JovialJune:


This is it Op, so relax, she feels there is not much responsibilities since it's just both of you, when kids come nobody will tell her to adjust, na she go adjust herself.

register 05, I won't advice him to relax even if it's the reality she feels like it's just two of them, you never can tell she might still hold same view even with children in the family, as the dynamics can be complicated if the family of the wife don't see things that way and they could have a stronghold on her and even blackmail her emotionally afterwards..
Op all you have to do is you either seriously or jokingly (you know her better and the better option for you) tell your wife your mind and chip in that if children is involved will she be able to bear it all as it will be too big a burden for you both to bear... But she can help with a substantial amount in a month.

boldx:
register505:
This is so sad. Some ladies somehow erroneously believe it is the husband's responsibility to take care of every need in the family. It is one of the challenges of a young couple.

Your wife sincerely needs to create a balance. Please do not neglect your own parents and siblings as well.

Do you guys have kids? If you do, as your kids grow up, she will definitely start spending on them.

Conclusion: Women (Most) do NOT reason the way men do when it comes to responsibilities.

Experiences taught me that it's not a ladies thing but what they experience and see over time it's a societal and sometimes the kind of family one comes from, her father will also benefit from her, and brothers will also benefit from her, and they are suppose to know better that the wife will need to contribute to her family but the kinda orientation she got from them will make her think it's right.. Some men are like that too, my parents had to settle a young family just four days ago, the husband was always more of family than the home front and funny enough it was same with my father and my mother had to let the woman know and adviced the man that it's not a venture that will favour him in the long run...

InTheCloudySky:
You're welcome. As I've said, do talk to her now. Don't listen to those telling you she will change when you've kids because allowing her to continue this habit will worsen it. You may find you're still the sole provider with kids, or have to give her money to look after the house and kids, while she spends hers on her family or herself. Basically, you would have more difficulty changing her later. You shouldn't be afraid to speak with your spouse. You didn't get married to be unhappy. Communicate now.

Kudos to you for this, @register505,now is the time for you to act, she might never change (not because she does not want to but because she has grown comfortable doing that without issues and since her family see no wrong in that, it's okay by her) even after childbirth and then it will even be much more difficult by then, act now so her decisions can help you plan better on your part if it is to declare lower income.

Idaytesj29:


And people are liking this satanic comment..... What does family means then? She is being irresponsible to her immediate family, nothing more. The man can chose to focus on his family as well, how does that sound.

You are the confused one here.
So her immediate family is her only family here?

By the way, where's the immediate "family" here?? Only the husband?? Mind you, the marriage is still new and hasn't produced any child yet. It's just him and the wife. When the children start coming, she'll naturally withdraw from her family and they too will naturally adjust. So, for now, there isn't really any tangible family needs for you to be freting as if the whole word is crashing down on him

Now you want her to focus on the financial needs of a man who's financially capable of taking care of himself and abandon her family that comprises the aged parents who are vulnerable and the siblings who are prolly still in school and can't fend themselves?

Did you reason before coming to type this trash?

Stop being sentimental about this issue and try to be logical in your reasoning.

Mercychen:


You are the Satanist here.
So her immediate family is her only family here?

By the way, where's the immediate "family" here?? Only the husband?? Mind you, the marriage is still new and hasn't produced any child yet. It's just him and the wife. When the children start coming, she'll naturally withdraw from her family and they too will naturally adjust. So, for now, there isn't really any tangible family needs for you to be freting as if the whole word is crashing down on him

Now you want her to focus on the financial needs of a man who's financially capable of taking care of himself and abandon her family that comprises the aged parents who are vulnerable and the siblings who are prolly still in school and can't fend themselves?

Did you reason before coming to type this trash?

Stop being sentimental about this issue and try to be logical in your reasoning.

Take a dose of Valium5, sleep very well, wake up, take a warm bath, eat breakfast and read your two comments again. And honestly tell me how you feel about what you have posted.

Pls, don't take up marriage counselling or be a man or woman of God in the future. Cos your partiality is abysmal.

Idaytesj29:


Take a dose of Valium5, sleep very well, wake up, take a warm bath, eat breakfast and read your two comments again. And honestly tell me how you feel about what you have posted.

Pls, don't take up marriage counselling or be a man or woman of God in the future. Cos your partiality is abysmal.

There's nothing like partiality anywhere. Just stating the obvious. Ok?

You won't say you didn't notice this selfish attitude when you were dating her. You have two choices. It's either you keep tolerating it and bear the burden for the rest of your life or you put a stop to the nonsense now. Your wife is either a selfish being or a family toy but I will go with the former than the latter.

mariahAngel:



Your main problem is that you want her (attention and all) to yourself isn’t it?

