Some people don't believe that there are bad mothers. My aunt is an example of a bad mother, her daughter hates her. She destroyed her daughter's engagement with her mouth. Even if your daughter is misbehaving, must you wash her dirty linen to her fiance. I sat down in the parlour and watched her disgrace her daughter to her fiance. The guy never came back to marry her. To think that is her only child and she is always saying she will give birth to another child. Someone that is already 50. My cousin left the house for her, they only see face to face at family events. Babe has stayed 3yrs before without setting eyes on her mother until they met at a family baby dedication. Not everyone is qualified to be a mother or parent, some parents are a curse to their children. Since you are working, get a place and move out. You don't need to wait until you get married. Protect your mental health.

Bad mothers are everywhere, I can give more examples. Anybody that has a good mother should thank God, you are very lucky.

Klass99:


God bless you for this, I wish I could like your post more than once. Even though I didn't read pass your first sentence Going back to read the whole post when I'm done.

I just don't understand why some people think motherhood is synonymous with "saint", "angel" or "a very good person" who can do no wrong.

Soootey someone is just arguing pointlessly and making excuses for a mother's toxic behaviour. I weak o.

Modified to add: I am done reading and I don't blame your cousin one bit. Cause and effect, provocation and reaction are in play here.

Klass99:


God bless you for this, I wish I could like your post more than once. Even though I didn't read pass your first sentence Going back to read the whole post when I'm done.

I just don't understand why some people think motherhood is synonymous with "saint", "angel" or "a very good person" who can do no wrong.

Soootey someone is just arguing pointlessly and making excuses for a mother's toxic behaviour. I weak o.

Modified to add: I am done reading and I don't blame your cousin one bit. Cause and effect, provocation and reaction are in play here.

At the bolded, I'm really amazed. Normalizing bad behaviour and arguing it away.

Hmmm, one thing I have come to realize is that a person is a different entity to another person, eg, a man is a father, husband, uncle, brother, son, cousin, neighbor, colleague, pastor, imam, and so many other form of human relations, same with women but the actual fact is in all of these relationships you will be good to some and bad to some, and to some you are just there, while to some you could be seen as a saviour, even a person can be bad to him/herself. The moment we realize this the better for us.

Mercychen:
Im sure if we ask your mum, she'll also say you are the toxic one.

Look, you can't just be going on and on about your mother like that, projecting her in a bad light while you paint yourself as the righteous one all through your brawl with her. I mean.. it takes two to tango.

Now, from what you said about your mother cooking for you while you're at work. Do you know you have a little bit at fault there?
Like how can you expect your aged mother to still be doing the cooking for you at your age. Or just because you feel you now work, she should slave for you? And to think she complaines about you being tightfisted.

Who wouldn't complain after serving you and you don't appreciate her well?

Have you ever playfully greased her palm one day and say " mama, I really appreciate how you cook and wait for me everyday o, oya take this"? I'm sure you have never because you see it as your right and her duty to do. which shouldn't be. She has done all that when you were still a little child and is not expected to still be doing it for you in your late 20s. Haba!
If she does it, it should be of her own volition and not out of compulsion like you're expecting.

About the filling of the gas scenario. I don't see anything wrong in what your mother did. She asked a very valid question which is, "with your sickness, shey you'll still go to work tomorrow"? And you fell yakata by answering in the affirmative. Shooting yourself in the foot. You don't know you're dealing with someone whos older and wiser than you.

You should have simply said, you're not sure. Better still, look for any smally around, tip him/ her to help you go fill the gas but the entitled you says no. Because the gas finished since morning, mum should have gone to fill it instead of waiting for a "working class" chick like you to come and fill it.

See, you're rubbing shoulders with your mum and it's very very wrong! No matter what, you can never ride your mother.

I remember my first job as a receptionist at DSTV those days. After claiming big girl outside, when I get home, I'll still carry out my duties and do my chores. Who born you? It's your turn to cook and you're expecting someone else to do it for you ( not even my mother o) other siblings. If you delay till 10pm. Everybody will cross legs and wait for you to come back and do your duty. So if you don't want to faint, just be running down home after your big "girlism" to do your work.

God help you if it's the day waterboard switch off water. Even if it's Babangidas State House ( at Okotiebor then) you'll go and fetch water that night. Every one does her duties without being reminded.

Just cool down for your mum and learn to respect her.
Remember, you too will be a mum one day and you won't want your daughter to rub shoulders with you.

Peace.

