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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. (21552 Views)
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|Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 7:09pm On Mar 23|
This post is just my way of letting off steam. It is truly not easy to take care of teenagers. Those who have teenagers they care for can probably relate, and those who do not can have an inkling of what its like.
I am a senior sister and second mother to my 14 year old youngest brother, and 15 year old male cousin. They are such characters that they each deserve their own section. Here goes:
Troublesome Teenager Number 1, My 15 year old Cousin: I love my cousin, but he is a serious case. When he came to live with my family, I resolved not to touch him or discipline him extensively. People staying with others tend to bring up accusations of abuse, anything you do to them is attributed to the fact that they are not your immediate family. As a result, I and my brothers handle him like an egg.
The boy took ample advantage of this. From being sullen and disciplined, he became very wild. Many times he would take offence to the slightest correction. He also goes out when he likes, picks whatever he wants from the kitchen and watches movies on my laptop from dawn till dusk. Answers me back as he likes from time to time. My brothers are his role models but if I correct him, that's where the problem lies. I think he feels I cannot and should not tame him. The funniest thing he ever did was starting to act up after he was told that the only reason I was not touching him was so as not to create issues between his mom and us. He became bolder and even tried to deepen his already deepening voice.
Whenever his mom comes around, he turns me to his enemy. He starts to perpetuate the notion that he is a victim of abuse. The last time his mom was around, he started shouting at me at his whim and when I got angry one day and slapped him, his mother finally made him a celebrated hero. She almost took him home by midnight that day, because the image of an abused boy that she wanted so badly had finally been portrayed to her.
Troublesome Teen Number 2, my 14 year old brother: I love my little brother as well. I tried to raise him like people raise kids abroad. Talking to him gently when he misbehaves, explaining to him, punishing by taking things away or just small reprimands....
That shii didn't work. He became the most troublesome little boy I knew. Whenever his friends are around, he wants to show off to them by talking over me, ignoring my demands. I started to discipline him but before long, he knew how to run to the neighbors house, taking the cane from me, and running outside where the discipline would become a spectacle. Sometimes he even yells at me too. He has tried to beat a few adults who tried to beat him. But they gave him a good beating
Since when he was small, 'he wants what he wants.' If I don't give him something, sometimes he would go and take it. Sometimes I would catch him. Time and time again, even with warnings, things still disappear at will.
When any kid around him is being bad, he wants to do two times what that kid is doing, and be loved for it. He feels that is love. From the time that my cousin came around, and we told him that we cannot touch our cousin, else it would be termed as abusing a family member from another mother.....he has taken it as proof of love that however we pardon our cousin, we must pardon him. He copies what our cousin does, does worse, and always defends himself with the fact that we leave our cousin, we dont spare him.
Now we have come to the last part, my experience with these two kids combined...
The Terrible Two: The two of them constantly answer me back, laugh and joke and even encourage me to come and punish them. They feel no amount of beating from me can break them, maybe because I am a woman. However, they have full fear and respect for the males around them. If i try to talk to them they act as if someone or something insignificant is talking. Few times though, they try to calm the wild spirits inside them, and behave.
Things still disappear at home, and even if we are the only ones at home, they both co operate and deny everything. The co operate to disrespect me. They start joking and laughing right after I'm done with my long warnings or advice talks. They tell me to come and punish them, that they will enjoy the punishment. They have turned my laptop to their permanent TV, day, night and midnight, i cant use it. If i hide it, they find it, turn it on, play whatever on it as early as 5 am till 12 or 1 on weekends. They put games there, got a game pad and play till thy kingdom come, all without my consent. They don't answer me, they do what they like when they like.
They are only tame at school. These are not kids that are meek. These are tall versions of Aki and Pawpaw that are already as tall as me at the moment.
This morning, my mom called me and told me that handling these teens is all about patience.
If you have had difficulties with teens, you can talk about your experience, to make this more interesting and educative. If you were a troublesome or troubled teen, you can also share.
