good one militia! no words needed!

I maintain: Militia you're priceless. 
CrazyP: I implore you, let it drop.  I appreciate your support.

Spoilt: Make you no fear.  Male bashing is strictly limited to 15 minutes!  Just kidding. 

It's actually just a 'How are you doing?' thing.  I started it about 3 years ago after I observed how sad some of the most accomplished single women you could ever meet were as a result of their singledom.  It was a means of shaking them out of their cups long enough to tell them, 'You may be single, but it does not mean you're a bad person or that you'll die alone, at the very least your dog will be there".   It started with about 4 of my friends who I'd met at the dog park.  They in turn then invited other friends (with no dogs), who they thought could use the quarterly shot in the arm and before you could say 'Ki lo n shele!', the last quarter we had 35 participants.  We pray, the non-religious tend to come about 30 mins after we start, we eat, sip wine, catch up on work, family gists, exchange job leads, generally have a pretty good time.  We usually have some kind of silly contest with great prices donated by one or more participants.  August's is going to be pretty exciting as we are having a grilling contest.  The winner gets to be Bobby Flay's personal guest at a soiree at the end of the month.   I digress,

Re ladies in their 30s freezing eggs, you better believe it.  The younger one is when the eggs are harvested, the better the viability when it comes round to fertilization and implantation, at least that is what I've been made to understand. 

My cousin, Kemi, has preached the wisdom of doing same to me, but I have declined for various reasons, the least of which is not my faith.  However simplistic it may be, I strongly believe that the Lord, my Maker, will take care of His own,(Moi), when the time comes and if not, I submit to His will and adopt a hard to place child (3-14 years), from Naija.  There's a whole lot of love inside me and I know it can and will overflow to any child(ren), in need of it.  Of course this will need to be discussed with The One.  If he believes otherwise,we will work it out.  My thoughts are;  if he is not put off by the fact that I'm in my 30s and have 'only' about 200,000 fit 'eggs' left then he has, (as behooves a man of logic, intelligence & faith),weighed the 'cost' of dating me.

Sulaig: You are right regarding Q Naija guys' interest in Q Naija women.  Now if only we could root out those guys of whom we speak!  You did echo almost verbatim my male cousins' lament regarding the Naija ladies.  I must confess I've never been shy about letting a guy know I'm interested in him due to what my Naija cousins and other malefolk have shared with me.  Much good it's done me!   Anyway, in the words of Greatest Uites,  (& other NANS members), everywhere, Aluta Continua, Victoria Acerta! 

BTW - Today I got invited to a gathering of Africans taking place next week.  Usually I avoid these, please see post of July 11, but I'll brave this one out.  Remind me, if this post is still on, to tell you how it went.

lets know how it went jare. you just may find the one there.

loving this thread

all this discourse


i've never been one to discuss relationships in such a 'upfront manner'

not particular about naija men or not , just have a thing for black skin


age has always been nothing but a number to me, never did count it as meaning much

till maybe now

all this talk about concieving seems wierd to me, I don't intend to have many besides there are so many unwanted kids who need a home out there.

Why any man wud rate me on how fast i could concieve wud just be , incredulous
or to think i was used up or spent or 'expired' . Crazy that is

Over the last couple of months I am being a bit more proactive , all this waiting doesn't seem to be the way forward.

And I am a sucker for good conversation, if I can talk to you easily then that's when all other qualities can be weighed.
However good looks would be a great addition to the bargain

@poster

I think I should bring a dictionary next time i check this thread
in layman's english your response to nimi-k ad was = no thank you right?

