My bro, I just weak

thorpido:
What wrong has your child done that you are thinking of leaving the child behind?

pray a woman never feed you, for only one week in your whole life time.

djon78:





This was exactly what the Anglican priest that preached during the burial of my uncle said.

He warned men as they are striving for there wives and children to also consider there own interests
That most times many men labour themselves to death

I learnt so much lesson that day


A man must have a contingency plan
Have a stored up back up money somewhere
I myself have experienced what this ops husband is going through
After I lost some good millions from business investments with a Chinese company

In fact my family were surprised because I have always been a hustler
But why that loss pained was I felt if I had flexed that money, use am enjoy myself
At least I for know at least I flexed it

I was down for a couple of years
But thanks to Oluwa not only bounced back but my business is growing in leaps and bounds even with the economy, God has still been very good

But now I have better stocked away money
No be me go come kill myself

You've been there done that and know it's not a pleasant experience. It will shake your mind to its roots, and lead to depression, self condemnation and heavy frustration real quick. I read a story on Nairaland some days ago I think, a graduate in the North that tore his certificates and credentials just because he had tried for long but couldn't land a job. Clearly he's frustrated and depressed in his mind, and to the public that's a very stupid thing to do but unfortunately, that's his own way of dealing with his demons and he's not thinking straight, and that's his own reaction to his frustrated and depressed state. Some people will drink and drink when they are depressed, some women will sleep around with different guys, some will get wayward and start doing sh*t they never used to do, some men will become dull and indifferent like someone who took weed and just be staring into empty space, some will try to ignore and live in denial and try to detach from reality by doing other casual things and you will wonder that this guy that lost money shouldn't he be out there hustling and he's sitting down watching movie. Well, that's his own way of dealing with his demons. Some will start gambling, some will lose their cool and get violent, some will be crying and sober, and some will talk themselves out of it and shake it off, some will rely on their support system ( family, friends, colleagues etc) to help them get through the phase. But whichever the case, it is a trying period. They say you don't kick a man who's already down. This is his down moment, if you can't help him get back up, then no wahala, but don't try to bury him to the ground cuz he is down.

#ILMOVON
#Attitude
#Bliv

Divorce him immeidiately pls..
He won't Die.. this girls of this generation, always running away when their is little challenge ..
The man has been feeding you for years no problem.. but when he crumbled and you started feeding him for a week, you said it yourself that you have started giving him attitude ..
Marriage is overated here.. Divorce him and go pls.. who is begging you to stay..
Ungrateful lot.

You would be surprised how many women are going through things worst and are still holding on and trusting.

Your man may be down but he is not out.
Some tends to be abusive in situation such as he found himself. Some takes their wives's little money to gamble and even womanize. Some take to alcohol and other vices. Just keep talking to him in a manner that will boost his morale and make him feel like a man and not a failure. Always include him in all you do. Never you belittle him in front of your child.

In all these pray with and for him. Erase the thought of divorce in your mind. It shall be well with you darling.


E hugs to you. You are stonger than you thought. God bless you.

Madam I believe that God listens to women that prays in alignment, Y re U not making use of that privilege that has be availed by God to women.

Study the scriptures and look at how the might women of the old was able to archive what they were known for.

Everything starts from the spiritual cos from the account of creation, everything that God did started from the spiritual relms cos He calleth things that were not to be. So therefore follow same rule.

My dear sister if U want things to change: 1.Remove every form of negativity cos it's
attracting devil to ur marriage.
2.Like Hannah in the bible, it's time to wear
ur garment of prayer and breakthrough.
3.Re-dedicate ur marriage back to God and
reclaim ur husband.
4. Things re created in the spiritual relms
before it appears in the physical. cos ur
husband has be attacked in the spiritual relms and some things has be done to him and it's U that is seeing it that can do something about it.

I pray alot since I understand the tricks of the evil one and since then, things re really working well for my marriage.
Biko remove any form of negativity oooooooooo, and make sure that U re in alignment with heaven and God will hear.

I pray for ur husband via U that let the grace that's upon me rest on him too.
I command him to arise and shine in the name of Jesus.

