Well if you don't like her tell her to leave simple if you like her you would not be her complaining

I hope you read this
It is too early for you to decides on bringing another woman to your home. Don't base your decision on your children response to the two family togetherness, they're still infant so they can't Identify danger in that zone yet. Pls think and rethink. Save your children from emotional sock that may cause any disaster to their life. Your decision matter.

Op please I beg you with everything you hold dear, please let her GO!!! for the sake of your children. Please if you can't be a man for yourself but please be a man to your kids. Fight for them! You don't need a miracle drive this devil of a woman out of your house. Resist the devil and he will flee. This is the first time I am seeing all nairalanders speak in one voice irrespective of gender or tribal affiliations.

Heed to the voice of wisdom and tell Delilah to leave your home. I am hoping and praying you make the right choice. May God be with you and your kids

You are seeing the evil that'll happen tomorrow and you are still asking questions? Are you afraid of the woman?

People are really different...I lost my fiancée and in 2 years plus I didn't let a lady get close to me...couldn't bring myself to spend time with anyone else and had her personal effects in my house for about 3-4 years.
That's hmu way of honoring her.
I had to heal before I could date again.

Ur own na just 3/months and u even had kids?
Except u have little knowledge of women..that line of her hobby being abroad and zoned her, its a common lie...the most common lie for a cheating wife...she's just baited u, so tomorrow she can actually say,"I told u I wasn't divorced," Bro, u are committing adultery so

If and only if you dearly love all your children who are all below their consent age, I think you need to do the right thing if not, you are about to be stripped off of your glorious future.

In life, we have only two types of pains.
1. The pains of discipline.
2. The pains of regret.
More painful is the pains of regret cos you won't be able to turn back the hands of time.

I can understand your position as man, cos of the death of your wife. But let me tell you, that strange woman is about to corrupt your seed.
And from your write up, you and that woman aren't met for each other. Note, you about to build a house that will divided against its self which will NEVER stand.

You are man, don't be too emotional,
What you don't WANT, YOU DON'T WATCH.
20 CHILDREN DO NOT PLAY FOR 20 YEARS.

YOU CAN HAVE WHAT YOU WANT.
Thanks.

Did you said, ' her husband left her to another woman'? I have to be honest with you here. For the sake of your kids and your late wife, also yourself. Eject that woman with am immediate effect without any apology or advice from anybody b4 your house will catch fire.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

queenfav:
How do i send you your favourite bottle of champagne?!

DHL

Oga, please let her leave your house don't add another pain to your life.

family6644:



You have made a lot of sense, you have made me even more weak. More like she has refused to leave, I have discussed it amicably, she has pleaded that she will change, I should give her more time. Her apt is till there but she doesn't want to go back claiming she's in love with me and she can't stay away from me. I think I am in trouble, I don't feel right about this anymore

I think you are the problem in more ways than you know here . . .

Firstly, you got involved with this woman out of your own accord. I understand you were lonely, I mean I would be too. But your wife died. It was totally immoral of you to begin having an affair with another woman and bring her into your home for whatever reason. You could ha r maintained that friendship between your kids, but starting an affair with her too was completely unnecessary and you need to acknowledge that you messed up in doing this.

Then seriously, what is the problem with this woman. In 3 months people are not even officially done with mourning. You are still in the traditional mourning period. How does she justify this crazy need to change what you wife has established in her own home. Where is her conscience?

I think in leaving that woman around you and your kids you are exposing your family to an evil and terrible person. Trust me, she will change towards the children and she will maltreat them behind your back. If she cannot help them mourn their mother, and respect her memory then she’s not a good person.

Stop acting like you don’t have a choice in this matter. If not for anything, think of your children and the danger you are exposing them to.

cococandy:
DHL

them go break am o

Shytreasure:
An uncle of mine got married last year to a single mother of one after his wife died during labour . It's the mother of the lady that used tactics to introduce her daughter to him at their place of work. Ordinarily, one would assume he will just remain like that and focus on the children since the oldest of the five children is about 23 years of age.

To cut the story short, immediately she moved in, she started maltreating the late wife children. The maltreatment got worse after she gave birth to a child to the point that the second child of the late wife who is the only male moved out of the house. Right now his condition is very worse as there is no parental care. This woman starves the children so many times, to the point that they would have to beg for food. Sometimes i wonder if this man is aware of the children plight at all.

The point is that the children welfare matters! And if one really cherish the memory of the late wife, he will do everything possible to prevent whatever and whoever wants to cause them pain. Patience may be the key sir!! She may mean well for them, but take your time to know more about her; i mean time to know who she really is.

I know a man that remarried after the last child finished his degree program at the university. Fine! We are not the same, but the interest of the children should be paramount in whatever decision that is made.

The reg flag is always there. Please make the right decision, so your children can look back in years to come and be proud of the decision their father made in their behalf.

