Your own is small. What they say can't be taken back. It means it's been there all the while. Las las, if a relationship doesn't foster harmony, we should leave it. The single ones or those who haven't been through this would not understand.

oshonwambada:
confirm.women and their mouth sha.my woman is like that but after talking trash,she wil stil come and beg that I should forgive her.for real some of them dont mean it.only cho cho cho cho

@cho Cho cho cho
There is a funny meme that used to go with this.....Cho cho cho.
Somebody should attach it,pls.

seanwilliam:
No matter the love you have for anyone , you should always avoid see finish and be unpredictable

GBAM.

Not trying to sound incesitive but are you sure those kids are yours.A woman who can say such hurtful things at such a moment can do more than that.just overlooking or forgiving and forgetting won't solve her problem,your disability is the worst refrence to your personality and you tell me it just SLIPPED out of her mouth no it didn't.my piece of advice just make sure you don't overreact when the extended or external parties come and set your boundries that is if you still want your marriage to work

Yusufisraelj:
OP

Many have given great suggestions here, I wish you were like me as regards words, but variety brings beauty.

So what I have is to fault you in absconding, when a woman repeats an offense, there is the likelihood that she is feeling she is not really loved by you. When was the last time you did something that she considers an affection of love from you?

You see relationship is about the other person not you, equally you watch what you get in return.

I fault you bkos, you should spare head the direction the house takes and not abscond, equally learn to speak up quickly, showing facial expression is never enough, kill the issue there and then let her know that that should not be repeated.

Go home with a gift, talk to your wife, iron things out, let her know what you want and how like it done and hear her own side to and both of you should commit to doing it for the other, then make sweet love. My brother nothing is as bad as it seems, every marriage problem get solution. Cheers

Mr yusuf,
so, after reading all these, this is what you could come up as a piece of advice for the man?
you fault the man? really?

Seriously, your headache need to be checked for this nonsense you called an advice.

kalmebad:


Please I beg to disagree with you. Speaking from a woman's perspective...we only learn the hard way. We take lots for granted esp a man's excess love...some women r never appreciative till they lose what they have..haven said that.

I felt touchy going through your story..but my only advice... please forgive...as hard as it seems.. divorce is never an option. Have a deep talk with and let her understand your hurt...and see if she deeply apologize.

Women.. including me...some r worse gift from God to man but understanding and communication makes life easier..pls bear with her ....we all deserve a second chance
Good luck dear

You are not a Woman but a man behind that Account.

I have observed that women always support and defend any nasty (or bad) thing done in marriage against the man.

I have seen this same thing on NL, FB, twitter, and other social media platforms I am active on.

That is why I do not think "any man that finds a wife has found a good thing" should still be hanging in the Bible. It should be removed.

I have observed that marriage is slavery and punishment to two people who pretend to live together just to give birth to children and over burden the man to be a slave to the wife and her relatives.

Marriage is SCAM and that is why there are no good testimonies about marriage in our society.

J111333:
Those are strong words and she meant every bit of it bro.

One can only find out a bit of woman's inner mind when she is badly provoked.

You guys have resolved your issues so I advise you keep it that way at least for the sake of peace in your home.

Forgive her but don't forget those words, they are really strong. Do I insinuate that you to act on them, no I don't but be on your guard incase of any eventuality.

I need ur help sir

she luv u,she needs gud advise,u try nd relax ur mine,communicate,trust,luv her nd urself,so sory

Reading married folks woes is abit funny and scary at the same time

Atleast she didn't call u "broke useless man that cannot take care of his house"

Op try to forgive n forget n move on, I'd advise that you talk bout the text message with her,and let her know how that hurt you.. Suppressing it might hurt you again overtime.

omo Is there anything like a perfect marriage? _{scary Sturv}

seanwilliam:
if I’m a mod on this forum I will ban you till eternity.. this is totally bullshit ..u self sha open your mouth to talk .. I don’t think you have brain atall .. simp !

I support you man.

