I am a white lady who married a nigerian man whom i thought was in love with me as i was with him. I soon after became  pregnant and so I went to nigeria with him to marry him. This was the beginning of my life being turned upside down. I supported him financially, started a business for jhim and literally paid for everything for the 2 years we lived in Nigeria.In return he , spent ALL my money on drinking,parties and  women (which i found out much later)   .He bashed me, tried to choke me when i asked why our bank acct was emptying so fast.Our business failed due to his neglect. He lied constantly and still deceives people in a way I never thought could be possible. Each time i gave up on him he would sweet talk me back to him, apologising and using any excuse to justify his disgusting behaviour. I stupidly then sponsored him to my country still supporting him financially until with the help of my family,we set him up with a good job so he could have the opportunity to be a man and support me and our now 2 children. Instead, he treated us like garbage and became extremely stingy which the salary he called HIS money. I am now seperated from this beast and even other nigerians living in my country cannot believe his behaviour and no longer have anything to do with him. I am still shocked and really can't believe I could have fallen for this man. I had everything going for me prior to meeting him. Good job, travelling the world, I was extremely happy person and I was very attractive. Is this a common story, is this typical behaviour from nigerian men abroad? I still can't comprehend it and would appreciate honest comments.

just be grateful, u got away with nothing but financial damage

Wow,
interesting story , heard diff versions of it on so many black orientated sites though, so to me the authenticity of it all is dubious,

what kind of response are you expecting to recieve from the statement below
"is this typical behaviour from nigerian men abroad?"

There are jliters in every colour and creed on the planet , as you said you chose to stay with him, noone forced you, simply accept that it's just a relationship gone wrong and more importantly for your own sanity that it could have gone disastrously wrong if you married a fellow white person too (^{though I still think this story is a load of bs})

Generalization is not the way forward , for example, though It's common knowledge that white people have the highest rate of serial killers in the world,  I wouldn't go to a white based website and ask them if I thought all white people were potential serial killers in waiting?? not very sensible now, is it?

aadun,
        aiye ma dun ni. thank u o jare, u don talk am finish

I'm sorry for you but no this is not typical behavior for nigerian men abroad .but you have to be very careful because it does happen just forget about him and build yourself back up and take care of your kids and make sure he pays support for the kids and don't take him back .it's things like this that make people believe that all nigerian men are out to use and abuse women . but the saying goes one bad apple don't spoil the bunch.

used and abuse
and still so confused



cool rhymes

@Topic

Sorry oh! Nothing you narrated here that does not happen all over the world including to Nigerian women! It is the nature of a "bad guy" not a "Nigerian thing"! Move on and try a white man for a change if you are so bruised!

@Confused
Sorry to hear that but didn't you realize he was like that before you had children for him or you guys did not date ? You realy have to be careful about some of our Nigerian men. I am a Nigerian and i can also tell you that some of our guys are terrible but there are many that are superb. Please next time, look before you leap !

confused09:

I am a white lady who married a nigerian man whom i thought was in love with me as i was with him. I soon after became pregnant and so I went to nigeria with him to marry him. This was the beginning of my life being turned upside down. I supported him financially, started a business for jhim and literally paid for everything for the 2 years we lived in Nigeria.In return he , spent ALL my money on drinking,parties and women (which i found out much later) .He bashed me, tried to choke me when i asked why our bank acct was emptying so fast.Our business failed due to his neglect. He lied constantly and still deceives people in a way I never thought could be possible. Each time i gave up on him he would sweet talk me back to him, apologising and using any excuse to justify his disgusting behaviour. I stupidly then sponsored him to my country still supporting him financially until with the help of my family,we set him up with a good job so he could have the opportunity to be a man and support me and our now 2 children. Instead, he treated us like garbage and became extremely stingy which the salary he called HIS money. I am now seperated from this beast and even other nigerians living in my country cannot believe his behaviour and no longer have anything to do with him. I am still shocked and really can't believe I could have fallen for this man. I had everything going for me prior to meeting him. Good job, travelling the world, I was extremely happy person and I was very attractive. Is this a common story, is this typical behaviour from nigerian men abroad? I still can't comprehend it and would appreciate honest comments.

Does that not answer your question?

first of all ,

1. most nigerian men are not romantic

2 they dont threat their ladies special

3, control freak

and above all .,most of them need to tak anger management class

Thanks for comments first of all.