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by Bukky001(m): 7:20pm On Mar 23|
The only advice I can give is about your laptop. Change your password and they won't have access to it again.... Good luck *but you too soft Sha*
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by ambient: 7:33pm On Mar 23|
Kai,nne' you are too soft,my house is jokingly refered to as. Teenage camp because I have them all in my house,you see that your cousin,no matter what you do you must always be termed a bad person so why don't you damn everything and treat his Bleep up.never you show your weakness to a teenager or you are finish.chai nne I wish you are my friend make i help you.
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 8:16pm On Mar 23|
Me? I beat them until people started treating me like I was crazy. Still, they acted like nothing happened. In other words 'odeshi' which means 'you're wasting your time.' They only tremble when the men in the house start to bellow at them.
My password, they will still find that one out. You know what happened with my phone? They come to put on the hotspot there too, and when i changed the password, I met my phone locked. They had tried to get the password so many times that the phone finally locked itself.
Its all good though. I believe they will grow and mature, even if their behavior right now is so painful to me.
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 8:17pm On Mar 23|
Haha, I'll give them a week at your camp. They need it.
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by 1F30M4(f): 8:58pm On Mar 23|
OP, I can totally relate but this time I'm talking boys of about 9,10, 11yrs.. Osanobua, you see these pikins dem, aswear dem wan make me kolo finish, na to comot cloth enter street remain..
What's going on with this generation Z kids? If you try to talk to them, you automatically become a topic for gisting among their friends and they make it seem like you're crazy.. You wan talk abi, you go talk tire.. Caution orrr even discipline them nko, shior dem don grow thick skin, odeshi na you go tire.. Try to have a conversation with them, if you don't give in to whatever they say, na wahala, they'll either counter what you're saying or they keep you quiet like mumu(shebi when they talk finish, I'll still do what I want to do), it's theirs or no other and if it doesn't pan out well later, they'll endure it inside inside their metallic heart
I dey tell dem sey my own dey be like generator oo, that I better pass my neighbor own.. E no dey quick start but when e start, e dey hard to quench.. If I no give you as e dey hot, you no go know wetin jam you lmaoooo but seriously I may turn a blind eye or a deaf ear to some things, just pray the day your cup overflows doesn't draw near.
14 Likes 1 Share
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by KaideeGee(m): 9:29pm On Mar 23|
Aunty. How old are you exactly, let's put some things in perspective.
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 9:34pm On Mar 23|
Kai, you understand totally. Their generation is just too stubborn. I realized i would soon kill someone if I don't take it easy. .....I have made threats and I lose my temper and go wild....so....
If I'm looking at them its because I don't want to go to jail, lol.
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 9:35pm On Mar 23|
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by Youngsage: 9:44pm On Mar 23|
Well I don't think they are as terrible... You just haven't figured out how to deal with kids of that age yet. And beating them will only worsen things trust me on that.
I wish they both can spend a week with me sha... Just one week...
About your laptop, you should change the password. If they figure it out, then it probably wasn't strong enough. It's your laptop for cryingggg out loud! Don't let them keep taking you for a ride...
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by Kayberg(m): 10:56pm On Mar 23|
If you can understand this piece of advice I'll render, try it and watch how you'd cope.
1. Lock your laptop with a password/passcode only you will know.
That way, your laptop is safe.
2. On those boys, forget the fact that you can change them, because you can't. But the best way to deal with them is ignore them.
Don't talk or tell them anything anymore.
Don't argue with them or even warn them about anything.
Don't send them on any errand (if you can do that).
If they make mockery of you, ignore it.
If you are to talk to them, select your words and make it few.
Reduce the rate at which you laugh/play with them.
Keep your cool all long and one of them is going to break first.
I know these, because I've been there.
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 11:07pm On Mar 23|
Thanks. Already tried it. Will continue.
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by Kayberg(m): 11:09pm On Mar 23|
purples25:Good. Pay no more attention to whatever they say or do to you.
