Good evening all and a happy new year to you all,
Pls I want to seek the opinions of the Igbo's in the house.
My husband is the first son out of four boys. My husband and his immediate younger brother brought/introduced their wives to be to their parents at the same time, their parents are not together, so we met their father for the first time in the city. The younger brother's wife to be arrived before I did, and we were received by our father in-law to be very well.
That same period, Christmas period, we also travelled to the east to be introduced to their mother, i arrived first and their mother welcomed me well and told me I am her first daughter in law because they brought me to her first.
The younger brother got married before his elder brother.
What prompted this write up is that on many occasions, my brother in-law will always say his wife is the senior wife, that she was married before me, I will just laff and smile because I'm not dragging anything with her, age wise I'm senior to her.
I told my husband, he said I shouldn't bother my self that where he stands in d family that is where I stand.
This December while in d village he made reference to it again, i told my husband what his brother said when we arrived the city, he quarreled with me for not telling him while we were still in the village, I just told me I don't want them to quarrel.
So pls, I need elders to say one or two things concerning this matter, so that I will know how to reply him when next he says such.. Thanks. pls i will be glad if this hit front page

Your brother in-law's attitude has nothing to do with Igbo tradition.

Your husband is the first son, and you're his wife, so like he rightfully told you, your place is where he stands in the family.

I'll therefore advise you to ignore the brother like your husband suggested. He's just being childish an annoying one at that. When he sees you don't pay attention to it anymore he'll grow up.

Always ignore him
He wants to see the other side of you, be guided

CrazyMan:
Your brother in-law'a attitude has nothing to do with Igbo tradition.

Your husband is the first son, and you're his wife, so like he rightfully told you, your place is where he stands in the family.

I'll therefore advise you to ignore the brother like your husband suggested. He's just being childish an annoying one at that. When he sees you don't pay attention to it anymore he'll grow up.

thanks for your input, I really appreciate.

kosi2018:
Good evening all and a happy new year to you all,
Pls I want to seek the opinions of the Igbo's in the house.
My husband is the first son out of four boys. My husband and his immediate younger brother brought/introduced their wives to be to their parents at the same time, their parents are not together, so we met their father for the first time in the city. The younger brother's wife to be arrived before I did, and we were received by our father in-law to be very well.
That same period, Christmas period, we also travelled to the east to be introduced to their mother, i arrived first and their mother welcomed me well and told me I am her first daughter in law because they brought me to her first.
The younger brother got married before his elder brother.
What prompted this write up is that on many occasions, my brother in-law will always say his wife is the senior wife, that she was married before me, I will just laff and smile because I'm not dragging anything with her, age wise I'm senior to her.
I told my husband, he said I shouldn't bother my self that where he stands in d family that is where I stand.
This December while in d village he made reference to it again, i told my husband what his brother said when we arrived the city, he quarreled with me for not telling him while we were still in the village, I just told me I don't want them to quarrel.
So pls, I need elders to say one or two things concerning this matter, so that I will know how to reply him when next he says such.. Thanks. pls i will be glad if this hit front page

I even thought you had a problem not knowing you are the one creating one for yourself, instead of getting pissed off over nothing,I will just advice you to ignore and laugh over this issue, don't even border to inform your husband about it next time....

Because all I see is enemity you trying to create between two brothers over the most useless and baseless issue I have seen on nairaland since time memorial....

I told my husband, he said I shouldn't bother my self that where he stands in d family that is where I stand.

Don't worry yourself... Your husband has settled the case.

I am the last born and your brother in-law is just using it to hype his wife. Nothing more.

fnep2smooth:


Don't worry yourself... Your husband has settled the case.

I am the last born and your brother in-law is just using it to hype his wife. Nothing more.

my brother
you have said it all, he likes comparing too much, I have tried my best to ignore him every time we are at the villa, but he won't
just stop, and he has never for once said it in his elder brother's presence.

Slynation:

I even thought you had a problem not knowing you are the one creating one for yourself, instead of getting pissed off over nothing,I will just advice you to ignore and laugh over this issue, don't even border to inform your husband about it next time....

