Nuttella:
You are too calm for my liking, you need to revolt against them and stand your ground telling them that you cannot always do as they say. You need to be very stubborn about it. Tell them you will wear any cloth that fits you cause you are an adult, you will go out and meet your friends because you will need to marry and leave their house.

That's why its not always too good to be an overly obedient child, sometimes you have to be stubborn and fight for your rights and respect..


Throughout my secondary school, I never wore trouser for once cause of my parents, I entered university, in my 100L I didnt wear, I started wearing it from 200L when I found out that its more comfortable and the skirts available are not my taste, there are more designs of trousers and I can run easily for lectures when I wear trouser. So I used my money and bought 5 different trousers for starters, I enjoyed wearing it, I started posting the picture of me wearing trouser on Facebook, my dad saw it and didnt say anything, I came home for semester holidays and continued wearing the trouser, my dad was mad but I told him that I like wearing it, he gave a million advice but still I told him it makes me look smart and comfortable, that was how he overlooked it, I did the same thing when I started fixing nails and eyelashes at home, they just tell me to reduce the length which I will do out of respect for them but no one can stop me if I decide not to.

I'm too calm I know.. But I bet they can dis own me if i do things this way. My family is religious and care about public image a lot. Thanks though

Wingarnium:
I'm too calm I know.. But I bet they can dis own me if i do things this way. My family is religious and care about public image a lot. Thanks though

Calm down no one will disown you, are you a deeper life member?

OP you need to cut yourself off from them fast. If it means getting a job or leaving the house early and coming back in the evening.

Sometimes indulging over protective parents and guardians ends badly. An aunty of mine is close to 50 and still unmarried. She blamed her brother who they were living with because he was overly protective.

Her younger sisters who got married broke free even if it caused rifts then. But this one was calm and followed her brother's instructions to the letter. And she didn't really relate to men because of her brother and this greatly affected her. Now she says he should come and marry her...lol.

Please don't let them suppress you.

Wingarnium:
see I get her point. You've probably not been in that situation that's why. Telling your parents what u actually want to do with your life is not rebellious. But to them they're going to take it as that. I didn't rant here that they don't allow me go to night parties or that they complain if I get home late. It's something a reasonable parent would do. Im not a teenager, some of my mates are married with kids. I have to let them know things have to change because if I continue to dance do their tune, ill be 30 and still be complaining about the same thing. When I mean freedom it's not jumping from men to men, but to be able to make my own decisions at times. I can seek their advice and they can also advice me. Not the authoritarian way. Yunno, don't question me, just obey as I say.

Your mistake was returning home after your service year, knowing how strict they already are.
You should have planned ahead.
It's not too late though...

Wingarnium:
see I get her point. You've probably not been in that situation that's why. Telling your parents what u actually want to do with your life is not rebellious. But to them they're going to take it as that. I didn't rant here that they don't allow me go to night parties or that they complain if I get home late. It's something a reasonable parent would do. Im not a teenager, some of my mates are married with kids. I have to let them know things have to change because if I continue to dance do their tune, ill be 30 and still be complaining about the same thing. When I mean freedom it's not jumping from men to men, but to be able to make my own decisions at times. I can seek their advice and they can also advice me. Not the authoritarian way. Yunno, don't question me, just obey as I say.

Can you outline the things you want to do (that are wholesome) and what your parents' say to stop you?

Wingarnium:
thank you ill try as much as possible to avoid the last point. I'm not the only child we're four and trust me we all complain to each other about this. They always say things like when I'm a parent ill understand. But I doubt that. I mean I wasn't allowed to study in UI my dream school because of this. We were all confined to study in our city (lag) thank you ill take baby steps

On a lighter note, since your siblings passed through (and maybe are still passing through) it, why are you surprised?
You thought yours would be different, eh?

Anyways, little by little by little. They are acting based on their convictions and mindsets. Learn what you can.
You now know what you shouldn't do when you are training your own child(ren)...abi?

Wingarnium:
How do I get my parents to change? I just finished my nysc and things have not been easy for me. My parents are very very controlling and honestly I don't even know who I am anymore. I am always trying to be who they want me to be but deep down it's not who I am.

My parents force me to wear big clothes. I can't even wear trousers in my fathers house. It must be skirt and not any skirt, it must be long to reach my ankle. When I was an undergraduate, I use to wear anything I liked in school and I was free but getting home, I feel like I'm living in bondage.

They never let us go anywhere right from when we were kids. I remember we used to beg my mom to play in the compound but she would refuse, mind u it is a gated compound. This affected me cos when I got to boarding school, I was severely bullied because I just was too jjc.

