olawalepopoola:
Good day all. Hope we are all fine.
I want to ask what can be done when you get to know and confirm that your mother hates your wife without any tangible reason and all she wants is to either control your home or destroy it by all means.
Valuable answers will be appreciated

My circumstances may be different from yours but if you find any similarities, perhaps it would help

1: Her wish is not your command: My mother in-law hated me because prior to meeting me, her son was arranged to marry another girl who loved him and was from a rich and powerful family. He did not love her enough to make a commitment so the arrangement failed. when he married me - it was a stressful 5 years before I delivered a son to calm her frustrations of seeing her grand-child, then she was equally angered that we decided that we would stop at only 2 children rather than 2 boys and 2 girls or 12 children like she had. so we have 3 children and she is happy. (for the time being)

2: His loyalty lies with you not his mother: It is a very rare quality to marry a man who will consider and respect your opinions ahead of his mother's. Mothers are a very powerful influence on their son's especially in Nigeria. presumably this is because they raised and cared for the man you married and will now influence his decisions towards "Family matters" - Family actually matters but my husband explained to me one calm rainy Saturday that a Man must leave the family he grew up in to start his own. he cannot raise his own family when he is leaning backwards to nurture the family he grew-up with. If you have children and your responsibilities have increased, he won't be able to take care of his siblings or mother the way he did when he was single. Naturally, the source of this shortfall will be seen as 100% your fault. It is worse when you are not gainfully employed (which means the monies meant for them are being paid as salary to you) Find something doing and do not tell your husband but send a little something to his mother and siblings recharge card, Milk and Milo, 5K, 10k here and there to show that you also care. but do not commit to requests such as support for paying rent, school fees, a car or an iPhone - that is for your own children and husband.

3: Different Ethnicity and Culture: If you are yoruba and his mother is igbo - bad mix issues with Culture and Tradition is always a hotbed for wahala. Igbos tend to send a member of the family to live with you as part of your responsibility to marrying their son. maybe to send him to school or to find work or to help you in your house. It does not bode well for either in-law to send your siblings to your new home and family for extended or indefinite periods. It is not you or your husbands responsibility to take care of another man's children when you are still trying to raise your own. Point 2 above should clear things up a bit if you and your husband discuss that a percentage of your budget will go into handling your extended family's needs. if you can sacrifice your own extended family for his, then it makes him feel more agreeable and guilty enough to fight on your side. remember the goal is to raise a family successfully with your husband not with his family combined.

4: Family Home is rented: If you are lucky that your husband has bought Land or a house or is building one before or after you got married. the chances are his family came first to his mind when making that life-changing commitment. After marriage that direction is turned to his new family and it is a very hard decision to keep helping with rent when neither you or your in-laws are landlords. in Lagos it is a very troubling affair. So if your husband has land or is starting a building project or plans to buy a house. his mother will definitely be interested in how much of his commitment is coming back to the home he grew up in. my only recommendation here is also something many Married Couples frown against - SAVE YOUR OWN MONEY TO BUILD/BUY YOUR HOME SECRETLY .. nobody knows tomorrow, if you and your husband have a joint account, it helps but still save secretly because the same mother who smiles with your now may be the one grabbing your children (her son's children) and her son's house. Life no Balance so be careful

The Op isn't the one having the issue hence lacks details. So I can't comment cos there's absolutely nothing on ground to comment on. Op pls Go back, get the real details and seek opinions from here. Also expect the weedtakers' own too o.

sweetmelanin:


Sit your mother down (heart to heart) and make her admit the REAL reason why she hates your wife... then you can conclude whether it's a "tangible" reason or not.

There is no point, because if the wife was her biological daughter and she offends the mom, will she hate her daughter?

The matter is based on the principle that there must be an enemy somewhere and it could arise from so many points.
First, their spirit may not connect. The solution is to avoid each other.
Second, the wives of these days do not wash and buy clothes, cook food or assist mother-in-laws or brothers-in-laws, some of them even keep to themselves. Meanwhile mother-in-law wants a jovial wife.
Solution:avoid them and warn the wives that your mom is always right.

Jesslove:
She may be a witch and your spiritual wife this is why she is jealous of your wife

The wife fit be witch and mama they protect son. Fear woman

Ardar:


How can she be a witch, a spiritual wife and his mother all at the same time?