You have spoken well I must say and I learnt one or two from your comment, because I am experiencing a similar experience with op, what I see wrong in her own case of cooking or doing other necessary things is that there is no structure in the sense that no one is assigned specific chores like in your family... Same with my family, I am an only son but I do most of the work at home because I am seen as being efficient compared to my younger sisters, imagine doing from childhood doing their laundry, sweeping, guys work na me, girls work na still me(though I am not trying to be gender biased) still had delayed admission for years, now imagine what the op must have gone through and when I later bore my mind, I was called names and been compared to others... It can be painful my sister, unless you wear the shoe you can't say she hasn't tried her best to please her mum...

cayorday89:

You have spoken well I must say and I learnt one or two from your comment, because I am experiencing a similar experience with op, what I see wrong in her own case of cooking or doing other necessary things is that there is no structure in the sense that no one is assigned specific chores like in your family... Same with my family, I am an only son but I do most of the work at home because I am seen as being efficient compared to my younger sisters, imagine doing from childhood doing their laundry, sweeping, guys work na me, girls work na still me(though I am not trying to be gender biased) still had delayed admission for years, now imagine what the op must have gone through and when I later bore my mind, I was called names and been compared to others... It can be painful my sister, unless you wear the shoe you can't say she hasn't tried her best to please her mum...

Hmm... I understand the ops plight but then I don't want her to perceive her mom as an enemy.

Now you know better, you'll be able to manage your home better and prevent a reoccurrence of what you passed through in your own home.

Cheers.

cayorday89:
Hmmm, one thing I have come to realize is that a person is a different entity to another person, eg, a man is a father, husband, uncle, brother, son, cousin, neighbor, colleague, pastor, imam, and so many other form of human relations, same with women but the actual fact is in all of these relationships you will be good to some and bad to some, and to some you are just there, while to some you could be seen as a saviour, even a person can be bad to him/herself. The moment we realize this the better for us.

Well said.

The wicked headmistress or teacher we all used to know in school is someone's "favourite mom", someone's "world best mom".

People don't want to agree that some moms are wicked, yet there are some aunties or teachers they hated back in school.

Some people can be uneccessarily emotional especially in this part of the world. The world "mom" or "parent" gets them crazily emotional to the extent they're willing to sacrifice the truth, yet they come online to curse Buhari day-in day-out as if Buhari is not someone's dad.

ramatuoyiza:
My mental health is at stake and I dont know if there is anyone in this kind of situation.. I have no perfect words to describe my mom. Always have issues with my dad and the rest of my siblings, She speaks without regards to one's age or how you feel, there are times I cant control my anger and we exchange words.. Am in my late 20's, from a muslim home, yet to be married but in a serious relationship now, my mom clearly hates the guy am seeing just because he is married and a secondorian, a business man whom I know is a good man and can cater for the family. She use bad words like that illiterate, a ghanian and old man, someone who is in his 40's. I have told her severally, am not getting younger, living with you alone is hell for me. Why then do you hate someone who loves your daughter, I dont know how I survive the corona period, because she made my life unbearable, until I got a job, yet she still troubles me. How do you stand a mom that wishes your blessings go to your other siblings, she tells you to your face. She wished my elder sister was the one who got this job because she would hv given her more, and I told her as long as you dont appreciate what I give you, I cant be my sister, I can go and on and on, my mom quarells with everyone, my dad, my siblings, she doesnt know how to communicate or speak to a grown child, yet she claims you are challenging her or being rude to her. All my life, I have never had that mother to daughter relationship because you tell her something today, she insults you with it tomoro. How can a mother tell you that anytime my lover calls me, she feels so disgusted that what am doing with such a low class,
My mother is someone who doesnt know how to make sacrifice for her children without complaining, even cooking, she complains that I cant go to work and expect her to cook for me, how much am I giving her at the end of the month. Should a mother say this to her child.
I need to see a counsellor, my mental health is at stake. My mother has no plain respect for her children, she says mean words and yet expect you to swallow it because she is your mother. Yet cries wolf when you reply her
Am moving to a new place soon, for those of you who may think how can an adult still be living with her parents.. I live in the north and its very degrading for a single girl to live alone, I never wanted that kind of life, my reason fr even moving out its because my parents are relocating.
Ok what broke the camels neck yesterday was after work, came in so tired and sick, without even relaxing, my mom was telking me to take the gas out for filling, this was something dat finished since morning bfr I left for work. And I told her, I cant go, I feel sick, the next thing she said was but hope as you are sick, you would go to work tomorrow. I said ofcourse, this work is my saving grace. Its the reason I take care of my needs. That was how my mom started saying some mean things, things you will never say to a child.. Aaah my mother is my greatest frustration on earth.. How did I get so unlucky, if you have a mom who is your friend, you are blessed. I cant really blame her. Her mother was also absent from her life, she lacked parental love.
But I know so many mothers who didnt have it good but yet love their children equally. Pls advise me, correct me, my mind is full, my head hurts, my heart aches.. Who has such a mother like mine.