CrescentMoon:
Let me first tell you my kind of character. For you to make me angry, you have to repeat an offense more than 30 to 40 times. After each offence, I would only give you facial expression that will let you know that you offended me. And I would ensure you get the message.

So wife kept repeating same offence. I told her I don't like what she was doing. She said she would adjust, but kept repeating the same thing. When I got fed up, I tried to retaliate. My only retaliation is that I stopped being around in the house. I would leave the house very early in the morning and return late at night. I would go for business in another town and return 4 days later. She knows nothing stops me from coming home everyday from the other town because I have means of transportation. She flared up. Started calling relatives that I'm maltreating her. They asked her to say which ways I have been maltreating her...she said I'm avoiding our home. Relatives asked if I'm beating or starving her. She said no.

I know why it pained her very well. If she wants to go and urinate outside, I would go and drop her there. When she is through, she would call me and I would go and pick her up again.

She's a woman that's always settling fights for couples in the street. So, she never wanted it to be heard anywhere that we are quarelling in our home. She won't want anybody to come to our house to settle disputes. So this prolongs our fights always.

When she couldn't bear it again, she sent a message to me that goes like this: I INITIALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DIVORCE YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR DISABILITY AS I PITY YOU. BUT NOW, IT'S OVER. YOU HAVE TO BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS ME ALL THESE YEARS. WHAT DID I HAVE TO DO WITH A JUJU DIABOLIC MAN IN THE FIRST INSTANCE.

Let me disect those words in capital letters for you. I have a disability, but you can't notice it easily until you start talking to me. She said I have to bear the consequences of my actions towards her... looking back, I have done unimaginable things to make her happy. I even saved her life when she didn't want blood transfusion from unknown persons as a result of her Christian belief not to contract demons from the blood of unknown person. Fortunately, my blood group is that of a universal donor. That means I can donate blood for anybody. Note that she had never done any noteworthy thing for me apart from giving birth to our babies. About being a juju man, I will tell you how she arrived at this: somebody was about to give birth from her family side and the baby was in breech position. She asked for advice and I told her that if I take the woman to the village my uncle will give the woman a concoction to reverse it. Her faith is against it, but because someone from her side just gave birth through CS, which almost led to the death of mother and baby, she asked me to take the woman to the village. The breech position was reversed. I'm surprised she now labelled me a juju man.

Instead of me to take her message personal, I urged her to please herself. This infuriated her the more. Instead of leaving me, she invited someone to intervene, tracked me to the second town, and it was settled there.

My problem now is that those words are still ringing in my head... someone I thought was a lover said she married me out of piety.

Explain this very same way to somebody that has a real influence over her in her family

UDUJ:
cc: CrescentMoon

Apologies but I am a bit confused. From your statement in the image below, may I ask who has the disability: yourself or your wife?

What you are passing through right now is what I call mental torture and it's a terrible form of depression. This marriage institution is just somehow these days. Fear dey catch me sef

If only couples realize that words can kill. There are things we should never say in anger. Some words once spoken can never be taken back. I for one might forgive you but I will never forget. Sad.

He's the one with the disability.

the attachment you attached is he illustrating that he takes her wife to anywhere she wants to go and also bring her back when she is through - with his car.

[Marriage is two forgivers living together, forgive her.


author=CrescentMoon post=97932450]Let me first tell you my kind of character. For you to make me angry, you have to repeat an offense more than 30 to 40 times. After each offence, I would only give you facial expression that will let you know that you offended me. And I would ensure you get the message.

So wife kept repeating same offence. I told her I don't like what she was doing. She said she would adjust, but kept repeating the same thing. When I got fed up, I tried to retaliate. My only retaliation is that I stopped being around in the house. I would leave the house very early in the morning and return late at night. I would go for business in another town and return 4 days later. She knows nothing stops me from coming home everyday from the other town because I have means of transportation. She flared up. Started calling relatives that I'm maltreating her. They asked her to say which ways I have been maltreating her...she said I'm avoiding our home. Relatives asked if I'm beating or starving her. She said no.