No mind that one jare

Their most be a reason forget about this your head line and most of you that don't know what marriage and family should try and know

olawalepopoola:
Good day all. Hope we are all fine.
I want to ask what can be done when you get to know and confirm that your mother hates your wife without any tangible reason and all she wants is to either control your home or destroy it by all means.
Valuable answers will be appreciated

I was/am in similar situation. At first, I tried my best to make them become friends by calling respected family members to try and squash the beef. After several years and sttemps to end the hatred, I saw there was no peace coming.

It wasn't like my wife was doing anything wrong, but anytime she tried to do something to make my mom happy, she (my mom) will rather use insults to pay her back.

It was when I got to know that my mom wasn't happy cause unlike other family members who she had control of the marriages, I wanted to let my own marital life be private; I never ran to ask her for advice, they never heard me and my wife quarelling.

Truth is that even when I quarrel with my wife, we had agreed Niger to bring the quarrel outside and only come together to sort things out within ourselves when both of his had already calmed down.

@OP the only thing I will plead with you, never insult your mother in front of your wife, and never insult your wife in front of your mother; put your mother and every member of your family in their place. If maybe you used to seek financial help from your mom or family members, stop doing that cause such acts causes "see finish".

Once you know in your heart that your wife gives you peace and joy..... Bleep everyone else cause she is the one that you will live with for the rest of your life ND the outcome of your relationship determines the offspring you will have.

By the way, I still maintain a healthy relationship with my mother and siblings which I keep separate from the relationship I have with my wife. I didn't say I will go to war and quarrel with my siblings or mother cause of my wife, neither will I make my wife go through hurt and pains cause of my mother.

All the best

Women know their selves. Am talking based on experience

Amopeekun:
It happens o...
There are mothers-in-law who want to be onto everything that happens in their sons houses. From the kinds of foods they should eat, to how the wife should sweep and mop, to when the wife should talk with the husband, to how to arrange the house, to...almost everything. Pray, your sisters don't experience such.

Most wife's hates to be corrected, they term it hate. My in law came to fight my mum say she wan kill her daughter, and mama sef na boss which me sef detest, but still .... my wife should always stand to be corrected.
Mother inlaws are not just mad , aswear, check your self too, not everything be hate

chimezieeze98:


I was/am in similar situation. At first, I tried my best to make them become friends by calling respected family members to try and squash the beef. After several years and sttemps to end the hatred, I saw there was no peace coming.

It wasn't like my wife was doing anything wrong, but anytime she tried to do something to make my mom happy, she (my mom) will rather use insults to pay her back.

It was when I got to know that my mom wasn't happy cause unlike other family members who she had control of the marriages, I wanted to let my own marital life be private; I never ran to ask her for advice, they never heard me and my wife quarelling.

Truth is that even when I quarrel with my wife, we had agreed Niger to bring the quarrel outside and only come together to sort things out within ourselves when both of his had already calmed down.

@OP the only thing I will plead with you, never insult your mother in front of your wife, and never insult your wife in front of your mother; put your mother and every member of your family in their place. If maybe you used to seek financial help from your mom or family members, stop doing that cause such acts causes "see finish".

Once you know in your heart that your wife gives you peace and joy..... Bleep everyone else cause she is the one that you will live with for the rest of your life ND the outcome of your relationship determines the offspring you will have.

By the way, I still maintain a healthy relationship with my mother and siblings which I keep separate from the relationship I have with my wife. I didn't say I will go to war and quarrel with my siblings or mother cause of my wife, neither will I make my wife go through hurt and pains cause of my mother.

All the best

there is still hope

Jesslove:
She may be a witch and your spiritual wife this is why she is jealous of your wife

Nollywood

1759ademola:
The matter is based on the principle that there must be an enemy somewhere and it could arise from so many points.
First, their spirit may not connect. The solution is to avoid each other.
Second, the wives of these days do not wash and buy clothes, cook food or assist mother-in-laws or brothers-in-laws, some of them even keep to themselves. Meanwhile mother-in-law wants a jovial wife.
Solution:avoid them and warn the wives that your mom is always right.

Why should a wife wash her brothers-in-laws' clothes?

olawalepopoola:
Good day all. Hope we are all fine.
I want to ask what can be done when you get to know and confirm that your mother hates your wife without any tangible reason and all she wants is to either control your home or destroy it by all means.
Valuable answers will be appreciated

**Mother-in-laws hate dota-in-law, and vice versa
**wife hates sisters-in-law, and vice versa
**In short, women hates women, women are women's number 1 enemy!
Check bbn for size!

