The picture of the whole situation is not full, but you yourself, can help in de-escalating the conflict its either you stay in that house and give the wife basic respect regardless of her attitude or you move from the house without causing any trouble, so that in the future, you and your brother will always have a good understanding.

its two things either you stay in that house and give her basic respect or you leave, in that case, if you would stay in that house, this is what i advise you.

1) maybe you should not bring many friends or any friend to that house, i think she is feeling uncomfortable with the people you bring home.

2) Maybe you should listen more to her about what happens in the kitchen, and if food is not much in the house etc.

3) Make it your purpose that you will not be the reason for problems in the home, so whenever you are in the house have this objective in mind.


If you plan to leave the house,

1) make sure you are in good terms with your brother and his wife, before you leave, don't cause a quarrel.

well we all have our ways of doing things, its left to you how you see and react to the situation.

I respect the Bible's take on this.
Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

I think both of you have things to deal with.
For you: The way you wrote this post wreaks of chauvinism. What do you even mean, does she "have the right"? I assumed she is married to your brother and they live in that house together. You should ask yourself what marriage means to you.
For her: Your story is clearly one sided and I'm not even sure you have the wherewithal to even see your actions clearly. She should have not kicked you out unless she felt her person or her house was in danger. She should have tempered herself and spoken to your brother when he got home and let him be the one to kick you out. Not because she doesn't have the right to kick you out, but because that path is easier than all the inevitable drama this action will cause.

A beggar has no choice.

My friend, will you go and stay on your own and leave your brothers wife alone.

Onye akwo nazu adigi akwo onye ozo nazu.

I'm even ashamed on your behalf. Stop depending on your brother. What if your brother is no longer available, what would you do

Why do men like to disgrace me

Ihere anagi eme kwa some people oo

This woman should take things easy, what she did is wrong even to save her future because no body know tomorrow this guy might still be the one to help her in future.

Richy4:


I think you were too hash on the OP... Based on your marriage experiences, you should have known that there were so many dotted lines scattered around the story line that begged to be filled/ answered before passing your hasty judgement..

Besides, where you implying that if the young man was living with his brother alone in that house before his brother married the lady in question, he has no right to enter inside the same kitchen he has been using for years and cook?...Also in a normal situation where there are foodstuffs and all in the house, what's the big deal about OP entering into the kitchen, cooking and serving a friend?... He would have been faulted assuming he served food the sister inlaw cooked and prepared by herself to a friend... Besides since when have it become a big taboo in Nigeria for a brother to leave in the same house with his brother...

Also telling him he will reap what he has sown without getting all the answers to solve the puzzle and telling him that you were 23 when you got married was uncalled for.. it was your choice,..you were mentally and financially prepared to get married @23... no one forced you to and it's not compulsory he must get marry at 23... Advise him on what will bring Peace and lasting solution in a cordial manner without acting as if you were mad at someone or frustrated because u got married at 23.. just saying..

Chai see sense o!
This guy get sense well well

iamGholdaniel:
I am angry right now,
My brother’s wife is so full of pain, whenever she sight me.
I don’t know where this hatred is coming from, today she did worst than before.
a male friend visited, and I went to the kitchen to cook and serve him.

After my friend left she started ranting, and I shouted back at her.

She packed out my belongings , and she started throwing my bags and other stuffs outside.
She locked the house entrance and left with the keys

I decided to stay calm and wait for my brother to come back.

Because everything my brother own, we both struggled for it.

Can I tell you a secret?

You see the action she took?

That's the outcome of yesternight's pillow talk.

The issue has already been discussed prior to this time.

Just get ready to leave the house, because your brother won't marry you if he throws his wife out for you.