Because all I see is enemity you trying to create between two brothers over the most useless and baseless issue I have seen on nairaland since time memorial....

my dear I'm not creating any enmity, that is why I didn't tell my husband while we were still in the village, I know what it would have resulted to. he knows his brother and knows how to handle him, but i didn't want all that drama.

kosi2018:
my dear I'm not creating any enmity, that is why I didn't tell my husband while we were still in the village, I know what it would have resulted to. he knows his brother and knows how to handle him, but i didn't want all that drama.

Lol....since you don't want any drama, don't you think it will be wise of you not letting your man know about it anymore?? And besides, his younger brother is correct if truth must be told, they married your co-wife first and that makes her the first wife of the family....(mi kwere,mi kwero) it is what is it"

Slynation:
Lol....since you don't want any drama, don't you think it will be wise of you not letting your man know about it anymore?? And besides, his younger brother is correct if truth must be told, they married your co-wife first and that makes her the first wife of the family....(mi kwere,mi kwero) it is what is it"

yeah, I have decided not to let him know about it any more, but I'm just trying to be careful so that I won't reply him in a way that will seem I'm being disrespectful to him, most time when he do say it, it won't even relate to d discussion at hand, i don't know y he is felling insecured, I'm not dragging seniority or anything with his wife, we don't see each other more than once in a year or two, when their mother shares anything I choose first, so I don't know what his problem is.

kosi2018:
yeah, I have decided not to let him know about it any more, but I'm just trying to be careful so that I won't reply him in a way that will seem I'm being disrespectful to him, most time when he do say it, it won't even relate to d discussion at hand, i don't know y he is felling insecured, I'm not dragging seniority or anything with his wife, we don't see each other more than once in a year or two, when their mother shares anything I choose first, so I don't know what his problem is.

Then he's purposely getting on your nerves....!! Maybe you need to find out if being the first wife of the family means anything in their tradition/family... because from where I come from, nothing tangible is attached to such privilege... Then perhaps you might know the next step to take....

I have seen where this type of issue created a big problem in the family
There was an occasion cow was killed and meat shared, the packing of the meat was to be according to seniority, one of the wives made attempt to pack the other objected stressing she is the senior wife since her husband is older than the other wife husband, the other wife refused stressing that she was married first came into the family first so therefore she is senior

Na so kasala burstoo

kosi2018:
my brother
you have said it all, he likes comparing too much, I have tried my best to ignore him every time we are at the villa, but he won't
just stop, and he has never for once said it in his elder brother's presence.

He can't say such in his presence .... You want make him summon umunna for him. Besides if they are sharing anything in the family even if your husband is not present you are the one who will collect his right. So relax na just normal family issue. We don see am tire.

This exact question popped up in my head a few days ago. don't know why but i just found myself thinking. What if someone marries a first son whose younger brother had already married, what will be the elder brothers wifes' position?

In igbo land, it's very key to know these things because whenever they want to hand over certain things to the wifes' to share or be in charge of, its the senior wife they give it to or put in charge. So, one really needs to know.

Hopefully, some elders will chime in a thing or two about this.

Madam, I'm not ibo o but I advice you to ignore and stay far away from "bad energy".

but ur brother-inlaw wife senior you for marriage in a village meeting or group her name comes first before you so she takes right befor you but all these no mater

Your brother-in-law is fanning the coals of mischief and he will soon bite the dust.

Just tell him you have informed his brother (your husband) and he will handle the matter at the right time.

Please don't worry yourself. It is sibling rivalry.

Who is richer? In the end, that's what really counts. .
Poor first born wife and rich last born wife, who do you think will be more respected
Go and make money, then you'll stop looking for seniority.

Hmm!!! why are you bordered as if the younger brother was married to you?... You are the queen of your husband's heart... "to your tents O' Israel"

Biko when has there been a prize for first-wifeism, why this unnecessary wahala on yourself?

Second son's wife may be married first into the family, may even be senior in age and societal status but in family matters, she ought to have some respect for first son's wife. This is because the respect goes to the diokpa and not just to his wife.

That said, this isn't supposed to be a topic in a family with reasonable people.

Please ignore him. I want to believe you have better things to do with your time than to pay attention to such trivial issues.

Truth is that since she got married before you..