@nimi-k
no vex bros, u can always try again


@OBIRIN
let's know how your reunion went

I'm attending one myself soon maybe we could exchange experiences


@spoilt
na beg make i beg

tell me how you love story evolved now

I don chase you all the way from "tell us about your marriage" thread

@salsera
girlfriend you are funny. i've always liked being mysterious but it seems the longer i am on nairaland the more i find myself blabbing about my personal affairs.
ive given away enough already to complete strangers and virtual friends. na wa oh. but my marriage is truly a love story. someday i will share. maybe it'll help single women consider younger men. a man is a man give or take a few years. i never thought i could end up with a younger man.( he's not that much younger by the way) no man ever pursued me with so much determination. he wasnt going to take no for an answer. yeah i am that hot!
ive never felt much love for anyone like i do my husband. he's great. he's my heart ,soul and my stability.he's my sanity and what have you.
its a myth that men dont like older women. the biggest myth ive ever heard. All my husband' s brothers are married to older women. he often jokes that he was just following a natural course of action which is his family tradition. age truly is just a number.
someday i'll catalogue our journey. it hasnt been all rosy but we couldnt be happier.

woah!

i love this thread . learnt so much from reading through this thread!

Y'all should keep it coming


@topic Where you at in NYC?

@spoilt



thank you


that's all i needed to know, sincerely and beautifully said.

No worries abt the details
I'm satisfied

so I can go where I have not gone before

@salsera
you should give them younger men a chance. when a man pursues you ardently and seriously, that's a sign that he wants you. so forget about what people consider the norm and enjoy the man jare.

good to know you'll broaden your horizons. goodluck girl.

Hi Ikamefa -

@topic  Where you at in NYC?   

- I live in one of the Northern suburbs and take the commuter train to midtown.  I have unhidden my email add so shoot me an email and I'll provide you with the details if you can make it in August. 

Salsera

i've never been one to discuss relationships in such a 'upfront manner'

- This seems to be a prevalent issue with our culture, where we keep mum to the point of adversly affecting ourselves. 

The night (morning),I placed this topic on Nairaland, I was in a very befuddled state of mind.  I mean, I thought it through; I had done everything according to the book.  My parents always said no man wanted a liability, so I worked hard at my career and made, (what I hope) , good financial decisions. 

I knew that I would be bored with someone who was a one trick pony, so I expanded my horizon by learning and experiencing all sorts of new stuff ; went tandem jumping, learnt a new language, volunteered with different organizations, travelled, learnt to prepare at least one main dish from the major cultures of the world (I make a mean tempura, curry, birds nest soup, poi poi, tarts, cassoulets etc,  Don't even get me started on efo elegusi, efo riro, amala, Oha soup, tuwo shinkafa, suya, aadun, moin moin, akara et al  ).  I learnt how to change car tires, batteries etc,  I do most of the season preparations for my house by myself.  The guys at home depot know me by name. 

I thought of all these things and honestly felt I was in some sort of vertigo vortex, hence the reaching out on this site.  Some may ask; Doesn't she have friends/family to talk to?  The answer is 'Yes, plenty'  However, sometimes you need someone else's opinion who is not biased by their unstinting love and loyalty for you.  So Sister mine, I say, break down those barriers, begin to delve into erstwhile 'forbidden' subjects as topics for frank and open discussions and you'll see how much better you feel and how much deeper your understanding becomes.    Note of caution here:   I'm not saying do it like the Oyinbos , specially yankees, who have no busstop, but rather lets apply Naija decorum to 60s era freedom'

I can't begin to tell you how much this thread has done.  I'm actually looking forward to the African gathering (Horrors! ).  Sorry Spoilt, I'm not sure I'll meet 'him' there, but at least I'm not letting those non-inclusive conversationalists shut me out.  Thanks Opomulero1

Spoilt - I'm all for a younger man, as long as he fits the bill from page 1.

@obirin

good to know you are looking forward to the african gathering. horrors of horrors? that got me laughing my butt off. you just never know. you may find your congolese, rwandan or lesotho spouse there. (just joking or am i?  )
anyways im just looking forward to hearing the feed back. im now deeply involved in this and must see it to a conclusive end.  . even if it means till you get to the alter finally.   


and oh. dress cute! like you dont know!

Veni, Vidi, Left in disgust.

This was one of those events, you hope won't count against your time on earth simply because it was a complete and total waste of time.

I went there with my tray of Suya & Moin Moin prepared to be as open minded as possible.  The minute we, (My older sibling & her spouse), stepped through the door however, the women's eyes bored unto my ring finger and you could literally see the alarm switches in their heads go off.  I kept my cool and determined not to react to the lady who took a full half a minute assessing me from head to toe then determined she wasn't going to say hello, though I stood there with what is my most disarming smile.

