Please end this relationship ASAP. I do not see it working out. Sorry for your loss. I wish you well in life

We know its hard, but its too early to start looking for a new wife, any woman you intend to marry has to love your kids first, if she doesn't like them then its a red flag, get rid of her or you ll be sorry.

If I were you , I d focus on raising the kids, its OK to hire a maid on temp basis to look after your children, set boundaries in your relationship with her, and don't sleep with her.
Its better to go outside and sleep with a girlfriend or escort, than sleeping with your maid who looks after your kids, you lose credibility and respect from her.
At this stage focus on the kids, any woman you bring in your life only wants your money, she won't look after your kids.

Sir please b careful with the lady in question. Some ladies are terrible when it comes to taking care of another woman's children, my aunt for example got married to a single dad with two kids a boy n a gal. I went to visit her in Abj few years ago. Bt I was disappointed wit d way she was maltreating her step son. D man's daughter was seriously sick bf she died n my aunt started telling people dat d gal died as a result of prostitution n infections she has brain washed the man into believing everything she tells him concerning his son even d ones dat happened in my presence o,she will twist d story n d husband will just believe n start beating his son. She give d boy food once a day n warned him never to tell his dad who is always busy. I tried to talk some sense into her n she tagged me a home breaker n report me to all my family members. Lucky for me non of them supported her actions instead dey asked her to change or she will regret it.

Mumu man. It will end in tears.

if you love your children and yourself, the best time to send her away is now. if you make the mistake of getting her pregnant, you might live with regrets for the rest of your life. plus even though I don't know her story quite well, but I have seen enough situations to know that her husband didn't abandon her as she claimed. you will soon know the truth, but let's hope it is not too late then.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

I came to Nairaland to learn and i do everyday.

Richy4:
@ family6644.. Learn how to control your children and be firm about it....Learn how to draw a line. The thing is that you sound too modern...You gave your kids free hands to manipulate you into agreeing to what you did not bargain for.. Yes you will want them to be happy and all that but let them know that there's a limit. You allowed a total stranger into your home to redecorate and redesign your lives after 93days of your wife demise, Haba!!! Is your late wife that bad?...

I swear If my spouse does this kind of Nonsense you were doing on the event of my demise, I will rise..I will expect her to mourn me for atleast 3 and a half years.. and I will mourn her for 4 should reverse be the case... I wish I could just see your not so serious face and tell you what I thought of u... Imagine negotiating with a stranger in my house? what nonsense..

You will rise kwa?

@OP you are not married to her! 3 months is too short a time to mourn and wean yourself from your late wife!

Ask her to leave and give you time to properly heal, get used to not having a wife then consider if you need another woman in your life because she is the one pushing for a relationship presently.

You are just being railroaded into what you are not ready for!

Klass99:


With what you've said here, we shouldn't be having a discussion beyond this.

Your story reminded me of my favourite TV station Discovery ID, they have a programme titled Evil Step Moms they all start out nice and sweet like your date, then down the line they begin to unleash terror in their new homes.Your own never even go far, she don begin to display things wey you no like.

The affair between you guys sounds like a whirlwind romance, the sort of thing that happens with infatuated youngsters. Match the brakes on this thing now, in fact park the car and re-route, that your kids get along and call her mummy doesn't mean you should all be accelerating this fast nah!

Investigate her story about hubby traveling and abandoning them, it's a convenient tale to tell. Codedly ask around about this woman, if you have to engage an SS or CID person for background checks on her pls do - I don't know either of you, but her story just rang false to my ears.

Modified to add: Not all step moms are bad or evil. My very good friend has a better relationship with her step mom than her own mother and she says it all the time. It was her step mom she hosted last Christmas @ her place and she didn't mind spending the money at all.