Now what brought me here is that I want to start living with a friend because where she stays is central and lot of jobs around there but my parents have blatantly refused me living with her. How do I convince them to let me? And also how do I convince them to let me dress the way I want mind u I'm very decent but I just like trousers because it fits me a lot. I'm not moving there because of unnecessary freedom but because it is very central. Staying in this house has been depressing since I finished service. I am 23 yrs old

Pls calm down

Get an exposed uncle to talk to them

If they continue like this, then how do they want you to meet your future spouse

Just pray you get a job and then you can have good reason to pack out

Wear what pleases them for now at home so that they will not blame you for misleading your junior ones

What do I say?..I'm a dude and cannot compare myself to u
But assuming you are above 24yrs, then I suggest you better start making your parents understand that you are no longer a child.
..when my parents started making moves to cage me, I realized that if I didn't rebel and break free, I'd be tethered to them for a longer than necessary.
..you have trained me, u have groomed me, u have instilled moral values in me for more than 2 decades..

...wetin remain??...allow me to live na

mariahAngel:


Your mistake was returning home after your service year, knowing how strict they already are.
You should have planned ahead.
It's not too late though...

I planned to but mhen the calls immediately after my pop and the fact that I served in the village didn't encourage me..

halogate:
What do I say?..I'm a dude and cannot compare myself to u
But assuming you are above 24yrs, then I suggest you better start making your parents understand that you are no longer a child.
..when my parents started making moves to cage me, I realized that if I didn't rebel and break free, I'd be tethered to them for a longer than necessary.
..you have trained me, u have groomed me, u have instilled moral values in me for more than 2 decades..

...wetin remain??...allow me to live na

I guess we just have to let them know.

How about just doing what they want till you eventually leave the house.
You will not die if you don't wear trousers oo

Get the job first and your parents will see reason why you should live with that your friend or anywhere else for that matter.

Then you can do whatever you want / feel like doing.

ImaIma1:
OP you need to cut yourself off from them fast. If it means getting a job or leaving the house early and coming back in the evening.

Sometimes indulging over protective parents and guardians ends badly. An aunty of mine is close to 50 and still unmarried. She blamed her brother who they were living with because he was overly protective.

Her younger sisters who got married broke free even if it caused rifts then. But this one was calm and followed her brother's instructions to the letter. And she didn't really relate to men because of her brother and this greatly affected her. Now she says he should come and marry her...lol.

Please don't let them suppress you.

hahaha this one is extreme mehn

NoToPile:
How about just doing what they want till you eventually leave the house.
You will not die if you don't wear trousers oo

Get the job first and your parents will see reason why you should live with that your friend or anywhere else for that matter.

Then you can do whatever you want / feel like doing.

I won't die I know. But this my prime. I'm aging by the day. It's not bad to want to look beautiful. Thanks though

Wingarnium:
How do I get my parents to change? I just finished my nysc and things have not been easy for me. My parents are very very controlling and honestly I don't even know who I am anymore. I am always trying to be who they want me to be but deep down it's not who I am.

My parents force me to wear big clothes. I can't even wear trousers in my fathers house. It must be skirt and not any skirt, it must be long to reach my ankle. When I was an undergraduate, I use to wear anything I liked in school and I was free but getting home, I feel like I'm living in bondage.

They never let us go anywhere right from when we were kids. I remember we used to beg my mom to play in the compound but she would refuse, mind u it is a gated compound. This affected me cos when I got to boarding school, I was severely bullied because I just was too jjc.

Now what brought me here is that I want to start living with a friend because where she stays is central and lot of jobs around there but my parents have blatantly refused me living with her. How do I convince them to let me? And also how do I convince them to let me dress the way I want mind u I'm very decent but I just like trousers because it fits me a lot. I'm not moving there because of unnecessary freedom but because it is very central. Staying in this house has been depressing since I finished service. I am 23 yrs old