Can that wife throw her own brother out of that house? And I am very sure that your brother can’t throw any of his wife siblings out over small thing like this

Some women are evil

Katier00:
Op it is very wrong of you to go into the kitchen of your brother's wife. Don't put your brother in the middle because he will definitely choose his wife over you. Respect yourself and tolerate more

This kitchen that people carry on their heads, wetin dey there sef? Why are many Nigerian women fond of fighting over kitchen and food? Seriously, I do not think a lady should ask for permission before serving her friend food in her brother's house. If creating such silly embargoes is culture, I think such a culture should be scrapped!

If she does not want you in the house don't let it way you down and move on.

Frankly, I don't know both side of the story but if you truly want everyone to succed including yourself just move on... Remember, the stone that the builder reject, will be the head cornerstone.... If you are truly a man with no ill intent just respect your brother's position and keep your relationship with him healthy and wish him well everyday while you continue with life.

To summarize, what ever you've done to her or what ever she have done to you does not matter... What matters is the path you define for yourself going forward.

.

iamGholdaniel:
I am angry right now,
My brother’s wife is so full of pain, whenever she sight me.
I don’t know where this hatred is coming from, today she did worst than before.
a male friend visited, and I went to the kitchen to cook and serve him.

After my friend left she started ranting, and I shouted back at her.

She packed out my belongings , and she started throwing my bags and other stuffs outside.
She locked the house entrance and left with the keys

I decided to stay calm and wait for my brother to come back.

Because everything my brother own, we both struggled for it.

Sterope:

Very nonsense boy. See his mouth like we hustled for it together. One would think women dropped from the sky and have no family members instrumental to them being the women these men saw and found attractive.

Marry your godamn family members and let the world know peace. Such a petty and problem-fueling gender.

Yes, she has the right, it is her house not yours, also there is something that you are not telling us.

toxtimmy:
If she does not want you in the house don't let it way you down and move on.

Frankly, I don't know both side of the story but if you truly want everyone to succed including yourself just move on... Remember, the stone that the builder reject, will be the head cornerstone.... If you are truly a man with no ill intent just respect your brother's position and keep your relationship with him healthy and wish him well everyday while you continue with life.

To summarize, what ever you've done to her or what ever she have done to you does not matter... What matters is the path you define for yourself going forward.

.

Best advice at Op

crackhaus:
Only people who are possessed with the spirit of witchcraft and afflicted with poverty mentality, will see anything wrong when a woman's BIL goes into the kitchen to cook something for his guest/friend. I said what I said...


In this decade when women are taking charge of industries and big businesses, some are still forming alpha & omega of kitchen matters.

You have said it all. Wetin be kitchen? What is food?

Sterope:
I don't think there is anything wrong in cooking and serving his guest. It is just food and kitchen.

you don't know their financial strength, maybe she has planned herself for week. What if they are only managing. I am a woman and I won't like it if anyone goes into my kitchen without my permission. At least for courtesy sake. On top that she or he still had the effortnery to shout back at her, common that's not right. I'm sorry it won't happen again would have solve the matter

iamGholdaniel:
I am angry right now,
My brother’s wife is so full of pain, whenever she sight me.
I don’t know where this hatred is coming from, today she did worst than before.
a male friend visited, and I went to the kitchen to cook and serve him.

After my friend left she started ranting, and I shouted back at her.

She packed out my belongings , and she started throwing my bags and other stuffs outside.
She locked the house entrance and left with the keys

I decided to stay calm and wait for my brother to come back.

Because everything my brother own, we both struggled for it.

I can't imagine it was fun to live with an in-law that has this type of mindset. No matter what, a marriage between your brother and his wife can never and should never involve you. My advice to you is to go and start your own life without harboring resentment. If you keep feeling entitled to what's not yours, it will be hard for you to make it. Focus on yourself and see this event as motivation to make something out of yourself.

You went to the kitchen to cook & serve him yourself

There must have been many issues on ground already. No good wife would react that much over that, even if you don't have much food in the kitchen.

My advice to you is leaving the house ASAP. Don't wait for your brother to tell you before you do. This would bring back the lost respect. Na see finish dey cause all the palava

Many of you here are saying nonsense.
Why will she throw out her husband brothers things without her husband consent. If it was her own brother that went to the kitchen will she throw him out?...

