To be in love is a wonderful thing. You feel you are on cloud nine and all is well with the world. That warm fuzzy feeling feels like it's going to last for ever. But hold on a few months down the line and every thing looks bleak. What the heck happened?

Some will say the love was not true others that reality bit you in the behind but let me let you in on a little secret: there are things about love they never told you. There you were thinking love is so simple all I have to do is love him/her and care it will be all right. But noooo my dear love is NOT simple and it is HARD work.

Below I am going to outline some of those things they never told you about love that could potentially make or break that special relationship. You want to keep that warm fuzziness going perpetually? Read on.

1. Commitment: Well they tell you about this one but they never tell you how hard it is to stay committed to one FLAWED individual who sometimes annoys the hell out of you, those things you'd feel like like killing him/her for. Commitment is staying the course even when that warm fuzzy feeling has been eclipsed by murderous intentions. Commitment is waking up in the morning and still choosing to love the one who yesterday made you feel like changing you mind. Now am not advocating staying with abusive people or people who have no feelings for you but you must recognise the gem-side of the one you love and be ready to help smooth out the rough edges.

2. Duty: What? Love has to be dutiful? O men this one kills a lot of relationships albeit unknowingly. It is an addendum to commitment but goes beyond the realm of emotions and thought into the realm of action. Duty in love rises up despite all odds to do the things that must be done. It must look beyond pain and hurt. It must look beyond self to do the things that are necessary for nurturing love.

3. Trust: O you've heard this one before right but what they didn't tell you was how hard it is to do and that it's  a two way street. You must give and receive trust if your love is to grow and continue. This is a hard continuous exercise and I kid you not, it is as strenuous as a physical work out but this time it is your mind being tasked. To be able to give up that natural suspicion and accept what the other party says at face value is not an easy thing and many of us fail in this regard. Either because we are doing untrustworthy things or because our minds refuse to believe that the other party is trustworthy. Which ever way you have to work at it and continuously too. We live in a world that always presents us with opportunities. Be on guard and keep doing what is right no matter whether the person is there or not.

4. Loyalty: Yes you know this one but you probably didn't think it important but believe me it is at the core of love. Loyalty flows out of trust but is quite different. How? While trust says He/She is true loyalty says I am true even if the opportunity to be otherwise presents itself. Loyalty also has the component of defense. It says in the midst of everyone, friend or foe that I am with this person whether you like it or not. This is especially tough when it seems everyone is against your love/lover. Play this card and your love will survive the storms.

These by no means exhaustive of those things they didn't tell you but ruminate over these and apply them to your love life and you will see the difference. Your warm fuzzy feelings will last as long as you keep working at them.

Before I stop let me say again: LOVE IS HARD WORK! It's not for the faint of heart or those who have no intention of making it last.

Nods head

Going along with the team, I guess,

I go with Chima's family

Nuff respek ras No one cyaan test Lord_Reed

rubbish post

^^^ Jolosy jolosy na hin go kill some pipu

^^^ you again with your size 16 gigantic moobs Come closer lemme tweak 'em for ya

iice:

Nice

Busy_body:

Nuff respek ras No one cyaan test Lord_Reed

Thanks

190:

rubbish post

O men! SMH I hardly have words for you. . .

@poster
nice points!

the sad part is that many out there would go on a few good dates and get married not having a clue OR care about the points you outlined, only to come back and complain when that marriage failed. PRICELESS!

@MBJ
*sighs* how right you are. These things seem to skip right over our heads. Hey was kinda hoping you'd have a few points to add.

Is you in love L. Reed?

Lord_Reed:

@MBJ
*sighs* how right you are. These things seem to skip right over our heads. Hey was kinda hoping you'd have a few points to add.

i would have add:

HONESTY: it doesnt matter how bad you feel about anything, that person needs to know you like the back of her hand in order to act right in that union.
people need to let their inhibitions out the door and be FULLY HONEST about themselves and their lives in marriage.
many are too caught up and still have ¨secrets¨in marriages and then cry foul when all explode in their faces.

FUN: many people get comfortable in relationship and just believe that they dont need to work on the union. just like you needed to woo a girl and do some crazy shiit to get her, is the same way you will have to do it AFTER marriage. go on dates, to the movies, travel to crazy places etc etc etc. the important word is FUN. the minute the fun is gone, is the beginning of boredom thus the end.

