Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / NewStats: 3,194,452 members, 7,954,773 topics. Date: Saturday, 21 September 2024 at 08:55 AM |
Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / ... (1711 Views)
I Just Ended My Marriage! Single Mum I Married Still Contacts Her Ex Regularly / I Had A Child With My Brother's Ex Wife. Please Read And Advice Me / I Just Cut The Cord With My Father (2) (3) (4)
... by Wingarnium: 9:52am On Aug 11, 2020 |
.. |
Re: ... by Dockybae(f): 9:56am On Aug 11, 2020 |
I don't think you are living yet. You are merely existing. Nothing beats freedom and the peace of mind that comes with living without parents breathing on ones neck. 7 Likes |
Re: ... by Chrisbella24(f): 9:57am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Run away |
Re: ... by youthsinitiativ(m): 9:57am On Aug 11, 2020 |
High-handed and selfish parents messing up their kid's psyche and confidence. Pikin wey go spoil must still spoil no matter how much you cage am. 8 Likes |
Re: ... by blackpanthar: 10:09am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Wingarnium: First, BE GRATEFUL YOU STILL HAVE PARENTS. next... FORGET ALL THE PEOPLE WHO COMMENTED ABOVE ME... they sound like orphans. It takes wisdom for you to understand the older generation. You should never EVER go to your parents with what you want to do.... THEY WILL NEVER ACCEPT BECAUSE TO THEM WHAT WE CALL FREEDOM IS REBELLION OR SIN OR WORLDLY. HERE IS WHAT TO DO: 1) get a job(even if you have to "create" it)... yes, to your parents you are still a child until you get a job... if you can, get a job in another state... so they would have no choice than to let you go. 2) start a business... yes, you need to consider having your own cash so that they can respect you because you can now take care of yourself. MONEY IS A VOICE... a LOUD ONE. 3) OBEY EVERYTHING THEY TELL YOU..... as long as you have a solid plan to leave the house in 3-6 months... BECOME THE EXACT IMAGE OF ALL THEIR VALUES.... it will help you in future because you will leave the house with a BLESSING. 4) Remember, you will be a parent one day and what your children will call FREEDOM will be lower than your own current standards... so be careful how you treat your parents cos KARMA is not friendly. 5) Let your friend come and visit you and while she is in your house, let her ask your parents BIBLE QUESTIONS OR PARENTAL GUIDANCE QUESTIONS. It will change your parents' perception about her... SEE, you are under their roof... you just have to be loyal and stop thinking your way is the right way always... cut them some slack. By the time your friend visits twice or thrice... they will allow you go to her place next time. Things should be done with simple tact and wisdom. Your parents love you but are from a previous OLDSCHOOL generation... soon you will marry and be OLD SCHOOL and the next generation may appear queer to you... you need to understand that, so you don't repeat the stiffness of your parents. 15 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: ... by Wingarnium: 10:24am On Aug 11, 2020 |
blackpanthar:thank you for your extensive advice, I agree with u. I don't have a job but I earn a reasonable amount with my small business. I run it from home. I have poor social skills and it gets worse and worse as I stay under their roof. It makes me unhappy and I feel my life is wasting away. How will I even find a good husband? I don't want to jump directly from here to marriage because I know I'm an emotional wreck. Thank u again. If they dont allow me, I have no choice then 2 Likes |
Re: ... by Wingarnium: 10:26am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Chrisbella24:hehehehe |
Re: ... by Acidosis(m): 10:31am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Do you have a boyfriend? |
Re: ... by Chrisbella24(f): 10:33am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Wingarnium:Lol It might sound funny but I was in your shoes. In fact, mine was the worst. No visitors/friends in the house, you can't visit anyone, you can't go out of the room. A Hahn! I even doubted if I can walk I had to run oo... Now, they've accepted because they now know my intention to be free wasn't a bad one and I didn't die the 5months I was away. So, you don't have to run away tho 3 Likes |
Re: ... by Chrisbella24(f): 10:33am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Wingarnium: Can I send you a PM? |
Re: ... by Nobody: 10:38am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Wingarnium: You should have looked for a way to be independent during your NYSC. 2 Likes |
