family6644:
I need serious advise from experienced nairalanders, please forgive my lengthy message because it requires detailed explanations.

I lost my wife exactly 3 months ago, 4 years of relationship and 13 years of marriage with her before she passed on, she left behind 3kids, 13yr old girl 7yr and 3yr old boys. I understand marriages are full of their challenges but we have been through the journey and we came out victorious having a loving and happy home, a union other partners appreciates.

My late wife was so organized and we trainned my kids to be independent while she travels on local business trips. So I just needed to continue our family habit of buying and stocking everything at home while they manage themselves with the help of an older maid who has been part of the family for many years, in short, we are faring quite well as I continue to mourn my wife and carry on with life.

Here is the problem, from a lot of condolence messages coming in on my Facebook, I had the chance to reply some of them 2weeks ago, I met this single mother of two who invited my kids to her daughter's birthday party, i was reluctant but she said it is time to start taking the kids out since they are yet to resume school, exactly what they needed at that point was the usual outing which has been missing for a while since their mother's sickness and after her demise, approx 6months in total. She said it's not a loud party that she needed only my kids for the small sitting room party.

I decided, went to the party with the kids, it was fun for the kids, I have not seen them happy like that in a long while, it made me happy too, they fell in love with the two sisters and their mother all like a miracle, my little 3year old boy started calling her mommy, others follow and it all seem like a family reunion. We left late at night with her girls asking that they meet again the next day which was a Sunday. To cut it short, my kids and hers agreed to meet the next day except for me. To be honest, the lady is a nice and lovely person to be with, she's a realtor who can work from home, she's real and beautiful, she has been a single mother for 4yrs after her husband travelled out and abandoned them to marry another woman, that's according to her.

She called me that her kids could not allow her rest, they said if we can't come, she should bring them to our house, I mildly rejected but i was persuaded by my daughter and my first son to have them around, I could see that they have bonded quite well, I want my kids to be happy too, that's what I have always wanted for them so I agreed and gave them our address. To cut the story short, I find it impossible to separate the two families that has come together to become one, when they were leaving back to their house my kids pleaded with me to allow them go with mommy to her house, I understand that is real because she's lovely with kids. I had the confidence to trust my kids with someone for the first time in my life. They didn't want to come back, I had to go and pick them up the next day, all of them made sure they came back home with me, we started living together as a family and everyone was enjoying it.

It became an automatic affair with her, I was worried about it been too early, I had to involve few of my friends to seek opinions, some were happy that i could get a good mother for my kids this soon, others asked me to stop the family union and give it a little time to study her character. I suggested some space but she felt very bad, she thinks I am sending them away. I had to allow them stay while I use the opportunity to observe the new found love and family.

12days after, I realize that in a bid to reorganize me and help me to move ahead in life, she totally disregards anything that concerns my late wife whom I still hold dear to my heart, same as my daughter and my adopted daughter, I don't like to address her as a maid. We loved and cherished my late wife, everything she introduced seems to be strange to the norms of the family. If I try to raise my concerns for her to adjust, she will simply tell me that the dead is dead and I should just forget everything about her including whatever she stood for as a mother and wife.

If I try to talk some senses into her to make her understand that brooding over the dead is different from honouring and respecting the deseased, she gets really angry claiming I am comparing her with a dead person. Whatever she discovers as our way of doing things in the family she disregards it and replaces it with her own way without minding how we feel as a family or how easy or difficult it is for us to adjust.

It looks like we are the only ones tolerating and accommodating them here, I have tried with no avail to stop her from insulting the memory of my late wife. I discussed with each and everyone at home, they all wish I could perform a miracle to have them leave because no one can tolerate the mother and kids anymore, I am equally fed up myself and willing to take a break.

I have a friend who is aware of my problems with her, he told me that I am the problem here, he said it will be hard for any woman to fit into our family way of doing things and it will be difficult for us to cope with a different way of life introduced by another woman.

I hope I can get one or two advices that could help. I am quite confused

Ok.

family6644:



You have made a lot of sense, you have made me even more weak. More like she has refused to leave, I have discussed it amicably, she has pleaded that she will change, I should give her more time. Her apt is till there but she doesn't want to go back claiming she's in love with me and she can't stay away from me. I think I am in trouble, I don't feel right about this anymore

Thunder tigbu that love there. True love will allow the object of her interest heal,. How can you move in with a newly widowed man and claim to love him??

You are the architect of your present hurdle, according to your write up. You met her on Facebook and she is acting like an angel on Earth, don't you suspect she is acting or pretending to get what she needs through are acts?? Please u need to acts fast and send her away for d sake of your kids. Before she change it for them.

bewla:
You make it very easy

What do u do for a living
Well taking points

Thanks sir. I'm into trading

Please I beg you in the name of whatever you believe in. Send that woman back. Please sir. Send her back. If you can't, you can use your relation. Your sister or mother. Let them come visiting and then let them do the talking for you. This was a well orchestrated game. From the meeting on Facebook and specifically asking for your kids to come for the birthday party. This was a good plan and evil orchestration.

