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Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? - Islam for Muslims - Nairaland

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Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by zayhal(f): 3:11pm On Jan 09, 2011
A brother is confused on who to take to hajj between his mum and his wife. He can only afford the money for one person (with himself).

His mum has always craved to go for the holy pilgrimage while her husband was alive (the brother's dad). The old man used to assure her that she'd go insha Allah as soon as he got the means. now the old man is no more.

The wife of the brother is also there, though she doesn't talk much about it, the brother feels it may cause some grudges if he takes his mother there while his wife is yet to go.

What should he do? take mother there, take wife there, or wait till he can afford to take both?
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by Nobody: 4:17pm On Jan 09, 2011
I'll say mum first then wife later. The mom suffered for the brother to become successful and alive for the sister to marry. Mum this year sister next year. This is what i personally would do when confronted with such.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by Sweetnecta: 5:25pm On Jan 09, 2011
^^^^^^^ we have an islamic scholar in the house, big knowledge but no belief.

when toba is confronted with hajj issue in the future, InshaAllah, his decision is sound, considering that the wife is still a younger woman.


there is no need to wait until the 3 can go at the same time, because mom may not have that much time on earth based on mere numbers of years she has spent, already.

Allah is The best of Knowers.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by zayhal(f): 8:27pm On Jan 09, 2011
Don't mind Toba. He's better ignored, for now.

On the issue at hand. You know it's easier said than done, for the brother to go 1st with the mother may not go down well with the wife. I want the married sisters in the house to express how they'd feel in such situation. And the brothers too, who would you go with 1st?

Thanks for the input Sweetnecta.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by isalegan2: 1:29am On Jan 10, 2011
I'm not married, yet. My opinion is that the mother should go first, then the wife when they can afford it.

Salaam.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by ifyalways(f): 9:34am On Jan 10, 2011
Personally,i wud let my MIL go first,no arguments at all,cos if it were to be btwn myself and my mum i wudnt even need to think before i answer . . .same applies to my MIL.
Btwn,did Toba edit his post or something cos i cant see anything wrong with his reply undecided
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by mukina2: 11:31am On Jan 10, 2011
zayhal:

Don't mind Toba. He's better ignored, for now.
why should he be ignored?

there is nothing malicious in his post.
why do you people like starting issues?
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by zayhal(f): 1:11pm On Jan 10, 2011
ifyalways:

Personally,i wud let my MIL go first,no arguments at all,cos if it were to be btwn myself and my mum i wudnt even need to think before i answer . . .same applies to my MIL.
Btwn,did Toba edit his post or something cos i cant see anything wrong with his reply undecided

Thanks Ify.

Toba didn't edit his post. His post is ok. But don't mind him, he understands better.

mukina2:

why should he be ignored?

there is nothing malicious in his post.
why do you people like starting issues?

Mukina,

It's you that is sounding malicious now. No one said Toba sounded malicious. But we all know his kind of person, generally. Or do you want to feign ignorance at his kind of person and his hatred for Islam? Besides, I doubt if my reply to Toba means anything to him. He's used to my ways and I'm used to his.
I'm surprised you're saying 'you people'. Which people? who are the 'you people'?
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by zayhal(f): 1:21pm On Jan 10, 2011
isale_gan2:

I'm not married, yet. My opinion is that the mother should go first, then the wife when they can afford it.

Salaam.

Thanks. the brother's concern is that the wife is most likely not to be happy with the plan of MIL going 1st. It seem husband and wife had been planning on going together.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by mukina2: 1:45pm On Jan 10, 2011
where in his post on this thread did he say anything about hatred for Islam?
i didnt see it maybe you could point it out for me?
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by muhsin(m): 3:35pm On Jan 10, 2011
mukina2:

why should he be ignored?

there is nothing malicious in his post.
why do you people like starting issues?
zayhal:

Mukina,

It's you that is sounding malicious now. No one said Toba sounded malicious. But we all know his kind of person, generally. Or do you want to feign ignorance at his kind of person and his hatred for Islam? Besides, I doubt if my reply to Toba means anything to him. He's used to my ways and I'm used to his.
I'm surprised you're saying 'you people'. Which people? who are the 'you people'?
mukina2:

where in his post on this thread did he say anything about hatred for Islam?
i didnt see it maybe you could point it out for me?