And I also command every negative thoughts in ur heart to seize in the might name of Jesus.


Regards

Chinnybaby190:
I'm so exhausted. I feel like I need rest. Not worried about any responsibility. Imagin Since last week, I had no body cream, but I couldn't get it. The money I'm supposed to use for my personal upkeep, it's being channel to other things, yet it's not enough and I can't see the end of this soon.
I feel so old inside me.

I can understand your frustrations.....I really do.However,this is your personal challenge and you need to weather it.
I'll admit your husband needs a jolt.He's grown comfortable with you picking the bills.No matter his mental state,he needs to pull himself up Staying down won't feed any mouth.I would have asked you to move and go and stay some time with a relative but you are in your aunt's place already.

Keep hope alive.The phase will pass.

Pearl05:
You would be surprised how many women are going through things worst and are still holding on and trusting.

Your man may be down but he is out.
Some tends to be abusive in situation such as he found himself. Some takes their wives's little money to gamble and even womanize. Some take to alcohol and other vices. Just keep talking to him in a manner that will boost his morale and make him feel like a man and not a failure. Always include him in all you do. Never you belittle him in front of your child.

In all these pray with and for him. Erase the thought of divorce in your mind. It shall be well with you darling.


E hugs to you. You are stonger than you thought. God bless you.

Finally, a woman with sense. Your type is very rare to come by nowadays

djon78:





This was exactly what the Anglican priest that preached during the burial of my uncle said.

He warned men as they are striving for there wives and children to also consider there own interests
That most times many men labour themselves to death

I learnt so much lesson that day


A man must have a contingency plan
Have a stored up back up money somewhere
I myself have experienced what this ops husband is going through
After I lost some good millions from business investments with a Chinese company

In fact my family were surprised because I have always been a hustler
But why that loss pained was I felt if I had flexed that money, use am enjoy myself
At least I for know at least I flexed it

I was down for a couple of years
But thanks to Oluwa not only bounced back but my business is growing in leaps and bounds even with the economy, God has still been very good

But now I have better stocked away money
No be me go come kill myself

can I pm u sir?

Interesting convo on this thread.

Somehow, most of the men are 'insensitive' to the fact that the OP is doing everything in that marriage while the husband is coasting.

Well, most men can't fathom the drain that comes with providing + house keeping + child raising when you are not a single mother. They have never worn that shoe nor seen anyone wear it.

Let me paint a scenario:

Imagine a husband working, taking care of the kids alone and doing house keeping because his wife can't/won't (she is not sick). When you can wrap your head around it, let's talk.

Even when you have issues, develop the ability to see the person suffering beside you.

To Chinnybaby190:

I don't know the type of marriage ceremony you had nor have I heard of one that allows you end your marriage because your husband is financially handicapped.

Strange that you are considering leaving your child behind: for who? Your husband who can't take care of himself financially or your aunt you are squatting with? Let's assume that part is 'asodun'.

You acknowledged your husband had a 'hustling' spirit so we have someone to work with.

Unfortunately, your husband does not have the luxury of 'what he wants to do/feel like doing'. Also, one of the signs of adulthood is to show up even when you don't feel like showing up.

You need to rouse him from his comfort zone firmly and with love. What can he do? What skills can he quickly sell? Guide him into that. Ginger and hype him till he gets himself. Also engage him on his plans: when are you leaving your aunt's place etc. That would make him see he needs to wake up.

I understand the stress of staying with your aunt: the dent to your esteem, the embarrassment and having to be extra tolerant aka lay low. Keep enduring it, it is part of the thorns of life.

Once in a while, take a breather: read a book, put your feet up, let your hair down, dance, whatever to break the monotony and make you feel alive again.

I really appreciate your aunt: she has done what a lot of parents and siblings would find hard doing. Her loss of space, walking on eggshells (some things she can't speak against so you don't feel bad, the extra expenses, etc.)

God bless her.