I so much love watching der programs

No matter what people say woman will always be woman, they are always wanted to be in control, very soon you will realize that she will colonies your family , your adopted child will be send away and your children will be the maid of the house very soon if you did not act fast, do you actually make some research or investigation concerning the husband that left her, what and what have you done before you allow her into your home, did you ask questions from those around her, you meet someone on Facebook and you think cos your children and her children are kinda bond together you quickly settle for her, do you know that it was cos of boredom or loneliness makes your kids feel attached to her family too quickly if you have been taking them out they might have not bond the way they did so to me that is not an excuse, pls if you still want your kids to be your kids when you are not at home the best you can do for your family is to send that woman far away from your house, she was so nice in the first instance, she is now changing gradually soon she will leash out the real stuff she is made of. I hope you have not been having sex with her yet. It is not that you will not get a new woman but first it is too fast just three month that your wife died, single mother is a no for me they can never be submissive, do you see the post of this man omokri in recent time talking about single mother that is exactly what they are, they will control all what you have build with your family. I never pity you but your kids. My mum too died this March and cos we are muslim people are kinda telling my dad to marry a new wife for him not to be alone, my dad will just be looking at them, if truly you love your wife as you said you won’t be be quick to allow another woman into your home. Even if it is cos of sex i will still prefer to go have sex with prostitude than any woman that will see a good home and want to come and destroy it.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Oga, are u such a weak man?
Do u actually understand yourself?
Do u know what you are doing at all?

Well, let me ask you:
Are you looking for a woman to take care of ur family?
Do u intend getting remarried to this woman?
Did u make any promise to her?
Did u ask her to leave her house to come stay wt u?

Oga let me advise you.
Please, it is too early to bring in another woman to replace ur wife.
And now you are not just bringing in another woman, you brought in a woman that want to alter the running standard of the peaceful home.
Are you too weak to stamp ur feet on the ground and make/take decisions.
If the dead ca see, imagine how ur dead wife will be feeling right now.

The woman want a man that will help her close the hole in her heart.
She want a helping hand to raise her own children.
You may end up losing ur sanity by continuing to in-live with this woman.
You need to heal very well, think of what u want to do.
Do u want to re-marry or not.
What kind of woman do u want to get re-married to.
How do u wish to explain it to ur children.
Your 13 yr old child should be treated as an adult. Get her involve into some certain decisions.

How will ur people and ur inlaws feel wen they notice that u are already living wt another woman that is quite opposite of what ur wife used to be. How do u think they will handle the respect they have for you. Yeah....the life is ur and u have the right to live it, but it's not always like that all the times.

Please, tell this woman and her kids to go back to their house. Tell her u need more time to think about how you want to organize ur life and family.
I know u may be thinking that u are stuck due to you having some number of s$x with her.
You may not want to offend her.
Oga, it's very important you offend her now than living ur life regretting the decision u took or the one u fail to take.

If her rent has expired, you can help and pay for and let her go back to her house.
How are u even sure that her husband has totally abandoned her?
What if the man comes up tomorrow.
What time have u spent to investigate the woman?
You are bn so careless ooo.

You just lost ur wife and not ur brain.
Use ur brain well and don't lead ursfl to anoda tragedy.

I am out of here.

Oga please kindly block her line and tell her vehemently that you need space. This kind of woman will come into your house and turn it into a war front between her children and yours. It is all rosy now because she is plotting the graph. When she settles in and finds her footing, na that time your own go done.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Bros, you didn't do well o. You would have taken time to develop a friendship and also heal properly. You have clearly not healed.

Hmm...you foisted an unknown woman on your family because she was nice to your children? You are still using your children as an excuse. This is not good at all.

Just 3 months after your wife's demise? If na woman, dem go say na she kill her husband. Ha! You no try.

Anyway, apologize to her for taking advantage of her ( yes, you did).

Let her know that you really appreciate her and all she's been doing in your lives.

Then let her know that you would need some time and space to consider your relationship properly so you can bring her in properly (if you so decide).

Also place emphasis on the fact that it won't be good for her image for her to keep staying with you without a proper marriage and it may also affect her children's image negatively.

She seemed to have schemed all this and you fell for it. Well, you might just have been vulnerable but it's quite dangerous.

Receive wisdom and comfort from the Lord. It is well with you.

DrFunmisticGlow:
Op is a joker.

The perfect example of men are scum.

No one is talking about the fact that he has slept with another woman barely 3months after his wife's death

It is an insult to his memory.

He needs at least a year or two to heal and move on

But he is thinking with his prick like a HE-GOAT.

It began well before 3 months.

He's trying to elongate the time.

