morris477:
Always avoid single mother. Does it mean single mothers misbehave this way

There is a constant pattern with single mothers and their daughters , most of them build their daughter into exhibiting this very trait op wife have.

The story is always like this, mother in law will want to use son in law as a payback from her own failed marriage.

simplexity:
Firstly I will like to apologize for any errors made while typing, and I am seriously in need of ur advice and criticism.

My name is Stanley(not real names) married for 4years with two Lovely kids both female with d eldest at age 4. Trust me I cherish and love my family. I am a graduate while my wife dropout from the university cause of some money issues her single mother had while she was sick. After our first child I made sure she got admitted to a polytechnic and thankful she just rounded up her N.D all expenses paid by me, with high hopes of Getting admitted for her HND.

The problem started after our first child, my wife attitude towards sex changed totally, she would never let me touch her or play with her, calling her pet names will usually end in quarrel, I spoke with her her severally, pleaded and beg her most times but her attitude never changed, she made me feel like I met nothing to her, yet she will always fight with me whenever ever she suspects I have a girlfriend, fights with any female that comes close to me through calls or chats, she even went as far as beating up a lady that needed my help thinking I was dating her.

Fast forward to recently, her mom who is a single mother relocated to stay with us, and during her stay we had some misunderstanding about money issues, (note both me and wifey are gainfully employed in the ratio of 10:4, but 60% of wifey salary goes to her mom while she spends the rest 40% anyhow she likes) during d money issues a frd of hers came and told both of them that she see saw me flirting with a lady. And without hearing my own side of the coin my mother in-law rained curses on me , reported my to all her family members and left my house angrily, two days later my wife took our children and left my house while I was in d office, I called about her where about and she said she won't tell me and she said I will hear from her family soon, her mom called a family friend saying she will sue me.

It's been one week now and I don't know the whereabouts of my kids.

Should I report to the police or what?
Note I have apologized to wife for the crime I didn't commit yet it seems they want a bigger pound of flesh.

Please kindly advise me caused am depressed and confused

Make a police report and do away with both women ASAP because there seems no hope with such tag team combination. They will soon aim for your life.

I suspect you're not legally married to her, the reason for the boldness to go away with your children. Please, do the right thing first.

Iamundisputed:
Please report to the police as a first step. I hope you and your wife settle and reunite, but it's important that you inform the police & write a statement, just in case.

Also, I don't think your wife packed out because you were only playing or flirting with a woman, she probably must have caught you cheating, don't tell lies please.

Women usually change their attitude towards sex after birth cos of: 1. Personal insecurity because the vagina may not be as tight as it was. 2. Postpartum depression. 3.other psychological issues. This is where your emotional intelligence as a man comes into play. You need to have an understanding of her mood and help her want sex again.

Find a way to win her heart back, if possible, have your people call her people.
I wish u a happy home.

You obviously have no marital experience so just keep quiet and let people with experience talk.

simplexity:
I really appreciate your comments, I feel a lot better emotionally now,
I even actually agreed I cheated, and I have apologized, still she left.
Being a father makes u bear a lot and carry a lot on ur mind for peace to rain, I am not weak am just being understanding.