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 11:10pm On Mar 23|
I even remember what I use to control them...
Once I say no food until you do as you're told, they hop to it
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 11:14pm On Mar 23|
Wow, this family section is very cool. I'm enjoying it. Nice replies and interaction. This place isn't mad at all and not bad, not bad at all. Love the way its been so far. All contributors have been quite sensitive and sensible and fun.
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by soundOsonic: 11:33pm On Mar 23|
I would have taught you how to manipulate them but I don't think you are the type of person.
1. Making the laptop scarce. You have a leverage over them your laptop. You can make them do anything you want or behave themselves like reasonable people by giving them just few time to use your laptop. Make it like one hour in a day. They become zombie or like drug addict who will do anything just to touch you laptop. Making the laptop scarce is like withholding sex for a man he would do anything. Same thing Americans withhold wifi games and T.V for grounded children. You are excersing dominance, making them know Indirectly they can't have fun without your go ahead.
2. Familiarity brings contempt. Reduce the way you talk and complain about what they do. The reason they see you as insignificant is because you talk too much and interfere very well in their life. They are scared of the male not because they see a female as weak, No it is because the big brother don't give them face and too much attention. It is natural to be Revere elders that you don't know.
3. Show em who is boss. Don't beat them or give them punishment. They are young adults. What is that thing that pains a man the most, yes it is his pride as a man. When they misbehave attack their pride as a man, tell them I thought you were matured but you are just a kid, babies with big bodies Tell them only kids behave the way they do, tell them it is about time their mother start feeding them breast milk. This is reverse psychology 101 tempt them to act mature. It works even the devil used this to tempt Christ but Christ didn't fall for it but the kids will.
4. Learn to make boundaries and personal space. Your room should only be assessed by you alone. Make it known if they are to enter your room they should knock, if no one is there they shouldn't enter. Lay rules for them on how to deal with you. rule 1. When talking to you, no form of anger or abusive words to be used and you won't use such on them.
Rule 2. Take care of every chores, if not you will be constantly reminded until such is done rule 3. Failure to adhere to the rules will result to unknown consequences. Make the consequences unknown, it will make them fear.
5. You are the senior buy things for them, like meat pie, shawarma, drinks once in a while. This gesture shows a form of dominance and authority in their subconscious. People tends to be loyal to people who are kind and strict at thesame time.
This is training a teenager 101
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 11:46pm On Mar 23|
So many things stated here are true. Like truly the older males at home don't have their time. So they respect them more.
And the older brothers do question their maturity whenever they misbehave.
You have such good points, I think you are a pro in this. Will add these to my strategy.
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by soundOsonic: 12:13am On Mar 24|
purples25:I deal with teenagers in school, when you become overly nice they take you for granted and when you correct them you become the bad person, while other teachers that don't care or play with them they respect and like very well.
So in other to deal with them, I became less interested in them, just teach and go. I gave them rules in my class and anyone who breaks such receive some unfathomable punishment.
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by VanTee20(m): 2:15am On Mar 24|
So much sense in one post.
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 2:33am On Mar 24|
You are doing well o.....and you totally get their ways. Lol teens!'
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by aroundtheearth(f): 5:43am On Mar 24|
14? 15? They've got raging hormones and probably can't help being rowdy. Some teenage boys can also act out if they have no (good) male role model to look up to, which begets the question: is there a father figure in their lives?. Another factor/influence could be the media (e.g. music). I wouldn't be surprised if they listen to rap music and think acting like thugs is cool. They sound fun though, albeit troublesome, hehehe.
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 6:26am On Mar 24|
Lol one of the songs they like playing at home goes like this : 'I drink till I'm drunk, i smoke till I'm high....you can tell me how to fly....i know I'm super fly...i know I'm super fly..'
I be like....see full swearing songs they are allowed to play. I told my brothers, they said if we don't allow them, they would probably do worse in hiding. Some of these things just surprise me because I and my immediate younger brother never tried such when we were their ages. We didn't even have access to these songs. No guts to play them either.