This thing could've began a week afterwards, a month afterwards. We only know that she moved in for 12 days, but they had been seeing each other a lot before then. Otherwise how would the children be so attached? He needs to come clean.

The woman should be cautious of a man who wants to get into a relationship with her in under 3 months of his wife's death. He had no love or respect for his late wife. He's only complaining because he feels she wants to take over his space.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.8

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

You owe her nothing. Boot them out, she always had an agenda before coming into your life. You were an easy prey. Don't waste any more time.

The problem I see here is that you didn't honour your wife, so it was easy to manipulate you into another relationship. If you had given the kids time to grieve and get over their Mum's death, and you grieve too, this won't be happening. I mean, you haven't even done the traditional 1 year mourning of the dead.

The woman is desperate, she won't leave that easily. You have to be tougher to send her out. Allow your children adjust and seek a new experience on their own. This woman is trying to force something else on them and it might affect their psyche badly. They are not ready for such drastic changes. They need stability now, change should come gradually and not 3 months after they lost their Mum.

You should be the Mother and Father for them now. Don't allow things get out of hand. If you continue, your kids will lose respect for you and the relationship may turn sour.

Please gather your family, protect them and stay strong for them.

bukatyne:


You will rise kwa?

How are you doing..it's been a while I haven't seen your post..... I guess that was what interests u in all my long epistle.

family6644:



[s] You have made a lot of sense, you have made me even more weak. More like she has refused to leave, I have discussed it amicably, she has pleaded that she will change, I should give her more time. Her apt is till there but she doesn't want to go back claiming she's in love with me and she can't stay away from me. I think I am in trouble, I don't feel right about this anymore

[/s]

You still think it is about you and her alone? You're wrong, it is about your kids too. It is about the family of your late wife too. It is about everyone who knew and loved your wife.
It is like you didn't listen to people here. This not about her changing or respecting your late wife, it is about you not needing any relationship for now. At least, not live-in lover. That's too fast, you need a break, no two ways about it.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Hello brother, you messed up big time!

Just three months of your wife's interment, you were quick to compromise. I'm sure your late wife would be very disappointed and feel betrayed.

I'm also sure that your late wife would have waited a little longer, if the reverse was the case!

She suffered in pain before her death, after death you succeeded in putting her into another kind of pain! No respect as a result of the love you had for her!!

Kick that Satan you call your lover outta your life, and ask your late wife to forgive you!!!

For A and B to work, A must let go to agree with B or B let go to agree with A.
One must propose and the other agree...
Who then will? That's where it calls for love..and wisdom

For A and B to work, A must let go to agree with B or B let go to agree with A.
One must propose and the other agree...
Who then will? That's where it calls for love..and wisdom.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

The summary of your problem with her in this statement by your friend

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.


What you are doing is like watching a porn while a woman is by your side ...The woman will ask you, am I not good enough for you...? You are about to open a new chapter in your life....let the dead bury the dead . When the disciple where crying over the death of Jesus Christ ...God told them to stop crying ...that he will send them a comforter...God has sent you one....what you do with it is your business....

family6644:



You have made a lot of sense, you have made me even more weak. More like she has refused to leave, I have discussed it amicably, she has pleaded that she will change, I should give her more time. Her apt is till there but she doesn't want to go back claiming she's in love with me and she can't stay away from me. I think I am in trouble, I don't feel right about this anymore

You've discussed, she refused.
Now be adamant. Help her pack her stuffs back as soon as possible cos she is now desperate.
You can't predict what a desperate person can do.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Why rushing into another marriage with a single mother for that matter. You are just digging your grave. Focus on your kids and find a woman without baggage of kids to marry.

Do you know why her husband whom she may not have officially divorced ran away? Think like a man for once n dont start what you cannot finish.

NB: Even a devil is nice at the beginning of a relationship

family6644:



You have made a lot of sense, you have made me even more weak. More like she has refused to leave, I have discussed it amicably, she has pleaded that she will change, I should give her more time. Her apt is till there but she doesn't want to go back claiming she's in love with me and she can't stay away from me. I think I am in trouble, I don't feel right about this anymore

You are still speaking grammar... until she harms your kids.
You don't know how to put your foot down?