Thanks anyways

Oga listen to wise and mature advises here and learn. See let me tell you, you're not weak, you are toooo weak and that's why the 2 of them can boldly conspire to do that thrash an take your kids and leave. How you handle this matter now will determine whether such a thing will repeat itself continuously. Don't ever beg anybody or your wife family. Dem don see you finish. Women need strong hand, they need a man that can put his foot on the ground and show them say he get craze for head if you try rubbish. Just go and report to the police anti-kidnappjng unit, that you left for work and when you came back your wife and her mother have kidnapped your children, want to go and use them for rituals, and let the hardened police go after them, and deal with them, then let them charge them to court, in the middle of the crisis, they will have sense by force when they are detained and go through shit in the police station. After dey don show Dem pepper for station, then at last minute withdraw the case, because na Dem go they beg you at that time to let una settle. I can bet it with you, that will be the last time anybody among them will try that rubbish with you and carry your children to unknown place and run. See your children are girls, that's how very soon your wife and her mother will program their mind to hate you and poison their hearts against you, and condition their thinking to see daddy is only useful as an ATM machine they can extort and dump. I pity 6ou, you have allowed a lot of weakness to grow on you too long and that's why your wife can be treating you like shit after all the sacrifice and good you have done. You better correct yourself now or else las las, na those 2 women go conspire to kill you and inherit your shit for themselves. My baby mama wanted to try such rubbish one time, that she will carry my children and go, told her point blank, see you can go wherever da fxck u wanna go, I don't give a sheet, but my children stays and ain't going nowhere. If you try to sneak my children and run when I'm not around, forgerrit, unless you run out of this country, I will find you and beat you into hell fire, I'm ready to go to jail because of it. I don't joke with my sons. One bastard girl will now say she wan carry dem run, hmmm, she can never try it no matter how angry she is, because na her obituary be that. When her family was misbehaving, I told dem to fxck off, do dey think am a weak man that a woman will be controlling? I told dem if dey try rubbish with me, I no dey hide my own, I go find dem go their family house and give dem d trouble dey are looking for, give dem so hoooot, they will buuuuurn . Since dat time, d family sef dey behave their selves, dey caution d girl say dis ur guy get craze for head o, abeg no dey follow am drag before he go break ur head. See, you have to let a woman know your do's and don't. If she cross the line, punish her immediately, no time for pity party. If you show weakness in how you handle this matter now, i can bet you from now on, maybe every 2 or 3 months, any small matter, you will be coming home to see that your children have disappeared again and they will teach them to grow up hating you. Wake up! And be a real man

simplexity:
Firstly I will like to apologize for any errors made while typing, and I am seriously in need of ur advice and criticism.

My name is Stanley(not real names) married for 4years with two Lovely kids both female with d eldest at age 4. Trust me I cherish and love my family. I am a graduate while my wife dropout from the university cause of some money issues her single mother had while she was sick. After our first child I made sure she got admitted to a polytechnic and thankful she just rounded up her N.D all expenses paid by me, with high hopes of Getting admitted for her HND.

The problem started after our first child, my wife attitude towards sex changed totally, she would never let me touch her or play with her, calling her pet names will usually end in quarrel, I spoke with her her severally, pleaded and beg her most times but her attitude never changed, she made me feel like I met nothing to her, yet she will always fight with me whenever ever she suspects I have a girlfriend, fights with any female that comes close to me through calls or chats, she even went as far as beating up a lady that needed my help thinking I was dating her.

Fast forward to recently, her mom who is a single mother relocated to stay with us, and during her stay we had some misunderstanding about money issues, (note both me and wifey are gainfully employed in the ratio of 10:4, but 60% of wifey salary goes to her mom while she spends the rest 40% anyhow she likes) during d money issues a frd of hers came and told both of them that she see saw me flirting with a lady. And without hearing my own side of the coin my mother in-law rained curses on me , reported my to all her family members and left my house angrily, two days later my wife took our children and left my house while I was in d office, I called about her where about and she said she won't tell me and she said I will hear from her family soon, her mom called a family friend saying she will sue me.

It's been one week now and I don't know the whereabouts of my kids.

Should I report to the police or what?
Note I have apologized to wife for the crime I didn't commit yet it seems they want a bigger pound of flesh.

Please kindly advise me caused am depressed and confused

Guy relax. You are stressing your self too much. She learnt from her mother. Open your eyes and you will see the pattern. If it's not clear enough, investigate happened to her mother's relationship. How many her they in the relationship? Why the special bond, what is your wife's personality trait.

Don't assume, go and find out. The bible says " two can't work together except they are in agreement". The mistake you are making is that you assume it is your family and so you are willing to die for your family. A family you know nothing about. What do you know about your wife? How does she think? And will you prevent her from being manipulated by her mother?

Die na! Another man go die rapper wen you sweat buy for your wife, come near your graveside dey brush. That na if you don even build house self. If not na bush you go see ya self. (Look for someone to interpret pidgin english for you). I nor go even shock if another man don dey press her mumu button for outside cos you dey Bleep up. You are doing the right thing wrongly.

Go make a report and file an action for access to the kids pending when she comes back to her senses and you guys settle your differences or you file for outright divorce. But see her and discuss everything you fee with her and then ask her who she wants to be loved? You might be loving her wrongly. What do you know about her personality and temperament?

To enable us to advise you properly, send us a pm as we shall be requesting private details you might not wish to share on a public forum.

