Sixfeetbelle:


Some mothers are too clingy. Forget that thing. Everything they must tell their son, everytime they are gisting with him as if he's her husband. In fact, she's the one who decides what her son will use his own money to do. If she says he shouldn't spend it on his wife, he'll agree quickly.

Please, any man that is like that will frustrate his wife.

Most of the times, this are all make up theory. A man may well respect his mum and do all these before a lady comes into his life. If he falls in love with the want of his choice, forget it except the girl is a product of the mother choice for him.

lefulefu:
not every mother is like patience ozokwor the way nollywood portrays mother in laws.if ur guy comes from a good family where the relationship with each other is healthy i dont see any reason why the mother will just start hating the guy"s fiancee for now good reason .In nollywood world yes a mom inlaw can just hate the dauther in law for no reason but in the real world it doesnt happen that way.

I'm not referring to the Patience type of mother in laws. I'm talking about those that have developed a kind of "incestual relationship with their son, but without the sex. You know, those mothers that have turned their son into their second husband and those son's that are not free from her emotional clutches. It can be frustrating for the wife when a husband has to take permission from his mother for every single decision he has to make.

Sixfeetbelle:


I'm not referring to the Patience type of mother in laws. I'm talking about those that have developed a kind of "incestual relationship with their son, but without the sex. You know, those mothers that have turned their son into their second husband and those son's that are not free from her emotional clutches. It can be frustrating for the wife when a husband has to take permission from his mother for every single decision he has to make.

thats weird and the same time creepy.never seen this kine mother/son relationship u talking about o
the one i know is normal checking up on each other.Like if the son is far away from nigeria and staying overseas i dont think he would just totally cut off connection from his family in naija.even if u with a foreign girl and she notice she u hardly talk to ur ppl back home she would be curious and would want to even know if there is a problem why u hardly call them

kalu61:
Most of the times, this are all make up theory. A man may well respect his mum and do all these before a lady comes into his life. If he falls in love with the want of his choice, forget it except the girl is a product of the mother choice for him.

Na you dey talk that one.

For a lady who knows she can't cope if the mother in law is too clingy, it's best she stays away from such a guy than to marry him and be causing problems for everyone.

I sha told myself a long time ago, if the mother-in-law to-be doesn't like me for her son, no amount of love will make me marry him. Cause men are fond of saying "It's you I love. Nobody will come between us", only to leave you and side with their mothers when the koko starts.

Are they not human beings?

lefulefu:
hmm every mom is supposed to be emotionally attached to her child nau..except if its obsessive control then that one is not healthy.that a man checks up on his mom occasionally to know about her welfare and how she is doin i dont see why such would be getting his wife angry.women always care for their own parents even when married.u would see a woman sending things to her parents and making sure they are ok but u dont see any husband getting angry on this.In short many good husbands even help out their wife"s parents.But if a man just says a hello to his own mom then the wife starts having a fit and saying ohhh the man is ignoring her ..ohhhh! money u were supposed to give me to buy that wrapper for my last August money i am sure u gave the money to mother and blah blah blah...from there needless quarrel starts .anyway this is only common with bad wives.

I understand you, this one is quite different. Believe me. Cos I experienced it first had while growing up.

Every wife must love her mother in-law as much as she loves her own mother.

Every mother in-law must allow their children enjoy their marriages by respecting their boundaries.

Haven't you seen cases where a mum moves into her son's house, under the guise of he's my son I carried him for nine months in my womb, takes over his kitchen and turns the wife to a glorified house girl?

Any wife who frowns at her husband for giving money to his mum is very silly, and such husband should be weary or her cos she might turn him against his family sooner or later.

Marriage is meant to unite families and not to scatter them.

lefulefu:
thats weird and the same time creepy.never seen this kine mother/son relationship u talking about o

It's not as gory as I painted it joor

I meant those ones that will call him everyday to ask about him and he will then now have to get her input and permission before taking any decisions in his home. Those ones is who I'm referring to.

Nazgul:

I understand you, this one is quite different. Believe me. Cos I experienced it first had while growing up.