I know why it pained her very well. If she wants to go and urinate outside, I would go and drop her there. When she is through, she would call me and I would go and pick her up again.

She's a woman that's always settling fights for couples in the street. So, she never wanted it to be heard anywhere that we are quarelling in our home. She won't want anybody to come to our house to settle disputes. So this prolongs our fights always.

When she couldn't bear it again, she sent a message to me that goes like this: I INITIALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DIVORCE YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR DISABILITY AS I PITY YOU. BUT NOW, IT'S OVER. YOU HAVE TO BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS ME ALL THESE YEARS. WHAT DID I HAVE TO DO WITH A JUJU DIABOLIC MAN IN THE FIRST INSTANCE.

Let me disect those words in capital letters for you. I have a disability, but you can't notice it easily until you start talking to me. She said I have to bear the consequences of my actions towards her... looking back, I have done unimaginable things to make her happy. I even saved her life when she didn't want blood transfusion from unknown persons as a result of her Christian belief not to contract demons from the blood of unknown person. Fortunately, my blood group is that of a universal donor. That means I can donate blood for anybody. Note that she had never done any noteworthy thing for me apart from giving birth to our babies. About being a juju man, I will tell you how she arrived at this: somebody was about to give birth from her family side and the baby was in breech position. She asked for advice and I told her that if I take the woman to the village my uncle will give the woman a concoction to reverse it. Her faith is against it, but because someone from her side just gave birth through CS, which almost led to the death of mother and baby, she asked me to take the woman to the village. The breech position was reversed. I'm surprised she now labelled me a juju man.

Instead of me to take her message personal, I urged her to please herself. This infuriated her the more. Instead of leaving me, she invited someone to intervene, tracked me to the second town, and it was settled there.

My problem now is that those words are still ringing in my head... someone I thought was a lover said she married me out of piety.[/quote]

MrMacinterchi1:


He's the one with the disability.

the attachment you attached is he illustrating that he takes her wife to anywhere she wants to go and also bring her back when she is through - with his car.

Now understood. Thanks for this.

My brother.... make we start to count?... They say some words to get us thinking sometimes... sincerely 99% don't mean them....

abimbola74:

Aswear she didn’t mean those words . Women and their mouth like tap water. She just want to hurt you with words and let you feel miserable. Show her this text and tell her you won’t delete that message that it reminds you who she really is and watch how she will cry uncontrollably. Bruh abeg no vex

First of all, what was she doing repeatedly that you don't like?is it something unavoidable? You need to consider that when you're reacting.For instance My guy always pick offence,serious one when he tried to reach me and he couldn't for some mins or few hours because either my data was off or my phone battery was down. We normally communicate everyday online because he is far away from me. Have tried to explain the situation several times, my phone battery doesn't last long,not as if he will send money for data but I try my best to keep my phone on most times, yet anytime he want to make quarrel out of this situation of which I'm really fed up with.

Please sir,forgive her..

CrescentMoon:


These sentences are my way of saying that I spoiled her with care to the extent that I drive her to wherever she wants to go instead of leaving her to catch public transport.

Oh wow, now I understand. Hmmmmmmm I wouldn't blame you for spoiling your wife because I am not in those shoes yet but I can see you are an emotional man just like me. Take it easy. Your mental health is paramount bro. Call your wife and pour out your heart to her and let her do the same.

Please don't listen to people telling you to get a divorce. It hasn't come to that point yet. Women are very delicate people and if you take what they say to heart you will commit murder. I learnt this early in life from my dad. When your head is hot you can leave the house but please don't spend the night outside. Go out, clear your head and come back home. I understand what you are going through. Cheers bro.

i've heard of these love languages before. However, it does not apply to me. If you give me a gift i would love and cherish it, if you do an act of service i would deeply appreciate, if you spend quality time i would appreciate, physical touch i would appreciate as well.

So my own love language is all the love languages.