We are bound by a confidentiality agreement, Nairaland is not.

.

OP I blame you for everything that happened to you and I will tell you why

1: You overlove and overpampered your wife. It is good to show love to the one you love but don't do it to the level that would make her think without her you can't survive. That's what is happening to you especially now that she packed out of the house with your children.

2: why the fok should you allow your mother inlaw to live with you? Who does that in this 21st century? You have now seen the other side of your decision.

3: why were you begging your wife for sex? Na you marry her or na she marry you? Bros you are too soft jare. Are you not an African man? Must you allow the lady you toasted, paid her dowry and married to be the one dictating when to have access to her body?

Solutions

1: Look for your wife and children and bring them back home with the help of elders in your family or place of worship

2: Never allow your mother inlaw to live with you again. If your wife wants to live you because of that let her fokn go

3: When you wife comes back home, stop all this your sme sme, wake up and the real African man(but never raise your hand to beat her) let her know that you married her and not the other way round

4: Finally, if she doesn't change, cheat on her by getting her a rival but always make sure you use condoms. Las las her brain go reset. I ate nonsense especially from women.

Vickyrotex abi kini mo wi?

alexola20:
@simplexity,you don Bleep up by allowing your erratical MIL to come and live with your family,it's a NO NO for me.
It's highly possible your wife was intoxicated or brainwash to keep negative eye on you by her single mother.
I will advise let this storm pass and afterwards,stand your ground and make the rules,no mil in your house again.
She can come to visit for just hours but she must leave before night comes.

Well,I'm sorry for all of us that married useless women from MIL from hell.

Guys,talk to women,have relationship with them,date them but never marry them.I say again NEVER MARRY them and don't forget the golden rules,NEVER BE TOO KIND to any woman no matter how close she is to you.
Never.

correct talk from a correct guy. The guy to soft like akamu jare. I'm even suspecting that he might not be the biological father of those children. I ate soft guys. Vickyrotex abi kini mo wi?

OP you are very funny oh, so because someone accused you of cheating, and even sef, if you actually cheated, nobody has the rights to take your children and run. That's the height of weakness, where a woman has so much confidence she pulls a crazy stunt like that without fear because she already knows how mentally weak a man you are, and you ain't gonna do shit about it. No bloody woman can try that rubbish with me. I had older sisters when growing up, so I understand women well, but I had elder brothers too and thank God my first born was a no nonsense guy, so I learned a lot from him how you respond to a woman fxck up. The guy no dey waste time, omo, if ma sisters do anyhow, na correct beating straight, he no dey waste time, he go don beat dem well well before my mama and papa come to d rescue. Sometimes if na only 4 secs sef, d beating go enta before ma mama take 6 steps reach there. You don't tolerate shit from women or else they will make it a habit. None of my sisters could misbehave while we were growing up, not because of my mom or dad but because of my firstborn, the guy no give dem chance at all. Come back home late, omo if he hear, na better slaps go follow, slaps wey heavy, wey if he land for face na for ground d girl dey go. Mom would step in to protect but she always used my firstborn as a discipline weapon, she go tell dem, if you misbehave I will call your brother for you. Omo everybody go arrange demselves. Cuz d guy doesn't fxck around. If he handle u, 1 week ur body go feel am. Popc sef no dey even worry again, cuz my firstborn was up to the task of discipline in our house. So me too I was always a no nonsense guy when I grew. Even my sisters, they know my do's and don't. Don't ever try to slap me, no matter how angry you are, cuz if you slap me I will slap you back 10 times. If you angry, just insult me all d crazy insults u can think of, no problem, I won't cross d line or react to you more than words, but if you try rubbish and wanna go physical, omo forget say u old pass me oh, so far u be woman, just respect urself or else I will treat ur fxck up live and direct. I was raised to respect woman, so I won't go beyond my boundary to be trying to disrespect women any how or look for their trouble anyhow. I won't do such. But I was also raised that you got to put a woman in her place, cuz everytime she will always be trying to cross the line and do what she not supposed to do. The only woman dat can try any rubbish with me and get away with it is my mother. Anything she do, I go just take am like dat cuz she is my mother and I know the hell she went through to ensure her children didn't suffer. So she has a free pass forever. No matter what she does, I can only forgive and move on, and continue to love her. But no other woman has that privilege. So don't come around me acting crazy and think there won't be consequences. Taking my children and run is the height of crazy. I will fxck u up big time

oh boy!

some guys really gave u good advise here: those who say stand your ground and show your craze.

