violence for example?

I am not judging the op or any other person. I am just saying what's going on. What's currently happening in today's life

Abeg ask omowunmi

lonelydora:
I still don't understand why many of these indomie generation kids are leaving their marriages.

On Easter Sunday, a woman with 2 kids ran away from her home abandoning her kids with the husband. Why? We are yet to know.

Why can't girls of nowadays stay and make their marriage work?

Most likely the husband is not a very successful man. If he is, he can get a good lawyer to perfect the separation then marry a younger more beautiful girl and have new sets of children end of story. Unfortunately, that's not the case so in my opinion, he should collect the bride price back and settle for occasional visits. If he becomes successful in future the wife might come back but he needs to be financially responsible for the children. Children actually belong to their mothers I think.

humble2:
Hello people

Please help with your inputs....I will be very brief.

A man married a woman.. the marriage produced a kid. Along the line they had an unreconcilable issue...I called it unreconcilable because the man had begged the woman, called elders and everyone in sight to help beg but the woman is unforgiving. Now after some years of the woman staying out of their matrimonial home. (Cos she moved out with the children) she called the man and told him she wants to move on and remarry and that the man should tell her how to return the dowry paid on her. She is also making the man sign an undertaking that he can always come to see the children whenever he wants. Though the agreement didn't state that the children can always visit their father whenever they want.

Now my question, should the man accept the dowry or he should reject it but let her move on?

Secondly, the agreement stating that he can only visit the children at her maybe new home. Is it proper? Cos as it is the children can't go to their fathers. Please ur, opinions are welcomed. DNT mind my typography.

If he really wants his children, I advise him not to sign that undertaking, he should sue the woman to court. I can never allow my children to leave under another man roof in the name of step father. I am the only father they should know. The woman can come visit them when she wants. Not the other way round.






Please help with your inputs....I will be very brief.

A man married a woman.. the marriage produced a kid. Along the line they had an unreconcilable issue...I called it unreconcilable because the man had begged the woman, called elders and everyone in sight to help beg but the woman is unforgiving. Now after some years of the woman staying out of their matrimonial home. (Cos she moved out with the children) she called the man and told him she wants to move on and remarry and that the man should tell her how to return the dowry paid on her. She is also making the man sign an undertaking that he can always come to see the children whenever he wants. Though the agreement didn't state that the children can always visit their father whenever they want.

Now my question,, should the man accept the dowry or he should reject it but let her move on?

Secondly, the agreement stating that he can only visit the children at her maybe new home. Is it proper? Cos as it is the children cant go to their fathers. Please ur opinions are welcomed.. DNT mind my typography.



[/quote]

Acmepreneur:

It will not be better for your culture and the idiots that wrote that stupid culture. And the girl is even stupid thinking of returning one yeye bride price. So the husband no have sex with her abi?or she no born pikin for him? So all the child labour pains and pregnancy should go for free? It will not be better for men who made those stupid laws

how much is the bride price that you were rainy all the abuses on Earth.
Every tribe gat their culture/tradition that guide them.
the labour pains & pregnancy you mentioned are the pride of a mother, it also depends on the mother to give the man privilege to the kids (i.e child support)

sisisioge:
The dowry return thing is an igbo thing but I think her people would have to return same to your people.


Regarding the visitation rights, biko draw the agreement together or get a lawyer to help with that as it is important that you guys do this in agreement and cordiality. Does it include provision for child support too? What were her concerns for only allowing visitation within her premises? It is not easy o...try not to escalate the matter too much so you can continue to have assess to your kids. Person wey carry them go before fit disappear patapata with them...good luck.

so it means dere is divorce in igbo culture

lonelydora:
I still don't understand why many of these indomie generation kids are leaving their marriages.

On Easter Sunday, a woman with 2 kids ran away from her home abandoning her kids with the husband. Why? We are yet to know.

Why can't girls of nowadays stay and make their marriage work?

why cant boys of nowadays contribute in making the marriage work. everytime you guys keep mounting pressure on the woman to make marriages work completely leaving out the man as if he's not part of the union

immaq8:

how much is the bride price that you were rainy all the abuses on Earth.
Every tribe gat their culture/tradition that guide them.
the labour pains & pregnancy you mentioned are the pride of a mother, it also depends on the mother to give the man privilege to the kids (i.e child support)

Every tribe and people have thier culture, and any culture that would put women in slavery should be condemned. The reason why women are prosecuted, disrespected and maltreated for years is because of she goats like you, that celebrate fellow female slavery. I repeat, it will never be better for the idiots that wrote that women should return dowry.
In your stupid thinking, its pride for the woman to go through death of child labour, get pregnant and at the end of the day, the child is for both of them. Marriage is division of labour and what women do is quite much more than what men do, and part of making the woman do her own part with joy is the dowry the man gives. Many women are dead together because of pregnancy, and yet you say its the pride of women, and it shouldn't be pride of men to not collect dowry abi? That is how you all attribute the death of husband to their wives and stupid women like you, will be the first to persecute the woman that she killed her husband. And you compelled women to drink the dead body water to the husband. I repeat, all the foolish people that sat down to write those laws, it won't be better for them.
Your stupid type will also be the one to disturb wife and make her life misrable because you are sister inlaw. You will turn her to slave to do different types of works and say she's the wife and thus she should be working like a slave. You will be the first enemy of your brothers wife, before your mother join. You will be the one to see her mistakes and tell your mother before her husband sees it.
I repeat, you all that treats women that way will live to reap the consequences, and your stupid fore fathers that wrote those stupid laws.
And all the women promoting the persecution of their fellow woman, will end up miserable.

