Firstly, Instead of looking for the right person, become the right person

Instead of searching for someone who "looks loveable" or desiring someone who loves us, we should realize that Biblical scripture didn't command us to desire human love, in fact it says "we should love" even those who we may term not loveable (maybe because of how they abuse, despise, hate or treat us). If there is any love it encourages us to first receive, it is the love of God that gives us courage to truly love others.

When we speak of being the right person we speak of being a person who loves and for a person to love they have to have love in them (we can only give what we have, and that's why it's sad many can mostly give the pain they have received from men, which they continue to hold unto).

Most times love fades because most people don't have a strong enough conviction to continue to love. 1 John 4:19 says, "we love because God first loved us". When our conviction to love a person is based on having God's love in us, it beats every other reason to love because every other reason may fade but the true love of God which has no reason remains.

Recall this verse in scripture: Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma. Ephesians 5:1-2 (pointed in my previous posts)

So we imitate God in the way he loves us, we become like him having the same spirit with him, the Holy Spirit (of which bears the fruit of love) which results in loving others the same way.

Let's look at the verses before Ephesians 5:1, which are Ephesians 4:30-31 that shed more light on loving like God:
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Now just before you start a relationship, you must develop a relationship with God which is only possible by having the Holy Spirit which enables our fellowship with God. Because it's through this relationship we learn to love practically. Just as children learn from their father, be children of God and learn from God and not children of the world, practising the ways shared in the earlier posts. Not many are blessed with parents with a wonderful relationship or are close to those who have such (but I advice you to be mentored by those who have lasting and loving relationships that are practical examples of God's word).

Having the Holy Spirit in us, defines us as children of God, he first makes us the right person before guiding us to another right person he has prepared. He makes us right by helping us get rid of past bitterness, anger, malice, things that usually become toxic in our new relationships. And helps us develop a kind and forgiving us, unlike the "expectationalist" mentality a lot enter new relationships with (comparing partners with their past EXs).

We don't have the power to always forgive or be consistently kind and understanding (this power comes when we have received the Holy Spirit). Unless we are so filled with God's love that we recognize that our deepest needs have already been met,
and we're no longer expecting another human being to "complete" us.
We will not be able to imitate God in our love
for others unless we know that we are blessed, valuable, and significant —that we are = loved. Our sense of being loved must not depend on this person liking us or that person coming through for us.

This is why the idea that having a great relationship is all about finding the right person is a lie. The key to developing a great relationship is becoming the right person.
It's only when we grasp that God's love for us is boundless that we have the capacity to be genuine givers in a relationship. If we don't have that, what do we do? We try to get approval. We try to perform. We try to win affection. We attempt to manipulate in order to get what we want.

Leslie Parrott said, "If you attempt to build intimacy with a person before you've done the hard work of becoming a whole and healthy person, every relationship will be an attempt to complete the hole in your heart and the lack of what you don't have. That relationship will end in disaster."

Allow me to paraphrase the Parrotts' statement. Any time you want to build intimacy with a person before your identity is fully in Christ and you know and feel secure and strong in him, you will be expecting that person to do something for you that he or she cannot do.

In other words, when your identity is in Christ, you don't need others the same way, you don't have to perform or pretend, and they don't have to come through in order for your ultimate needs to be met.

The world says, "Set your hope on this person to come through for you. Make this person the center of your existence." It doesn't work.

The problem is, that person is weak, imperfect, and needy, just like you and just like me. That person is going to blow it, right? It hurts, so what do we do? We retaliate, or we manipulate, or we blame. Because the world teaches us to expect from others what God alone can give us, we are unable to appreciate the very real (though limited) wonders of human love.

The key to lasting relationships is developing a relationship with God through Christ in such a way that you are secure in who you are in him. That allows you to be a giver and a real lover. If you do not get there (and there is some hard work involved to understand your identity in Christ, by the way), all your relationships will be handicapped. How do you get there? The first three chapters of Ephesians spell out the process. Until you establish an unshakable identity in Christ, every relationship will be an attempt to get something from that person to make you feel like you're okay. Some of us will manipulate, some of us will get overly attached and dependent, but all of us will produce dysfunctional relationships.

Before i post the next step, my question for you is what are you going to do? Are you going to stick with the somehow simple step from the worldly point of view or will go through the right and straight step of God's way to love?

If you desire the Holy Spirit do feel free to contact me. Remember starting with the Holy Spirit and having Godly and spiritual foundation is a sure first step even though there any formulas out there God's way is still the best to take because the way he will lead you will be unique to you (He knows us more than we know ourselves).

Good morning

Good morning have a wonderful week

This is really helpful and insightful.

Thanks a lot.

Step 2: Instead of falling in love, walk in love

When a person's tries moving forward with closed eyes they fall and that's what happens when the world sells to us that "love is blind", we tend to "fall" in love but to walk and walk uprightly without staggering or falling one's eyes must be open.
You see the love the world sells is built on lies and fantasy, based on appearance and how we can sell ourselves as "perfect" while we seek those who present themselves as such. When a relationship starts with deception it is bound to fail at some point.

Having open eyes first means, seeing ourselves for who we are, but when we hide ourselves so many times and fail to be honest about who we are or accept it ( who we are - based on what God says and not what our heart says, for the heart can be deceptive), we tend to lose ourselves and forget who we are.
The disadvantage of this is that you could be a 2012 Volvo try to operate as a 2002 toyota or a 2014 bmw SUV, what these cars need for maintenance and their usage will be different.

Secondly, having open eyes means seeing your partner for who they are and not who you desire them to be nor see them as who they try pretending to be.

The key here is, if you can see yourself you can see others as well but if you live in delusion you will be deceived as well. We should note that without the first step and receiving the Holy Spirit, our eyes will be closed by the deceptions in this world.

We can't walk in love until we get rid of desires that blind us. In fact, walking in love means that we love others in exactly the same way that Christ loved us - who knew us for who we are and knew what we needed.

Walking in love is about sacrificial commitment, it is giving the other person what he or she needs the most when it is least deserved, because that's exactly how God has treated you. That's what genuine love is. Love is giving the other person in the relationship what he or she needs the most, not necessarily what he or she wants the most.

So you won't be going into any relationship without first seeing what you can provide and what the person truly needs, and not just what you want and what can they can provide for you. Yes knowing what you need is important so as to recognize a partner God has sent to you, so you know what to accept and what to reject and also not to make unreasonable demands.

Walking in love is not a selfish feeling. God's way is very hard on the feelings, but it's very healthy for the soul.

Genuine love is a deliberate, intentional, honest, and even painful giving up of self preservation for another person's good (when you know they need to hear the truth that could hurt them but free them, even at the risk of losing them, instead of taking the easy way of lying to them you tell them the truth in love).
Walking in genuine love says, "I'm going to give you what you need," and then follows through. No manipulation, no games, and no power play. And, interestingly enough, it's when we love in this way that we actually fan the flames of romance and those good feelings we all long to enjoy.

When we walk in love we think, we pray, we open our eyes to what we can do for the other.

Follow link for the last step: https://www.nairaland.com/5847588/gods-way-lasting-relationship-ii#89382283

Good evening