But if u don't have it in you.... hmmm! you will chicken out at the sight of the first resistance

All thesame .... YOU are the Man.

I say to you FOOL , STAND YOUR GROUND !!!

zedegit:
If this is true, then you don't have a marriage. Your wife has seen you finish.

no mind am

make a formal report, prepare 4d worst cos divorce is in d offing. The friend that reported u is she married? Intruders and Africa are like 5 and 6

Vulcan24:
oh boy!

some guys really gave u good advise here: those who say stand your ground and show your craze.

But if u don't have it in you.... hmmm! you will chicken out at the sight of the first resistance

All thesame .... YOU are the Man.

I say to you FOOL , STAND YOUR GROUND !!!

most Naija babes no wan sme sme guy as husband. The guy na akamu

This na war in disguise of marriage.
Make a police report about the matter especially the missing children and their mum.
Nor force yourself inside marriage wey fit kill you.
Last advice;
your safety for ya so called mother inlaw and her daughter hand nor dey guarantee anymore.

simplexity:
I really appreciate your comments, I feel a lot better emotionally now,
I even actually agreed I cheated, and I have apologized, still she left.
Being a father makes u bear a lot and carry a lot on ur mind for peace to rain, I am not weak am just being understanding.

Thanks anyways

the first mistake was that you married a single mothers daughter
secondly you allow her to stay in your house

Openbusiness:
OP you are very funny oh, so because someone accused you of cheating, and even sef, if you actually cheated, nobody has the rights to take your children and run. That's the height of weakness, where a woman has so much confidence she pulls a crazy stunt like that without fear because she already knows how mentally weak a man you are, and you ain't gonna do shit about it. No bloody woman can try that rubbish with me. I had older sisters when growing up, so I understand women well, but I had elder brothers too and thank God my first born was a no nonsense guy, so I learned a lot from him how you respond to a woman fxck up. The guy no dey waste time, omo, if ma sisters do anyhow, na correct beating straight, he no dey waste time, he go don beat dem well well before my mama and papa come to d rescue. Sometimes if na only 4 secs set, d beating go enta before ma mama take 6 steps reach there. You don't tolerate shit from women or else they will make it a habit. Non of my sister's could misbehave while we were growing up, not because of my mom or dad but because of my firstborn, the guy no give dem chance at all. Form back home late, omo if he hear, na better slaps go follow, slaps wey heavy, wey if he land for face na for ground d girl dey go. Mom would step in to protect but she always used my firstborn as a discipline weapon, she go tell Dem, if you misbehave I will call your brother for you. Omo everybody go arrange demselves. Cuz d guy doesn't fxck around. If he handle u, 1 week ur body go feel am. Popc sef no dey even worry again, cuz my firstborn was up to the task of discipline in our house. So me too I was always a no nonsense guy when I grew. Even my sisters, they know my do's and don't. Don't ever try to slap me, no matter how angry you are, cuz if you slap me I will slap you back 10 times. If you angry, just insult me alll d crazy insults u can think of, no problem, I won't cross d line or react to you more than words, but if you try rubbish and wanna go physical, omo forget say u old pass me oh, so far u be woman, just respect urself or else I will treat ur fxck up live and direct. I was raised to respect woman, so I won't go beyond my boundary to be trying to disrespect women any how or look for their trouble anyhow. I won't do such. But I was also raised that you got to put a woman in her place, cuz everytime she will always be trying to cross the line and do what she not supposed to do. The only woman dat can try any rubbish with me and get away with it is my mother. Anything she do, I go just take am like dat cuz she is my mother and I know the hello she went through to ensure her children didn't suffer. So she has a free pass forever. No matter what she does, I can only forgive and move on, and continue to love her. But no other woman has that privilege. So don't come around me acting crazy and think there won't be consequences. Taking my children and run is the height of crazy. I will fxck u up big time

gbam.

