GHoJes:

Your missing link is your cousin/brother. From your statement, he knows the village very well and people he can approach for answers without even involving your father. Remember not to divulge your source at first to your brother, be sure he is very in before you tell him your source if you must.

Go and sleep as you have been advised, tomorrow is another day.

Eketem:
Ghojes has given you good advise, go meet your cousin then go to the village, you deserve closure

Godlovesyou28:


I am not asking for her "whereabout" but "Identity". Is that too much to ask for?
I don't depend on any human for love; who has "man" helped. I relay on God completely and he has not failed. Am not during for money or properties but for the Identity of the womb that birthed me, and I believe that its fair enough. Thanks for your contribution.

Godlovesyou28:


Thank you.

fertilewomb:


I don't know why I feel your dad comitted a very secret atrocity. it could be that your dad slept or took his late brothers wife and had you through her, which is why he doesn't want to tell you whom your mom is. It's a top secret he's been keeping with his wife and I don't think they are ready to divulge it to anyone let alone you.
Your dad comitted a formidable and shameful Taboo,which is why he doesn't want to disclose the identity of your real mother

People have children aside wedlock all the time and don't find it difficult telling the children who the mother or father is. why is yours different

fertilewomb:


I don't know why I feel your dad comitted a very secret atrocity. it could be that your dad slept or took his late brothers wife and had you through her, which is why he doesn't want to tell you whom your mom is. It's a top secret he's been keeping with his wife and I don't think they are ready to divulge it to anyone let alone you.
Your dad comitted a formidable and shameful Taboo,which is why he doesn't want to disclose the identity of your real mother

People have children aside wedlock all the time and don't find it difficult telling the children who the mother or father is. why is yours different

JourneytoEL:

how about you try other means since you can't travel because of lockdown, like facebook or asking a relative for his phone number? better still keep begging your step mum to tell you the truth and promise her it will be a secret between you two. Your step mum is on the verge of telling you, don't give up because your brother might just be as ignorant as you are

madampresident:


I somewhat agree with you.

Here's my own analysis of the situation.

Perhaps they married a young wife for your grandfather. Maybe your father and his brother slept with her and gave birth to you and your cousin respectively.

That explains why your cousin lived more with your grandfather and later your uncle?

Op did you know your grandmother or perhaps your grandfather's wife growing up?

Godlovesyou28:


I have gotten his number and I slept like a baby after we spoke very early this morning . I was so nervous and to break the ice first since its been so long we spoke; I told him that I had lost my way and need salvation and peace that comes with true repentance, and have decided to answer my call to be a reverend sister... He was so happy and warm that I want repentance; he told me so many things my step mum told him I did(he has a very poor impression of me) and asked me to go to my parents and reconcile and also call my siblings and tell them that I had been a fool and allowed myself to be used by Satan, but that I have repented . I promised to do all he said and come visit him after the lockdown.

Even if I go he won't believe me. I think I need to go to the village first a see if I can gather some circumstantial evidence. Am just happy we spoke.

JourneytoEL:
I thank God for the steps you have taken so far. But, you need to understand that a stitch in time saves nine. Just ask him if he knows anything about his parents, then when you gather enough information from him, tell him you just found out you are his sister. I will advise you to do these things before you travel. It will give you a clear direction of who exactly to ask in your village. Remember to pray fervently. You might be living with household enemies. Visit the Blessed Sacrament very often. I would also love to know the city you reside and your age. May the Good Lord clear your path and make your dreams come to past.

Godlovesyou28:


Thanks for your comment, No offence but am not still a Catholic; like I said, I just wanted a soft landing. I can't tell him on phone until since he is not yet on my side, and I also need solid proof (not just telling him that some anonymous person told me bla bla bla) to get him to understand that we have a mother somewhere that we must find together.

JourneytoEL:
alright, i wish you all the best.

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum( everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).
I grew up being hated by my mum's(now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum ( now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum(step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special( and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief(I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now ). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum(step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

Foodqueen:
That relative that called u might be ur mother.

Godlovesyou28:


No she is not; am sure but if she was I'll be glad to end my search.

Please do you know what I can take to help me sleep?

nabiz:
if you just realised 2 years ago that your step mother is a not your real mother, the I do t think your step mother is as wicked as you paint her

Godlovesyou28:


I never said she was wicked... She gave me what she could spare for a child not hers and am thankful but I just need my mum.