You’re simply jealous.

you are simply naive,if it's the man doing all these spending on his own folks without him channeling his finances to the homefront like fueling the gen when there isn't light,taking his wife on dinner dates and so on,you would have brought the roof down with your nagging complaining that he chooses his family over you.There's nothing like jealousy here,let's learn to be logical and not sentimental in issues like this

register505:
Hello Nairalanders

I have an issue which has been bothering me lately and I need advice from mature minds. I got married to my beloved wife recently and everything has been going fine. She's such a wonderful woman and a great supporter too

I noticed my wife is too attached to her family. Dad calls everyday, mom calls everyday, brother and sister call almost everyday but that isn't the issue. After all, we are newly married so it's normal for her to still be so attached to them for some while

The issue is that she's too attached to her family financially at the expense of our own pressing needs in the house. I also have my family too but none, down to my younger ones will call to ask me for financial assistance at least for now because they know I need some time to recover as a newly married couple after wedding expenses and all that

My wife keeps sending to her family every now and then for one complain or the other. It's either her brother calls today asking for favour or her sister calls tomorrow asking for favour and she's ever ready too meet these needs. To crown it all, I noticed this behaviour is very common with her mom

I know it's normal to take care of one's family but the way I see the whole thing, she puts her family's responsibility at the forefront and sometimes indirectly utter statements that I should send money to them

I'm a man who knows how to take care of my home and I handle all responsibility of the family- rent, feeding, utility bills and everything which is the normal duty of a man but the issue is that my wife doesn't always feel pressed to assist me in a little way. Things like "dear, let me add N1,000 to the N20,000" but when her family calls and complains about something, she sends money immediately or later. When her siblings or parents call, the call will most probably end with her saying "I'm going to send it". In a span of three weeks now, she has sent money to them more than 8 times

The summary of everything I'm saying is that her money stays in her pocket or either goes to her family while all my own money is used to finance us

PS: she wasn't like this before we got married. She used to be supportive but everything changes after marriage, and if my guess is right, she was given a wrong orientation into the marriage by her family

Please how do I handle this maturely? Should I complain to her my displeasure about it or continue to see it as a normal thing at this early stage of us?

And please, mods, I don't want this on the front page

There's nothing wrong with her sending her family morning...
What's wrong is when she abandons her marriage where she should help out and then focus on her family....

It's best you both discuss about it very well and then know how to sought it out ...you can ask your dad how he handled his situation...
But don't involve family fully....

She's your partner so talk to her

excellence44:

Check for vap act. The law clearly states that a spouse that is into a paid job or earning must contribute to house upkeep. May not be equal though. Exemption is married house wife/husband.
Withholding or starving your spouse is a form of violence I mean VAYOLENS.

Just googled the act and it talks about violence

@bolded.seriously?

Marriage is a partnership. Your home is your kingdom and you both need to make it work but too bad your wife is starting off wrong.

Her mom has built her kingdom and should allow her daughter build hers.

Nonexisting1:
You won't say you didn't notice this selfish attitude when you were dating her. You have two choices. It's either you keep tolerating it and bear the burden for the rest of your life or you put a stop to the nonsense now. Your wife is either a selfish being or a family toy but I will go with the former than the latter.

She's probably too beautiful and fooled him into thinking she's supportive. Most men can easily be deceived when it comes to financial support

AutoChick4U:
She's probably too beautiful and fooled him into thinking she's supportive. Most men can easily be deceived when it comes to financial support

Beauty makes men think women are financially supportive?

New month new thing

bukatyne:


Beauty makes men think women are financially supportive?

New month new thing

Hehehehehehehehehehehe

RightToReject:


Mama de mama, you have been in laughing galore everywhere with some wise submissions.

Sometimes it is cruise catching jare.

The bolded of your post was very apt and it reminded me of this 'ndi woke' generation that hap about happiness as if someone told them that happiness is a newly discovered or coined word.

It also reminded me of a local proverb: it is happiness/too happiness that makes someone misbehave

mariahAngel:


Hehehehehehehehehehehe

September 2021 lesson.

AutoChick4U:
Marriage is a partnership. Your home is your kingdom and you both need to make it work but too bad your wife is starting off wrong.

Her mom has built her kingdom and should allow her daughter build hers.

Marriage is not a partnership.
Marriage is a union where there’s a head. The man.
Otherwise, children in the marriage could bear their mother’s maiden name.

mariahAngel:


Marriage is not a partnership.
Marriage is a union where there’s a head. The man.
Otherwise, children in the marriage could bear their mother’s maiden name.

By partnership I actually meant union.

JovialJune:



Did you discuss the name part before getting married? Her issues with name change may be the stress of changing all documents to your name, I've not done mine till now and it is not a big deal or something to stress over.