Take this from a married man, what's happening is the classical control mind games that many wives/women with insecurity issues play.
You're not the cause of her insecurities, its in most young ladies of today and especially those raised by single mothers who never married and who raised their daughter directly or indirectly to hate men.
Now, having her single mom living with you is a bad idea. You may have done it in good faith but your wife and her mom will exploit it to the maxi to put you on your knees and take control of your life and marriage.
Forget all that apologise and cheating accusations it's part of the game and your family centredness is being used to blackmail you and until you call it bluff you're done for, it will never end.
This is classical dilemma of nice guys/husbands...
Rash and bruth guys don't get this from their wives for long...

Inform the police, file for divorce and get your kids back from that toxic mother and child

BABANGBALI:
most Naija babes no wan sme sme guy as husband. The guy na akamu

I had a close shave to this kind of experience, I used both patience and fire to scatter their plans

they reported me to this Lagos State something .... oh boy they even lock me up! I stand my ground .... tell them say to hell with their cell, Las Las na Dem beg me!

she Bleep up again ... I show my craze, they calm me again ... I went, insulted the policemen and walked out

the mother in law challenged me I tell them ... you know my address , come bring ur ppl I dey ground dey wait.

wife pack commot with pikin, I no send am. Las Las they come beg!

all of them see say... this one na soldier!

oh boy ..... ! if u don't stand your ground u are FINISHED.

do your duty as a man and don't play any games God also will fight fir you but you must first play that role as Man.

if u hear my story you will know say to be a man no be for mouth

1) TRY to stop cheating. I know it is not easy though. Try.
2) File a Police Report
3) Ban your mother in law and any other divisive element from your home. Your wife can go with her if she pleases, your kids stay.
4) Change your lifestyle. Spend more time at home. Help with house chores.

Vulcan24:


I had a close shave to this kind of experience, I used both patience and fire to scatter their plans

they reported me to this Lagos State something .... oh boy they even lock me up! I stand my ground .... tell them say to hell with their cell, Las Las na Dem beg me!

she Bleep up again ... I show my craze, they calm me again ... I went, insulted the policemen and walked out

the mother in law challenged me I tell them ... you know my address , come bring ur ppl I dey ground dey wait.

wife pack commot with pikin, I no send am. Las Las they come beg!

all of them see say... this one na soldier!

oh boy ..... ! if u don't stand your ground u are FINISHED.

do your duty as a man and don't play any games God also will fight fir you but you must first play that role as Man.

if u hear my story you will know say to be a man no be for mouth

nice one bro. Most naija babes no deserve nor want Mr nice. They want them hard.

For all the men out there, LISTEN and LEARN. Matters like this is why YOU SHOULD NEVER DO A COURT WEDDING. Do church or traditional but never do a court wedding. A court wedding gives the woman the upper hand in legal ligitation if matters like this arise. The court system is programmed to favor the woman. But if you didn't sign any court papers, then you have the upper hand. So all that Ikoyi registry trips society keeps pushing men to go and put pen on paper, guy you are signing away your rights and advantages. Don't do it! You are putting yourself in legal chains at the benefit of the woman. A court wedding is a NO-NO. But only wise men will understand. The society has been programmed over the years to keep men foolish. Women have used their bottom power to manipulate the system in their favor, so you have to wake up and avoid the loopholes like court wedding that will keep you enslaved. Check am well, who usually pushes for court wedding? The woman. Because when you sign those court papers, you just transferred a lot of legal powers into her hands that she can fxkp u up with anytime. Na una Sabi oh, if u like go and do court wedding.

Always research into your fiancé's family before marriage. Some families are professional single mothers. Someone said, if you want to know what your wife will be like in old age, check your mother in law.

jimblaze:


If u are not an angel, then u have the Spirit of God working mightily in you!!!

My Brother! We are flesh and blood!

We are Just an ordinary container that The MASTER uses to put out His will!

Simply trace her to her office. You will either find her, or find someone she told where she is going.

it's risky, I've been telling young guys who want to enjoy marriage to stay away from a lady whose her parents aren't together, a lady with single parent and a bad parents. Yes make research of those in-law well before marrying their daughter because ladies nature learn faster than guys


marrying a lady that had divorce traits, it's a bad precedence as the psychological manipulation is always emboldened on ladies more than guys


my dear brother, all your act by your wife is not her decision but her mom who want her to dominate the marriage but it's good you never loose guard.


if you're talking to anyone meet some elders in your own family to meet some elders that her mom respect in their family then let her mom be invited and the rest will be settled. stop calling or looking for your wife as suggested above, she will capitalize on it to reduce or get rid of your self esteem

Foodqueen:
She wants to be a single mom too....

