Salem17:
Well I guess heartbreaks are more like a cliché but if u have been through one you would know its something u would never forget for the rest of ur life especially the first one.
This would be a lengthy post but its worth the read and its not a cooked up story I assure u.
I'm in my final year in school and she(I would address her as "Mary" not her real name though) is a classmate,but we weren't friends until 300 level,sometime in mid 2018,and within that period she broke up with her ex and I can still remember the night I was chatting with her and she was crying, I was shocked,why would someone cry simply because u broke up with a guy. Well our friendship waxed stronger. Then I had a romantic interest with another girl "Jane" (not her real name) but it wasn't anything serious we were just friends but the fact that I liked Jane made me feel I wouldn't catch feelings for Mary so she also thought so we were also friends,I didn't have any feelings for her at all then. So after a year around June 2019 I started having issues with my previous romantic interest and somehow I started catching feelings for Mary then I realized it but it wasn't much. At the same time Mary started showing signs of jealousy towards Jane and I noticed it cos at first Mary was like my therapist,I would often bring issues I had with Jane to her and she would advice me then there was no sign of jealousy at all,I even made the two become friends cos I would always ask Mary to help me look after Jane since both stayed in the school hostel,Jane was a bit of a lazy student so I would have Mary read with her. So when she started giving Jane attitude and showing signs of jealousy I was surprised,If I was with Jane she would avoid eye contacts and her mood changes and then jokingly I asked her one day if she liked me cos her attitude exuded jealousy and firmly she said No ,she just felt disrespected and I laughed it off.
Well one day while we were reading together we got into a conversation and then she starts thanking me for everything, how I helped her with her academics (Cos I'm actually good with studies,like very good),how I helped her get back on her feet after her break up and how I became the true friend she always searched for and then she said she had something else to say, and all of a sudden she broke down in tears and as much as I urged her to say it she said she would reserve it until the end of the semester's exams,I was trying to imagine what she had to say,this girl has said all the nicest things anyone can actually say,she has thanked me and thanked me,the only thing left to say was that she liked me but I dismissed that.
Then exams started and as usual we always read together, before I used to read with (or rather taught) Jane but somehow I now preferred Mary and that irked Jane but I didn't care a lot anymore. So a day to one of our exams while studying we got into a Convo and then she said she had something to say and that was when she dropped the bomb,she confessed that she liked me,I couldn't believe it, it was too good to be true and she told me she had been feeling that way for a while she always had goosebumps when I'm around her or held her hand cos I do that sometimes and she felt very jealous of Jane and felt like a bad friend too cos she was taking me away from her,at least so it seemed. Well I couldn't read again that night lol,I couldn't stop smiling . It rained so we spent a while together before I went home and as we were leaving she held my hand and that moment is etched in my memory I felt like I was floating in the air. The rest is history,we kicked the ball rolling,kissing making out every now and then. We were so so in love. I couldn't get my eyes of her,I stopped talking to Jane entirely, but she was still jealous and insecure and told me she would feel devastated if I left her and went back to Jane. But funny enough we didn't consider what we had to be a proper relationship, actually she once said she can't date me even if I asked her to but that was before we became affectionate. Somewhere along the line she started withdrawing herself from me. We couldn't make out anymore,she would cite religious reasons and other excuses. Then after the Christmas break we resumed the new semester, now in final year. Things started getting more heated cos I wanted us to get into a serious commitment,I never asked her to be my girlfriend though,not for once , but I wanted her to respond to my love and affection more than she was doing. And I took the no sexual intimacy thing too personal, I was always asking for it and it was beginning to strain our relationship. Now while all these was going on I discovered there was this particular guy always calling her,I know that guys flock around her but this one in question had my attention and funny thing is she entertained him. At first I told her I felt the guy liked her but she dismissed it,then with time she admitted she knew and that made me very uncomfortable, I asked her to tell him she had someone else she loved but she was hesitant to do so,I was very uncomfortable with that but there was nothing I could do,she insisted she didn't like him and they were just friends