₦airaland Forum

ekineme:
Op, How much is he( your husband)
budgeting for the barbing saloon business(Rent,equipments etc). You can ignite his spirit by having the conversation with him. Help him get a feasible plan, then let the problem shift to financing, your post would have make more sense if you had used it to solicit for assistance, i.e in a scenario where he already have a plan.

Chinnybaby190:
The judgement being passed here by some people is unfair. Someone even said I'm backstabbing my husband and talking him down in public. That's not fair.

I was doing everything even when i was tired, dieing inside, nobody hear any complaint from me.
Now we are no more hiding in our home with all our challenges. We are open to relatives interference because they knows what we''re going through since we're living with them and other people will still here even if they're not going to help. It will still keep spreading.

The thing driving me crazy and too burden is my husband's attitude towards the whole thing.
He behaves like someone who has completed given up.
Which I've read from some advice here that it might be his own way of suppressing depression.

If his attitude and actions are signs of depression and secret sucidal, I will never leave him.

When I married this guy, I didn't marry him for his money. I didn't even know he had money because he didn't show it.
I sacrificed many things to be with him as well.
Everything effort holding this marriage right now, is on me. It shows I can't break down, nor fall sick. I must be on the run both physically, materially, spiritually and emotionally.
I love my son, I love my husband as well. But it's too much on me that it seems the only way for me to relax alittle is to go somewhere alone and have a breath.

If You can, take out time fast for 3 days and stay in Gods presence and listen cos God wants to talk to you,
leave all this complaints and do this biko nu. you don't expect everyone to praise you at least most of the people both folks are
encouraging you to stay strong.
If it's too much , go inside lock the door and praise/worship the King of Kings , the One that created both the heaven and the earth.
You can as well go meet your pastor if you don't know how to start, however this is wake up call that you must always ought to pray.

I prayed for You up there and I pray again that let the peace of God that passeth all human understanding dwell in your heart and your husband.
Arise and shine.
And again, you must start taking him to church to pray together cos nobody is going to provide solution to you expect God.

Chinnybaby190:
The people supporting us now are my family. Especially my Aunt, but I know she will soon get tired that's if she's not already.
Non from his family. They've all abandoned him for me. Even all those he was busy sending money to for their children upkeep.
I don't want to engage in too much talk with him so he don't get depressed. I still pray with him holding his hands, but I'm thinking of divorcing him and go our separate way before I lose it all.

Chinnybaby190:
He kept saying he wants to set up a barbing salon or the same betnija and handle it by himself, but no capital.
He can work in an NGO, data entering, Computer instructor, insurance.
He had experience in all the above.
He's very smart and intelligent, he can pick up anything, once you show/train him within a short period of time.

But just of a sudden, he became so reluctant to all these.

thorpido:
I can understand your frustrations.....I really do.However,this is your personal challenge and you need to weather it.
I'll admit your husband needs a jolt.He's grown comfortable with you picking the bills.No matter his mental state,he needs to pull himself up Staying down won't feed any mouth.I would have asked you to move and go and stay some time with a relative but you are in your aunt's place already.

Keep hope alive.The phase will pass.

Chinnybaby190:
But I've always been there for them.
I'm already fed up

Chinnybaby190:
That is all I've been doing

NeoWanZaeed:
I stopped reading when you said he makes no effort to get job.. I read further..

feeling no remorse and shame..Oluwa o..

leave him.. he's so confident that you would sure cater for him. probably the nonsense his parents put in his head..



leave the idiot..if what you said is true.

what kind of shameless man depends on his wife to the extent of data and recharge card?

what kind of man can't plan his life with his family (wife) but his mother father and siblings..


my advice.. leave and take along your kid..

missdivineprove:
Why Generalizing? Besides, [b]the @op have tried. How many women will take all those things she's going through. To the extent of taking your husband to live in your auntie's house? [/b]This is nija. You people should fear God small abeg

djon78:
What they don't understand about men and life is that the man that is down today can just from nowhere boom, he has risen


You see that ops husband
He will still rise
And even get better
Because of a truth, adversity, hard and trying times is the best thing that can happen to a man
It's the lessons I learnt in adversity that made me a better business man
And also knowing the place of divine blessings on someone's endeavors

And trying times makes you know those who are truly for you
Times of enjoyment you don't know who is truly on your side
It's even a blessing in disguise for the man if he gets the right understanding

CHoccolaTE:
The men on this thread better shut the hell up and stop attacking Op, you fools know damn well you will not encourage your fellow men to love and support a useless and lazy woman who depends on her husband for everything.

We have seen it many times before on Nairaland. You people better shut up.

Chinnybaby190:
The judgement being passed here by some people is unfair. Someone even said I'm backstabbing my husband and talking him down in public. That's not fair.

I was doing everything even when i was tired, dieing inside, nobody hear any complaint from me.
Now we are no more hiding in our home with all our challenges. We are open to relatives interference because they knows what we''re going through since we're living with them and other people will still here even if they're not going to help. It will still keep spreading.