Mokason288:

You are very funny

Where are you from?

If your brothers wife could shoot you, I’m sorry to say this ....

Your brother is an A$$

There should be boundaries every where, I feel it’s wrong to go into her kitchen

But she doesn’t have any right to throw his things outside... that decision is for the brother



I HOPE I MADE SENSE

. As a guy, how can you go to your brother's kitchen? Honestly speaking you didn't respect yourself. No wonder you said your brother's wife didn't like you because you would have showed her that you and your brother worked for what she is enjoying now. Men can built the house with his money but the house belongs to women.

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:

This kitchen that people carry on their heads, wetin dey there sef? Why are many Nigerian women fond of fighting over kitchen and food? Seriously, I do not think a lady should ask for permission before serving her friend food in her brother's house. If creating such silly embargoes is culture, I think such a culture should be scrapped!

you don't understand. Do you know the quantity of food in that kitchen? Or does food manufacture themselves in the kitchen? Times are really hard and everyone is on a budget

You said it all.
No woman will behave in such away if her brother in-law respects her.

quote author=aroundtheearth post=99102022] For her to throw his things out, OP must have been causing wahala for the woman in the house. It's easy for him to paint her bad but no one knows what she has been enduring. It's obvious from his words "because everything my brother own, we both struggled for it" he has entitlement mentality in the house, isn't allowing her to enjoy her home or marriage in peace because he thinks he should be living there, and who knows what he has been saying to her. In this part of the word, if the law gets involved in such situation OP would be in the wrong.[/quote]

iamGholdaniel:
I am angry right now,
My brother’s wife is so full of pain, whenever she sight me.
I don’t know where this hatred is coming from, today she did worst than before.
a male friend visited, and I went to the kitchen to cook and serve him.

After my friend left she started ranting, and I shouted back at her.

She packed out my belongings , and she started throwing my bags and other stuffs outside.
She locked the house entrance and left with the keys

I decided to stay calm and wait for my brother to come back.

Because everything my brother own, we both struggled for it.

You made a very big mistake to cook for a friend in a house with a married woman. You don't do that.

Try to apologize to her. If she accepts your apology, try not to hurt her again. If you can't, please find somewhere else to stay before you destroy your brother's marriage.

Even if your brother wants you to stay, he has to personally apologize to his wife. He can't force her to accept you.

pocohantas:
Any Nigerian in-law that makes these two statements;

1: Calling a family house “MY BROTHER’S HOUSE”

2: Telling you how they suffered with their brother before you came in...

Is most likely a very troublesome, disrespectful, entitled, egoistic, irrational, unmanageable and petty in-law.

OP used those two statements with so much effrontery. Tells a lot about him. Anyone supporting you should take you in and you try that nonsense with their wives, let’s see how many days you last there.

Make no mistakes, the problem is not the pot or the kitchen, that was just a trap and you fell into it. After all, she knew you wouldn’t come into her room or try to touch her butt. So, she waited for you in the kitchen.

After taking tramadol with your U-27 friends, you come home and start rubbing shoulders with her. You must be sick in the head.

Submit to your brother’s wife and control that your sharp mouth.

Generally, Nigerian women are selfish and wicked to their husband's siblings, only very few Nigerian ladies are different.


I was a victim of this and that is how I know.

It happened when I was in school and it was time for IT. Most of my siblings lived outside the country and in Lagos, none in Portharcourt and I happened to get a place to do my IT in PHC. That was how I landed at a cousin's house in Portharcourt where I was turned to a slave. Little me then that could not hurt a fly., that was so obedient to a fault.

This lady turned me to maid. I wash their cars even when she doesn't need to drive it. I mop the house even though there were househelps. I go for petty errands like buy pepper, buy onions, buy salt, etc even when she had 2 maids.