HEALTHY SEX LIFE: as hard as many want to think. you have to bring your A game to the bedroom because an unsatisfied spouse is not a good spouse. many men (and women) have freaky sides that they rather enjoy with their sugar baby/mistresses. i say women/men should turn into the freak that their hubby/wifey desires (discovering what it is takes time) and fulfill their desires.  also just because what you do today is great, doesnt mean it will last forever, you need to bring some spice into your bedroom activities to make it enjoyable for years and years to come. if you do the same old thing on and on then that wont cut it. role play, intimacy gadgets, outdoors, swinging, 3sum, etc etc the list is endless to bring some needed freshness/fun into anyone´s sex life.

@MBJ
Tasty! I luv da zing!

@Mrs.C
Of course! With rokiatu! If you come across her will you tell her for me?

I knew MBJ arse was gon come back with the sex thing!

L. Reed,

I need your presence in the Dating/Meet Up Zone under Dsense Only post. What ya think when you read it?

Lord Reed, I came across your signature and I was freaking shocked.

I just hope all this is a big joke really.


@topic, May I please add Passion on there?

An undying passion to always desire your partner even when they are at their worst. The best intimate relationships involve passion. I know some people believe after a while the passion fade away. But I firmly believe that it is possible to love your partner the same way till the end.

The definition of Passion differ from person to person.

Passion do not necessarily have to be jumping and kissing your partner every second and having hot sex.

The kind of passion I'm talking about is truly caring for each other, looking beyond the imperfections, and still being just as in love as the first day.

@Mrs Chima
Sex is very important to keep the fire burning in any union. A healthy sex life will only be beneficial for spouses.
sexual satisfaction is as important as everything else stated on this thread in my book.

Educative post.

I would like to add:

COMMUNICATE: Couples need to communicate always. It is improper to assume that he/she should understand what i need or what i want at this moment, it is this lack of communication that causes unending friction. Communicating clearly helps your partner better understand your love needs or any other needs be it negative or positive and would be able to go out of his/her way to satisfy this need.

Hmm. Easily said. you forgot a pocket full of Benjamins!

@rokiatu
Your addition is most welcome. And no its not a joke. I feel this compulsion to get to know you. You sound and look just right, balanced in all the important things.

@degubi
Good one.

@orbaxy
Could elaborate in the spirit of the thread?

Lord_Reed:

@rokiatu
Your addition is most welcome. And no its not a joke. I feel this compulsion to get to know you. You sound and look just right, balanced in all the important things.

@degubi
Good one.

@orbaxy
Could elaborate in the spirit of the thread?

Quite honestly, i wish its all about merits and wonderful qualities. As often demonstrated in NL most ladies will rather settle for a gainfully employed and well-to-do individual than Mister-perfect character. Lets be factual.

MRbrownJAY:

@Mrs Chima
Sex is very important to keep the fire burning in any union. A healthy sex life will only be beneficial for spouses.
sexual satisfaction is as important as everything else stated on this thread in my book.

That's all ur ever after.

Finally! A mature, sensible and realistic outlook on Love. None of the Buy me, Gimme, and toothbrush and blood sharing wtf kinda NL love.

@Zahnda
LoL! Glad you liked it. Anything to add?

Nice, very educative.

@ Lord Reed

UNDERSTANDING: Some people enter into relationships expecting the other party to treat them in the same measure that they dish out or worse they expect them to do all the work while they Love at their own pace. Understanding helps you appreciate that the other party is from a different background with his/her own concept of Love, and understanding helps you patiently correct the flawed concept or celebrate the beauty.

[size=22pt]Compromise[/size]

It is important that couples compromise in a marriage because there are going to be time where situation will unfold and it will not be pleasant for both parties involved. You will have to make a decision to whether to look at the bigger picture or be selfish for that moment.

For example,

I was invited to attend to my friend's wedding in the summer who is gay. My husband is totally against homosexuality and I knew this before I married him so I made a compromising decision not to attend the wedding because I did not want to cause disharmony in my marital home.

I looked at the bigger picture and decided that my husband is more important than going to a wedding event for one day when I will be with my husband forever. So there you go. Compromising is not easy but looking at the bigger picture helps. You will be unhappy for a minute but when things come together you will be glad that you looked at the bigger picture.

Believe it easier said than done but it is best to compromise rather than IT ALL ABOUT ME OR ELSE. It will not rest well in your marriage in the long run.

You forgot to add Stupidity!