Re: ... by Nobody: 10:44am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Listen to me.. your parent cannot stop being AFRICAN. And so far, Majority of us have come to realize that African parents in their way of instilling discipline and morals, have stopped their children from growing. Not their faults, they just didn’t know when to STOP! At 23, after NYSC? You no be small pikin again But to an African parents, you still dey wear pampers lol.. infact if you’re not careful, your mom would serve you some breast milk for breakfast. ..Me and my mama fight tire! Being her only daughter, she was literally strapping me to her back... lol The ball is in your court... To be a Rebel and be in their bad book or to dance to their tune and be the good girl. The only way to release the grip of an African parents is to stop eating from their pot. As long as you still dey chop mommy thank you, you’re still a child in an African Home. You need to Start practicing an adult lifestyle right in their home. Take up some bills as though you’re living by yourself. Don’t eat whatever they cook. Put some money down for groceries and don’t use it. You won’t need to talk too much when you want to leave. .. All the best! 9 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: ... by LadySarah: 10:49am On Aug 11, 2020 |
I know a girl in your shoes. Omo,the girl refused to come back after nysc . Remained in AKS squatting someone and started learning a skill then luckily got a bank job some months later. You should have learnt something during ur service year and perch yourself there. So long as you know you aren't doing anything untoward. Those type of parents don't encourage dating but expect you to bring a fiance home soon. How can you lock a 23 yr old indoors everyday. Your best bet is getting a job that will take you out and improve your social skills 6 Likes |
Re: ... by Juliusmomoh: 10:52am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Acidosis:Many are mad, but few are roaming. 2 Likes |
Re: ... by Klass99(f): 11:05am On Aug 11, 2020 |
. 2 Likes |
Re: ... by Acidosis(m): 11:07am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Juliusmomoh: You're obviously among the many mad and the roaming few. 2 Likes |
Re: ... by SmileDance(f): 11:08am On Aug 11, 2020 |
OK op, I will give 2 possible solutions 1. Find a way to leave the house in the morning and come back by evening either by learning a trade or even a volunteer work 2. Pretend as if you got a job in another city and goan start looking for a job there 5 Likes |
Re: ... by Juliusmomoh: 11:19am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Acidosis:I blame ur mother 1 Like |
Re: ... by Acidosis(m): 11:27am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Juliusmomoh: Hehe I get the message now. You're one of those serial scammers I exposed recently huh? Better stop crying cos I will frustrate you out of the digital space. |
Re: ... by Juliusmomoh: 11:30am On Aug 11, 2020 |
Acidosis:U are even from lagos sef.. And i was just wasting my time since... |
Re: ... by Wingarnium: 2:11pm On Aug 11, 2020 |
Klass99:exactly. But they don't see it that way. I will definitely not do that when I have kids. Too much of everything is bad. I would protect them but not be overly protective. They need to live their life instead of me handing manual to them on what to do and what not 1 Like |
Re: ... by Wingarnium: 2:12pm On Aug 11, 2020 |
LadySarah:thank you I'm honing my skills and doing my small business when I save enough ill probably opt for masters |
Re: ... by Wingarnium: 2:14pm On Aug 11, 2020 |
yettymuse:thank u I will do that! |
Re: ... by SmileDance(f): 6:58am On Aug 12, 2020 |
SmileDance: |
Re: ... by WhisperedNoise: 7:46am On Aug 12, 2020 |
Hey OP, I understand what you're going through. I've had many people, guys and ladies, come to me with complaints about their parents. While we understand that they do what they do out of love, it might sometimes be a tad overwhelming. You're 23, done with NYSC. You're an adult in all spheres and for all purposes. You can be held for any decision you take from this point onwards. I believe that the parents of a child should relax their hand of discipline a bit when a child gets started in college. Why? Because they had 15, 16 years to train the child. The parents should believe they've done a good job and let the child spread his/her wings. Now, to your vent: - As much as possible, avoid anything that will cause trouble with you and your folks. They are still your parents, and as long as you live under their roof, you should dance to their tunes (no matter how unpleasant it might seem). Honor them, now and forever. - Your parents are still viewing you through the "my baby" lens. It's up to you to change their perspective. Responsibility is the key to adulthood. Start small. Little by little. Pick a bill here; pay for petty things there; so it goes. They'll gradually admit that you're an adult, and that you won't stay with them forever. - Sometimes, it might be necessary to tell your parents NO. Let them know, gently and with respect, that you're an adult capable of making decisions (either good or bad). Note that you must have done the former point to an extent before you can play this card. - It might help if you aren't at home 24/7. If you go to work everyday and they see you for a few hours daily, they'll start respecting your time and decisions. Gradually, they'll start treating you like an adult. - Don't part with bitrerness. It's not worth it. Love binds a family together. Refer to Point 1. If you need to vent, kindly reach out to me or any mature Nairalander. We don't know you personally, fret not. PS: Are you the only child?? I wish you well, sis. Godspeed! 1 Like |