Na wa oh . . . This is really scary. May God keep us alive to raise our children.

Barely 3months and all these brouhaha don set
Oga, put ur prick one place for now and concentrate on ur kids. Make the poor woman labor nor be in vain

If I am to be in your shoes bro, I will definitely make her to understand that she is getting things too fast. Let her give you a break and you can either take your kids to either of the granny if deemed safe. Things are happening too fast, before you can say jack your children will put more pressure on you to allow her bla bla bla. Women sometimes dosen't show their venom until your weak and they will strike.

Sanchez01:
You are not a serious person and never loved your late wife genuinely. I understand people grieve differently but moving on from someone you dated for 13 whole years before marriage says a lot about your person.

Single mothers aren't all bad buy most are walking time bombs. If she claimed her husband abandoned her, then find out why. It is crucial.

You clearly haven't healed from the previous relationship but you are already conflicted with a mother of two who doesn't regard the deeds of your late wife. I can assure you that your late wife's kids are almost on their way out of the house the moment she comes in.

You are better off alone for now. Heal properly first. If your kids want playmates or have fun, look for the nearest parks and take them there on weekends. If you can't do this, buy them distractions that could take their minds off the single mother's kids.

Who remarries in 3 months after their wife passes on when it is not Kanayo O. Kanayo in Nollywood films?

Hmmmm. I saw a pastor marry after 4 months that his wife died. I was so shocked, however, when I discussed it with my hubby, he didn't see anything wrong with it, infact he said that if that was the way he could heal faster, then it was very okay. I felt so bad that I asked him if that is what he would do if it was him . Things dry happen my brother

She has to let you deal with the thoughts of loosing your beloved wife. She's too quick to disregard and disrespect your feelings and the children.

To be sincere I smell juju in this matter. This isn't just ordinary. I will advice that you thread with caution. Save your kids.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife.




I don't even know what to say to you....... YOU ALLOW A STRANGE WOMAN TO COME AND DOMINATE UR HOME, DEPRIVE YOUR CHILDREN OF PEACE & JOY, ABOLISH UR WAY OF DOING THINGS, CREATE HER OWN....


OP BIG SHAME ON YOU, YOUR LATE WIFE MUST BE DISAPPOINTED RIGHT NOW.

Define which happiness you want?
Your happiness?
Or the kids happiness..
Your happiness comes first, before the kids happiness,
dont blindly pick a wrong woman because the kids likes her, i pity you,
after shes through with you, then the kids go feel am,
instead, pick a good woman that you like, do that assignment yourself, and when you find her, bring her to your kids, they will get along...
You blindly pick a wrong woman because your kids likes her?
And your kids like hers own kids too?
You getting blinded by emotion?
Wake up!
Do whats needful, otherwise the whole thing you ve been building is about to be torn apart,

With all due respect Oga, separate yourself immediately from her.. If she cannot respect the values you took time to nurture and build overtime and respect your opinion and feelings, then she's not worthy but a pretender..

Gain control by severing ties now or regret it later..

Her desperation, her realtor story and a married woman whose husband abandoned for a white woman didn't just tally.

Don't be dumb. Its happening too fast.
She had you on a leash..
Gain control now or loose everything you've worked for later..

This is a wrong move here. 3 months after your wife die, bros the timing is too short.. you need at least 1 to 2years before thinking about such move. And allowing her into your home is also not so good. If you really love your wife which I believe you do, you need to get that woman off your mind and focus on your children for now.. she's showing RED flag already, no body can tell me not to morn someone so special to me not to talk of your wife... Please let her go her way and focus on your 3kids for now and give your wife some sort of respect.

Loisemm2:

Pls let her go back to her apartment for now. Kilode? Tell her you want to do things the right way. Three months is too soon for her to move in na. Tell her it makes you guys look suspicious to family and friends. If she is sensible , she would move out but if she is desperate, she won't. Anyway, let them move out abeg. By wisdom, by peaceful pleading or by force. And while you are at it, be watchful and prayerful so she doesn't go diabolical on you.

Is it only diabolical? OP,pray she doesn't poison all of you to death or slit your throats while you are sleeping. You are an ignorant fool, playing with your life and the lives of your children. You are toying with a psychopath. DESIST FROM FURTHER ARGUMENT S WITH HER, AND CODEDLY FLEE FROM YOUR HOME WITH YOUR CHILDREN TO A FAMILY FRIEND'S HOUSE AND INVOLVE THE POLICE IN THE MATTER.

You have to mourn your wife, after then you pray and seek the face of God for another life partner, send this woman and her children back to there house.
She is not a wise woman, how can she move into your house three months after the death of your wife, please send her back for now, after one year, you can start a godly relationship.
It is too early for now, people might start suspecting you.

Was the woman waiting for your wife to die so she will take over the marriage? it is too early.

Send this woman back to her house.