The thing driving me crazy and too burden is my husband's attitude towards the whole thing.
He behaves like someone who has completed given up.
Which I've read from some advice here that it might be his own way of suppressing depression.

If his attitude and actions are signs of depression and secret sucidal, I will never leave him.

When I married this guy, I didn't marry him for his money. I didn't even know he had money because he didn't show it.
I sacrificed many things to be with him as well.
Everything effort holding this marriage right now, is on me. It shows I can't break down, nor fall sick. I must be on the run both physically, materially, spiritually and emotionally.
I love my son, I love my husband as well. But it's too much on me that it seems the only way for me to relax alittle is to go somewhere alone and have a breath.

Chinnybaby190:
Is this the same kind of advice you can give to your sister or it's because it's on a faceless forum? If you actually read my post, where have you discovered I have not shown my support?

Some comments here are so dishearten.

Chinnybaby190:
I have to create this accounts to post this.
I want to leave my husband and our child behind. I want a divorce. I'm tired of the whole thing.

When the money was there, he only told me his plan after he, his elder brothers, mother have discussd and taken decision.
After he made wrong decision, investment and lost everything, all his family members have left. Even his mother has given up on us. They see him now as my husband and my responsibility.

He took another little step and set up a betnija business which his brother was managing. Finnally, it's down.

Since his bet9ja business crumbled, he has been totally dependent on me. I basically foot everything in the house down to data and recharge card on his phone. The annoying part is that he no longer make effort to look for any job again.
This man is intelligent, hard working but just of a sudden, I don't understand what is happening to him.
His fighting spirit has died. He takes anything now. No pride, no ego.

I don't ever believe that one day my husband will be comfortably eating, watching movies and feel no shame in other people's house.

For more than 2 weeks now, we packed all our belongings to my Aunt's house because our rent expired.
We practically stays here now, the whole thing is driving me crazy. I'm managing a small job with little salary, but he has nothing to contribute and he seems not borderd.

How can we stay here, eating their food and he's not feeling remores anymore.
I've been giving him attitude since 3days now. I'm so exhausted in this marriage.

Please help. What should I do?

More experienced people in the house, please advise me as your daughter, sister, friend.

Chinnybaby190:
I have to create this accounts to post this.
I want to leave my husband and our child behind. I want a divorce. I'm tired of the whole thing.

When the money was there, he only told me his plan after he, his elder brothers, mother have discussd and taken decision.
After he made wrong decision, investment and lost everything, all his family members have left. Even his mother has given up on us. They see him now as my husband and my responsibility.

He took another little step and set up a betnija business which his brother was managing. Finnally, it's down.

Since his bet9ja business crumbled, he has been totally dependent on me. I basically foot everything in the house down to data and recharge card on his phone. The annoying part is that he no longer make effort to look for any job again.
This man is intelligent, hard working but just of a sudden, I don't understand what is happening to him.
His fighting spirit has died. He takes anything now. No pride, no ego.

I don't ever believe that one day my husband will be comfortably eating, watching movies and feel no shame in other people's house.

For more than 2 weeks now, we packed all our belongings to my Aunt's house because our rent expired.
We practically stays here now, the whole thing is driving me crazy. I'm managing a small job with little salary, but he has nothing to contribute and he seems not borderd.

How can we stay here, eating their food and he's not feeling remores anymore.
I've been giving him attitude since 3days now. I'm so exhausted in this marriage.

Please help. What should I do?

More experienced people in the house, please advise me as your daughter, sister, friend.

SegFault:
They are having money issues and this is all you could bring, sometimes these guys that post ads could be heartless.

Ishilove:
Do you have sense at all?

SEGLIZ:
why are you so inhuman and heartless.

dasparrow:
This is what most Nigerian married women go through in Nigeria. Suffering and smiling. Most Nigerian married women are the ones who provide for their families because an increasing number of Nigerian men are unemployed or underemployed. They can not provide for their families.

My sister's husband depends on my sister too financially because he is not working but she can't tell anyone so that his inflated Nigerian ego does not get deflated. That's how it is in Nigeria. The women are slaves to their husbands and their husband's families while the men got nothing going for them.

I can't tell you what to do. When it comes to marital issues you alone are in the best position to decide what you think is best for you because you are an adult.

The bible made it clear "But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." 1 Cor 7:28 (NIV).

You chose marriage. It is the bed you made. Now lie in it. Carry your cross.

ecomalchemist:
Rightly so because they have given all the jobs to women with lighskin, big breast and bum bum leaving the men to opt for uber / taxify.

What a pity, a lot of men living in festac are feeding off their wives and taking care of the kids as house husbands.

CHoccolaTE:
The men on this thread better shut the hell up and stop attacking Op, you fools know damn well you will not encourage your fellow men to love and support a useless and lazy woman who depends on her husband for everything.

We have seen it many times before on Nairaland. You people better shut up.