Take your kids to a family members house for a week. Give her 3 days to move back to her apartment. Do not eat anything she cooks and if possible, do not sleep in the same house.
By the 3rd day if she is still there, call a friend, maybe 2(male and female) to standby while she moves ALL her belongings. Collect your keys, change the locks same day and block her.
You don't know what you are neck deep in.

family6644:



Exactly the problem I am having, she doesn't seem to see anything sensible in my late wife values and teachings and this is making me to dislike her and she doesn't seem to know despite trying so hard to explain to her.

That event was spiritually staged.
Powers take the chance of removing whomever stands as a blockage against their entrance into your life,and then later issue you a prison guard for a replacement,you would never know.
Now check out how fast the children got bond to that woman, Oga it doesn't happen that fast. Not at least three times meeting.
You are in for a long thinnnng....
Sir,first of all check the Spirit state of the person you engaging in an affair.... That one is beyond secular view.

family6644:


You are right but I naturally will never see myself doing this, this is the reason for my long explanations, I find myself in the situation, I didn't plan for it or work it out. I never wanted it but note that my kids are involved but I guess now they can see for themselves

You were being influenced

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Well...most women won't want to live in the shadows of a deceased wife however, she's stamping her authority too fast and shown so many red flags in just 12days. She may genuinely have good qualities but she's acting too authoritative early on and that's a red flag. The fact that she's already asserting herself when she's yet to officially come into your house shows she needs some maturing to do.

Proverbs 14:1 says a foolish woman plucks down her own home meaning, this one is showing tendencies that she will likely destroy the happy home you have and even bungle her own chances.

She's still legally married to her husband. If the man comes back and says he did what he did abroad just to get residency and that he wants his family back, you are likely to be left high and dry, that's something you have to factor into your consideration plus, biblically, it will be adultery to get involved with her as she's still legally married.

Finally, it will be painful but you have to sever ties with her. You got to be firm about it and tell her the many reasons, including the fact that your children who could not do without seeing her and her children before are now fed up with the antics she's playing and that there's no point in her staying since you all can't live in peace anymore. If she's trying to be stubborn, invite your mum and sister - women know how to deal with each other.

There are 2 types of widowers: the bereaved and the relieved.
You belong to the second class for making a decision to remarry 3 months after the death of a wife you stayed with for 13 years.
How am I sure you are not the person that killed the woman?
If I were to be a Neurologist, I would have invited you for brain examination charge-free.
Your wife left 3 children behind and you are adding 1 making four; Na Shell Ltd or CBN u dey work?
I hope the village people are not after you!
My advice is that you should close your eyes and run "4040" away from the parasite that has come to your life.
After this, make solid education plans for the 3 children, then when you reach a fairly advanced age than you are now, you can consider remarrying.
I am advising you from a personal experience.
May God guide you.

family6644:



You have made a lot of sense, you have made me even more weak. More like she has refused to leave, I have discussed it amicably, she has pleaded that she will change, I should give her more time. Her apt is till there but she doesn't want to go back claiming she's in love with me and she can't stay away from me. I think I am in trouble, I don't feel right about this anymore

You're not in trouble. It's very simple. Tell her you are no longer and give her ultimatum to go back to her house. I am beginning to think you don't want her to go and you are only seeking validation for you to keep her. I wonder how you need online advice to do the right thing. When it's not like she is carrying your child? How wicked and insensitive can you be to your late wife's memories? To her family? Be confident and tell her to go because you need some space or you stop bothering us.

family6644:



You have made a lot of sense, you have made me even more weak. More like she has refused to leave, I have discussed it amicably, she has pleaded that she will change, I should give her more time. Her apt is till there but she doesn't want to go back claiming she's in love with me and she can't stay away from me. I think I am in trouble, I don't feel right about this anymore

You're being played. You are at a very vulnerable period and she sees an opportunity.

Do you even believe her story about her husband being abroad and married to another woman.

You left your kids to a stranger you hardly know. Your grief is getting in the way of your thinking.

Maybe her rent is about to expire in her old apartment. There's so many things you don't know about this lady. And you have no respect for your late wife at all.

Let the dust settles habba!!.