Fast forward 15 minutes, the hostess invites all the women into another room to 'leave these men to their politics'  What in tarnation??!!  Who says I don't wish to discuss politics or the socio-economic state of the average Naija back home?!      Anyway, I complied and you guessed it!  Baby/Husband/In-law talk all the way even though, I tried, you know I tried, to steer the conversation towards other arenas.  Some of the other single ladies, my older sis and I got into other conversations, but the hostess was determined that there be no 'side bars' and kept pulling us into the general mix.  Sighh.

Anyway, about an hour into this torture zone one of the 'ladies', never met her before in my life, pondered out loud why the single ladies in the room were still unattached and shouldn't we get a move on as our 'clock' was ticking and did we know we could no longer afford to be picky after all we weren't spring chickens??  That did it-Abyssus, abyssum invocta! I promptly answered we were waiting for one in three of the marriages represented in the room to end in divorce so that we could have ourselves already 'trained' husbands and it wouldn't matter about our 'clocks' as they would have already borne our kids for us.  Yes, there was apoplectic silence, then all the 7 single ladies laughed their hearts out whilst some of the more reasonable married ones, (my sister was laughing her head off), tittered nervously.  I left for a decent meal elsewhere about 10 minutes later with 5 of the singles, my sister and her husband  with some of their friends in tow, I could take no more.

Opomulero1 I tried, I sincerely tried.

ha.
obirin, im laughing so hard. gosh my sides hurt! i guess what you experienced is typical. its expected when you put yourself in a group of women who have been 'privileged' to join the high class of married women. seriously you should have stuck to the room full of guys! isnt that why you came? i dont think you were obliged to troop into the room full of women. you came for the dudes! the talk in a room full of women is always steered towards kids, pr-eschools, teething powder and the best dish washing liquid to tackle oily plates, pots and pans!

you told them you were waiting for some of their marriages to fail? get out of town!!!!!
that's hecka funny. i guess when people try to put you down, you can defend yourself in the best way you know how.
and i hope you left in a huff taking your moi moi and suya with you!

Spoilt

seriously you should have stuck to the room full of guys! isnt that why you came? i don't think you were obliged to troop into the room full of women. you came for the dudes!

True, but I swear she wasn't giving anyone a choice.  The verb 'invite' that I used in my narration was very loose indeed.  'Herd' would have been more appropriate.  I can't believe that getting married and having babies should turn one's brains to mush!  My mom, sisters, cousins etc are married and trust me their entire party conversations revolve round a lot more than domestic divadom!  Why is it others can't do the same?

i hope you left in a huff taking your moi moi and suya with you!

Nope, I left all there.  It was actually my brother-in-law who, incensed on my behalf, came in, (I guess someone passed the 'news' to the men's room),  and politely but firmly excused us from the gathering.

Well i suppose ur in d us. Question is how many niger guys are around you? Do you meet nigerian guys quite often? Maybe you should take time out and go for say niger shows cultural day etc because believe me there are MANY nigerian guys looking for EXACTLY your type!

pfowighz

, because believe me there are MANY nigerian guys looking for EXACTLY your type!

I tire my brother. Where dem dey? That is, those whose qualifications fit the bill.

Obinrin are you 35 less or more? Are you d outgoing type Are you in an area in d US where nigerians are not so many? And how do you look face shape gait etc I mean

Obirin0521,
I am 34 myself and in the US and I can understand how difficult it can be to find Naija guys here. But like some advices have been given just be open and it might mean taking steps you have ruled out. Don't do anything immoral, you are a christian, but you may need to step out in faith and believe that something good will happen.
I was here for about 6 and half years and believe me couldnt find a good naija gal. I am christian as well and had ruled out going home to look for a bride. But after praying and giving it real good thinking I changed my mind. I went to Naija last year for my friend's wedding in which I was best man, and met the love of my life while in naija. SHe was not at the wedding but I was introduced to her by my aunt and we are planning our wedding for Nov this year. I absolutely love and don't think I'd have ever found anyone like her if I stayed here and was not open to going home. I am not saying you must go home, but its not a bad idea to consider doing that , you'll neva know, Hope this helps,

Thanks Memekak.  I continue, by His grace, to hold faithful to my calling.