moreover the guy was her gym instructor. Meanwhile we had made promises to each other that we would always be together and love each other and wont break each others heart leave blah blah blah so when I asked her if she liked the guy I always made reference to those promises. So long story cur short I found out they were becoming too casual and she admitted she liked him and wanted to go into a relationship with him,I wanted to go crazy everything fell apart instantly,I tried to convince her but it was useless,she just apologized. Well I took it all in good fate and decided to move on. It wasn't a clean break,I confronted the guy(quietly) to ask him to leave her for me stuff like that ,well that was stupid and of course it didnt work (actually it made him more possessive and later he became paranoid when he found out she still had feelings for me and continued to make out with me )later that night(the night we first broke up) I called her and she cried on the phone,in the presence of the guy . Well I tried to move on,I didn't even want to come to school anymore cos I felt if I saw her I would be tempted to come back,Now this is were the vicious cycle started well somehow I came to school and she met me and we made up and u won't believe this part,we made love that very day but later I got too emotional and called her and said some shitty stuff and told her I didn't want anything with her again. Things continued like that,I would leave her life and then come back and funny enough we would be sweet with each other and she would cheat on her boyfriend (much to her displeasure anyways) and then I would leave again and as usual saying things that would hurt her. At some point she admitted she liked me more than the guy,she confessed she couldn't even control herself with me,she was having goosebumps every single moment(now this isn't a joke and its something that was new to me and to her as well cos she didn't feel that way with her ex and it rarely happened with the new guy) but we couldn't date according to her cos we were age mates and class mates and she wanted someone more mature blah blah blah,I don't know if that sounds reasonable enough maybe u folks can tell me.
I'm 21 and its the first time I was getting sexual with a lady,its actually the first time I got so close to anyone before.
Well to cut everything short lately I left as usual and it was feisty, and after a few days I tried coming back but it was useless she wasn't having it again and she insisted she couldn't cheat on the guy again and I would still leave like before.
And it was at this point that I realized that it was really over,I had to move on.
Looking back I feel bad about the way I acted. The only wrong she did was her insincerity she said she didn't want to break the news about the new guy cos she felt I couldn't take it but she admitted her fault and she hurt because of it,I actually made her hurt very badly,I only cried once but she was always crying. All her friends got to know cos at some point she was in a mess and couldn't come to school and I even had to involve Jane to help cheer her up .On one of the occasions the B F even had to call me to plead to stop stressing her,she would talk of having nightmares and breaking down in tears.
Then I couldn't relate to all that but now I understand how bad she must have felt with the way I acted plus she felt a lot of guilt for breaking my hear and I feel very bad cos I pushed her to the brink.
We have agreed to move on and we won't make contact with each other anymore,I hope I can keep to that.
The whole experience was very hectic to everyone but I have learnt a whole lot.
I didn't exhaust everything on my mind I would have to write a book to describe all that has happened within the past 8 months of my life,it seemed to be the longest period I have witnessed.
I am grateful to her for the love and affection she showed me,in our last texts while hitting out on me and defending herself of the wrong doings I accused her of she admitted she has showed me more care and attention than anyone she ever met including the new B.F but that wasn't enough as I was always selfish and I didn't see all the care and she was right. I was indeed selfish,my reaction after she told me she wanted to go into a relationship was utterly distasteful,I should have left quietly or if I was going to stay like she pleaded I shouldn't have caused trouble,I should have been content with what she was willing to offer ; friendship. It wasn't my intention to hurt her, but in a bid to make things work,in a bid to stay behind as a friend I made our relationship more complicated, it was more like trying to fit a square peg in a circular hole. I didn't know how to express my love,or rather I didn't know how to handle my emotions when things became tough,on the good days we were so romantic,actually I'm more romantic,I would help her with all the assignments,she made the best results last semester,I would call 24 7,send lengthy love voice texts,write romantic poems,she is dark but she was forced to learn how to blush, lol,but unfortunately when things got sore I became a psychopath and I was very toxic to her and to myself too,sad to admit.
