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What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? - Family (4) - Nairaland

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My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? / Why Does Sex Slowly Die Off In A Marriage After 10+ Years?? / A Marriage List Given To A Man In Akwa Ibom (Screenshot) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Karlifate: 9:26am On Jan 20, 2021
Less talk, more action is what you need now.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by BlackMamba69(m): 9:30am On Jan 20, 2021
Vevejoy:


[s]I'll pass because the Bible says I should in the book of 2 Timothy.

2 Timothy 2:23-24 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels.

Nice try to get me[/s] smiley

See me see wahala.
I saw an apt comment.
I quoted the wise son of man.
You (a frustrated wife) went out of your way to quote me directly claiming you will avoid quarrels? cheesy
Make that make sense.

3 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by BlackMamba69(m): 9:32am On Jan 20, 2021
Biglittlelois:


Okay my father is obviously a pained little mangina who gave birth to a mannerless, uncouth cretin like me.

According to my skewed logic, taking a baby to a nursery is suffering grin. I am a lazy woman and a useless mother.

It's so painful to take a baby to a strange environment to be in the care of strange people because I'm too lazy to take of a child I willingly opened my rotten vagina to conceive.
I know my child will be safe during the period the child will be in their care but I'm too entitled to say otherwise.

Parents who go through this phase sacrifice a absolutely nothing. Rather such parents should be grateful to have others take care if the baby they are too lazy to care for and they just have to keep whingeing, knowing fully well that their child is in safe hands, and at the same time, dismiss every stupid, entited mentality.

So since I know nothing, I will shut up, read, and learn.

Oh really? good to know! grin

3 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by BlackMamba69(m): 9:34am On Jan 20, 2021
LordKO:
You're in a loveless marriage. It doesn't matter whether you're the reason why your husband doesn't love you, or he didn't achieve self-realization before marrying you; however, his actions and inaction show that he regrets getting married to you, citing your submission. So, the problem in your marriage didn't start from the point you made your choice to have your biological mother to visit - which under normal circumstances shouldn't have caused a problem, even if he's unfavorably disposed to the idea - the problem only reared up its ugly head from that point.

He's a man who hasn't conquered himself ethically and mentally, thus the reason why he's a slave to native doctors - the native doctors aren't the problem, but him. He isn't fit enough to lead himself, least of leading another grown-up in particular and a family in general. It doesn't matter whether he's of good financial and academic standing. By the way, your shortcomings are glaring; strive to be less self-absorbing.

That nigga (her husband) is quietly planning an exit strategy. Trust and believe grin

3 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Karlifate: 9:35am On Jan 20, 2021
Vevejoy:


We've been having alot of sex. �
And you cannot use the post-sex time to get to the root of the matter.

Maybe your marriage was NOT stable as you opined.

Also, it seems you only see things from your own point of view.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Dreyton36: 9:42am On Jan 20, 2021
Chai this woman you carry this matter reach nairaland lipsrsealed
Shey you don see true true say you talk too much

I go tell your husband grin

Just kidding though.

Listen darling, give him time
Focus on other things that matters, give your baby so much love and care
Erase his name from your head entirely for now
Don't seek his attention just be yourself

Time heals everything

And hey, don't forget to learn how to close your mouth, that's the reason why he ignores you all the time, and that's why your tears don't even move him because women that talk too much, no one takes them serious

Lights up my kpoli in peace
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by BlackMamba69(m): 9:54am On Jan 20, 2021
Leshurr:


There's something called sacarsm you know.

grin grin you dey mind am?
Proverbs 712:900; It's ok to be a fool, but for a hopelessly frustrated fool, disgrace is certain.
wink

3 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by heniford2: 9:57am On Jan 20, 2021
Vevejoy:


He is a citizen of 2 1st world countries and can never be deported. Thanks for ur assumptions anyway. U said ur mind. ✌
21st world country madam and can never be deported if you provk him and he hit u or abuse you which may lead to something bigger you know very well the western country favors more the woman than the male with this your attitude he may lose it and act one day slow down oh been a black divorcee in western country is bad for woman loneliness and all that, do me a favor please study your husband his not perfect but his a man and respect him he will make you his queen forget this your mentality of him visiting juju man or negative doctor as a christian ur duty its to pray for him, madam stop nagging it turns man up oh some will be looking out i just broke up with girl because of it stop it

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 10:09am On Jan 20, 2021
so long a letter
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Omezif(m): 10:46am On Jan 20, 2021
Constantle visit native doctor, not allowing mother inlaw, not says the main reason as a husband to his wife why he does'nt like this and that and discuss it in a jentle way to settle than still worrying in common things, the man is wrong, wicked and is not good. What you should do now is apology if you trully love him, calm down and kneel down and apologise, pray together with him he will change.

2 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Zchi1052(m): 10:48am On Jan 20, 2021
HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.


Bro u too get sense
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by SavageResponse(m): 10:50am On Jan 20, 2021
sad
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by galaxylauncher: 10:50am On Jan 20, 2021
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by luminouz(m): 10:51am On Jan 20, 2021
Marital woes Week!!!!

Nawa o
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by budusky05(m): 10:52am On Jan 20, 2021
Madam you need to thank ur husband else unna for end up in police station if ur mother had made that trip.

Me fear mother in laws wella

2 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by IgboWarlord(m): 10:52am On Jan 20, 2021
Thank God you said it yourself,..You Talk too Much...Therein,lies the conondrum in your marriage...