This is mighty discouraging.  While I'm very pleased for you on your upcoming nuptials it just goes further to illustrate my point.  The Q men are hiding from the 'Away babes' but going to Naija to import brides. 

Are we truly that undesirable/unlovely/unNaija/Fill in the blanks?  Should we just cut our losses and make the final curtain call for the Naija quality male?  What a fitting way to end this weekend of horrors.  Sigh

Obirin0521:

Veni, Vidi, Left in disgust.

This was one of those events, you hope won't count against your time on earth simply because it was a complete and total waste of time.

I went there with my tray of Suya & Moin Moin prepared to be as open minded as possible. The minute we, (My older sibling & her spouse), stepped through the door however, the women's eyes bored unto my ring finger and you could literally see the alarm switches in their heads go off. I kept my cool and determined not to react to the lady who took a full half a minute assessing me from head to toe then determined she wasn't going to say hello, though I stood there with what is my most disarming smile.

Fast forward 15 minutes, the hostess invites all the women into another room to 'leave these men to their politics' What in tarnation??!! Who says I don't wish to discuss politics or the socio-economic state of the average Naija back home?! Anyway, I complied and you guessed it! Baby/Husband/In-law talk all the way even though, I tried, you know I tried, to steer the conversation towards other arenas. Some of the other single ladies, my older sis and I got into other conversations, but the hostess was determined that there be no 'side bars' and kept pulling us into the general mix. Sighh.

Anyway, about an hour into this torture zone one of the 'ladies', never met her before in my life, pondered out loud why the single ladies in the room were still unattached and shouldn't we get a move on as our 'clock' was ticking and did we know we could no longer afford to be picky after all we weren't spring chickens?? That did it-Abyssus, abyssum invocta! I promptly answered we were waiting for one in three of the marriages represented in the room to end in divorce so that we could have ourselves already 'trained' husbands and it wouldn't matter about our 'clocks' as they would have already borne our kids for us. Yes, there was apoplectic silence, then all the 7 single ladies laughed their hearts out whilst some of the more reasonable married ones, (my sister was laughing her head off), tittered nervously. I left for a decent meal elsewhere about 10 minutes later with 5 of the singles, my sister and her husband with some of their friends in tow, I could take no more.

Opomulero1 I tried, I sincerely tried.

could not help but laugh so hard at the above post!

am all for meeting new peeps and networking !

depends on where you live upstate though

amma hit you up on email to find out!

Have fun though

Obirin0521:

Veni, Vidi, Left in disgust.

This was one of those events, you hope won't count against your time on earth simply because it was a complete and total waste of time.

I went there with my tray of Suya & Moin Moin prepared to be as open minded as possible. The minute we, (My older sibling & her spouse), stepped through the door however, the women's eyes bored unto my ring finger and you could literally see the alarm switches in their heads go off. I kept my cool and determined not to react to the lady who took a full half a minute assessing me from head to toe then determined she wasn't going to say hello, though I stood there with what is my most disarming smile.

Fast forward 15 minutes, the hostess invites all the women into another room to 'leave these men to their politics' What in tarnation??!! Who says I don't wish to discuss politics or the socio-economic state of the average Naija back home?! Anyway, I complied and you guessed it! Baby/Husband/In-law talk all the way even though, I tried, you know I tried, to steer the conversation towards other arenas. Some of the other single ladies, my older sis and I got into other conversations, but the hostess was determined that there be no 'side bars' and kept pulling us into the general mix. Sighh.

Anyway, about an hour into this torture zone one of the 'ladies', never met her before in my life, pondered out loud why the single ladies in the room were still unattached and shouldn't we get a move on as our 'clock' was ticking and did we know we could no longer afford to be picky after all we weren't spring chickens?? That did it-Abyssus, abyssum invocta! I promptly answered we were waiting for one in three of the marriages represented in the room to end in divorce so that we could have ourselves already 'trained' husbands and it wouldn't matter about our 'clocks' as they would have already borne our kids for us. Yes, there was apoplectic silence, then all the 7 single ladies laughed their hearts out whilst some of the more reasonable married ones, (my sister was laughing her head off), tittered nervously. I left for a decent meal elsewhere about 10 minutes later with 5 of the singles, my sister and her husband with some of their friends in tow, I could take no more.

