Well it is certainly gratifying that my absence was missed, and i did miss you all too. Had some work related issues to attend to in South Africa.

Silly me, i forgot it was winter and took only summer clothing, hence been laid up in bed for the last 3 days. What did I miss

Promise72:  I thank you for your attentions.

Spoilt Welcome back, I see you really do mean to see this through to the 'Altar indeed.  Hope you've got enough Geritol/St John's Wort to wait it out.

kindly clarify the fulani-wannabe thing too. why would she try to front as a fulani woman?  So did you get any guys to put your number on speed dial? hope so, glad you acknowledeged the younger men. i am proud of you.  .  you'll be suprised how younger guys go where the older ones fear to tread,

Re 'Fulani', that was a cultural reference to 'Herder'.  Darling, I didn't have any discussions with her other than the perfunctory greeting. 

Re: Speed dial, I don't give my #s so, I took theirs.  Haven't called any yet though.  Too busy (19,000+ miles and counting in 46 days), and a little wierd about calling XYs with blatant 'Romeo' stamped on the cranium.  I do have a cousin's wedding coming up though so I may, in the tradition of harassed Singles everywhere, call one to stave off my Aunts' inquiries.  Or go stag.  It really is what it is.  I am single.

my eyes don't even dare stray when i am with oga lest my chop money be revoked!

  You crack me up. 

Salsera

This 'ad' seems to be working.

  Sis, Ad indeed- I hope if I put one up it will be more focused.  When are you going to complete the attempt started in July? 

Welcome back Chiekezi.  Hope you feel better soon.

It's 3:20AM, time to get back to my not-as-interesting preparations for tomorrow's meeting.  Gonna be a bloodbath, need to ensure mine isn't mingled therein. 

@chiekesi

welcome back
sorry abt the ur battle with the forces of nature. Dare I say a wife would not have forgotten abt the need for appropiate clothing

u havent missed much i think
potential hook-up venues are still being researched for the
seemingly elusive 'men of quality' Naija branded
Diaspora blues

to be honest even in Naija its not that easy but i spose for the 'awayians' its like being lost in space

@obirin

like spoilt encourages 'give age a chance' you may be pleasantly surprised
and have a good time 'give those aunts sumfin else to talk abt'

Ok, at the risk of digressing from the main thrust of this post, let me share a smithering of one of my recent encounters with the fairer sex. I was chanced to recently to be introduced to a young lady who had recently been repatriated from the realms of Uncle Sam's Kingdom after 17years. My platonic lady friend who had known, lets call her Lola for a while, felt that we'd be ideally suited since we had similar backgrounds; upbringing; age etc. So along we go for drinks with our mutual friend as a chaperone and great fun was had by all. A couple of days later Lola and I do movies, alone, followed by several days of dinner, drinks etc. A few weeks later i discover after incisive questioning;being observant and also a lot less reticence than i usually have, that we in fact are not ideally suited to each other. Rather than string her along seeing that we are no longer spring chickens, I liken our interludes to the dalliance of eagles and confess to her that in my humble estimation we are not meant to be and i'd rather we were friends as opposed to embarking on any delusions of intimacy. This, it would seem, has now become my undoing! To think I was espousing virtues of chivalry, honesty and fairplay what I am now being repaid with is a constant bombardment of phonecalls, unscheduled visits and emails from Lola to tell me what a mistake i'm making and how right she is for me. I kid you not i have been called by her aunt, her colleagues and other strangers too numerous to mention to the point where i screen my calls and now ppep from behind my curtains whenever a visitor toots their horn.

The long and short of this is that this is a true story and seems to me to be somewhat a reverse of Obirins initial narration. It would appear that there is a specie of women who are hell bent on claiming the nearest that comes to their specifications as a trophy, illsuited or not. I have been married before and am not wont to make the same mistakes again, especially those of not being thorough and not knowing full well what i was getting into whilst traversing the vicissitudes of my youth.

It seems, at least to me that, the forum topic should read "Where are the Single Naija People of Quality Over 35?"