A Nigerian court would never grant custody of a child to the father except the woman is incapable (due to mental illness, hard drugs use, serious disease etc). And the onus would be on the man's lawyers to prove it.

The law is resolute on that. And it does not matter if she wants to remarry or not!

This is one of the scenarios where women have the upper hand.

Politicalman:
If he really wants his children, I advise him not to sign that undertaking, he should sue the woman to court. I can never allow my children to leave under another man roof in the name of step father. I am the only father they should know. The woman can come visit them when she wants. Not the other way round.

What is the man's offence

akindayo12:


this is exactly what am facing right now. I don't know what to do now..

What's your story? Do you still want her back? Let's chat

Acmepreneur:

Every tribe and people have thier culture, and any culture that would put women in slavery should be condemned. The reason why women are prosecuted, disrespected and maltreated for years is because of she goats like you, that celebrate fellow female slavery. I repeat, it will never be better for the idiots that wrote that women should return dowry.
In your stupid thinking, its pride for the woman to go through death of child labour, get pregnant and at the end of the day, the child is for both of them. Marriage is division of labour and what women do is quite much more than what men do, and part of making the woman do her own part with joy is the dowry the man gives. Many women are dead together because of pregnancy, and yet you say its the pride of women, and it shouldn't be pride of men to not collect dowry abi? That is how you all attribute the death of husband to their wives and stupid women like you, will be the first to persecute the woman that she killed her husband. And you compelled women to drink the dead body water to the husband. I repeat, all the foolish people that sat down to write those laws, it won't be better for them.
Your stupid type will also be the one to disturb wife and make her life misrable because you are sister inlaw. You will turn her to slave to do different types of works and say she's the wife and thus she should be working like a slave. You will be the first enemy of your brothers wife, before your mother join. You will be the one to see her mistakes and tell your mother before her husband sees it.
I repeat, you all that treats women that way will live to reap the consequences, and your stupid fore fathers that wrote those stupid laws.
And all the women promoting the persecution of their fellow woman, will end up miserable.

did you mention me & call me a she-goat? is it by Force to get marry?. I thought you were trying to make sense until I noticed that Nollywood movie has poison your common thinking.
it's not a must to get marry from a particular tribe, if you don't like their culture you can get marry to another tribe/culture. you better Don't mention me again otherwise Mynd44 will be Force to block both of us. you better direct your anger to the OP.

dafeoroyo:
Ask Toto dike, Churchill dem collected their bride money paid back,hope this will help

don't forget that Aunty Tonto claimed she paid her own bride price.

Acmepreneur:

Every tribe and people have thier culture, and any culture that would put women in slavery should be condemned. The reason why women are prosecuted, disrespected and maltreated for years is because of she goats like you, that celebrate fellow female slavery. I repeat, it will never be better for the idiots that wrote that women should return dowry.
In your stupid thinking, its pride for the woman to go through death of child labour, get pregnant and at the end of the day, the child is for both of them. Marriage is division of labour and what women do is quite much more than what men do, and part of making the woman do her own part with joy is the dowry the man gives. Many women are dead together because of pregnancy, and yet you say its the pride of women, and it shouldn't be pride of men to not collect dowry abi? That is how you all attribute the death of husband to their wives and stupid women like you, will be the first to persecute the woman that she killed her husband. And you compelled women to drink the dead body water to the husband. I repeat, all the foolish people that sat down to write those laws, it won't be better for them.
Your stupid type will also be the one to disturb wife and make her life misrable because you are sister inlaw. You will turn her to slave to do different types of works and say she's the wife and thus she should be working like a slave. You will be the first enemy of your brothers wife, before your mother join. You will be the one to see her mistakes and tell your mother before her husband sees it.
I repeat, you all that treats women that way will live to reap the consequences, and your stupid fore fathers that wrote those stupid laws.
And all the women promoting the persecution of their fellow woman, will end up miserable.

Why so much pain and bittenerness? You sound like an abandoned woman. Easy,

Justbehave:
Why so much pain and bittenerness? You sound like an abandoned woman. Easy,

.
You sound like a frustrated he goat with ego bruised. Whether you like it or not, women will rise and you would be put into shame

Acmepreneur:
.
You sound like a frustrated he goat with ego bruised. Whether you like it or not, women will rise and you would be put into shame

Smh

chocolatelady:
Traditionally in Igbo land, if the woman ‘s family did not return the bride price. Any child the woman gave birth to after separation belongs to her husband. I mean her former husband. Men have to be careful in marrying separated or divorced women becos if the man happens to marry the woman when the woman’s family failed to return the bride price to her ex husband hence the present husband is just giving birth for another person. The reason is that it is assumed that the woman is still married to her ex husband. So returning the price is the first thing to do before the woman can remarry. If they did court wedding, they can as well file for divorce where all the conditions will be listed including how the man will be seeing his child and also amount for the child’s upkeep.

idiat, so when the said husband is late and his property need to be shared will tradition be considered ? When it's time to share property that when the child from the other man will be get to know his father and bearings. even if it will take 50 wasted years, that child will get back to his biological father.Man up and put yourself in the child shoes that will be from that source, then thank your foolish tradition

hensben:
How about paying of bride price but no court marriage? Can one just abandon the bride price and move on since no court marriage was involved.

You can abandon bride price..

All na customary marriage, you still need divorce from customary court

Plead:


What do you mean by customary marriage?

I mean traditional marriage as you may qualify it... Paying of bride price