Look, if your parents are pvssies, just admit it. Fvck the pretence, parents can be dumb as fvck. This nation can't grow if the concept of basic freedom can't be understood. Let me ask you, what in the dying world is your dad doing to get you a job? Mtchew. The biggest responsibility to you now is to even get you a job but no, they'll be so busy being so controlling and talking about the less important issues as far as this world is concerned. The biggest source of depression for Nigerian youths if you ask me is joblessness. It should be taken as an emergency situation in every household if parents are serious. The fvck? What do you still want to do to an adult you've taught your idea of morality for 20+ years? Girl(you) can't be bent now, you can only comply but end up 'disappointing' them in the future. I believe in one thing, never ever force morality on an adult; only do it when it harms another man. The concept of freedom for me comes only from God. Let me assume you are a Christian, why do these people talk about freewill and still do things like this? They have become anti-christian and hypocrites. You have already formed what your idea about dressing should be, you are too old to be force to comply with something else and do it genuinely. If they fvcking think the only way to please God is to force you to do these things you've written down here, they are dead wrong. African youths, can you all please start challenging these demagogues who call themselves parents? These ignoramuses(not all, not all) who revel in their ignorance to destroy the future generation with their self conceitedness. These people don't want their useless ideas challenged, they are dumb as fvck and if you can't detect this or don't want to acknowledge this even before taking the harder and more challenging step of confronting them, you are sick. Still on the issue of individual freedom and liberty, can you allow your child switch religion even when they have become adults and living under your roof? Let's say from Christianity to Islam?

Wingarnium:
hahaha this one is extreme mehn

Really extreme.

The first one to get married hid her relationship for a long time. This is a lady that had graduated and was working in a bank. She had to go through her brother's wife to even broach the topic.

OP needs to break free before she lives with regrets. The parents have good intentions but they are going about it the wrong way.

You will have to push the boundaries. It requires strength, mental and emotional strength. In other words, you must be ready to do things that will upset them. They will get used to it but it will take time.

ImaIma1:


Really extreme.

The first one to get married hid her relationship for a long time. This is a lady that had graduated and was working in a bank. She had to go through her brother's wife to even broach the topic.

OP needs to break free before she lives with regrets. The parents have good intentions but they are going about it the wrong way.

I don't think I'll ever understand this over protective behavior. Funny thing is I never knew it was an issue. I wasn't happy about it but I thought that's what all kids go through until I started mixing with people that I realised that things were different with others. I know deep down I'm not wayward and I don't have that teenage urge to explore. I never had them in my teenage years self.

Wingarnium:
I don't think I'll ever understand this over protective behavior. Funny thing is I never knew it was an issue. I wasn't happy about it but I thought that's what all kids go through until I started mixing with people that I realised that things were different with others. I know deep down I'm not wayward and I don't have that teenage urge to explore. I never had them in my teenage years self.

Good thing is my parents were hardly that way. They sent us all to boarding schools first to make us see the world away from them. The first jeans trouser I wore was from my dad just after secondary. He said he liked how girls look smart in it.

My sister and I started attending all night shows even before we entered university. My parents knew we were involved in church so they allowed us attend all them all night or late night Christian shows and programmes.

All in all, they allowed us to be independent but it's because they brought us up well and already instilled discipline in us. That's how parents should do.

Please break free for your own good and future. They will adjust. You are an adult and you need to start making your decisions.

Nuttella:
You are too calm for my liking, you need to revolt against them and stand your ground telling them that you cannot always do as they say. You need to be very stubborn about it. Tell them you will wear any cloth that fits you cause you are an adult, you will go out and meet your friends because you will need to marry and leave their house.

That's why its not always too good to be an overly obedient child, sometimes you have to be stubborn and fight for your rights and respect..


Throughout my secondary school, I never wore trouser for once cause of my parents, I entered university, in my 100L I didnt wear, I started wearing it from 200L when I found out that its more comfortable and the skirts available are not my taste, there are more designs of trousers and I can run easily for lectures when I wear trouser. So I used my money and bought 5 different trousers for starters, I enjoyed wearing it, I started posting the picture of me wearing trouser on Facebook, my dad saw it and didnt say anything, I came home for semester holidays and continued wearing the trouser, my dad was mad but I told him that I like wearing it, he gave a million advice but still I told him it makes me look smart and comfortable, that was how he overlooked it, I did the same thing when I started fixing nails and eyelashes at home, they just tell me to reduce the length which I will do out of respect for them but no one can stop me if I decide not to.

I like you...lol.

My parents were not overly protective. In fact my dad got me my first pair of jeans just after secondary school. He said it looked smart on ladies.

But I remember one time, I was talking to a guy from the gate at home...just greeting and all and my dad shouted at me for it. I told him that he sent me to a mixed boarding school that does he think it's only girls I talk to.

He just kind of overlooked it because he knew I was right.

ImaIma1:


I like you...lol.

My parents were not overly protective. In fact my dad got me my first pair of jeans just after secondary school. He said it looked smart on ladies.

But I remember one time, I was talking to a guy from the gate at home...just greeting and all and my dad shouted at me for it. I told him that he sent me to a mixed boarding school that does he think it's only girls I talk to.

He just kind of overlooked it because he knew I was right.

True, if you are too calm, Nigerian parents will override you. Sometimes we need to revolt but in a respectful way.