This is what I hate most with this board these days. Please, we should behave ourselves. May be you don't know: I perfectly well know many of you people here are older than me, but (at a risk of sounding pompous) I have never fought anybody here. All I know I once had a mild disagreement and brief encounter with Abozula and that is since settled. Please and please. . . Thanks for your understanding. Matter buried and forgotten.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by Lagosboy: 3:36pm On Jan 10, 2011
The prophet PBUH was asked about whom a man should love most and he said "mother" three times before the father. The wife comes after the parents and they all play separate roles and influence in a mans life.

Under natural circumstance the wife still has a while to live for (insha Allah), however the mother might not be that lucky and hajj is an obligation if the means is there. I would suggest the brother explains to his wife to be patient and go with his mother. A brother can still go back to pacifiy his wife as they would sleep together but a mother might not be easily pacified. The wife of today is the MIL of tommorrow and the wife should ask herself the question of how she would feel if she was in the MIL position.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by Nobody: 3:45pm On Jan 10, 2011
Toba i just tire for you grin,seems you love Islam but pride will not let you
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by muhsin(m): 3:56pm On Jan 10, 2011
Salam,

I had even forgotten to say my say about the OP's subject.

I wonder why even the doubt between who to choose: the mother of course. I see, though, that everything thats need to be said has been aptly said by brothers and sisters in the house. I would like to refer you (and us, too) to the story told by one of Ashaabul Kahfi. He denied his wife and children food for his parents. He always make sure his parents are satiated before his family and self. He had to spent a night sleeplessly when one day he came back home late; they have already gone to bed. He waited beside the bed, not wanting to wake them up, nor leave the place as they can any time wake up; his children weeping, begging him to give them some, till morning. Allah, the Exalted, moved away the stone that blocked their way after invoking Allah's help because of that good doing.

Looking at that (plus many other hadiths), we can conclusively say mother is very far higher in rank.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by thweraja10: 5:51pm On Jan 10, 2011
Just take your mum cos this might be her last chance to go but for the wife she can always go in the future
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by zayhal(f): 6:14pm On Jan 10, 2011
Thanks folks. I have some good 'huja' to talk to the brother now.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by DisGuy: 12:04am On Jan 11, 2011
Something similar happend this year, my uncle went with his wife and his dad, though his mother was against him spending the extra to take his wife which i dont understand, to me the dad is very old, not too healthy and has gone before!! some naija families sef


anyway, the man should take his mother then his wife will go some other time (buy her a ticket to Dubai to go shopping instead) grin

Or Allow his mother and Wife go he will go next time around

I think the Saudi authorities should enforce the ban on people going too often
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by xoxogg(f): 8:37am On Jan 11, 2011
Dis Guy:

I think the Saudi authorities should enforce the ban on people going too often

Many rich people go for Hajj and Umrah every year. If there is an Islamic backing, then they probably should look into restrictions for crowd control purposes. As per OP i see the issue has been resolved, though personally, i wouldn't mind him taking his mother, as long as he plans to take me as soon as he can afford to [s]and the mother brings me enough tsaraba. smiley[/s]
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by zayhal(f): 11:13am On Jan 11, 2011
xoxo, :

Many rich people go for Hajj and Umrah every year. If there is an Islamic backing, then they probably should look into restrictions for crowd control purposes. As per OP i see the issue has been resolved, though personally, i wouldn't mind him taking his mother, as long as he plans to take me as soon as he can afford to [s]and the mother brings me enough tsaraba. smiley[/s]

More opinions are welcome still.

LOL @bold

Dis Guy:

Something similar happend this year, my uncle went with his wife and his dad, though his mother was against him spending the extra to take his wife which i dont understand, to me the dad is very old, not too healthy and has gone before!! some naija families sef


anyway, the man should take his mother then his wife will go some other time (buy her a ticket to Dubai to go shopping instead) grin

Or Allow his mother and Wife go he will go next time around

I think the Saudi authorities should enforce the ban on people going too often

It'd have been easier to allow the wife and mother go (especially since the brother has once gone) but they'll need a male, a mahram to accompany them.

Btw, in your story above, why should the mother feel that taking the wife to hajj was spending extra? undecided
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by DisGuy: 12:24am On Jan 14, 2011
zayhal:

More opinions are welcome still.

LOL @bold

It'd have been easier to allow the wife and mother go (especially since the brother has once gone) but they'll need a male, a mahram to accompany them.

Btw, in your story above, why should the mother feel that taking the wife to hajj was spending extra? undecided

well you know how this mother in laws are like sometimes, though I think she was in the process of getting a house/flat and the son wasn't prioritizing that
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by Nobody: 3:09pm On Jan 14, 2011
His mom offcourse I'm not even reading what you wrote.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by zayhal(f): 3:52pm On Jan 14, 2011
I see. That's why a lot of wisdom is needed in handling family issues, DIL, MIL, very delicate lot.