Carefully observe your mother's complaints and also ask your wife listen from both sides you may not talk to your mother like mama what has my wife done to you but just be observing her behaviour towards your wife then if you see that the hatred is for no reason then ignore your mother and live peacefully with your wife don't even allow your wife to visit your mom and don't allow your mom to visit you but you always visit her and give her what ever you have simple i did thi[sub][/sub]s to my mum when my gf came and she started complaining unnecessarily

Aguogba:
most times when a man (husband) is placed inside bottle, the first manifestation is that he will start to perceive his mother as his wife's enemy. Then, he will move to the next stage, which is "I can only eat my wife's food". Next thing, one of their agents will reveal to the man that his mother is a witch and that was why his wife had one baby instead of triplet. The Oga patapata of them all is that his response to all his Bleep up will be "I know what I'm doing".

Seems you have been in a bottle before

Maybe wife forgot her birthday?

it's simple stuff..
u married her against ur mother's wish.
the problem is what made her disapprove of u marrying the lady in the first place?

Pray for her.

Always be on the side of your wife and not your mother. You and your wife are ONE. Genesis 2:23-24

vhuqnl:

Seems you have been in a bottle before

I believe in learning from other people's mistakes. You better do same.

cooooooks:
You won't marry your mom.

Or maybe the man will. Seeing how tied to their mother's aprons some men are.

[quote author=Ardar post=93679736]

How can she be a witch, a spiritual wife and his mother all at the same time?[/quote

Things happen inside life bro]

olawalepopoola:
Good day all. Hope we are all fine.
I want to ask what can be done when you get to know and confirm that your mother hates your wife without any tangible reason and all she wants is to either control your home or destroy it by all means.
Valuable answers will be appreciated

Go far away from her. Only visit her once in a while and support her financially.

If you guys are living abroad, will she have any opportunity to control your home? NO

olawalepopoola:
Good day all. Hope we are all fine.
I want to ask what can be done when you get to know and confirm that your mother hates your wife without any tangible reason and all she wants is to either control your home or destroy it by all means.
Valuable answers will be appreciated

Women that behave like witches.

It is everywhere o.

ImaIma1:
She can't just decide to hate her for no reason or without provocation.

If it is just because she isn't given the chance to control the home, then she has to try to keep that hatred to herself. Not every wife will sit back and allow their MIL come and run their homes.

So you don't believe the story ?

There are cases worse than what he said there..

ImaIma1:


Well...there might be a flimsy underlying reason that she cannot mention. She might feel like the wife is getting the attention she used to get or that her son is spending on the wife more, etc.

That's why I said she just can't hate for no reason. No one can just wake up and hate another person without reason. Something has to be involved.

Why don't these old Women hate on the husbands of their daughters ?

olawalepopoola:
Good day all. Hope we are all fine.
I want to ask what can be done when you get to know and confirm that your mother hates your wife without any tangible reason and all she wants is to either control your home or destroy it by all means.
Valuable answers will be appreciated

Same here ....to me you loving your wife matters most

Nothing to worry about. If you know your wife is a good person who truly love you and is very respectful your mother's attitude to her shouldn't bother you; just stop her from coming to your house unless she amend her ways. That shouldn't stop you from loving her anyway. You only need to make sure she knows her boundary

olawalepopoola:
Good day all. Hope we are all fine.
I want to ask what can be done when you get to know and confirm that your mother hates your wife without any tangible reason and all she wants is to either control your home or destroy it by all means.
Valuable answers will be appreciated

The way out is to relocate to where she does not know and ensure she never gets to know your whereabouts.
Just send her money and talk ones in a while on phone.

There Bible says the man should leave his father and mother.
So the solution is leave your mother.

Righteousness89:
From my Experience Counselling Families with Similar Challenges, my Advice is that you and your Wife Stick together and be Soaked in God.

It may Likely become a Spiritual Battle! But if you both can stick together in God, Victory is Certain..

you dey vex me

Ask your mum if she can give you the 5 rounds Backing a night you give your wife. If she can take it, then she can complain. If she can’t she needs to leave you people alone and respect herself.