Once again, pardon the interruption.

hmmmmmmmmmmm

HEHEHE

I like that response, its better than saying anything. How can a woman tell you that she's right for you
I'm particularly glad that you mentioned that she was deported from UK after 17years. You see, the laws here were designed for the oyinbos, but when our women get here, they carry it on their heads, the law is what turns a naija woman against her husband, the respect disappears, the love vanishes, the children become bastards and live on the streets with their gang members, killing with a knife and other weapons. Then the women become free to move around and sleep around as they like, laziness means they wont work. They rely on the benefits that govt pays for mothering a british-born child, as well as child benefits that the father of the child is made to pay and they are happy with themselves, they actually think thats life

The guys over here are already running from them and when they're sent back to naija its always hard to find someone because it is too late. There are very few girls who remember their roots when placed under severe peer pressure over here and thats why guys go home to marry, some guys will have many friends here but ask their parents to look for a decent girl they've never met. . . the situation is difficult to explain

Na wa o, since when did repatriation = deportation

I'm miffed!!!!

Imani
Thank you for your insights.  I agree that flexibility is key, however not to the point that the individual is no longer recognizable as an entity.  I may be wrong, but I'm not sure a person of emotional stability seeks a mirror image or an acquiescent mirage. 

Re 'angel' helping to fly: However expansive the wings on a bird, it is designed to carry that bird and prey, no more.  Any attempt to carry another of the species spells disaster for the one being 'carried'.  I believe firmly that you accept a person as a whole or not at all.  My late Grandma used to say 'You can stand his/her morning breath or you can't stand his/her morning breath' 

Chiekezi:

what I am now being repaid with is a constant bombardment of phonecalls, unscheduled visits and emails from Lola to tell me what a mistake i'm making and how right she is for me. I kid you not i have been called by her aunt, her colleagues and other strangers too numerous to mention to the point where i screen my calls and now ppep from behind my curtains whenever a visitor toots their horn.

surely you are kidding!  
she has her colleagues and strangers calling you?   you don enter wahala. you can do what earl did. he faked his own death to break up with a girl. didnt they say that drastic situations require drastic measures.  


@obirin
the fulani wannabe joke just made sense. you no well!  
and yeah im gonna see this thing to the conclusive end . i'll have my ben-gay ready for my arthritic knee caps and phalanges. hopefully it wont take me that long to see a man make an honest woman of you.
and pls call one of those hot young men. i'm telling you. call!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'Aunty' Spoilt!  

, and please call one of those hot young men. i'm telling you. call!,

I did call one today and I've just returned from an unscheduled 'date'.  Took the poor dude Salsa dancing midweek!  Crazy stuff I know but, I'd had that kind of a day and it was good to let my hair down.  Verdict?  Not for me, but I sure know one of my friends with whom he will get along.   I'll set them up once I get his okay.  Eh, I've got nine couples under my belt, can't just seem to make mine happen.

Uncle Chiekezi: 
I hear you loud and clear.  There does seem to be a dearth of avenues for quality people to meet.  Your experience highlights the fact that 'good on paper' does not mean 'good in actuality'.  In my response to Monkeyleg on July,10,  I referred to 'mai tory' well here it is;   I got introduced to this guy with whom, by the 3rd encounter, I felt strongly things would not reach an enviable end.  We had no core common interests other than our love for Christ and even there we appeared to differ on certain key doctrines. So I decided, in the spirit of honesty and fair play, to let him down gently so some deserving Lagos/Abuja Babe would have a chance.  The road to hell they rightly say, is paved with good intentions: *Self-depreciating laughter*

The next week he sent me almost a whole box of Christian books, by American authors, from Naija.  I called to thank him kindly and to let him know it was not necessary.  Dear readers, that was the beginning of 2 long years of trying to shake this gentleman off.  Even my Aunt, in whose house he had seen my pic and requested to be introduced, called him,spoke with him, 'cause it was becoming an embarrassment to her.  If anything he intensified his deliveries and visits to the States.  I advised that I didn't believe he was being a good steward of what the good Lord had provided to him as I could get most of the items much cheaper here, if I was so inclined and why not call rather than hop on the plane 'every so frequently?'  Did it make a difference?  Saaam!  He started calling at odd hours of the night/day etc,  Luckily I moved into my new house in another county so I got my dad to subscribe for my new phone #.  The phone calls ceased but the presents continued.  Then he wrote letters on how he had dreamt that I'd presented him with 2 twin sons, how I was embarrassing him before his friends and church members, (whom I had never met!), by not returning his affections  etc,   That did it!  I had had enough, so I filed a police report and contacted DHL, his courier of choice, and reported harassment.  'Cause I was also going to the FBI if DHL didn't do anything about it, they promptly notified him that they would no longer deliver anything to my address from him.  They also threatened to stop doing business with him.  This would have jeopardized his livelihood as he is an exporter of sorts who had some form of transportation agreement with the company.   That was when the nightmare ended.  To be on the safe side, my brother also filed formal complaints  with the other international courier services.