She is your senior marriage wise and will always be given rights before you in the midst of married women in your husband village...

It's no big deal so don't go and create wahala where there is none

I am not igbo but why would a man be this petty, its women that drag these things naau.


Ignore him

TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, AS LONG AS THAT LADY WAS MARRIED INTO THAT FAMILY BEFORE YOU , SHE IS THE FIRST DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, NO MATTER THE AGE DIFFERENCE.

ABOVEDELAW:
TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, AS LONG AS THAT LADY WAS MARRIED INTO THAT FAMILY BEFORE YOU , SHE IS THE FIRST DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, NO MATTER THE AGE DIFFERENCE.

I'm not disputing the fact that she came before me, which automatically makes her the first daughter inlaw of the family, she has two sons already and I'm still waiting on the lord, my concern is why is he acting as if I'm depriving his wife of anything, bringing of seniority issue at every slight opportunity, as someone advice before, I will find out, I want to know why he is feeling that way.

OK, NOW I UNDERSTAND. I WILL ADVISE YOU TO ALWAYS IGNORE HIM EACH TIME HE BRINGS THE MATTER UP.

kosi2018:
I'm not disputing the fact that she came before me, which automatically makes her the first daughter inlaw of the family, she has two sons already and I'm still waiting on the lord, my concern is why is he acting as if I'm depriving his wife of anything, bringing of seniority issue at every slight opportunity, as someone advice before, I will find out, I want to know why he is feeling that way.

kosi2018:
I'm not disputing the fact that she came before me, which automatically makes her the first daughter inlaw of the family, she has two sons already and I'm still waiting on the lord, my concern is why is he acting as if I'm depriving his wife of anything, bringing of seniority issue at every slight opportunity, as someone advice before, I will find out, I want to know why he is feeling that way.

Kosi, don't allow this to get you upset. You can't wait on the Lord successfully if you are not joyful. There is so much competition in this world and you should avoid it by all standards.

kosi2018:
I'm not disputing the fact that she came before me, which automatically makes her the first daughter inlaw of the family, she has two sons already and I'm still waiting on the lord, my concern is why is he acting as if I'm depriving his wife of anything, bringing of seniority issue at every slight opportunity, as someone advice before, I will find out, I want to know why he is feeling that way.

You sure say , you sef no dey do pass your self?. I am married and most first son's wife too dey do. So you sef check your self and humble yourself as well. No say because your husband na first son, so therefore everybody go bow for you. I know what I am saying, most first son's wife too do abeg. The lady in question is older than you in terms of marriage but she suppose still Mello as per say your husband be the first son. Respect dey say is reciprocal...

ststyreal:

You sure say , you sef no dey do pass your self?. I am married and most first son's wife too dey do. So you sef check your self and humble yourself as well. No say because your husband na first son, so therefore everybody go bow for you. I know what I am saying, most first son's wife too do abeg. The lady in question is older than you in terms of marriage but she suppose still Mello as per say your husband be the first son. Respect dey say is reciprocal...

me I nor de do pass my self oo, I'm a very cool headed person, me and my co wife are in very good terms, she is very cool headed just as I am, its just my bro inlaw that is behaving the way u don't understand. thanks for your input .

boldx:


Kosi, don't allow this to get you upset. You can't wait on the Lord successfully if you are not joyful. There is so much competition in this world and you should avoid it by all standards.

thanks I really appreciate.

Next time he says that to you, tell him you are not there to drag position.

kosi2018:
Good evening all and a happy new year to you all,
Pls I want to seek the opinions of the Igbo's in the house.
My husband is the first son out of four boys. My husband and his immediate younger brother brought/introduced their wives to be to their parents at the same time, their parents are not together, so we met their father for the first time in the city. The younger brother's wife to be arrived before I did, and we were received by our father in-law to be very well.
So pls, I need elders to say one or two things concerning this matter, so that I will know how to reply him when next he says such.. Thanks. pls i will be glad if this hit front page

Well, based on tradition she is senior to you in women’s meetings or anything else that is ranked based on who is married first.

But within your husband’s family there really isn’t any special rights given to a first married wife. You’re just the first son’s wife. She may have married first, but she’s also just a wife in the family.

Ignore your husband’s brother.