Coming from a lady... this is most likely correct. She grew up believing she doesnt need a man to survive. Especially when she has an income. She is just being a true daughter of her mum. Bros dont force yourself too much in trying to get back your family. If anything happens to ur health u are OYO. Give her space. Enjoy the marital leave God has given u. Dont go and kill yourself. There’s really not much u can do as ling as she is getting the same advice from people who told her to pack out. What u should try to get are your children (if they are truly yours). Pray to get them back.

Ohemababy:


Lol oga calm down sir.
I was just wondering how the police will come in, in this kind of situation.

I feel it's a family matter.
Bringing in the police is just really somehow.

Its the job of the police to settle dispute,family or not . if they deny him access to the child, the police will arrest the woman. Na then u go know say police no be scam.

sisisioge:
So she's going to sue you for alleged cheating? Whew! It's always a problem when couples allow extended families live with them!

That's just it. The tall and short of this story is the intruder they allow into their home.

Parents-in-law are not supposed to be permanent guests in your home. My mum, she comes so rarely that anyday she comes, it's like Christmas.

And for many of you insinuating that the man must've cheated, while I won't absolve him of adultery, it's not always the case.

Truth be told, some mothers are bad and by extension their daughters. What you don't have, you can't give. How did grandma end up as a single mum? She wasn't widowed! Some ladies don't know when to stop being tied to their mum's apron strings.

In the early years of my marriage, I experienced tough times, really tough times. No one would ever believe me if I say everything marriage threw at me but I never told a soul, not family, not friends. I have a caring family who would never blame me or judge me, yet I never told a soul. I signed for it, I should face it. This OP's wife should wean herself off of the mum. She's cantankerous.

simplexity:
Firstly I will like to apologize for any errors made while typing, and I am seriously in need of ur advice and criticism.

My name is Stanley(not real names) married for 4years with two Lovely kids both female with d eldest at age 4. Trust me I cherish and love my family. I am a graduate while my wife dropout from the university cause of some money issues her single mother had while she was sick. After our first child I made sure she got admitted to a polytechnic and thankful she just rounded up her N.D all expenses paid by me, with high hopes of Getting admitted for her HND.

The problem started after our first child, my wife attitude towards sex changed totally, she would never let me touch her or play with her, calling her pet names will usually end in quarrel, I spoke with her her severally, pleaded and beg her most times but her attitude never changed, she made me feel like I met nothing to her, yet she will always fight with me whenever ever she suspects I have a girlfriend, fights with any female that comes close to me through calls or chats, she even went as far as beating up a lady that needed my help thinking I was dating her.

Fast forward to recently, her mom who is a single mother relocated to stay with us, and during her stay we had some misunderstanding about money issues, (note both me and wifey are gainfully employed in the ratio of 10:4, but 60% of wifey salary goes to her mom while she spends the rest 40% anyhow she likes) during d money issues a frd of hers came and told both of them that she see saw me flirting with a lady. And without hearing my own side of the coin my mother in-law rained curses on me , reported my to all her family members and left my house angrily, two days later my wife took our children and left my house while I was in d office, I called about her where about and she said she won't tell me and she said I will hear from her family soon, her mom called a family friend saying she will sue me.

It's been one week now and I don't know the whereabouts of my kids.

Should I report to the police or what?
Note I have apologized to wife for the crime I didn't commit yet it seems they want a bigger pound of flesh.

Please kindly advise me caused am depressed and confused

Biko don't stress yourself, don't let anyone come and be toiling with your emotions,just make sure you get the custody of your kids. Don't think she loves you any more else she won't take a stupid decision of leaving your home, any lady that try that with me should consider the marriage over. Your relatives shouldn't be permanent guess, except they are lovely ones, not the nosy type make they no dey guage your life.

A burden has been taken off your neck, and you are wishing that the burden be brought back to you.

Relax, forget about the wife and her foolish mother. Don't call her or asked about her welfare.
When she becomes incapable of taking care of the children, she will bring them back to you.

This is time to show her you are a tough man, and take back your respect from her.