Openbusiness:
When you start paying bills, real bills in your life, on a consistent basis, maybe we can have finally have a real man to man boy discussion. Till then, enjoy wearing your skirt as a Beta and be the equal half washing pants for females, ok?

Stupid comment, we're talking a you talking c no wonder this country is backward.

Openbusiness:
You've been there done that and know it's not a pleasant experience. It will shake your mind to its roots, and lead to depression, self condemnation and heavy frustration real quick. I read a story on Nairaland some days ago I think, a graduate in the North that tore his certificates and credentials just because he had tried for long but couldn't land a job. Clearly he's frustrated and depressed in his mind, and to the public that's a very stupid thing to do but unfortunately, that's his own way of dealing with his demons and he's not thinking straight, and that's his own reaction to his frustrated and depressed state. Some people will drink and drink when they are depressed, some women will sleep around with different guys, some will get wayward and start doing sh*t they never used to do, some men will become dull and indifferent like someone who took weed and just be staring into empty space, some will try to ignore and live in denial and try to detach from reality by doing other casual things and you will wonder that this guy that lost money shouldn't he be out there hustling and he's sitting down watching movie. Well, that's his own way of dealing with his demons. Some will start gambling, some will lose their cool and get violent, some will be crying and sober, and some will talk themselves out of it and shake it off, some will rely on their support system ( family, friends, colleagues etc) to help them get through the phase. But whichever the case, it is a trying period. They say you don't kick a man who's already down. This is his down moment, if you can't help him get back up, then no wahala, but don't try to bury him to the ground cuz he is down.

Exactly bro
I have been there and experienced it
Even the certificate guy I understood his plight

The main issue is that many people don't have human feelings anymore
Everything now is centred on money even in marriages now
When money dey all will be fine but when life happens the same person turns to something else


I don't blame some of my guys that will tell you the only reason for marrying is because of children. They don't have any iota of emotional investment in there union. I used to feel somehow about that kind of mindset but on the flip side you find out that they have there peace of mind.

So even when the woman misbehaves they ain't surprised, shocked or moved.
But someone like this ops husband if his woman divorces him now, he may just give up.

This was exactly what the Anglican priest that preached during the burial of my uncle said.

He warned men as they are striving for there wives and children to also consider there own interests
That most times many men labour themselves to death

I learnt so much lesson that day


A man must have a contingency plan
Have a stored up back up money somewhere
I myself have experienced what this ops husband is going through
After I lost some good millions from business investments with a Chinese company

In fact my family were surprised because I have always been a hustler
But why that loss pained was I felt if I had flexed that money, use am enjoy myself
At least I for know at least I flexed it

I was down for a couple of years
But thanks to Oluwa not only bounced back but my business is growing in leaps and bounds even with the economy, God has still been very good

But now I have better stocked away money
No be me go come kill myself

patoski39:
can I pm u sir?

For what if I may ask

ABANGWABOI:
#ILMOVON
#Attitude
#Bliv

Divorce him immeidiately pls..
He won't Die.. this girls of this generation, always running away when their is little challenge ..
The man has been feeding you for years no problem.. but when he crumbled and you started feeding him for a week, you said it yourself that you have started giving him attitude ..
Marriage is overated here.. Divorce him and go pls.. who is begging you to stay..
Ungrateful lot.

What they don't understand about men and life is that the man that is down today can just from nowhere boom, he has risen


You see that ops husband
He will still rise
And even get better
Because of a truth, adversity, hard and trying times is the best thing that can happen to a man
It's the lessons I learnt in adversity that made me a better business man
And also knowing the place of divine blessings on someone's endeavors

And trying times makes you know those who are truly for you
Times of enjoyment you don't know who is truly on your side
It's even a blessing in disguise for the man if he gets the right understanding

Please, divorce him, he doesn't deserve a woman like you. You entered a relationship thinking it'll be smooth sailing, no, this is the point where you have to show your support not just emotionally and financially but any other lly. Please leave him. Stuffs like this make me wanna say no to marriage. It's crap, once the paper dries up, you're on your own..

mariahAngel:




For what if I may ask

cant remember quoting u

Madam the greatest error you can make is to think that someone is after your husband, no body is attacking him. The truth is that as a man we have our elastic limits, he has tried several things which failed he now thinks he cannot succeed in anything that's his problem, all he needs now is motivation. You said he's intelligent and hardworking so help him learn a trade, tailoring, gen or auto mechanics plumblng etc anyone he likes, let him learn it. Thank God later. Above all be sinless so God can answer your prayers. This stage now is when you are supposed to stay closest to him that is what marriage is all about

queenfav:
You have said it all! Nothing you for a mqn is never enough,so it's key knowing when you have reached your limit.