Every wife must love her mother in-law as much as she loves her own mother.

Every mother in-law must allow their children enjoy their marriages by respecting their boundaries.

Haven't you seen cases where a mum moves into her son's house, under the guise of he's my son I carried him for nine months in my womb, takes over his kitchen and turns the wife to a glorified house girl?

Any wife who frowns at her husband for giving money to his mum is very silly, and such husband should be weary or her cos she might turn him against his family sooner or later.

Marriage is meant to unite families and not to scatter them.

yea such happens in families where there is no love but hatred,bitterness and suspicion .thank God the family i came from is not like this

lefulefu:
yea such happens in families where there is no love but hatred,bitterness and suspicion .thank God the family i came from is not like this

Same here...mine isn't like that either.

SimplyFacts:
The name Oizee sounds strange to me oo & she may not have interest in inter-ethnic stuff

I be bona fide Afonja

Oizee, oya show up o, ur presence is needed here, for I know u are an angel

Please, simplyfacts needs ur explanations here because I'm his spokes person

Waiting for your response ma, thank you

lefulefu:
thats weird and the same time creepy.never seen this kine mother/son relationship u talking about o
the one i know is normal checking up on each other.Like if the son is far away from nigeria and staying overseas i dont think he would just totally cut off connection from his family in naija.even if u with a foreign girl and she notice she u hardly talk to ur ppl back home she would be curious and would want to even know if there is a problem why u hardly call them

Una plenty na...if you were an only child you'd experience it.

Just sick small, all the family don gather they cry, leave house for 2 house, you don give person HBP. Na you mata dem go discuss reach midnight when you come back. you go just taya sef.

Sixfeetbelle:


It's not as gory as I painted it joor

I meant those ones that will call him everyday to ask about him and he will then now have to get her input and permission before taking any decisions in his home. Those ones is who I'm referring to.

ok let use myself as an example.Yesterday morning i made up mind i was going to prepare a meal of fried rice.i dont know how to do it so i called my mom on the phone to tell me the ingredients i would use and give me the procedure to prepare it.i couldnt ask any girl here cos most of the girls here they mostly dont cook but eat kfc junk all the time and the few that cook..their food is different from ours.so she told me the way to prepare it and the ingredients i would use.i went to the grocery to get the ingredients and the fried rice came out really nice.So judging from op"s post i guess i am weak cos i dared to call my mom and get info from her on how to prepare a particular meal

Sixfeetbelle:


There should be a limit to the kind of love a mother has for her son. My mom loves my brother but she also understands he's a man now so she only involves herself in his marital issues when it becomes hard for him and needs interference.

No be every marital problems mama go dey chook mouth

This is totally off the point


what we are talking about is a man abadoning and discarding his mother and family inplace of his wife.
like the sample you used above a condition whereby your brother abandons your mother and focuses on his wife.

lefulefu:
ok let use myself as an example.Yesterday morning i made up mind i was going to prepare a meal of fried rice.i dont know how to do it so i called my mom on the phone to tell me the ingredients i would use and give me the procedure to prepare it.i couldnt ask any girl here cos most of the girls here they mostly dont cook but eat kfc junk all the time and the few that cook..their food is different from ours.so she told me the way to prepare it and the ingredients i would use.i went to the grocery to get the ingredients and the fried rice came out really nice.So judging from op"s post i guess i am weak cos i dared to call my mom and get info from her on how to prepare a particular meal

You're missing my whole point...

lefulefu:
thats weird and the same time creepy.never seen this kine mother/son relationship u talking about o
the one i know is normal checking up on each other.Like if the son is far away from nigeria and staying overseas i dont think he would just totally cut off connection from his family in naija.even if u with a foreign girl and she notice she u hardly talk to ur ppl back home she would be curious and would want to even know if there is a problem why u hardly call them

That one is normal nah. Her son isn't close to home so naturally she should worry about him and check up on him. That one is acceptable. My mom randomly checks up on my brother who stays close by like weekly or twice in a month depending but everyday checking and butting into his affairs is what I'm against.