Yes we did date (obviously not long enough), and he was a perfect gentleman.  Well mannered, well spoken, wanted children,caring, extremely faithful etc. After marriage and kids there was an instant end to romance, I was constantly accused of being unfaithful when i was obviously at home all the time and he was the one not coming home.Control freak, yes he was! Constantly checking me emails,listening in on phone calls, i wasn't allowed to talk to mutual friends and any new friends i made were never good enough. At home he was constantly in a bad mood except when friends were visiting then he was extremely sweet to me. He would only hold my hand or pay for me when we were in company of others but behind closed doors he was a demon. I was not allowed to visit friends homes with him, yet he would go alone, as he kept saying they may put poison in our food or drinks. Apparently it occurs often in nigeria. (??)
Yes i did choose to stay with him only until i had the strength to get out of the situation & that was soon after the birth of 2nd babyAfterall I was mostly with him when i was pregnant and it's tough enough dealing with that alone especially without any support.
The story is not bs as someone said.  why would it be, did i say he had 3 heads and a tail?
Yes lots of white serial killers in westernised countries but I heard there are evil sensless murders too in your country , human sacrifices for bizarre rituals, Unless that's not true and was told that .Perhaps another tactic to keep me at home.
I just asked whether my situation was common as I'm starting to hear it is typical of Igbo men to do that, even from nigerians here abroad.
Yes i am trying to move on after much couselling as it is not ONLY financial loss but some pyschological damage. Even though seperated he still tries his rubbish on me such as stalking me or trying to find out where i live or using kids to pump information about me.
There is now a court restraining order on him.

To MP007, that's right, what is it with all the anger

Godamn! why are foreign ladies always reportin Nigerian men on this forum

@n- foreign women are looking for help trying to understand why the man they were dealing with treated them this way so they come to these types of forums looking for answers.they can not go to some where were there are no nigerians ,asians or russians cause the people on the forum won't understand them. why so much anger?

@ confused it could happen to anyone of us just learn from your experience . take care

PTBNaija:

Does that not answer your question?

Abeg ask her ohhh?

@topic
i think your just another unfortunate victim, of another wolf in sheep's clothing.

Call a spade a spade. There's no need for solidarity here. Even if he did 1/3 of this allegations he should beheld accountable for his actions. Might have been mid-life crisis or whateva; I'm not a psychologist so i wouldn't know. He is just any other typical man taking advantage of a woman. So my advice is be a bit more sensible when dealing with men; not necessarily Nigerians. Yeah and Move on already.

i'm watching forensic files at present, as i have done for the last one yr. I'm tempted to ask a pertinent question; are all white men murderers?

To: Confused09:

There is no need to feel sorry for you. You chose to be with him. You knew who he was. You saw the signs. You played dumb and ignored them. What did your parents tell you about him? What did your friends tell you about being with him or going to Nigeria? It looks like you acted like a selfish person. What happens to selfish ladies when it comes to relationships? they get used and abused by bad guys. There is a saying that good ladies like bad guys. Were you attracted because of his badness? Didn’t you know when there is no one for him to harm, you are the only one left?

There is no need to generalize. Nigeria is a Good nation with a lot of devilish acts going on every day. Don't release your anger on Nigerian guys, they didn't do anything to you. Only one guy used and abused you [unless there are many of them that you are not revealing]. If there are actually many of them, that's a whole different thread.

So, this is the deal. Face your stupidity and failure. Take a month off and cry all day. Get enough sleep. This will be a healthy way of stitching your wound. Also, next time, listen to your parents, friends and ask questions before you do something like that.

used and abused?

i'm dazed and confused about what you knowingly put yourself through.

well if anything here is true, try out other men from other tribes and countries, before you are through with 100, you should be satisfied, i don't know how to say this, but it's like most women in here are unfortunate ones, can't any fortunate woman post something good about nigerian men? well as the word says, bad news spread very fast but the good ones stay in the closet until someone opens up,
  at least i had a loving father who loved my mom for 30 years until he passed out, loving brothers and uncle that are married, happy with their wives and i haven't heard any stories of brutalization and shit like that.
  and as for me, i have alot of role models to look up to, so no way of getting wayward.  look at a mirror, check out yourself and then ask yourself if truly you deserve his treatment or that maybe you are the one with the wrong taste, mind and stuffs like that, its very easy to blame and claim faultless

honeric01:

well if anything here is true, try out other men from other tribes and countries, before you are through with 100, you should be satisfied, i don't know how to say this, but it's like most women in here are unfortunate ones, can't any fortunate woman post something good about nigerian men? well as the word says, bad news spread very fast but the good ones stay in the closet until someone opens up,
at least i had a loving father who loved my mom for 30 years until he passed out, loving brothers and uncle that are married, happy with their wives and i haven't heard any stories of brutalization and shit like that.
and as for me, i have alot of role models to look up to, so no way of getting wayward. look at a mirror, check out yourself and then ask yourself if truly you deserve his treatment or that maybe you are the one with the wrong taste, mind and stuffs like that, its very easy to blame and claim faultless

Word!!! The poster didn't say exactly wat country she's from, i wld have given her links to real life examples of irresponsibility of men from her country. I agree that many Nigerian men are desperate and outright pathetic but not only here, abeg make una chill o!