What exactly are you even saying, do women appreciate whatever men do, the rhetorical question is;are women even ready & willing to do, before we start talking of whats enough.
Even tho am not impress with the way the man is acting lately, i won't call him lazy cos no lazy man could av made legit millions, there is no way an outspoken lady like OP would av settled for a lazy man.
OP wanted to be part of his decision process badly when he was rich, now is the time to proof she is an asset, how about bombarding him with viable ideas, now it is the time to earn.
when the man was providing they lived comfortably in there own very own, now the woman is providing n the best place dey could live is an aunt place, she is footing d bills buh they survive on aunts food, whats good about there situation to compliment d woman for, except maybe on behalf of her hubby we men wants thank her for not dumping his broke ass yet. she has two options it either she wakes the spirit in that man or she leaves the man for another rich man.
If Op wants to live she should leave, buh one i know is if the man could make it before her ,he can also make it after her or make it with her ..its all up to her.

Judybash93:
Please, divorce him, he doesn't deserve a woman like you. You entered a relationship thinking it'll be smooth sailing, no, this is the point where you have to show your support not just emotionally and financially but any other lly. Please leave him. Stuffs like this make me wanna say no to marriage. It's crap, once the paper dries up, you're on your own..

when the pastor says " For better for worse " these gurls shine there teeth answering "YES"
when the worst comes they start looking for validation to leave ... i wonder what women thot "worst" means or would be.

...

Hmm..
I'm going to be very very blunt here.

In as much as I do not support his non-chalant attitude towards his employment status, I think you'r being inconsiderate and irrational in your decision to want to quit this marriage because of a phase you're going through.

When he still got his bearing and was taking a "wrong" decision from his family, why didn't you quit then? Prolly because the money was still there. Now, the money is gone, you want to quit?? No way! Marriage is for better for worse. This is the time to go on your knees as a help meet and pray to God to bring you out of the mess you find yourselves. Not to abandon him.

We all know the situation of the country and how the system favors the female folk more than the males when it comes to getting a job. So, you can't really say your hubby is comfortable in his present condition. Should he kill himself? At least you knew him before now that he was a hard working man. Why see him now as a loser due to circumstances beyond him? Who's not facing the current heat postpandemic? Free him abeg!

What do you people even mean when you say you love that someone? You think marriage is all about when the going is good, you stay or for the riches? Marriage is all about SACRIFICES!! . Anyone who cannot sacrifice their last penny, comfort, choices, pride, temper and ego for their spouse should not think of going into marriage!

This clearly shows why you went into that marriage in the first place. SMH

bukatyne:
Interesting convo on this thread.

Somehow, most of the men are 'insensitive' to the fact that the OP is doing everything in that marriage while the husband is coasting.

Well, most men can't fathom the drain that comes with providing + house keeping + child raising when you are not a single mother. They have never worn that shoe nor seen anyone wear it.

Let me paint a scenario:

Imagine a husband working, taking care of the kids alone and doing house keeping because his wife can't/won't (she is not sick). When you can wrap your head around it, let's talk.

Even when you have issues, develop the ability to see the person suffering beside you

To Chinnybaby190:

I don't know the type of marriage ceremony you had nor hava I heard of one that allows you end your marriage because your husband is financially handicapped.

Strange that you are considering leaving your child behind: for who? Your husband who can't take care of himself financially or your aunt you are squatting with? Let's assume that part is 'asodun'.

You acknowledged your husband had a 'hustling' spirit so we have someone to work with.

