Today, I woke up thinking about what I and a friend discussed related to the high rate of divorce in our society these days.

I am no relationship expert but I was able to reel out some things that I thought were missing in our marriages these days especially in Nigeria. Though I concede some divorces should be, a lot could have also been avoided if people do things a little bit better.

Ego and pride is a huge factor in many break-ups and I also do believe a lot of us are not patient or even have a clue what marriage is all about.

I got married about twelve years ago and I have three beautiful daughters and I even though I ain't a perfect husband, I have picked up a lot as I went that has helped me stay in our marriage.

Let me also say I got into church counselling (compulsory for ECWA members) where they teach you about marriage, relationships, finances in marriage, how to relate with in-laws and much more.

I hated it at that time but I am glad I did.

So today, I've decided to reel out questions a man or woman should ask before they delve into marriage. I do hope they help our singles.



1 How does your spouse treat others - If he/she has empathy towards people, then it will rub on you. Is he/she brash and aggressive? You need to ask yourself these questions. Things like that don't generally improve in marriage.

2 Number of kids to have or any at all - Nigerians love children but you need to be able to understand your spouses' mentality as regards kids and how many he/she wants. Circumstances might change this but you need to have a cleat cut understanding of their stand-point before venturing into marriage

3 How does your spouse relate with your family - This cannot be overestimated. Marriage in Nigeria is more about families than the two. How does your spouse look at your family and treat them? Your answers will be a huge pointer for the way forward

4 How will your religious beliefs (or none) take shape - This might look funny but I have seen marriages break because of this. Nigerians are a religious people. This aspect needs to be clear and crystal before taking the plunge.

5 How is your spouse with money - A saver? a spender? an investor or what? Can you deal with how he/she handle their finances? Very important question.

6 What is his/her passion? - This might sound funny but it will go a long way in your marriage. Can you key into their passion? Does it align with your belies and mindset?

7 Sexual compatibility - I am not saying y'all should mate as rabbits to know that part but you should be open enough to discuss sexual compatibly and preferences. What can you take, how can you take it, when do you take it and so much more. Sex has destroyed a lot of marriages for most of the mundane reasons.

8 Why do you want to get married? - This was supposed to be the number one reason but I decided to drop it somewhere in the text. Speak to your partner and hear what he/she has to say. Family pressure? age? peer pressure? Love? Listen to them and then think whether the reasons are good enough or not.

9 How are we going to run the chores at home? - See, this one has caused plenty of 'wahala' especially in this 'woke' generation. You need to know yourself per what you can do or put up with. Are you a man that loves home cooking? then marry a woman who loves to cook. Are you a woman who hates to clean and wash? try to find a man who can clean and wash or someone who can do all three if you have the means.



10 Spending habits - You need to ask and observe how your partner spend their money and on what items or hobbies. Does he/she splash out on things that are beneficial or not? Is he/she more into what you think is okay, negligible or unacceptable? Are you okay with it? Can you deal with it? Can it affect your finances as a couple? Think this through.

So here you go, these ten things to ask (in my opinion) are very important in you taking the serious step to marital commitment. As I said, I no marriage counsellor or a relationship expert but questions have to be asked.

You need to ask with your eyes wide open and then ask yourself; should I take the plunge?

You didn't address important questions like;

— Criminal record
— Health record
— Body count
— Salary grade
— Marital history

So number 5 is more important than the others on your list?

TheLioness:
So number 5 is more important than the others on your list?

you are valid to open a position, and not to counter my positions on any of my threads, hence, focus on the message not the messenger.

Ningen:
You didn't address important questions like;

— Criminal record
— Health record
— Body count
— Salary grade
— Marital history

was this all what worked for you before getting married, or are you married ? look here, another man's food is another man's poison don't come here in acting jet'li

Op, that was a timely eye opener but the children gender would be discussed o, or i go disappear if she born three girls.

Ningen:
You didn't address important questions like;

— Criminal record
— Health record
— Body count
— Salary grade
— Marital history

People that focused on these points are no longer married.

Exmilitant:
Op, that was a timely eye opener but the children gender would be discussed o, or i go disappear if she born three girls.

You're responsible for the gender of your children. You want all boys, read up and do exactly what the fertility doctor says you should...

"To get boys is not by power, it's not by might...

Sixfeetbelle:


People that focused on these points are no longer married.

I don't think he's married or ready for it, those points he mentioned are total of balance.

I totally agree with these points, especially finances,chores, how they treat others and sexual compactibility
.
Well done sir

Interesting. I think finances would be one of my points.

Also, health, a lot of SS children suffering everywhere, then religion is a strong point.

If you are not the type that prays once a day, don't go for the type that is always worshipping and praying, except if you're willing to change.

Overall, this is an awesome checklist for those intending to marry.

Ningen:
You didn't address important questions like;

— Criminal record
— Health record
— Body count
— Salary grade
— Marital history

oya take.

Exmilitant:
Op, that was a timely eye opener but the children gender would be discussed o, or i go disappear if she born three girls.

unless you be GOD.

Exmilitant:
Op, that was a timely eye opener but the children gender would be discussed o, or i go disappear if she born three girls.

receive sense IJN

fati2001:

unless you be GOD.

Take your nose off my keyboard, what you bothering me for?

Exmilitant:
Take your nose off my keyboard, what you bothering me for?

duh!

fati2001:
duh!

I go marry u if you gree to born 2 boys. You gree?

Op i don't agree with your num 7, if you say so, that means you are encouraging sex before marriage, which not adviceable.

Op i don't agree with your num 7, if you say so, that means you are encouraging sex before marriage, which is not adviceable.