Re: ... by WhisperedNoise: 7:48am On Aug 12, 2020 |
SmileDance:This might sound hard and extreme but it's what some parents really need. Oil dey your head. 3 Likes |
Re: ... by Nobody: 7:53am On Aug 12, 2020 |
You are too calm for my liking, you need to revolt against them and stand your ground telling them that you cannot always do as they say. You need to be very stubborn about it. Tell them you will wear any cloth that fits you cause you are an adult, you will go out and meet your friends because you will need to marry and leave their house. That's why its not always too good to be an overly obedient child, sometimes you have to be stubborn and fight for your rights and respect.. Throughout my secondary school, I never wore trouser for once cause of my parents, I entered university, in my 100L I didnt wear, I started wearing it from 200L when I found out that its more comfortable and the skirts available are not my taste, there are more designs of trousers and I can run easily for lectures when I wear trouser. So I used my money and bought 5 different trousers for starters, I enjoyed wearing it, I started posting the picture of me wearing trouser on Facebook, my dad saw it and didnt say anything, I came home for semester holidays and continued wearing the trouser, my dad was mad but I told him that I like wearing it, he gave a million advice but still I told him it makes me look smart and comfortable, that was how he overlooked it, I did the same thing when I started fixing nails and eyelashes at home, they just tell me to reduce the length which I do out of respect for them but no one can stop me if I decide not to. 1 Like |
Re: ... by Wingarnium: 8:08am On Aug 12, 2020 |
WhisperedNoise:thank you ill try as much as possible to avoid the last point. I'm not the only child we're four and trust me we all complain to each other about this. They always say things like when I'm a parent ill understand. But I doubt that. I mean I wasn't allowed to study in UI my dream school because of this. We were all confined to study in our city (lag) thank you ill take baby steps |
Re: ... by mariahAngel(f): 9:04am On Aug 12, 2020 |
yettymuse: You're advising her to rebel against her parents? Even to the point of rejecting their food? Haba! Would that be fair to her parents? Not that I support their strictness Why did she not reject the education they gave her? Before we make any decisions in life, we should always remember that we would be in that position someday How would you feel as a mother if your own child rejected your food? A child you saw through school all of a sudden feels she's too grown to listen to you, let alone eat your food, how would that make you feel? 1 Like |
Re: ... by mariahAngel(f): 9:20am On Aug 12, 2020 |
Wingarnium: Never reject your mother's food no matter what. You're in a desperate situation where you can't pick out the good advice from the bad ones. |
Re: ... by Saintmary(f): 9:51am On Aug 12, 2020 |
Wingarnium:You are a graduate. You are already of age. You no longer need permission to live. Just pack your bags, complete your arrangements with your friend, and notify them when you're about to travel. Just make sure you are paying your own tfare. You are not alone in this. Good luck. |
Re: ... by Wingarnium: 11:27am On Aug 12, 2020 |
mariahAngel:see I get her point. You've probably not been in that situation that's why. Telling your parents what u actually want to do with your life is not rebellious. But to them they're going to take it as that. I didn't rant here that they don't allow me go to night parties or that they complain if I get home late. It's something a reasonable parent would do. Im not a teenager, some of my mates are married with kids. I have to let them know things have to change because if I continue to dance do their tune, ill be 30 and still be complaining about the same thing. When I mean freedom it's not jumping from men to men, but to be able to make my own decisions at times. I can seek their advice and they can also advice me. Not the authoritarian way. Yunno, don't question me, just obey as I say. 1 Like |
Shop For All Kinds Of Furniture Here / Her Fiance Has Threatened To Call Of Their Wedding Unless She Do This... / .
(Go Up)
Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 104 |