Well, their fathers are usually away on job transfers. Boys really need a father figure, else they make it really hard for the mom or sisters. I understand a bit of what single moms go through now. Taming a young teen boy isn't easy.
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by adanny01(m): 8:55am On Mar 24|
Stop the beating . It's not helping because of their size. One day, they might react and that will be the end of any disciplinary action from you.
Secondly, talk less and care for them less. Hausa says, "Sabo da ido shi ke sa reni", that is, familiarity breeds contempt. The are not your responsibility, they see you as over bearing. You actually have no leverage to discipline them or get respect. You are not a parent, you physically may not win a one on one fight, you don't pay their bills nor provide for their upkeep. If they had to depend on you for shelter, cloths, food, sch fees and all they need, they will respect you.
What ever thing they enjoyed from you, make them beg for it, that's leverage. Start with a strong password on your laptop and keep the password secret.
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by dangotesmummy: 9:48am On Mar 24|
As for teenagers let your yes be yes and no be no.they can be quite manipulative, confrontational and sensitive.solution don't send them.do what you need to do,tell them your rules,if they flout it punish them by withdrawing the money you give them or whatever they like, they'll sit up
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|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by Akuruoulo(m): 11:57am On Mar 24|
purples25:HOW OLD ARE U , AND HOW OLD ARE THE MALES AROUND ?
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by Akuruoulo(m): 12:07pm On Mar 24|
purples25:THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO RESPECT U. WHEN I WAS A KID I AM SAID TO BE THE MOST HUMBLE AND QUIET GUY BOTH HOME, PLAYGROUND AND SCHOOL BT YET I DNT TAKE ALL INSTRUCTIONS FROM OUR OLDEST SIBLING WHO IS JUST 4YEARS OLDER THAN I AM. AM IN MY LATE 20'S TOO AND MY LITTLE COUSIN WHO IS 12YR DOESN'T DO ALL INSTRUCTED BUT ALL GET DANM SCARED WHEN I EVER I ASK HIM ABOUT IT (HE IS ALWAY LIKE "WHY DIDN'T I DO THIS".
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by ImaIma1(f): 2:24pm On Mar 24|
The upbringing was soft and that is what is showing up now. When I was taking care of my nephews, I could scoldand discipline them but still showed them love. Children need some kind of blend of both, especially from parents.
When they feel they can walk over you, they will disrespect you and call your bluff. Stop being the nice aunt or sister that wants to be in their good books. They will even value and respect the ones that discipline them.
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by Lastpharoah33(m): 3:10pm On Mar 24|
Funny enough, you are one of us....introverts!.
This is how I handle my younger brothers. They are coolheaded like me though,buh things can go south atimes....smh
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by Lastpharoah33(m): 3:18pm On Mar 24|
Op, kayberg nailed it....
And hey op, you gonna be SweeT.
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by aroundtheearth(f): 3:19pm On Mar 24|
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by Lucrativress(f): 4:27pm On Mar 24|
purples25:You need to learn the silent treatment
It is very manipulative
The punishment is rather with their minds
Learn the act of manipulation, you're a Female
They can be tamed with mind manipulation
I have a junior one,can't remember the year I touched her last,but guess what..
I can make her cry in the dark
I can make her say stuff's like "let me do it" and I'm like "don't worry"..
Using the mind means you being calm yourself, not like you won't play when you have to,but learn to be manipulative,the mind is a strong weapon,then apart from that..
Why not start giving them your System to use?
You can set a time to when they can use it
Also,start being a giver,when they're not expecting it,you can get them nice Shoe's or stuff's when they're not expecting it at all...
Be a good Sister
It's all part of the mind game
You need them feeling guilty,you need to activate their conscience..
|Re: Life With Two Stubborn Teenage Boys : My Experience. by purples25(f): 4:41pm On Mar 24|
Thanks, this is good.
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