Well that's past now,I have learnt a lot from this experience and I see it as a learning process,its okay to fail in your first try,I was pretty naive and the emotions overwhelmed me,sometimes I didn't even know the right thing to say or do and I didn't talk to anyone except at some point I opened up to an older person who was too busy to even show care or interest in my plight.I was so naive about women and relationships to the point that the first time I aroused her I didn't know she was aroused,I kissed her neck and caressed her,I didn't know what I was doing I was just repeating a scheme I saw in movies, next I noticed she moaned I taught she was faking it and I just stooped cos it wasn't a good location to do stuff like that, but after the kiss she became very restless and was acting like she wanted to pee so badly almost like it was dribbling already,she joked about it later in a shy manner and I was shocked,I didn't know she was actually turned on,I had never turned a woman on before .
Like I said,I have learnt a lot about relationships,human behaviours,emotions and all that.I know for sure that I would do better in my next friendship or relationship,like they say sometimes u have to lose love to learn how to love.
This whole experience has exposed me to see my own weaknesses as a person,to see characters I didn't know I possessed, to see how humans react in the midst of raging hormones burning passion and emotions and to learn how to cherish and treat the persons I love.
So a little advice from my experience
If you are getting into a friendship with an opposite sex,make sure u know what u want,if it's strictly friendship ensure there is no sexual attraction or emotional feelings involved,I doubt if that is possible and in a case where such arises please open up to the person if the person likes u too then u can look at prospects of dating if it doesn't appear feasible please move on,if u stay back it might get more complicated and u would regret u did.
Then for guys,if you want to date a girl and u notice he has a guy as a best friend u might want to be extra careful,I won't emphasize much on this,same applies for ladies.
Well my final assessment of my heartbreak experience is that Love is a beautiful thing,its a gift that we can't buy,its the most adorable thing out there but then it can hurt u the most. So one has to be careful when emotions are involved,very careful but then there are things that are unavoidable and experience, including the unpleasant ones can be invaluable. I'm a firm believer that good things can come out of very awkward and dire situations,I have experienced that several times. I know this would make me a stronger and better person. Yes it hurts but what's 2-3 months of pain to compare with the invaluable lessons and experiences that would last for a lifetime and even aid me in choosing a life partner when the time comes,its worth it if u ask me although no one would like to learn the hard way but life presents u with challenges and u have no choice but to push through. I'm not the first to wear this shoe and I know a lot of people have seen worse experiences and still survived although sadly some people take their lives and I can see reasons why they do so but then its not best.
Enough said though,I'm worried the post is too lengthy already,I'm very positive now,I'm fully committed to my academics, I have a great future ahead and I'm willing to work hard to realize that,I have a lovely career before me to build so I'm going to put in all my energy in doing so,besides I'm into a professional course,health related and its very demanding so I know I may have dodged a major bullet cos if I stayed in the relationship maybe my academics would suffer and actually it was beginning to do so,for a week my attendance to lectures and general attitude to studies was shambolic,I have some time to pick myself up and get ready for my exams when school start and I'm finally ready to put in my best.
A stable career should be top priority right now,I should focus on that cos as a young adult no one would see me as a failure for not being in a relationship or failing in the one I had, if I can build a decent career and get a steady source of income within the next couple of years there are better girls out there and one could always get into a relationship. Luckily for me I'm not doing bad at all academically,I'm in a race to finish with a first class hons,my cumulative C.G.P.A so far is over 4.7 and If I can make a C.G.P.A of 4.3 I'm guaranteed of that.I want to focus on that now. I'm optimistic that one day I would look back and I would say confidently that all that happened was for good,for now I need a lot of will,advice's,well wishes,hope and optimism.
Well thanks for taking your time to read my long and heartfelt message, feel free to make any contributions,sarcastic, critical,positive,encouraging,whatsoever u want to say its welcomed
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