Opomulero1 I tried, I sincerely tried.

girl after my own heart
- did they really think you were going to feel sorry for yourself and wallow in pity

why do some women become so insecure

i tire

really you shud have joined the men, with force
the conversation would have been more interesting and you could have gotten some networking done

Do consider visiting Naija secretly if u have too ( cos they got all those 'y aren't u married peops too')

I refuse to give up and I plan on enjoying myself along the way even if its a good laugh when such things like this

[b][/b]
Been reading this post now for a good half hour and I'm touched by a sense of bewilderment. There are many reasons why a man of 35 would still be single and these are closely related to the same reasons why a woman of that age would still be single. We live in a competitive world where we have all mostly been blessed with the gift of education. This means that women can choose not to get married at the age of 19 merely to become a housewife but CAN exploit the benefits of that education to pursue a career. This means one thing!. Rather than settling for the first man or woman one sees, one can and should seek out that partner that will complement the kind of lifestyle (and by lifestyle I don't mean clubbing etc, rather, religion, values, morals, ideologies, etc) one chooses to have.

Location also plays a part. Be mindful of the wise saying that the best of any country stay in their country. I have heard people say it is difficult to find a good Nigerian in places such as America, England etc. This may well be true but at the same time it is still difficult to find them in Nigeria unless one employs a great degree of circumspection. Unless luck plays a significant role, you will not find your ideal in the nightclubs, strip bars etc,

One other aspect is this. Whilst we are young we are wont to have a long list of qualities which we desire our ideal partner to possess. As we mature and get older this list becomes shorter but at the same time we become set in our ways and find it difficult to compromise in a relationship. Further, a woman of 35 is bound to have reached a stage in her career which statistically will be higher than a man of a similar age. This is a problem for most men.

35 is not an issue save for the limitation nature has placed on child bearing, but this is changing!!

60 is the new 40. We are living longer and 35 today will soon be what 50 was 30 years ago.

In summary i really did not have a point to make but to type myself to sleep,  adieu

Alas, in my haste to sleep i was remiss to notice there are actually three pages of scintillating dialogue.

@Obirin: Thanks for a good read. I must say you do possess a wonderful turn of phrase. You should consider getting some of your musings published. Very refreshing!!!

Obirin0521:

Thanks Memekak.  I continue, by His grace, to hold faithful to my calling.

This is mighty discouraging.  While I'm very pleased for you on your upcoming nuptials it just goes further to illustrate my point.  The Q men are hiding from the 'Away babes' but going to Naija to import brides. 

Are we truly that undesirable/unlovely/unNaija/Fill in the blanks?  Should we just cut our losses and make the final curtain call for the Naija quality male?  What a fitting way to end this weekend of horrors.  Sigh  

i agree with you. seems that naija guys have been deluded into thinking that girls in naija are better than girls living over here. they go home after years to carry a perceived innocent.
its baffling. why would you forsake the girls here who you know to go for the ones you know next to nothing about?  one chosen for you by your aunties? or your mummy?  [s]is it me or do they end up marrying the town slut who's reputation stinks to the high heavens. [/s] ?    .
na God go save person. 

Chiekezi:

[b][/b]
Been reading this post now for a good half hour and I'm touched by a sense of bewilderment. There are many reasons why a man of 35 would still be single and these are closely related to the same reasons why a woman of that age would still be single. We live in a competitive world where we have all mostly been blessed with the gift of education. This means that women can choose not to get married at the age of 19 merely to become a housewife but CAN exploit the benefits of that education to pursue a career. This means one thing!. Rather than settling for the first man or woman one sees, one can and should seek out that partner that will complement the kind of lifestyle (and by lifestyle I don't mean clubbing etc, rather, religion, values, morals, ideologies, etc) one chooses to have.