Shokoloko:


Great question. Its the love languages that let you know what your spouse will consider "been taken for granted". I didn't know these until I saw it play out in my marriage.
I love (acts of service) not really gifts or words of affirmation so my spouse couldn't understand why I was NOT tripping for the human hairs, and watches and shoes and Lexus he bought me - I really don't care much for them.
I found him rather kind and sexy when he was washing dishes in the kitchen with me or joining me in my little farm or in the gym (he hates the gym ).

And he always complained that I took him for granted and never gave him gifts. I did give him gifts but I later realized his love language is GIFT GIVING, so the bigger the gift, the more it meant to him.
So now whenever I want to give my spouse a birthday gift I start putting it together months in advance. I would not buy a phone of more than 60K for myself cause it means nothing to him but I know his love language is gifts so I gift him some crazy unreal phones (His eyes widen like a kid's when I hand him the latest edition).
Of course he still buys me lovely gifts but my thank you when he has done an act of service is both in words and in kind.

My Uncle told me being married is like playing a traditional masquerade.
Where the wife is the masquerade and the husband is the one holding the rope tied to the masquerade.
You have to prevent the masquerade from hurting others and also prevent the masquerade from hurting you.
Whatever you do with your wife, just know that times will come when you will be hurt.
That being said, carry on with your married life, for it is same in all marriages.

angelfallz:
i've heard of these love languages before. However, it does not apply to me. If you give me a gift i would love and cherish it, if you do an act of service i would deeply appreciate, if you spend quality time i would appreciate, physical touch i would appreciate as well.

So my own love language is all the love languages.

Only you wants all the languages.
Continue......

Escalate it. Why ? She isn't truly remorseful. Remorse isn't when you involve outsiders. If It were me I'd give her space for sometime.

CrescentMoon:
Let me first tell you my kind of character. For you to make me angry, you have to repeat an offense more than 30 to 40 times. After each offence, I would only give you facial expression that will let you know that you offended me. And I would ensure you get the message.

So wife kept repeating same offence. I told her I don't like what she was doing. She said she would adjust, but kept repeating the same thing. When I got fed up, I tried to retaliate. My only retaliation is that I stopped being around in the house. I would leave the house very early in the morning and return late at night. I would go for business in another town and return 4 days later. She knows nothing stops me from coming home everyday from the other town because I have means of transportation. She flared up. Started calling relatives that I'm maltreating her. They asked her to say which ways I have been maltreating her...she said I'm avoiding our home. Relatives asked if I'm beating or starving her. She said no.

I know why it pained her very well. If she wants to go and urinate outside, I would go and drop her there. When she is through, she would call me and I would go and pick her up again.

She's a woman that's always settling fights for couples in the street. So, she never wanted it to be heard anywhere that we are quarelling in our home. She won't want anybody to come to our house to settle disputes. So this prolongs our fights always.

When she couldn't bear it again, she sent a message to me that goes like this: I INITIALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DIVORCE YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR DISABILITY AS I PITY YOU. BUT NOW, IT'S OVER. YOU HAVE TO BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS ME ALL THESE YEARS. WHAT DID I HAVE TO DO WITH A JUJU DIABOLIC MAN IN THE FIRST INSTANCE.

Let me disect those words in capital letters for you. I have a disability, but you can't notice it easily until you start talking to me. She said I have to bear the consequences of my actions towards her... looking back, I have done unimaginable things to make her happy. I even saved her life when she didn't want blood transfusion from unknown persons as a result of her Christian belief not to contract demons from the blood of unknown person. Fortunately, my blood group is that of a universal donor. That means I can donate blood for anybody. Note that she had never done any noteworthy thing for me apart from giving birth to our babies. About being a juju man, I will tell you how she arrived at this: somebody was about to give birth from her family side and the baby was in breech position. She asked for advice and I told her that if I take the woman to the village my uncle will give the woman a concoction to reverse it. Her faith is against it, but because someone from her side just gave birth through CS, which almost led to the death of mother and baby, she asked me to take the woman to the village. The breech position was reversed. I'm surprised she now labelled me a juju man.