You know what I found inexpressibly sad?  The above was a guy most ladies would have given their eyeteeth to meet; he was gorgeous, and had all the trappings of a successful man, but he had become fixated to the point whereby anything outside that scope was unacceptable. 

Nwoke, at the end of the day, the proverbial ,(Desperate soul), knife cuts both ways.

Isn't that just the pity? Likewise with my scenario, I knew lots of people who would have died to have hooked up with her. alas, she did herself no favours by her behaviour.

Well put, and i'll say it again, your talents are wasted, write a book!!!!

obirin kpele.
drastic situations do need drastic measures.i love that phrase like you have no idea! im real glad you took decisive action to ensure your safety. when i see how women are killed by obsessed love struck men its scary. ive been stalked before. long ago. and you are right. on the outside they look like people who anyone would give an arm and a leg to get with. but on the inside they have issues. my stalker showed up at my place of work unannounced everyday, sent me expensive stuff all the time,found out where i lived, told everyone he was sleeping with me everyday (and night might i add).he wrote me explicit letters and poems cataloguing what he wanted to do to me. i would get home and he would be sitting on my front porch. i was seriously under attack.

people tend to think you are doing 'shakara' and a few of my friends joked that i should pass him to them.
it wasnt funny. because its the most terrifying thing ever. i developed the habit of looking over my shoulder always. i moved.i had to. and that didnt end it. recently heard from a few friends that he is still frantically looking for me. begging everyone to spill as to my whereabouts. i am happily married with a baby and he still cant snap out of it.
honestly i still dread bumping into him. and its a disturbing thought.
so back to the matter at hand. there's a difference between devotion and obsession. if anyone has the traits of a stalker or is so forceful and forward please take it seriously and take measures for your safety. and let me add that one date is all it takes to let you know if someone is for you or is a psycho on the loose.

wow

see how much i missed

Ewo stalkers!!

Abeg o

let me add my two cents

Not all of us take rejection well most especially when we are considered as a good catch

sometimes disillusion tells us that persistence and 'close-marking' will push the other partner to say yes

I've learnt sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind
The message gets across clearer

Hi Everyone:

My cousin's wedding was a blast!  Saw lots of people I'd not seen in years.  I did go stag after all.  Sorry Spoilt, could not think of anyone from the garden party, younger or older, with whom I wished to spend a whole evening.  Also, didn't want to put any poor souls through my Aunts' /Cousins' baptism of firepepper questions.

Social Bottomline:  I didn't meet anyone I like and honestly folks, I think I'm done.  I completed my psych eval test on Wednesday which is a precursor to my final evaluation as an adoptive parent.  I like my life, I'm content and should the good Lord decide that I'll get that which I seek, the better.  Though something tells me it may not be Naija , 

I thank you all for your time on this thread and should there be any changes, I'll be sure to communicate it to those whose email/phone numbers I have.  I learnt a ton via this posting and made some neat friends.

Take care all and God bless.

PS:  I've unhidden my e-add for the next 6 days for those who would like to be kept updated.

'Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.'
Romeo & Juliet, ActII, Scene II

adoption is an honorable move. i wish you all the best in your endeavours. you seem to have a good heart. that person is out there looking for you. nice talking to you and learning from you. will send you an e-mail.

@obirin

thot so too (non-naija) though you can never tell

Hmmm

keep in touch

wow so this thread could just die like this

@salsera

take over the thread. .

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you want horror stories now or agony aunt?


lets wait and see

They say wonders never cease.  I am dating a lovely Naija(!) guy who fits the bill.  He has been 100% supportive of my adoption process.  We will become one big, settled family on November 21, 2009 in Lagos. 

There are still (wo)men of quality out there, it just takes a heck of a lot of patience and the sweet hand of fate, !

hmm realy?

Obirin0521:

They say wonders never cease. I am dating a lovely Naija(!) guy who fits the bill. He has been 100% supportive of my adoption process. We will become one big, settled family on November 21, 2009 in Lagos.

Congrats! U posted this stuff bout 2years ago and now its coming to reality So cool