Well I'd rather never try it again cos I'm in a similar situation presently tho my mum in law doesn't have issues with me in fact she treats me like her daughter but there are several times both of them talk on phone for a long period in dialect and I don't understand their language and if I ask him he'd tell me nothing
Besides my mum in law isn't the problem but her sister she always be the one to dictate,until I change am for am one day
Thank God he hasn't paid my bride price I just had a baby for him I dey japa soon

Nazgul:

Una plenty na...if you were an only child you'd experience it.

Just sick small, all the family don gather they cry, leave house for 2 house, you don give person HBP. Na you mata dem go discuss reach midnight when you come back. you go just taya sef.

if an only child got ill its understandable if the family develop high bp especially if the child is far away.u cant blame the family on that nau .Just last month a nigerian guy over here..a student died from fever related issues.I guess it must be denge fever.Its like during when he initially fell ill the dude was self medicating and he didnt tell anybody.It was when the sickness was advanced that some few close friends knew about it and raised alarm and he was rushed to the hospital.Unfortunately he passed away in the early mornings.So if that guy was an only child u can understand the pain the parents would be going through knowing they lost their son from a disease that was easily treatable.So concern showed by parents who have only one child is very much understandable .In short such would assure a lady getting married to such a family dat such a family are good ppl.Any parent or parents who shows unconcern to their child and are still unconcerned wen the child is experiencing difficulty are not good parents.

lefulefu:
ok let use myself as an example.Yesterday morning i made up mind i was going to prepare a meal of fried rice.i dont know how to do it so i called my mom on the phone to tell me the ingredients i would use and give me the procedure to prepare it.i couldnt ask any girl here cos most of the girls here they mostly dont cook but eat kfc junk all the time and the few that cook..their food is different from ours.so she told me the way to prepare it and the ingredients i would use.i went to the grocery to get the ingredients and the fried rice came out really nice.So judging from op"s post i guess i am weak cos i dared to call my mom and get info from her on how to prepare a particular meal

Nope, that one is different and understandable. Besides, does your mother call you everyday? Does she tell you what to use your money to do?

ymstar:

Oizee, oya show up o, ur presence is needed here, for I know u are an angel

Please, simplyfacts needs ur explanations here because I'm his spokes person

Waiting for your response ma, thank you

Lol,,,, a brother, you are.

Thank you, sir.

Sixfeetbelle:


That one is normal nah. Her son isn't close to home so naturally she should worry about him and check up on him. That one is acceptable. My mom randomly checks up on my brother who stays close by like weekly or twice in a month depending but everyday checking and butting into his affairs is what I'm against.

everyday checking?? the mother must be very idle or maybe too caring

XXXXTENTACION:
This is totally off the point


what we are talking about is a man abadoning and discarding his mother and family inplace of his wife.
like the sample you used above a condition whereby your brother abandons your mother and focuses on his wife.

How is it off point though? I'm telling you the reason why ladies don't like marrying only sons and you're saying something else.

Nobody is talking about a man abandoning his family in place of his wife. A man that can do that can replace the wife any day he feels like it.

Sixfeetbelle:


Nope, that one is different and understandable. Besides, does your mother call you everyday? Does she tell you what to use your money to do?

tell me what to use my money for?
why would a mother be tellin u what to use ur money for when she is not even there with u in the first place
a normal parent would advice u to spend money prudently and also dont get carried away by any distraction
thats what parents do..not telling u wat to spend ur money on and what not to spend

lefulefu:
if an only child got ill its understandable if the family develop high bp especially if the child is far away.u cant blame the family on that nau .Just last month a nigerian guy over here..a student died from fever related issues.I guess it must be denge fever.Its like during when he initially fell ill the dude was self medicating and he didnt tell anybody.It was when the sickness was advanced that some few close friends knew about it and raised alarm and he was rushed to the hospital.Unfortunately he passed away in the early mornings.So if that guy was an only child u can understand the pain the parents would be going through knowing they lost their son from a disease that was easily treatable.So concern showed by parents who have only one child is very much understandable .In short such would assure a lady getting married to such a family dat such a family are good ppl.Any parent or parents who shows unconcern to their child and are still unconcerned wen the child is experiencing difficulty are not good parents.

