Dear Litigator,

I am a silent reader of your work on nairaland and your Facebook page, and I like what you are doing. I have a problem that has sent me into depression and has eroded my self-esteem.

My wife never sees anything good in me. The only thing she appreciates is the fact that I pay bills and love my kids.

I cannot discuss emotional, family plans and business issues with her. She is no longer romantic, and sex has always been an issue. Not that I care so much about sex anyway.

She sees everything negative in anything that comes out of my mouth. Most times, after listening to me, explaining to her with passion like a schoolboy, she shuts me down, by saying "forget about it, it will not work". Without even asking how I intend to make it work.

I am an introvert, and I believe as an introvert, you do understand my pains. I don't have friends, and as a programmer, I have zero social life.

It is more painful because my wife, who ought to be my best friend, is making life more difficult for me. I was recently diagnosed with High Blood Pressure due to spending more time working, trying to avoid her negativity.

She is also always in the habit of comparing me with her elder sister's husband who is a politician. She is quick to tell me how rich he is and making me look like a failure.

We are not poor either, we live in a good apartment on the island, and I do everything to ensure there is food in the house. And electricity is available 16-22 hours a day due to the nature of my job. Yes, I do not give her money for shopping, but she is not naked either.

I am contemplating getting a divorce as her attitude is seriously affecting my mental health and productivity. I am married but practically lonely.

What do you advise?

You can share this anonymously with your nairaland community, I will be happy to hear what others think as well since divorce is a major decision and something I won't pursue if I can change her negative mindset.

Thanks.

This is sad, she had fallen out of love with you or never loved you at first...

Sometimes we feel time would heal but most cases, the other party tends to make it more hell even though we try our best.

My uncle would tell me, if you see a family doing so well, husband and wive to be precise, then there is someone playing the loyal Card. Where there's no such party, that family is bound to break....

I see you love your wive so much but she's not giving in enough... you can't tame her to love you either. But you can give her space and more space. Create the scarcity and see what happens. If she doesn't see the sign and readjust, then you know you are in for a long battle if you continue the marraige. You would hardly get peace, and when you don't get peace of mind? "It's a silent Killer".

I feel your pain. How long have you been married to her? How long was your dating period? On this issue, aside her, which of her confidant have discussed this issue with?

Issues like this requires a lot of discussion, and if you start discussing with the right people she hold's dear, you will likely get the solution.

Geeee you made a mistake getting married in the first place. You are comfortable enough all you need is a kid and your life can go on.

The words of a woman can only hurt us when we have decided to build our life around her. That’s what marriage made you do, and now you can’t ignore her hateful words.

Divorce, get back in the streets, dig some watery guts till you buhhhhh and be happy.

This is so sad but you shouldn’t have to deal with a toxic person. If your happiness and mental health is important to you then you need to do away with toxic people. What she is doing is not okay, let her know and give her time to think on it. If she won’t change, then you need to give her Space. https://www.xplorefeelings.com/what-does-self-care-mean-to-you/

When i complained about it to her she say we should end it.

Best decision. It was a big mistake trying to reconcile with her.

phazotron:
When i complained about it to her she say we should end it.

Best decision. It was a big mistake trying to reconcile with her.

Did you eventually end it?

litigator:


Did you eventually end it?

Na she use her mouth end am sef. I no apologize

I can't be with a person I'm afraid of talking to

Ordinary greeting madam go turn am to fight

Life is too short for all that crap

God simply frown at divorce. You need a miracle to happen in this situation.
Wrong marriage is going to drain all you have that is why you have to be prayerful before you step into any.

arryjosh:
God simply frown at divorce. You need a miracle to happen in this situation.
Wrong marriage is going to drain all you have that is why you have to be prayerful before you step into any.

The wrong marriage can lead to a lifetime of misery and regret

litigator:
Dear Litigator,

I am a silent reader of your work on nairaland and your Facebook page, and I like what you are doing. I have a problem that has sent me into depression and has eroded my self-esteem.

My wife never sees anything good in me. The only thing she appreciates is the fact that I pay bills and love my kids.

I cannot discuss emotional, family plans and business issues with her. She is no longer romantic, and sex has always been an issue. Not that I care so much about sex anyway.

She sees everything negative in anything that comes out of my mouth. Most times, after listening to me, explaining to her with passion like a schoolboy, she shuts me down, by saying "forget about it, it will not work". Without even asking how I intend to make it work.

I am an introvert, and I believe as an introvert, you do understand my pains. I don't have friends, and as a programmer, I have zero social life.

It is more painful because my wife, who ought to be my best friend, is making life more difficult for me. I was recently diagnosed with High Blood Pressure due to spending more time working, trying to avoid her negativity.

She is also always in the habit of comparing me with her elder sister's husband who is a politician. She is quick to tell me how rich he is and making me look like a failure.

We are not poor either, we live in a good apartment on the island, and I do everything to ensure there is food in the house. And electricity is available 16-22 hours a day due to the nature of my job. Yes, I do not give her money for shopping, but she is not naked either.

I am contemplating getting a divorce as her attitude is seriously affecting my mental health and productivity. I am married but practically lonely.

What do you advise?

You can share this anonymously with your nairaland community, I will be happy to hear what others think as well since divorce is a major decision and something I won't pursue if I can change her negative mindset.

Thanks.

What we do to negatively minded people is, 'you don't tell them your next action.