She has no self worth nor shame and will do anything to get what she wants. Even going diabolical. You are talking from the physical aspect. This woman is obsessed and you might have to leave the area completely for your safety and your children's safety. I no you are reading it and saying I'm going to far. But I am telling you the reality of what you have gotten yourself into. The woman is sinister. A woman that cannot even respect the dead and is trying so hard to erase the memory. Are you sure madam doesn't no your wife before? Are you sure the whole thing is not deeper than you think. Your children will be at the receiving end. Again if you can't do it yourself. Use a relation. Send her back and block her off please.

body nor be firewood my brother

dannex4adx:


BRO! THINK ABOUT THIS GUY'S COMMENT! YOU CAN STILL HANDLE THE SITUATION NOW BY SENDING HER AWAY. SHE STYLISHLY ENTERED YOU BUT YOU DIDN'T NOTICE. YOU MAY LATER REGRET IT. ACT NOW BECAUSE OF THE FUTURE OF YOUR CHILDREN.

Bless u...future of the children Very I important.

family6644:



You have made a lot of sense, you have made me even more weak. More like she has refused to leave, I have discussed it amicably, she has pleaded that she will change, I should give her more time. Her apt is till there but she doesn't want to go back claiming she's in love with me and she can't stay away from me. I think I am in trouble, I don't feel right about this anymore

Long reply alert!

* Op, you no try at all. Your behaviour doesn't show you honoured your wife while alive. Too soon to be humping another woman in her bed. Darn too soon! Her people would feel so heartbroken. And please stop throwing that 'my children's happiness' catch. Protect them. Defer their happiness for a lasting joy. Isn't that what daddies are known for?

* You do really have a huge risk appetite. I hope it wasn't your carefree nature that contributed to madam's early exit. May God rest her soul. Please use her loss to adjust that attitude.

*There's so much in a name: Your moniker suggests you are torn between a family of 6 and a family of 4. Wrong. Don't mix it. Yours is yours. I bet you have started using the number 10 and 3/4 of late..

*Your attempt to pass her off as a random person from Facebook is not acceptable to me. There must certainly be a connection, except you are too carefree to verify or acknowledge. Who are your mutual friends on Facebook? You certainly knew each other before. Or, dial her number on your late wife's phone. You may be shocked.

*That exclusive party was designed to mix the 'aseje' for you and your children exclusively. I bet you started flirting (or started attempting the 'do') with her from on that 'event'. Go recheck, that birthday might even not be that child's real birthday.

*Did you verify her claims from third parties about her relationship with her 'ex-husband'. Either the husband is nonexistent or the divorce. Raise the conversation with her again and see the discomfort that that brings to her or the inconsistency in the fine details of what she told you before.

* That said It is easier to blame you and say let her go. Easier said than done. You need practical steps. I will list them below.

1. Easiest and straightforward way is to call her and say you have seen that YOU "need a break and would be taking it. So by weekend, I shall be dropping you and the children off at your place. Be sure I will keep in touch". She may talk smooth or rough, cry or dare, nag or gag, whatever happens, keep a straight face and refuse to be blackmailed emotionally. On due date, get it done. If she refuses, report her in the nearest police station. Protect yourself. Preserve your life and the children's.

2. She is a good planner while you live by the clock. You can't talk people like that out of their plans. Talking with her won't cut it. You have to comMANd it.

There are also the less brave approaches:

3. I can't overemphasize what others have said about contracting your mother or sisters or family friends to help you oust her. Sisters especially will handle that with zero stress for you.

4. You can feign repeated nightmares suggesting that you are not headed anywhere good together and insist that you need to be apart first. Or, claim 'your mum's old family prophet' called you today and told you a lot of things you need to put in place and out of place. Unfortunately, she would need to stay away from you for 9 months while at it. You can reel out some of 'the prophet's' CV in your family to let her know he is a 'real' prophet. Well, consider me as 'your mum's old family prophet'.

4. Come home 'drunk' and throw her things out.

5. You can send her children to her. Keep telling them you don't like their mum anymore and you would want them out of your house.

6. You may also show her this page on Nairaland let her read for herself.

7. Well, when all is said and done, please change your house locks or address.

My N10. Advise be like public toilet, those wey need am no care, those wey dey use am no care, those wey no need am no care.

ShenTeh:


Long reply alert!

* Op, you no try at all. Your behaviour doesn't show you honoured your wife while alive. Too soon to be humping another woman in her bed. Darn too soon! Her people would feel so heartbroken. And please stop throwing that 'my children's happiness' catch. Protect them. Defer their happiness for a lasting joy. Isn't that what daddies are known for?

* You do really have a huge risk appetite. I hope it wasn't your carefree nature that contributed to madam's early exit. May God rest her soul. Please use her loss to adjust that attitude.

*There's so much in a name: Your moniker suggests you are torn between a family of 6 and a family of 4. Wrong. Don't mix it. Yours is yours. I bet you have started using the number 10 and 3/4 of late..