You're deliberately missing my whole point...concern isn't bad, infact it shows that love exist in such family. But when it becomes abnormal, it's referred to as policing which is very bad.

lefulefu:
everyday checking?? the mother must be very idle or maybe too caring

That's what we're saying. When the mother is too caring and the son is too clingy, it causes problems in the marriage.

Tracyp007:

Besides my mum in law isn't the problem but her sister she always be the one to dictate,until I change am for am one day
Thank God he hasn't paid my bride price I just had a baby for him I dey japa soon

are u talking about ur guy"s sister?
so she no get husband and children to tend for than for her to be poke nosing into her brother's relationship?
mehn dis is why i dislike typical naija marriage and relationship

Sixfeetbelle:


That's what we're saying. When the mother is too caring and the son is too clingy, it causes problems in the marriage.

the son wont have that time to be doing everyday calling nau.he would have a job or is schooling whereever he is.Me for example i do my calls on weekends cos thats the time i am really free calling home or taking calls from them

Nazgul:

You're deliberately missing my whole point...concern isn't bad, infact it shows that love exist in such family. But when it becomes abnormal, it's referred to as policing which is very bad.

too much and too little of everything is bad i agree on that.but then if a man takes care of his wife and kids then the wife doesnt have any reason to be having issues with the man if the man gives the mom his attention.It doesnt mean a man should just start hating his mom or parents cos he is now a married man.Its just like some post i saw on facebook sometime ago where a young girl was posting that the only man she can marry is a man with a dead mother.that a man with a living mother is not marriage material.I was just wondering if her boyfriend saw such a post how the boyfriend would feel.

Sixfeetbelle:


How is it off point though? I'm telling you the reason why ladies don't like marrying only sons and you're saying something else.

Nobody is talking about a man abandoning his family in place of his wife. A man that can do that can replace the wife any day he feels like it.

we are saying the same thing


only sons turn out to be the only hope of the family and as such they find it hard to abandon their families and focus on their wife.


some women prefer it that when they marry a man they take over his life and everything and would not want the man to have anything to do with his mom or any other family.

.

lefulefu:
are u talking about ur guy"s sister?
so she no get husband and children to tend for than for her to be poke nosing into her brother's relationship?
mehn dis is why i dislike typical naija marriage and relationship

No my guy is the only child I'm talking about my mum in law younger sister

Zzor:
I will advise all ladies to do away with men who are too clingy to their mum, all those mummy's boy type, your home will be run by someone else and not you.

Are there really men like that?

XXXXTENTACION:
we are saying the same thing


only sons turn out to be the only hope of the family and as such they find it hard to abandon their families and focus on their wife.


some women prefer it that when they marry a man they take over his life and everything and would not want the man to have anything to do with his mom or any other family.

.

It's not the same thing, please. Some only sons don't have that clingy closeness with their family members while some do. We understand that they're the only hope for their family but as he now has his own little family, they should make boundaries and stick to it.

As my brother is now, I can't just pack my bags and arrive uninvited at his house. It's his house, yes, and if I come without telling him, he'll accept me, but I won't do it. Same to every member of our family, including my mother. That is a boundary and we respect it. Some families don't have that clear boundary and that's where issues start.

Sixfeetbelle:
thing, pleasen't have that family members while some do. We understand that they're the only hope for their family but as he now has his own little family, they should make boundaries and stick to it.

As my brother is now, I can't just pack my bags and arrive uninvited at his house. It's his house, yes, and if I come without telling him, he'll accept me, but I won't do it. Same to every member of our family, including my mother. That is a boundary and we respect it. Some families don't have that clear boundary and that's where issues start.

I don't know the type of family you come from but what i do know is as a family they should be this love, care and closeness that should exits between family members.


just because your brother is married does'nt mean that you should cut off totally from him. After all he is your brother whatever affects him will indirectly touch you. what's the point of being family if you guys can't look out for each other