Palema007:
The pillers are going to have a feast here soon.....

DZTech:
Whether you're single, divorced or widowed-
First and foremost, love, respect and appreciate yourself.

Your child is a blessing.
I hope you're proud of them?

Our society is hypocritical.
Maybe it's the patrilineal nature of our culture. Maybe it's to prevent recurrence in the younger generation.
But if so, why do all developed nations have the same issue of unwanted pregnancy-
Despite all the preventive measures available to them, including safe abortions?

Let's leave that debate for politicians, traditional rulers and religious leaders.
Here's a simple fact-
Many of our parents in the 60-80 year age range had children out of wedlock.
Is this surprising to anyone?
After all, men will have sex. Prostitution is less than 30 years as a recognized and established profession, so who were men having sex with in small towns and villages, even in cities?
Single women.
And yet despite sex workers being a part of our society, everyone pretends that they don't exist-
In EVERY part of Nigeria!

Hypocrisy.

So, you had sex and had a child.
How does that make you any less of a respectable woman?
But it's YOU who has to change the narrative-
Starting by treating the term "baby mama" as offensive.
Then by taking pride in your Motherhood-
Wetin many women dey find, but dem no fit see...
And engaging in some serious reflection and self-realization:
What do you need?
What does your child need?
How can you attain both?

Come, lemme tell you-
This mentality of "I have to focus on my child" is both unhealthy and counterproductive:
Your needs, desires, ambitions and goals- that you had before you got pregnant- must live on.
Even if they were temporarily suspended.

So after your evaluation:
1. The most important thing you need is a support structure-
Parents, extended family, friends, colleagues and spiritual guide.

2. Then you need a plan for YOUR life- built around your child, of course.
But yours.
And let your support system know why, what, when, where and how they fit into the plan.

3. Assign tasks. Delegate. Use the human resources around you.
Always grateful.

4. Be free. At least, mentally.
Fill your heart with love and hope, as you fill your mind with plans and contingencies.

5. Smile.
The world keeps spinning, people keep living.
Join in. Cherish the journey. Cos the one thing you will absolutely HATE yourself for is-
When your child asks about their growing up, and you have to lie that you were happy-
When you were actually filled with misery and resentment. Maybe of them, even.

So create the past that your future self will remember- and tell your children of- with fondness and nostalgia.

After all, who sadness epp?
You go, girl!

fati2001:
....

debbydams:

Magnoliaa:
This is nice **claps**, my only objection to it is just how the whole write-up portrayed single parenthood as some kind of really devastating condition in the whole world that needs massive correctional therapy or something... In trying to uplift single women, it went overboard to snatching away -something- I can't quite place my finger on.

And maybe this is just my perception of it.

Palema007:
The pillers are going to have a feast here soon.....

Fvckhypocrite:
Mumu thread

fati2001:

mrblessed:
Even when I won't castigate you for being overreach in your view, you obviously need to build a world for the single ladies. And this world would certainly be on fantasyland.

The basic problem of most single lady --that is if one is able to overlook other associated baggages -- is the entitled mentality that men must accept her/them the way they are, without having the right/power to state their opinion. Some, if not all, project their predicament -- which is the inevitable consequence of their youthfu indiscretion on men and the society, and therefore incapable of achieving those things you listed.

DZTech:
of course there's baggage!
even an unscrupulous, uncaring man still has that weight in his subconscious.
how much more, a woman who carried the evidence of her indiscretion for 9 months and has a lifelong reminder of her bright future cut short.
to expect anything less than baggage is idiotic.
this is about how they can move forward and see their lives in a positive light.
if to sey Na u nko?

tobechi74:
Single women are courageous enough to admit their hidden act to the world.

Other women commit abortion, tighten Virgina, hide the deed from the world.

Single mothers are authentic, other abortionist are hypocrite.

I will rather marry a single woman than one who vomits abortion and hides it.

Womanizer:


Having a child without being married does not necessarily affect your future negatively

GodWrites:

No matter the number of motivational speakers you listen to, telling you the past is over, it's a blatant lie.

As long as you remember, it will keep haunting you to your grave.

Your redemption comes only when you're rescued by an unusual man blinded with love or when you finally hit the top in your career or business.

That's if you have work anyway.

Thanks for listening to my rambles and views about single mothers. If you are a single woman, I only hope you understand my meaningless rambles, or you can can enraged.

The next question should be, how should single mothers live above their past?

An interesting topic that will forever change your mindset and compel you to materialize your desires.

GodWrites:
Hold your head high only when you have your own money, a house, a car, coupled with a consistent flow of income.

You can't be struggling for your next meal and hold your head up high like a single woman.

You can't depend on your boyfriend or parents, live under their roof and still hold your damn head up high like a single woman.

You are nothing but a shame. Shame to yourself, your family, and even to your child. Your child might even deny you to her school mates without your knowledge.

Sorry that this is coming harsh, I apologize.

Once again, you're merely the epitome of failure.

What the Child will be for you will only be bitterness, curse, regrets, and nightmare cause he or she reminds you of the thousands of mistakes, the things you shouldn't have done or should have done.

No matter the number of motivational speakers you listen to, telling you the past is over, it's a blatant lie.

As long as you remember, it will keep haunting you to your grave.

Your redemption comes only when you're rescued by an unusual man blinded with love or when you finally hit the top in your career or business.

That's if you have work anyway.

Thanks for listening to my rambles and views about single mothers. If you are a single woman, I only hope you understand my meaningless rambles, or you can can enraged.

The next question should be, how should single mothers live above their past?

An interesting topic that will forever change your mindset and compel you to materialize your desires.

prince2pac:
I give a holla to my sisters on welfare
2Pac cares if don't nobody else care
And I know they like to beat you down a lot
When you come around the block, brothers clown a lot
But please don't cry, dry your eyes, never let up
Forgive, but don't forget, girl, keep your head up
And when he tells you you ain't nothing, don't believe him
And if he can't learn to love you, you should leave him
'Cause, sister, you don't need him
And I ain't trying to gas ya up, I just call 'em how I see 'em
You know what makes me unhappy? When brothers make babies and leave a young mother to be a pappy
And since we all came from a woman
Got our name from a woman and our game from a woman
I wonder why we take from our women
Why we rape our women, do we hate our women?
I think it's time to kill for our women
Time to heal our women, be real to our women
And if we don't we'll have a race of babies
That will hate the ladies that make the babies
And since a man can't make one
He has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one
So will the real men get up?
I know you're fed up, ladies, but keep your head up

coldFLARES1:
very harsh!
But, sadly, the truth, to a large extent.

Ogbotobo77:
nice write up
as we are trying to flat line the societal stigma attached to giving birth out of wedlock,we shd also note that normalising single motherhood has dire consequences.. take a look at the black community, the single motherhood rate is as high as 75% and the blacks are just abt 13% of Americas population, yet this 13% is responsible for majority of violent crimes...Buenos dias

DZTech:
nice!