Hi, if you're reading this, I might have taken those pills or about to, or probably contemplating how to. Life they say isn't easy. Yes, I know about that. I know all about the miseries of life. Some have it easy going for them, while some will have to struggle, struggle and struggle before getting a daily bread. "Don't do it, don't go that lane, they say. " keep pushing, keep hoping, keep trying, one day the sun will shine on you". But what if this light doesn't shine? What if you've tried, and tried, and tried, but that damn light has refused to shine? No single rare of hope, promises made and broken, love lost. Everything lost.

Yet you're told to keep pushing. We all need hope to keep pushing. When all hope is lost, life becomes worthless. Nothing remains to fight for. This is my story.

I have always feared what people will say or how they'll see me when I talk about my pathetic life. I've always seen myself as a survivor, a hard nut to crack, a loner. I didn't want people seeing the real me, the vulnerable, lonely, pathetic girl. I didn't like asking people for help cuz I believed I can get it all done by myself, and also because I felt my family will frown against such.
But for how long will I continue to pretend all is well? For how long will I continue to suffer in silence? Well no more.

I can't remember the last time I genuinely smiled. I've forgotten what it's like to be happy. Because life has squeezed all the happiness in me and left me empty and miserable. I used to be so happy, so full of life, and I never gave a f about anybody. Feelings don't move me, and I avoided men as much as I could. I'm the type of person that hardly likes people but when I finally do, I give my all.

You're probably reading this, and thinking why's this one ranting. I'm ranting because I have been wronged, I'm ranting because life has been totally unfair to me. I am ranting because my crime was merely existing. I am ranting because I'm broken. I am ranting because I am giving up

I've never understood what this thing called love was all about till I saw it in its purest form. It hit me like a bullet. Right straight through my heart, and shattered it. I lost all within a twinkle of an eye. My Job, my peace of mind, my friends, my Money. Love is an illusion. Love hurts. Love is pain.
I gave my all, but I was discarded like broken glass. Lost all.

If you're reading this, I don't need your pity. I don't need your motivational speech. I need a Job, a fresh start. I need to forget.