*Your attempt to pass her off as a random person from Facebook is not acceptable to me. There must certainly be a connection, except you are too carefree to verify or acknowledge. Who are your mutual friends on Facebook? You certainly knew each other before. Or, dial her number on your late wife's phone. You may be shocked.

*That exclusive party was designed to mix the 'aseje' for you and your children exclusively. I bet you started flirting (or started attempting the 'do') with her from on that 'event'. Go recheck, that birthday might even not be that child's real birthday.

*Did you verify her claims from third parties about her relationship with her 'ex-husband'. Either the husband is nonexistent or the divorce. Raise the conversation with her again and see the discomfort that that brings to her or the inconsistency in the fine details of what she told you before.

* That said It is easier to blame you and say let her go. Easier said than done. You need practical steps. I will list them below.

1. Easiest and straightforward way is to call her and say you have seen that YOU "need a break and would be taking it. So by weekend, I shall be dropping you and the children off at your place. Be sure I will keep in touch". She may talk smooth or rough, cry or dare, nag or gag, whatever happens, keep a straight face and refuse to be blackmailed emotionally. On due date, get it done. If she refuses, report her in the nearest police station. Protect yourself. Preserve your life and the children's.

2. She is a good planner while you live by the clock. You can't talk people like that out of their plans. Talking with her won't cut it. You have to comMANd it.

There are also the less brave approaches:

3. I can't overemphasize what others have said about contracting your mother or sisters or family friends to help you oust her. Sisters especially will handle that with zero stress for you.

4. You can feign repeated nightmares suggesting that you are not headed anywhere good together and insist that you need to be apart first. Or, claim 'your mum's old family prophet' called you today and told you a lot of things you need to put in place and out of place. Unfortunately, she would need to stay away from you for 9 months while at it. You can reel out some of 'the prophet's' CV in your family to let her know he is a 'real' prophet. Well, consider me as 'your mum's old family prophet'.

4. Come home 'drunk' and throw her things out.

5. You can send her children to her. Keep telling them you don't like their mum anymore and you would want them out of your house.

6. You may also show her this page on Nairaland let her read for herself.

7. Well, when all is said and done, please change your house locks or address.

My N10. Advise be like public toilet, those wey need am no care, those wey dey use am no care, those wey no need am no care.

God will bless you abundantly. I have learnt a lot of from your contributions

family6644:


God will bless you abundantly. I have learnt a lot of from your contributions

Mr op, what did you do eventually? You didn't update the house after our plenty advice.

family6644:


God will bless you abundantly. I have learnt a lot of from your contributions

Mr op, what did you do eventually? You didn't update the house after our plenty advice...

Realestatevixen:


Mr op, what did you do eventually? You didn't update the house after our plenty advice...

I'm so sorry, I called my family members to come to my aid, she couldn't allow them to get here before she packed and left, after she left I discovered she left with a lot of my wife's cloths and fashion accessories but I'm thankful she left and my lessons learnt.

TheButterflies:
Moving this woman and her family in 3-months after your wife's demise is somehow, not to mention the red flags in your post. For the sake of your children, if not the honor of your late wife, take the time to find a suitable, loving stepmom for them.

Poor, dead wife. 3 months and your widowed husband is moving on. 3 months. Jeez, and a half.
At least you are pointing out the red flags yourself
Good luck!

family6644:


I'm so sorry, I called my family members to come to my aid, she couldn't allow them to get here before she packed and left, after she left I discovered she left with a lot of my wife's cloths and fashion accessories but I'm thankful she left and my lessons learnt.

God saved a brother.

family6644:



I'm so sorry, I called my family members to come to my aid, she couldn't allow them to get here before she packed and left, after she left I discovered she left with a lot of my wife's cloths and fashion accessories but I'm thankful she left and my lessons learnt.

Thank God for you however that serves you right sir! She stole from your dead wife, items that should be given to your children and you kept quiet? Why couldn't you involve the police to get them back? Your ojukokoro caused this and I feel so sorry for your dead wife because you disrespected her memory so much.

What a thread.
I stopped at page 4.
The guy try.
Some start as early as 2 weeks.
Infact, during mourning, he is already collecting.

Yeah, a man was caught with one lady during his late wife wake keep. Her very good friend.

I have only seen one man who refused to marry when his wife died. Background matters. And his reason for not remarrying was his kids. Okay, as the kids have become of age and they begged him to marry(boys) he still refused. That he want peace in his house. Bless him.

You dodged a serious bullet, thank God for your life.she even still steals, the spirit of your wife will deal with her.

family6644:



I'm so sorry, I called my family members to come to my aid, she couldn't allow them to get here before she packed and left, after she left I discovered she left with a lot of my wife's cloths and fashion accessories but I'm thankful she left and my lessons learnt.

She's rude. You are going through a process of healing and anyone that wants to come into your life should respect everything about you till you are completely healed. She needs to play a major roles in the healing process. You should be the number one priority, she needs to gradually talk you out of everything that is weighing on your mind. You can't just forget about someone you thought you would spend the rest of your life with because of her selfishness. There's more to study about her. It looks like she programmed the kids to use them to get into your life. Anyway seek the face of God before you make any decision on her