Location also plays a part. Be mindful of the wise saying that the best of any country stay in their country. I have heard people say it is difficult to find a good Nigerian in places such as America, England etc. This may well be true but at the same time it is still difficult to find them in Nigeria unless one employs a great degree of circumspection. Unless luck plays a significant role, you will not find your ideal in the nightclubs, strip bars etc,

One other aspect is this. Whilst we are young we are wont to have a long list of qualities which we desire our ideal partner to possess. As we mature and get older this list becomes shorter but at the same time we become set in our ways and find it difficult to compromise in a relationship. Further, a woman of 35 is bound to have reached a stage in her career which statistically will be higher than a man of a similar age. This is a problem for most men.

35 is not an issue save for the limitation nature has placed on child bearing, but this is changing!!

60 is the new 40. We are living longer and 35 today will soon be what 50 was 30 years ago.

In summary i really did not have a point to make but to type myself to sleep, adieu

looks like we have another wordsmith in the house

Chiekezi:

Alas, in my haste to sleep i was remiss to notice there are actually three pages of scintillating dialogue.

@Obirin: Thanks for a good read. I must say you do possess a wonderful turn of phrase. You should consider getting some of your musings published. Very refreshing!!!

nice of you to pop in

ermmm your posts sound like shakespeare: alas, remiss, turn a phrase etc

mmm 60 is the new 40---interesting

Chiekezi

Thanks for a good read. I must say you do possess a wonderful turn of phrase. You should consider getting some of your musings published. Very refreshing!!!

Thanks Brother mine.  I agree with Salsera, your write up was also beautifully turned out.  I was impressed both at the organization and expression of thoughts.  You are right, 60 is the new 40 etc,   That said,in your opinion, where are the elusive eligible Naija Bachelors?

Spoilt:   I agree with you regarding the unknown bride.  To a point.  I have known of experiences going either way.  Sometimes the guys end up with Jezzy other times with Ruth. 

My girlfriend in UK was dumped by her Bobo for a 'Home' girl because he felt she was too 'white'.  Whatever that meant to him.
Na for there tori begin:  The week Home girl got her hands on that 'Greencard' (He lives in the US), she took off for LA  before he got back from work, complete with 5 mos pregnancy.  Apparently her 'real' Bobo lived there but didn't have the papers to bring her over.  Long tori, short ending.  She terminated the pregnancy and married her 'no paper' BoBo.  My friend's ex has been begging her to come back to him for the past 19 months. 

On the other hand my friend 'Lucky' lives up to his name indeed.  Went to Auchi, met Phylis and they've been happily married ever since.  His reason for never asking me out?  'I just didn't see you as one who will readily give up your career to be a stay at home mom'  What!?! I'm single, there are no current commitments on my time and  should I, as Spoilt wrote on July 12, have sacrificed it all on the altar of the miniscule ego?  I tire my peops, I don tire.

Memekak I pray yours is a Ruth and that like Lucky's your union is everything and more besides.

Maybe I should just cut my losses regarding Naija bobos, 
Or,
Maybe I should just post an Ad that goes thusly:

Wanted Alive, Semi Comatose or Still slightly warm to the touch
Naija Male Species 35 'n older
With the warmth of the West African Sun singing in his veins,   

I'm not up to waxing poetic tonight. I've had a long flight and a longer business dinner.   Sisters finish this for moi.  Brothers you may chip in too.

Salsera: I've unhidden my e-add again.   Send me your # and I'll call you

I am a man in my thirties. How do i fit into this?

Tafari

How do i fit into this?

I guess you fit in here because you are Naija. What's your analytical position on the problem posed?