Going to hajj and getting a house. They'll put the poor guy at a loss of which to make higher on the priority list.

Dis Guy:

well you know how this mother in laws are like sometimes, though I think she was in the process of getting a house/flat and the son wasn't prioritizing that
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by zayhal(f): 3:58pm On Jan 14, 2011
rokiatu:

His mom offcourse I'm not even reading what you wrote.

Naturally, one would say the mum should go first, but some things happen that brings about some necessary pondering and considerations.

Like in this brother's case now, when told to take his mum first, he says he'd really love to but that the mother is still lacking in some basic religous fundamentals and he fears that her craving for hajj is not totally out of piety.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by Nobody: 10:22pm On Feb 11, 2012
I don't know if dis answer suits d question


Praise be to Allaah.

The Muslim should always give preference to his mother, because it says in a hadeeth that a man said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Who among the people is most deserving of my good company?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” He asked, “Then who?” He said, “Your mother.” …

(Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5514; Muslim, 4621).

But the wife takes precedence over the mother in one case, and that is the matter of spending. If the husband cannot afford to spend on both his wife and his mother because he is poor, then in this case he should put his wife before his mother. The Muslim has to give what is due to each person who has a right over him, and he has to help the one who is oppressed. If his mother mistreats his wife, he has to put a stop to it, in a kind and fair manner.

And Allaah knows best.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by tpia5: 12:21pm On Feb 14, 2012
His mum should go.

A lot of people have a deep desire to visit the middle east which they've been nursing since like forever.


Because that's where the major religions started and it makes them feel closer to God.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by deols(f): 9:05pm On Feb 14, 2012
if i were the wife sef, I'd let him take his mother to avoid any problem. I wouldnt be needing any hadith for that.

I sense there are other issues though. If the mother has always been that way, competing with the wife, a time would come when hers wouldnt make priority list. I fear for this kind wahala o. sad
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by nene1: 3:22am On Feb 26, 2012
If I was a wife, I wouldn't let my husband take me to hajj if he hasn't taken his mother yet and also his father. I think it is very important to pay for your parents to go to hajj. Now if they have already gone, then that is a different story. You only really need to go to hajj one, but I've known people who've done it twice. When I am done with school, that is something I want to give to my parents.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by nene1: 3:24am On Feb 26, 2012
@ deols true: plus you know there will be all the people in the community talking. And his family will definitely not be happy and will think you control your husband if he takes you instead of his mom. I hope my future husband's mother likes me as I want a drama free life. Where I am from if they don't like you, they get him a 2nd wife and I am too jealous to deal with that.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by deols(f): 6:33am On Feb 26, 2012
nene1:

@ deols true: plus you know there will be all the people in the community talking. And his family will definitely not be happy and will think you control your husband if he takes you instead of his mom. I hope my future husband's mother likes me as I want a drama free life. Where I am from if they don't like you, they get him a 2nd wife and I am too jealous to deal with that.

I hope my MIL likes me too. I'll trade a lot for that. I think the educated ones, with busy lives are better MILs.

the second wife thing, wont be able to deal with either grin
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by Nobody: 6:44am On Feb 26, 2012
See muslimas saying they wont be able to deal with second wife,yet those saying it finanlly gets it,its part of Islam you should be ready for it,what if you happen to be 32 or 35 years of age without a man in your life,won't you want to be among the wives? or won't you prefare your sister fixed herself in to the wives of those men?
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by deols(f): 7:34am On Feb 26, 2012
^^ whenever i see ur name, I feel like, OH My God!! grin

not wanting another woman is part of being feminine. Even The wives of the prophet had their issues too and we arent even like them, just trying hard to be. If you like something, u want it to urself. I woud want my man to me and me alone and there's nothing wrong with that. But if it happens the other way, I'd go for what makes me happy! but I wont be someone else's second wife- the 35 yrs old thing isnt enough reason to be sis.
Re: Who Should Go To Hajj, Mum Or Wife? by nene1: 11:41pm On Feb 26, 2012
People always like to bring that saying about what for your sister what you want for yourself in regards to polygamy. Yes, I want my sisters to have a GOOD husband like I want for myself. That doesn't mean I should want MY husband for them. There are many good men out there and I hope they find one of them, just not the one I will have inshallah.

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