I endured and when I couldn't take it any longer, I quit my IT and went back to Lagos.

Another relative that went to her house for holiday after waec saw hell on earth. As a little boy who came from a poor family, he had no option than to endure till Xmas he used the opportunity to run.


The woman maltreated every visitor in that house, her husband claimed deaf and dumb.


Fast forward to some years later, she relies on those she treated like rags. The last time I saw them and their condition, it was pitiable. A one time rich family now broke that they can't afford rent unless relations come to their aid. Can't pay children school fees unless we assist. Forget it, there is Karma for such people like her.



She is the cause of her husband's downfall, everybody knows.

As a woman, ask God to give you the grace to be kind, accommodating and cheerful to others, it comes from God. Only few Nigerian women have that grace

The simple answer is Yes, she has such a right to throw you out of her marital home and for something as insignificant as just not liking your face. Sad, but factual.
Nigerians, typically, would have emotionally charged takes, but I suspect you know the truth already, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties.

Legally your brothers house is not your house, it is hers. She has the right, but our customs differ, some customs favour siblings over spouses, which is plain wrong!

If you can, be the better person and leave the house, God will definitely answer your call and give you yours too.

No comment until I hear from the other side, Thanks.

You have some growing up to do.

Even if you built the house with your teeth....

Once a woman enters the house, it is no longer yours.

You should have moved out as he got married.


I will be flabbergasted if your brother supports you.

I decided to stay calm and wait for my brother to come back.


As real niggarr I was expecting you to do that...When your bro comes back explain everything in detail to him because she will certainly lie to him.

When the time comes you will have to leave the house and only come for visits.

She never knew that when you marry someone you marry his family too.

franchasng:
Generally, Nigerian women are selfish and wicked to their husband's siblings, only very few Nigerian ladies are different.

Trust me, I didn’t read that hogwash. I have better things to do with my time now. Simply message the OP and take him in. I am sure your virtuous and different wife can accommodate him. Kapish...

Nwodosis:
Everything is your brother's own and both you worked for it? How?
My friend allow your brother's wife to enjoy her marriage, which right do you have to go and open a married woman's pot to serve not even yourself but a friend? You owe her an apology.

If your bro supports her

TruthinAction:


You made a very big mistake to cook for a friend in a house with a married woman. You don't do that.

Try to apologize to her. If she accepts your apology, try not to hurt her again. If you can't, please find somewhere else to stay before you destroy your brother's marriage.

Even if your brother wants you to stay, he has to personally apologize to his wife. He can't force her to accept you.

Unless they are poor, struggling and living in a very compacted apartment, there is nothing wrong in it.


He respected her by not giving his friend the food she cooked by herself.


I am married. In my house, we encourage visiting family members and friends to go to the kitchen and serve themselves than waiting for a house help or anybody to serve you, go and serve yourself and also wash the dish when you are done.


I see no crime here that woman is a bitter woman, he doesn't like the presence of her brother-in-law, simple. The guy should leave the house and not fight her. If his hands is clean, God will fight for him and shock that woman

iamGholdaniel:
I am angry right now,
My brother’s wife is so full of pain, whenever she sight me.
I don’t know where this hatred is coming from, today she did worst than before.
a male friend visited, and I went to the kitchen to cook and serve him.

After my friend left she started ranting, and I shouted back at her.

She packed out my belongings , and she started throwing my bags and other stuffs outside.
She locked the house entrance and left with the keys

I decided to stay calm and wait for my brother to come back.

Because everything my brother own, we both struggled for it.

Yet you are in your brother's house. Go and get yours and get your own wife too.

Mindlog:
Sighs.....Since you said you were involved in the acquisition of everything your brother owns as you both struggled for it, then it is an indication you can earn.......go rent your own space.

A married brother's house is NOT a family house where siblings and cousins can cruise in and out. It is the home of his wife and their children, so any other person staying there is a guest and must respect boundaries.

u Don't get it. he served his brother n his brother must settle him