Instead of me to take her message personal, I urged her to please herself. This infuriated her the more. Instead of leaving me, she invited someone to intervene, tracked me to the second town, and it was settled there.

My problem now is that those words are still ringing in my head... someone I thought was a lover said she married me out of piety.

UDUJ:

Now understood. Thanks for this.

you're welcome. it's my Pleasure.

Shokoloko:


Only you wants all the languages.
Continue......

Lol, but seriously i appreciate all.

when they find your trouble they cry, and when you offend them they still cry. Those people are difficult to comprehend.

CrescentMoon:
Let me first tell you my kind of character. For you to make me angry, you have to repeat an offense more than 30 to 40 times. After each offence, I would only give you facial expression that will let you know that you offended me. And I would ensure you get the message.

So wife kept repeating same offence. I told her I don't like what she was doing. She said she would adjust, but kept repeating the same thing. When I got fed up, I tried to retaliate. My only retaliation is that I stopped being around in the house. I would leave the house very early in the morning and return late at night. I would go for business in another town and return 4 days later. She knows nothing stops me from coming home everyday from the other town because I have means of transportation. She flared up. Started calling relatives that I'm maltreating her. They asked her to say which ways I have been maltreating her...she said I'm avoiding our home. Relatives asked if I'm beating or starving her. She said no.

I know why it pained her very well. If she wants to go and urinate outside, I would go and drop her there. When she is through, she would call me and I would go and pick her up again.

She's a woman that's always settling fights for couples in the street. So, she never wanted it to be heard anywhere that we are quarelling in our home. She won't want anybody to come to our house to settle disputes. So this prolongs our fights always.

When she couldn't bear it again, she sent a message to me that goes like this: I INITIALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DIVORCE YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR DISABILITY AS I PITY YOU. BUT NOW, IT'S OVER. YOU HAVE TO BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS ME ALL THESE YEARS. WHAT DID I HAVE TO DO WITH A JUJU DIABOLIC MAN IN THE FIRST INSTANCE.

Let me disect those words in capital letters for you. I have a disability, but you can't notice it easily until you start talking to me. She said I have to bear the consequences of my actions towards her... looking back, I have done unimaginable things to make her happy. I even saved her life when she didn't want blood transfusion from unknown persons as a result of her Christian belief not to contract demons from the blood of unknown person. Fortunately, my blood group is that of a universal donor. That means I can donate blood for anybody. Note that she had never done any noteworthy thing for me apart from giving birth to our babies. About being a juju man, I will tell you how she arrived at this: somebody was about to give birth from her family side and the baby was in breech position. She asked for advice and I told her that if I take the woman to the village my uncle will give the woman a concoction to reverse it. Her faith is against it, but because someone from her side just gave birth through CS, which almost led to the death of mother and baby, she asked me to take the woman to the village. The breech position was reversed. I'm surprised she now labelled me a juju man.

Instead of me to take her message personal, I urged her to please herself. This infuriated her the more. Instead of leaving me, she invited someone to intervene, tracked me to the second town, and it was settled there.

My problem now is that those words are still ringing in my head... someone I thought was a lover said she married me out of piety.

I can't read all the comments. Pls let her know how you feel about those words. If shes sensible, she will apologize and promise not to repeat that again. She will also want to tell you the ones you said that tore her down; apologize as well.
Watch and see changes

Hmmmmmm my brother you see this............. I INITIALLY DIDN'T WANT TO DIVORCE YOU BECAUSE OF YOUR DISABILITY AS I PITY YOU. BUT NOW, IT'S OVER. YOU HAVE TO BEAR THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR ACTIONS TOWARDS ME ALL THESE YEARS. WHAT DID I HAVE TO DO WITH A JUJU DIABOLIC MAN IN THE FIRST INSTANCE.
Na women attitudes be that o....they can say even worst that this. But be the man you ought to have be. She didn't mean it at all.