Unfortunately, your husband does not have the luxury of 'what he wants to do/feel like doing'. Also, one of the signs of adulthood is to show up even when you don't feel like showing up.

You need to rouse him from his comfort zone firmly and with love. What can he do? What skills can he quickly sell? Guide him into that. Ginger and hype him till he gets himself. Also engage him on his plans: when are you leaving your aunt's place etc. That would make him see he needs to wake up.

I understand the stress of staying with your aunt: the dent to your esteem, the embarrassment and having to be extra tolerant aka lay low. Keep enduring it, it is part of the thorns of life.

Once in a while, take a breather: read a book, put your feet up, let your hair down, dance, whatever to break the monotony and make you feel alive again.

I really appreciate your aunt: she has done what a lot of parents and siblings would find hard doing. Her loss of space, walking on eggshells (some things she can't speak against so you don't feel bad, the extra expenses, etc.)

God bless her.

I strongly agree with the bolded, when they walk the walk then they can talk the talk. Its easy to criticize and say all sorts when one is not in that situation. I am also yet to see that man that can wear that shoe.

The OP has a right to be very upset but the solution is not running away.

Please!!!If your husband don't want to be Man enough and sit up,face life squarely and take care of his home,abeg leave...A man is soppose to be the head not a tail..that is the pride of a man,footing the bills... pls you live once,live happy...if he wants to be irresponsible abeg leaves him and carry your child along.

A man feeds, clothes, accomodates his wife for over 100 years, there is no issue about this. However, if a woman feeds her husband for three months, the whole country will know. Yet, they claim women should have same right as men. He has provided everything for you for several years, wait until you provide for him for the same number of years that he provided for you, by thern you would have repaid all he did for you. Then, you can divorce him. He does not deserve an ungrateful woman like you.

Amazinggirl95:
Please!!!If your husband don't want to be Man enough and sit up,face life squarely and take care of his home,abeg leave...A man is soppose to be the head not a tail..that is the pride of a man,footing the bills... pls you live once,live happy...if he wants to be irresponsible abeg leaves him and carry your child along.

Man and Woman are not equal again? Which one is Head? Which one is Tail? Whichi one is Body? No equlity and equity any more? Is that not the equality you people have been clamouring for?

Chinnybaby190:
He kept saying he wants to set up a barbing salon or the same betnija and handle it by himself, but no capital.
He can work in an NGO, data entering, Computer instructor, insurance.
He had experience in all the above.
He's very smart and intelligent, he can pick up anything, once you show/train him within a short period of time.

But just of a sudden, he became so reluctant to all these.

is depression

Chinnybaby190:
The people supporting us now are my family. Especially my Aunt, but I know she will soon get tired that's if she's not already.
Non from his family. They've all abandoned him for me. Even all those he was busy sending money to for their children upkeep.
I don't want to engage in too much talk with him so he don't get depressed. I still pray with him holding his hands, but I'm thinking of divorcing him and go our separate way before I lose it all.

no matter what don't abandon your child

Chinnybaby190:
Your accusation is not fair. Do you have an idea of what is going on here? If all I do is for money, by now, I would have gone since.
My husband is a good man but the load is too much for me.
Him not trying more as he used to, is what is tiring

don't give up, encourage him, fight with him, continue praying. Anything you can do to help him do. I believe he has learnt his lesson that there is a limit to doing things outside you.

queenfav:
Most of you are missing the point here...She has been supporting him financially, but the man in question isn't making any moves to better their situation.I think men get too comfortable when they know their wife is hardworking.They relax and let her become the man.Trust me it can be exhausting.Fact is this,any one can go down in life.The important thing is to try all you can not to stay down.That lack of effort is what makes a woman fed up.

I worked as a Matrimonial causes Mediator and I have seen so many cases like op's.He is depressed,he is sad..Yes!But will his family eat sadness?I believe God gave men one job..Provide for your family!A woman is already saddled with the rigours of childbearing, house chores and taking care of the home front.What the op wants to see is a little effort and reassurance that her man is making moves to get their lives back on track.