Your wife family will soon start accusing you of killing there sister.
Be wise and send her back.

family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

See erh don’t start what you can’t finish. I thank God that there’re no commitments yet. I think she is a dominant and from the look of things what you n the rest of the family needs is a submissive. Just relax take your time before getting another mother for that family.

family6644:


I am beginning to think this is the reason she's not respecting my late wife

You are not in any trouble. I purposely quoted you so that you will see my comment. Like someone said, you come across as an unserious person. I feel the numerous advice on this platform is wasted cause even from the initial post I can deduce that you already know the problem and you know the solution to the problem but you sought advice because you were looking for people who will tell you what you want to hear. Since you are not getting that, you are finding ways to justify your decision. It's your call but don't go about pretending as though you are confused

I will blame you for accepting another man's cabbage because she didn't have any a closure with her husband and you are commiting adultery sleeping with another man's wife so fix it .. You can now see reasons why her husband ran away from her to abroad she has a bad character of being bossy and not ready to listen or keep to your rules which is bad for you as a man . I have dated girls in the past that speaks ill about their ex's but when you get close to them you will notice they are the devil's themselves and that was what scared off their ex's, now I don't even try it again ones you speak bad about your ex I lose interest in you .. thank God you have learnt about it early enough so it time for you to have some balls than your dick head and make decision telling her if she is not ready to keep your rules the doors are wide open for her to leave but make sure you talk to your kids about her and know they feel about her before making moves

family6644:



Exactly the problem I am having, she doesn't seem to see anything sensible in my late wife values and teachings and this is making me to dislike her and she doesn't seem to know despite trying so hard to explain to her.

ada

You are totally disrespecting the memory of your late wife. Totally! 3 months and you are cohabiting with someone else's wife?
Have you bothered to find out her roots? She told you her husband left her, did her family return the brideprice paid on her head? Or do you not know that as long as that hasn't been done, they are still customarily and legally married?
Do not use the children's happiness and wellbeing to justify your lust for flesh. Don't do that!
You should have your family and your late wife's family as your support system not a strange woman. This is how men court trouble. In 12 days you are already cohabiting with a strange woman. Na wao! So because your children like her, they have turned to the father and you are now a baby and as such they tell you what to do? To bring in a woman? The quality of parents these days dey baffle me.
Our parents did a far better job at parenting than young parents these days. Even with all parenting manuals and education, basic parenting is still too poor these days.
How can you try to justify your lust with your children's wellbeing?
If the tables were reversed and your wife was sleeping with another man just three months after, would your family not be all up in arms against her?
This is every shade of wrong! I do not think you came here to seek advice because its a no-brainer. I think you came to seek validation for your actions. Goodluck my brother! Na wao!

shadrach77:

You are not in any trouble. I purposely quoted you so that you will see my comment. Like someone said, you come across as an unserious person. I feel the numerous advice on this platform is wasted cause even from the initial post I can deduce that you already know the problem and you know the solution to the problem but you sought advice because you were looking for people who will tell you what you want to hear. Since you are not getting that, you are finding ways to justify your decision. It's your call but don't go about pretending as though you are confused

I wish I could buy you a drink. He wants validation, not advice.

The woman is desperate and such desperation never ends well... let her go and for sure you are going to find something better if you are patient enough.

Hello,
I have been in your shoes.. I need you to call me.. or inbox me.. what whatever you doing now just freeze the scene... I am waiting

Family6644

90 days after your wife death you start a new sex relatie? Na wa O. You mess up big time.
I feel betrayed on behalf of your wife. Do you even care what people with say behind your back? At this time of your loss, you dont need any relatie.

How can you even pick a woman are husband run away from? Dont you see that she cant hide her toxic nature ?

Even if you want to date, you dont have to listen to your kids to pick a woman because your kids are too young know what is good.

No woman will love your children as you espect because women in general are selfish unlike men. Your children can only have peace when you find a lowly and selfless woman with great maternal instinct of unconditional care. A woman like this is rare to come by

I am the right person to speak to you on this because I grow up living with step mothers. My earthly father is a hottie. He spent all his life marrying various women and I suffer so much growing up. I never knew motherly love at all.

All the women my father marry, only one of them truly deeply cared for me because she is a love field person. My earthly father loved her so much because she is beautiful from the inside and outside. She has natural love for everyone.

Stay away from re- marrying and do not think of settling down for a long time. Be a father and mother to your children.

Step mother cause the death of my brother and I suffer so much in the hand of step mother. It is been almost 19 years and I still cry and mourn over the loss of my brother because of the way we suffered and the terrible way he loss his life. My eyes is currently watery because your children reminded me of my late brother

Believe me; It is only a white women can truly respect and acknowledge the well being of your children.

Give your self lot of time; You can temporily have a fc'ck buddy to quell your hornyness.

Warning: Do not have more kids with any other woman

Women are self-centered and selfishness destroys