Thanks vronnie.

I have nothing against Nigerians or Nigeria and maybe one day I will visit the country again and see the country how I originally intended to see it. I mostly saw 4 walls, either the house i stayed or the hospitals. I never stated I was angry with Nigerians to whoever wrote that.

Yes, my family, relatives and friends did have the opportunity to meet him and thought what a gentleman! A man with a heart of gold.Even til this day some relatives cannot believe we have seperated as they thought he was a wonderful, well mannered chap. I never told them the nitty gritty but it is an example of what an impact this guy had on others.
If it was just a relationship gone bad I would have been over it by now. It was my first and only experience with a nigerian man. I'm  obviously sharing this because I have not heard or seen anybody operate in this way.Yes of course there are worse cases i'm sure. Murderers etc. And yes I will get over it. Also this particular person did not just hurt myself only (me the worst case though being his wife), he manipulated,used and abused emotionally people around us. It seems when people catch on what he is doing and he can no longer cover up, he will assassinate the persons character to make it look as if it is them
that are evil doers.

@confused,
Its a pity. From your story, its obvious he is dating other girl(s) you've got to make a conscious move to free yourself from the claws of this man. Pick your pieces, forget about him(if you can) and forge ahead. You've reasons to live especially for your kids.

@Confused
Please stop the generalization because even in Nigeria there are so many tribes that are different from one another. The fact is that people are different from each other. I think it's sad when everybody has to be a scape goat for the ills of the few. You knew he was a NUT and you went ahead and had the second child for him, please forget him. What is done is done and let's start focusing on the welfare of the kids

@ topic pele o

Davd you are back?

no more,

how you ugly can you be if all you could get was some gold digging Nigerian dude

_*chuckles*






seriously though, why even get to the point of a second child after all that?

@confused

don't get too bothered abt some of the comments here and don't take them personally

a lot of foreigners post topics abt Nigerian men being this or that so when you hear so many tales gone awry, the rest of us will get defensive


To answer you question its not a Nigerian thing, evry culture has its own male manipulators he just saw that you were in a place emotionally were he could use you. Some men get kicks out of that , controlling others ; they'll try to alienate you from your friends so that all you hear as the 'truth' is what comes from them and when you have little kids involved coupled with the fact that he wasnt like that before you tend to hold on thinking maybe you are the one whose wrong.


My dear from one woman to another give yourself time to heal, be strong and avoid contact with him as much as possible


Maybe if you had dated him long enough his fangs would have shown

@ confused, I'm sorry this happened to you. But what did they tell u that are typical common for Igbo men? Abeg, talk another thing, make them not confuse or tell u again. From Nigeria men to Igbo men. Our girls still face this kind of your problem and they have not generalise it, even as more divorce cases being recorded among white couples.

First of all, NEVER marry any man that doesnt have a job, cos no he will not get one and he only wants u to take care of his lazy arse.

NEVER stay with a man that hits u. first a slap, then a punch, soon it will be a gun down ur throat.

Bw EXTRA CAREFUL with BLACK men. i'm sorryu to say this but we all know truthfully they are usually just scamming a way to get stay or citizenship.  

And him being a man, yes he will CHEAT on u. U aint gotta arse like a black girl and they still cheat on us with all the junk in our trunk.

Just watch some oprah, cry a little and get over it. Not all black nigerian men are D*ICK heads.

@ Confused: Sorry to hear your tales of woe, these things DO take place, but in any race, not just one particular one.

I understand you want answers, and feel all Nigerian men are like that, but I can assure you, that's not the case! Obviously, he's the only Nigerian man you've had dealings with, so you haven't really got others to use as bench marks, compare your ex with, so to speak.

I doubt you'd find the answers you're looking for on here, all I can say is, look to the future, look after yourself and your kids. Find yourself a decent man who'll care for you like you deserve.

I agree with most when they say that your man could have come from any country and still be the same person the you've described here. Unfortunately we have to pay for the people we put in our lives. Sad story but not new. As far as nigerian men not being romantic, well i would disagree, that all depend on who you are dealing with. A control freak well that could be any man, I have found out that it does not matter what part of the earth men come from there are good and bad ones, just like women. My experiance with my Nigerian Man (my husband) has been a wonderful experience. Good luck in the future

Redwoman