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by uBuNiT: 10:53am On Jan 20, 2021
U think say we no get work ? Make I sit read ur season story ?
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by tayooluwole: 10:54am On Jan 20, 2021
I wish i get mind like this man the op has just described... I am sure he has a lot to say and therefore until his own side of the story i will deem your cryout as just emotional outpour that has no such weight for my dear attention


I am sure you're trying to manipulate the relationship that you may become the decider of which direction the relationship moves but the guy, in his silence, is always several miles ahead of your plan. He asked you which of the mother and you answered affirmatively "my mom of course". This statements only emphasize and further awake his conciousness as to some of the tone of undesirable characters of yours he has been noticing since the beginning of the union. Just saying. For a woman to admit her self that she talks too much, i am sure you must have scolded the guy with irresponsible and perhaps some gutter language ulterances. This is not to crucify you but as a guy, i am trying to preempt the guy's side of the story. In case you may wish to know, at about this same time, five years ago, i decided not to judge any man with unitary account from a woman until the other side of the story completes the cycle of the proceedings...check and humble your self and see how sanity and descency comes back into the relationship in droves

6 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by UjuJoan2: 10:55am On Jan 20, 2021
Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please

Your husband hit you four times in the past six years, and you think your problems started only last year.

Maybe that’s when you decided to take action, and he’s now wondering what changed? Is the baby you now have empowering you to make demands you wouldn’t ordinarily make?

I understand the pains you are going through, I truly do; but sometimes you need to accept people the way they are.

If your husband is mean, learn to ignore him and harden your mind. Not easy, but highly doable. Stop showing weakness because men like that only respond to strength.

I don’t think your talking too much is a problem. For me, I will talk in my house whenever and however I like. The problem is that your husband doesn’t want to talk to, and your talkativeness probably irritates him. It’s still not a problem, keep talking and ignore how he reacts to your conversation.

You care too much about what he does and what he thinks. You need to stop. When he is ready he will seek you out, but for now keep your distance.

5 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 10:56am On Jan 20, 2021
HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.
Typical victim blaming.

OP, you shouldn't have brought your marital issues to a forum where infantile, bitter, extremely toxic people like the quoted, are in the majority.

9 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Shokoloko(f): 10:56am On Jan 20, 2021
IgboWarlord:
Thank God you said it yourself,..You Talk too Much...Therein,lies the conondrum in your marriage...

You don't think the third person in the marriage (the native doctor) is a problem?

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by donnie(m): 10:56am On Jan 20, 2021
BornToSucced:
My sister;
Advise yourself
Pray for him....Pray hard!
Stop nagging unnecessarily
Try to be happy and let your husband be for now.
Don’t pressure him for anything.

In fact, just make him feel non-existent for some time.

Cheers!

Cold treatment or malice which many women like will get her into more trouble with that man.

2 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by RuddyFusion(m): 10:56am On Jan 20, 2021
Prayer is needed intense one.....Locate any MFM church around you join the online programs and you will be fine

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by TheStranger: 10:56am On Jan 20, 2021
Mood11:
undecided

You would have simply asked him who he would like to have over and allow him throw the dice to your choice. Even if his mother comes, it is not an achievement..

As matter don be like this, just allow him some time. He will come around.
I'm not Igbo, but I like their culture when it comes to caring for a new mother, it's the wife's mother that's supposed to stay and take care of her daughter

2 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by bizhop01: 10:58am On Jan 20, 2021
I don't see any issue here, i think you have one problem that makes him fade up with you and the problem is you talk too much.

2 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by UjuJoan2: 10:58am On Jan 20, 2021
As for him being diabolical, well I don’t know how to react to that. For me that is the only serious problem I see in your marriage. You need to pray and pray and pray. There is nothing God cannot do.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Kondomatic(m): 10:58am On Jan 20, 2021
Mood11:
undecided

You would have simply asked him who he would like to have over and allow him throw the dice to your choice. Even if his mother comes, it is not an achievement..

As matter don be like this, just allow him some time. He will come around.
Many men that brought their wife's mother over have unpleasant story to tell, dude must have listened to some.


Secondly something doesn't seem right with the way she concluded on who will come.


First she started with "a mom" will come over and when I asked which one she said "mine of course".


Sounds like what a politician will say.

3 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by pongwa(m): 10:58am On Jan 20, 2021
HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.
I agree.....@op your husband will come around, face your life

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by luminouz(m): 10:59am On Jan 20, 2021
mariahAngel:


Women have truly suffered! undecided


" Don't complain! Suck it up and bear it!" Says the world

Sigh!

Suck it UP woman

Or I will deal ruthlessly with you.

What nonsense grin


N.B: Get married and you will see how much you will suck up. Better stay single,if you have the balls to go against societal beliefs

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 10:59am On Jan 20, 2021
SweetCunt97:
Wahala for who no look well before them say "I Do".
Abi o. Imagine being married to a man who consults native doctors. God forbid.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by HarunaWest(m): 10:59am On Jan 20, 2021
Chii59:

Typical victim blaming.

OP, you shouldn't have brought your marital issues to a forum where infantile, bitter, extremely toxic people like the quoted, are in the majority.
OP took the criticism and adjudged her mistakes..she even promised to do more...But with your funnel mouth you decide to type thrash.

3 Likes

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