Oga sir, be a man.

You are not a man. What sort of a man counts fault and wrongs 30/40 times? and then goes on to retaliate ? The period of time you stayed out of home thinking you were doing your wife, how did that impact your marriage, home and kids welfare? Do you know marriage ia all about communication? Have you heard of forgiving ahead even before people hurt you? How many times did Jesus say we should forgive? Your wife hasnt done anything noteworthy for you except bear you kids, you are so immature. You have saved her life because you are a universal donor probably O+ like I am, so what? Have you heard about doing good and not bragging about it?


Marriage is about two forgivers coming together to forgive themselves daily and making it work, not babies running and abscounding from issues when they come up because they will surely come up.

To the disability issue, in life know this people will always throw our weaknesses at us when they know we are insecure about ourselves. How about next time she throws it at you you sef jokingly tell her , even with your disability you paid her brideprice and married her as a husband whether she no see other men? And she will learn not to run her mouth flippantly again.

Develop a thick skin as a man and head of that home. The man is the head and if it fails , it is the man that will be blamed. When an accident happens in a vehicle, do you go asking the passengers? No. you ask the driver behind the wheels. You are the driver of your marriage, take charge! and be the man.

You are too busy running away from a woman you courted and married and retaliating and sulking over disability and counting 30/40times wrong doings that is why the home front and marriage is failing. Sit down, put your feet down and man up. Know your place.

simplesearch:
Don't let the devil destroy your home further.
I don't think she meant a bit of those words, she only probably did that to get your attention when she'd exhausted all she thinks she could to do so.
She will go on her knee to beg you or do more when you're back, kindly forgive her and don't keep malice or grudge it will bring you low and down the pedestal of honor.
As a man when issues arises in your home be firm in your decisions, but walking away from your home when there is no major crisis that endangers your life is a no, no!
A man is the gate keeper of the home and on no occasion should you leave your duty post for the devil to gain control.
In conclusion a man must be known for something, your wife probably know you as someone who trust God and will never go the traditional way, but you betrayed that trust and standard when you introduced or recommended a medium of healing that is a log way from what she knew you for,
that act simply registered you in her heart as someone who lives a double standard life. Next time stick out your neck on what you believe and let the world and those around you recognize you for that. A real child of God could have taken those with such challenge to a real minister of God for prayers, in that you betrayed her spiritual trust.

A real child of God indeed. That's why people died from situations that have sensible solutions to just because it's different from what they were told and made to believe.

God gave us sense and reasoning, he expects us to put it in practice when needed than to allow religion and doctrines do the thinking for us.

A child was saved using that natural traditional method - maybe you should put that into consideration when next you want bring in that "a real child of God ".

abimbola74:

Aswear she didn’t mean those words . Women and their mouth like tap water. She just want to hurt you with words and let you feel miserable. Show her this text and tell her you won’t delete that message that it reminds you who she really is and watch how she will cry uncontrollably. Bruh abeg no vex

Fact

CalliDora1:
Stop holding on to those words. She said them out of anger and didn't really mean them otherwise she would have made good her threat and not bothered settling with you. Holding on to those words will only keep putting a strain on your marriage and reduce your love for her.

She still loves you. Just forgive and forget.

words cant be taken back..is as if most women dont know d kind of ego we men carry..whether u like it or not d love affection and care cant be the same..too strong my bro..i have nerver told a stranger who is disabled those words..he will leave forever with this damage.and in the nearest time will start losing intetest in the womans love no matter d style of sex she offers..it cant be d same..it didnt have to get to this point...women nor get sense..na to dey shout feminist up and down..and dey dont know d meaning..a ferminist is someone who doesnt stresss his husband..loves him dearly and doesnt depend on him financially yet still beign loyal to him

AbujaCitiBlog:


[s][/s]Just divorce her. She is not worth it[s][/s].

Shuu
Every small thing divorce
Nawa for indomie generation