Obirin0521:

anted Alive, Semi Comatose or Still slightly warm to the touch
Naija Male Species 35 'n older
With the warmth of the West African Sun singing in his veins, I'm not up to waxing poetic tonight.  Sisters finish this for moi.  Brothers you can chip in too.

hehehehe. funny as heck. "as long as rigour mortis hasn't set in"! (that's my own contribution)
anyway i hear that naija babes are now using guys over here to cross over to be with their real loves! this whole thing is getting i'nterestinger' and 'interestinger'.


obirin i hope your friend wont get it into her head to give him a second chance.even a dog does not go back to its vomit.
seriously 6o is the new 40. i atimes close my eyes and wonder at the old, much younger me. i was erratic as hell and so removed from reality. looking back now i wonder what guys saw in me.
now i like to think i am the complete package in looks (i look better than i did 10 years ago), in attitude and general out look toward men i think any man would be silly not to pick the present me. its not always about youth.
obirin i remembered how you said you were all herded into the room. i remembered this in the office and burst out laughing. i would have dug in my heels like an obstinate mule and refused to move. she would have had to drag me by the ears screaming to take me away from all the guys.
we have to come up with another idea of how you can meet good naija men. prison maybe?
i watched a documentary about how women visit men in prison and start dating them.drastic situations need drastic measures.
those men are usually humble and faithful. (till they get out)

Spoilt

prison maybe? 

Yeepa!

Maybe not.   

All:  Let's review the title of this post ', Single Naija Men of Quality over 35.  Not 'quantity' Nne.

obirin i remembered how you said you were all herded into the room. i remembered this in the office and burst out laughing. i would have dug in my heels like an obstinate mule and refused to move. she would have had to drag me by the ears screaming to take me away from all the guys.

 
Trust me, the thought did go through my head but with such a determined 'herder', this would have scared any eligibles.  When all is said and done, who wants the equivalent of an uncouth banshee shrew as a prospective spouse?   

@ Salsera

Many thanks, merely evidence of a mispent youth frequenting Stratford-upon-Avon. Will try and tone it down.

@ Obirin

In so far as marriage is a life-long commitment, a lot of men do not put in as much time in choosing a wife as they would in buying a house or a car in some cases! I have been privy to many conversations amongs my ilk where the salient points where how pretty is she; the geometrical proportions of the intended; the "trophyability" of the said partner et al. At this point i must confess to being a guilty party.

As to the whereabouts of the eligible naija bachelors I don't claim to know the answer. What I will say is this: A lot of us who fell into the mistake i highlighted above tend to be more circumspect after the harrowing experience of a divorce or annulment. Although one may emerge from this experience the better for the wear there will always be an initial scepticism of the fairer sex. This said, divorcees tend to be more reflective (a little genaralisation - forgive me) and appreciate the bigger picture more.

Forever is indeed a long time. With the wrong partner it is an eternity. I always take solace in the words of my parents who have been married for over 37 years yet seem only to have met yesterday: Be patient, be kind, appreciate the little things, and above all pray. In summation, I would venture this - the eligible men/women over 35 or indeed any age are all around us. All we need is a little dash of maturity to appreciate the good in the other as opposed to negatives, a sprinkle of humility to temper our egos and know when to apologise, and a large dose of prayer to give us the grace to confront issues within our relationships as adults.

Chikiezie:
In your earlier write up you went along the lines of 'the best of the country stay in the country'.  With due reflection and deference to personal opinion I beg to differ.  This in my experience is not a salient saying: Reason being, I have lived most of my life on 3 continents, Africa, not necessarily W Africa, inclusive, and I have met extraordinary individuals who were forced out of their homelands by extenuating socio-economic or socio-physiological circumstances.  I hesitate to regard these individuals as weaklings or failures.

What I will say is this: A lot of us who fell into the mistake i highlighted above tend to be more circumspect after the harrowing experience of a divorce or annulment. Although one may emerge from this experience the better for the wear there will always be an initial scepticism of the fairer sex. This said, divorcees tend to be more reflective (a little genaralisation - forgive me) and appreciate the bigger picture more.

Re: Divorce - I hear you loud and clear.  May one then derive from this that you believe that the Naija Q man is still in open existence and abundance?  That is obviously not my experience and I would that you elaborate as such.  At least as regards the Naija Q male in the Diaspora.  For your contribution, in the words of the Bard, 'I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks.' Twelfth Night, Act 3

PS.  I have been invited to a Naija affair this weekend, still mulling that one over.

Obirin0521:

PS. I have been invited to a Naija affair this weekend, still mulling that one over.

more laughs when you return from that one. good luck.