What woman will be happy taking her family to live with her aunty? Come on.. You all should stop saying a woman will announce it when she feeds a man for two days..Yes, it's not a woman's duty to provide.We only make money to support our men.

A man who lost his job should know that he needs to find something to do to at least get his family a new apartment.If her aunty kicks them out,what next?They will go get a space under Ikeja bridge then.

Mediator or not, there are holes in your defensiveness for the woman.

Yes....a man is also human. He could get reeeally depressed such that it would take a powerful motivation to rejig his morale. depression isn't a slap in the wrist. Support him not just by providing but also by boosting his self confidence.

Chinnybaby190:
I have to create this accounts to post this.
I want to leave my husband and our child behind. I want a divorce. I'm tired of the whole thing.

When the money was there, he only told me his plan after he, his elder brothers, mother have discussd and taken decision.
After he made wrong decision, investment and lost everything, all his family members have left. Even his mother has given up on us. They see him now as my husband and my responsibility.

He took another little step and set up a betnija business which his brother was managing. Finnally, it's down.

Since his bet9ja business crumbled, he has been totally dependent on me. I basically foot everything in the house down to data and recharge card on his phone. The annoying part is that he no longer make effort to look for any job again.
This man is intelligent, hard working but just of a sudden, I don't understand what is happening to him.
His fighting spirit has died. He takes anything now. No pride, no ego.

I don't ever believe that one day my husband will be comfortably eating, watching movies and feel no shame in other people's house.

For more than 2 weeks now, we packed all our belongings to my Aunt's house because our rent expired.
We practically stays here now, the whole thing is driving me crazy. I'm managing a small job with little salary, but he has nothing to contribute and he seems not borderd.

How can we stay here, eating their food and he's not feeling remores anymore.
I've been giving him attitude since 3days now. I'm so exhausted in this marriage.

Please help. What should I do?

More experienced people in the house, please advise me as your daughter, sister, friend.

You guys should move in with his family nau. The ones he spends money on.

Sorry about your situation, you’ll both get through it. Just let him know how it’s affecting you and you’ll like him to make more of an effort.

I just knew that I will see all sorts of nonsense from the males on nairaland immediately I read OP story and I was not wrong.

Nigerian men are the biggest hypocrites you will ever see anywhere in this world, which man can stay by his wife when she is being useless, not doing chores, not taking care of children, not bringing money, not even attempting to be productive under the guise of being depressed, which Nigerian man can stay by that woman and cook for her, clean up after her, provide for her, show her respect and love and take care of the kids while lovingly motivating her to get back on her feet? I bet none of the foolish men on this thread can tolerate that amount of rubbish but you hypocrites want women to do all that and more for a useless husband.

Many men even cheat on their wives when they are pregnant and sick or when they just give birth because they dont have the tolerance or patience to go through hard times with her.

In this same Nigeria if a man is the one providing everything for his wife while she works as a full time housewife the man will never respect her or treat her like an equal and in many cases he will display open injustice and high handedness because he knows she has nowhere to go. For example look at FFK the way he abused his wives and beats them up, even when they are pregnant just because he is very rich and spends a lot on them, that is the mindset of an average Nigerian man, once they become sole breadwinners, they expect you to turn into a mindless slave that they can boss around any time they feel like.
But they expect women to be sole breadwinners and housewives and submissive and loving and non complaining and supportive all at once.

And yes, a man will take care of his family for years and nobody hears of it but when a woman does it the world will hear of it, you know why? Because while a man provides, his wife takes care of the homefront and the children and even the man himself, cooking, cleaning, washing,shopping, etc. But when women provide men become utterly useless, they are too arrogant to cook and clean and go to market for their wife and children, they are too arrogant to take over house chores from the wife so they end up DOUBLING the amount of work the woman does and she speaks out and lets people know she is under extreme stress that's why you always hear of it.


@Op no matter what decision you choose to make, DO NOT leave your child alone with that man, I know you are feeling frustration at the way things are but please don't make your innocent child suffer because of his irresponsible father. Continue taking care of your child.

.