Don't listen to this daughter of eve

emmanuelbrown26:

Don't listen to this daughter of eve

Is this "daughter of eve" banter you guys spew here suppose to be an insult? Or what is the logic behind it exactly?

register505:
You're missing it.. There's no place in my writeup that I want her to give her money to me

I'm chanelling all my resources to make sure we live comfortably and I don't have any problem with that. It's my duty as a man to take care of her and make us live fine

She on the other hand is extending her benevolence to her family and not us

Isn't that something to be concerned about considering the fact that they aren't even giving her breathing space with calls and attention

Baba leave all this simps and children alone. I understand your feelings, she is not getting it right.
Secondly, maybe u didn't psych her during courtship. Just man up cook up a story that you are in a financial mess and watch how she will behave or react to it

Marriage self, you married a working class woman she might turn out to become selfish, cooperate prostitutes and not supportive , you married non working class woman she becomes a liability. Son of man just confuse

My dear,
I understand how you feel- you want your wife to show the same kind of love and care/ even more towards her matrimonial home, as she does her family.It can be very painful, but take heart; she has known her family all her life, and that attachment and sense of dedication to them is naturally very very strong. Her attachment to you and your home is now forming.

If you want to have a discussion with her, please please please do not bring up her family.
Your main objective is to help her see the need to think about her own household and contribute to it emotionally and financially.
Sit down as a family in a loving way and discuss financial and emotional obligations towards the home- agree on each person's responsibilities and set out expectations for each person. Who takes care of what (contribution to joint savings account/emergency money for the family, family projects, house bills, grocery money, transportation costs, rent etc. Start by emphasizing your responsibilities including money you give her to spend on herself (this makes every woman feel special- even if she also has other responsibilities alloted to her, it is awesome to feel that your husband will cater to you each month- this allows you to keep your gaze on him thus breaking the attachment with family).

After discussing what you will be responsible for including taking care of her needs, ask her if she is okay taking care of A, B, C in a very loving way (results oriented conversation remember). I emphasize- Do not bring up her family in this matter please; once she has contributed to the home, whatever is left she can do whatever she deems fit. Even if it is just one thing she agrees to, that is fine - when kids come, there will be so many other things she will pick up without being told so. Also ensure that, every quarter or so, or whenever the dynamics in your home change, you guys sit down and review these obligations, as a change in circumstances requires a change in strategy. Do all these in LOVE please.

Going about it this way will ensure that she contributes to the home, but doesnt feel like she is being suppressed with respect to helping your household or helping/not helping her family (that decision should be one she concludes on after much reflection on her own part).

I wish you all the best. May God's wisdom, love, joy, and peace continue to fill your home.

JovialJune:



Is this "daughter of eve" banter you guys spew here suppose to be an insult? Or what is the logic behind it exactly?

I fit vex write a book/article/dissertation/novel on top am gan. That phrase dey give me ideas like mad. And I'm damn sure it'd be a banger!

register505:
The attachment is much that she even wants to continue bearing her family surname and not adopt mine as part of her name

Na small pikin dey worry her.

excellence44:

Please reverse the whole scenario and let's assume the woman is the one complaining about husband's benevolence to his ext. family. What would your advice be?

This question won't be answered the same way she responded when the scenario was the initial condition. her view only suits her gender and they shout gender equality every day.

excellence44:

Please reverse the whole scenario and let's assume the woman is the one complaining about husband's benevolence to his ext. family. What would your advice be?

This question won't be answered the same way she responded when the scenario was the initial condition. her view only suits her gender and they say gender equality every day.

crackhaus:
I find it funny though that no chic here has talked about how the wife ought to discuss with her husband before rendering financial help...

Let's not pretend that we don't all know how women love having "a discussion" before their husbands can send money to his relatives.

Don't expect them to say that, you might wait for years for that to happen.

VTJN:
The family she had before she met you? The family who made her what she was? You rather prefer a woman who'd keep her family at arms length because she wants to marry?

A family she's related to by blood and not marriage o ;

Why do men prefer a woman whose family ain't in close contact with her? They are very much active in contact with their own family o, but want a woman to partially discard her own family

Are such men directly/indirectly running away from their responsibility or what?

Or they just want a woman they can easily manipulate or something

No family should be far from their daughters. I repeat no family poor or rich should be far from their daughters

Especially this our naija wey some men dey treat their wife like a piece of shit

Provided she's not cheating on you. She's not abusive verbally and otherwise

She's most likely to reduce her act of benevolence to her family when kids comes in. That doesn't mean she will cut off with them

It's her family by blood. You are her family by marriage

You get time dey waste words. Mtcheeeeww. Godspeed sha.

idahme:

Don't expect them to say that, you might wait for years for that to happen.

I wasn't holding my breath...

perfectcrown:
Hmm...

You see all you've written sir,ask her how she would feel if you are doing the same thing with your siblings/parents too. How would the need at home be met??

On the other hand,its her money ko? But hmmmm... she should cultivate the habit
to saaaaaave ooooh! Siblings matter no dey ever ever finish! See ehn,when you begin to have babies now,e no go continue to be like this oh.

I'm not saying she should not help her siblings and parents but Hun Hun Hun...!

I also think they know she's the type that cant say "NO" so they took the advantage of that.
She's your wife,you know better how to make her come to terms with what you want.

God help

helo. please describe yor sef please?