Please do you know anything that can help me sleep?

Godlovesyou28:


I never said she was wicked... She gave me what she could spare for a child not hers and am thankful but I just need my mum.

Please do you know anything that can help me sleep?

andyanders:
Op, sad to note of your present status and your state of mind right now. Do not stress yoursel to the point yiur BP will spring up. Thank God that you are alive. The truth must come out one day. Be patient while you navigate this as it will come and pass and you will sing songs of joy.

First, good to know of your real status now that you have come of age. Also, to thank God that you passed through a lot to come to this this stage and did not die before now through your step mom.

If this was brought here first after someone opened your eyes, I would have advised you first not to have confronted your dad as he has kept the secret from you for that long. You should have secretly searched his house in order to see if there are an old hidden pictures of a woman in his closest or album, then you lift the pictures first.

If your dad discovers any dirty approach, he might harm you to conceal his past.

First, just act as if nothing happened and never bring up the case up again with your dad or step mom for now. Start an underground investigation by first contacting your confidant who opened your eyes to tell you more.

How old is your dad and your step Mom? From that, when searching for a clue, look for a younger lady's picture, if there is an album or if you have access to his room. While doing this, watch your back and be smart in order for him not to notice. Always pretend to be happy with both your father and step mom. With time you might get a clue.

I will be right back.

Godlovesyou28:


Thanks for the advice but my Dad can't hurt me, he is not just that kind of person. I hope to travel once its possible to do so.

andyanders:
You're welcome. Just be yourself and never allow this to affect your health. Try not to express yourself negetively when you travel home, but be your old self. Check if there are some kind of facts-like old lady's pixs you can lay hands to and compare your look as there could be some kind of resemblance. Also do hold deep talk with ur informant. Wish u the best nd be urself.

Stop thinking as we all are on transit in this world.

Godlovesyou28:
I type this with so much pain and sense of loss. I found out about two years ago that my step mum is not my real mum( everyone keeps wondering why am just waking up to the obvious).
I grew up being hated by my mum's(now step mum) family, usually beaten, overworked and deprived; but I was told that I was being trained to be strong since I was the first daughter by my mum ( now step mum). At age seven I cooked all the meals except my (dads soups) and did all the cleaning. By age ten I cook every single meal at home, wash all the cloths and Iron, clean the house and run all the errands while my siblings both older and younger play and watch TV. I always felt my mum(step mum) will love me just a little bit more if I worked harder; she always told me I was special( and different) and that she loves me so much but does not know how to show it. . It hurt me deeply then that I was different so much so that its expression translated to pain; but that's in my past now and I have no regrets.

Fast forward, am all grown up and fully independent, then a distant relative I helped told me two years ago that my mum is not my real mum with facts. For me it was a relief(I thought there was something wrong with me that made me unloveable and to be treated different and given less, but I know better now ). I am more confident knowing she never loved me and that it was no fault of mine.

Now, I just can't move on knowing I have a mother and I want to meet her and ask her questions (why she would dump her child for another woman to raise? Why she never came back to take me? Etc). And also if we could catch-up and be friends maybe.

The problem is that no one wants to tell me anything since most of my family members fear my dad and keep referring me back to my dad; I visited my dad and begged him to tell me who she is (I cried so much that he had to beg me to stop), he asked me to go so he can discuss it with my mum(step mum) but now shouts me down each time I bring up the topic.

I want to find my real mother . l don't know why I can't sleep or think about anything else. I need closure. I have been advised to sue my dad and am considering it. Please help me, I can't bear knowing I have a mother out there and not know who she is. Please help!

frozen70:


Calm down pls and don't take it too hard before you spoil something

Find someone in your father's family and keep the person's secret

That person will tell you how to locate your mum

But for the fact that your mother never looked for you, should give you the courage to move on with your life

She may be from another state or region or even another country

Am glad you have grown, help yourself to be stable so that you don't go back to them for any favour

Godlovesyou28:


Thanks for the advice, I just want to know who she is .

frozen70:


I know, it can be very hurtful, just follow the advice let's see if it will work

Foodqueen:
Give that woman that first told you more money, go visit her one on one and she will spill it all out.

For the sleep, maybe u need a change of environment. Plan a weekend trip to relax.

You will be fine.