Sorry over you imbroglio. Some mothers are just like that. They can kill Joy for Africa. It was your dad that ought to change her but he failed in that regard . Very unfortunate though; Its a love hate thing. Senwu Doh Inya. Ove zozaa

ramatuoyiza:
My mental health is at stake and I dont know if there is anyone in this kind of situation.. I have no perfect words to describe my mom. Always have issues with my dad and the rest of my siblings, She speaks without regards to one's age or how you feel, there are times I cant control my anger and we exchange words.. Am in my late 20's, from a muslim home, yet to be married but in a serious relationship now my mom clearly hates the guy am seeing just because he is married and a secondorian, a business man whom I know is a good man and can cater for the family. She use bad words like that illiterate, a ghanian and old man, someone who is in his 40's. I have told her severally, am not getting younger, living with you alone is hell for me. Why then do you hate someone who loves your daughter, I dont know how I survive the corona period, because she made my life unbearable, until I got a job, yet she still troubles me. How do you stand a mom that wishes your blessings go to your other siblings, she tells you to your face. She wished my elder sister was the one who got this job because she would hv given her more, and I told her as long as you dont appreciate what I give you, I cant be my sister, I can go and on and on, my mom quarells with everyone, my dad, my siblings, she doesnt know how to communicate or speak to a grown child, yet she claims you are challenging her or being rude to her. All my life, I have never had that mother to daughter relationship because you tell her something today, she insults you with it tomoro. How can a mother tell you that anytime my lover calls me, she feels so disgusted that what am doing with such a low class,
My mother is someone who doesnt know how to make sacrifice for her children without complaining, even cooking, she complains that I cant go to work and expect her to cook for me, how much am I giving her at the end of the month. Should a mother say this to her child.
I need to see a counsellor, my mental health is at stake. My mother has no plain respect for her children, she says mean words and yet expect you to swallow it because she is your mother. Yet cries wolf when you reply her
Am moving to a new place soon, for those of you who may think how can an adult still be living with her parents.. I live in the north and its very degrading for a single girl to live alone, I never wanted that kind of life, my reason fr even moving out its because my parents are relocating.
Ok what broke the camels neck yesterday was after work, came in so tired and sick, without even relaxing, my mom was telking me to take the gas out for filling, this was something dat finished since morning bfr I left for work. And I told her, I cant go, I feel sick, the next thing she said was but hope as you are sick, you would go to work tomorrow. I said ofcourse, this work is my saving grace. Its the reason I take care of my needs. That was how my mom started saying some mean things, things you will never say to a child.. Aaah my mother is my greatest frustration on earth.. How did I get so unlucky, if you have a mom who is your friend, you are blessed. I cant really blame her. Her mother was also absent from her life, she lacked parental love.
But I know so many mothers who didnt have it good but yet love their children equally. Pls advise me, correct me, my mind is full, my head hurts, my heart aches.. Who has such a mother like mine.

Well Muslim or not most mothers will have their reservations about their less than 30year old daughter planning to marry a married man in his 40s. So nothing is wrong with her complaint, she has every right to state her concerns. I would also advise you to look before you leap.

As for the gas did you expect her to Carry the cylinder and fill it while you were away because you were insinuating it was empty since morning or what exactly? Do you have younger ones around who could have helped ?I can't relate with this part.

She might have her own issues but you too consider her points.

Klass99:


Lmao when I saw you engaging I said kai this ImaIma get time and energy sha.

There are certain monikers I don't bother engaging or debating with, because our thought processes are so far apart that to do so will be a frustrating exercise in futility.

On a good day I may read their comments and just pass, but most times I don't bother to read because I already know what to expect.

The moniker has been noted now.

She probably couldn't respond because she realized she has been living with and normalizing toxic behaviour

My mother is so toxic also. Look like she hates me. I am a adopted daughter. she just criticizes me and puts me down. Try not to make her ruin your life. don't absorb the negative words.

Mercychen:



I don't see any toxicity there. Only a normal daughter and mother who don't seem to agree on petty things situation. Which is common with most mum's.

My own mum will not even touch anything. As in she stopped touching any house work the moment our first born started handling some major chores in the house and when we behind came into the picture.

I remember I joined the cooking train when I was in pry 3. Just nine then and it didn't stop until I left home at 26 after we lost her.

My mom will touch house work? Na Oyinbo she be o. Lol.
The only thing she does is her laundry because she felt we can't do it well. But then we didn't see as a big deal because she has paid her dues by doing for us when we were much younger. So she deserves to be served in return.

As for verbal abuse, all mothers are guilty. It's not perculiar to her mum alone. Mothers can abuuuuus?? But you learn to brush it off and not take it to heart.

Just speak for your mother and other toxic mothers you know.

Not all mothers are guilty of verbal abuse. Do you even know what verbal abuse means?

Klass99:


God bless you for this, I wish I could like your post more than once. Even though I didn't read pass your first sentence Going back to read the whole post when I'm done.

I just don't understand why some people think motherhood is synonymous with "saint", "angel" or "a very good person" who can do no wrong and do no harm.

Soootey someone is just arguing pointlessly and making excuses for a mother's toxic behaviour. I weak o.

Modified to add: I am done reading and I don't blame your cousin one bit. Cause and effect, provocation and reaction are in play here.

I wish I can like your own post more than once too.

I vehemently hate the fact that children are encouraged to stay with abusive mothers just because she feed, house and cloth them.

Isn't that the duty of a mother?

I have an aunt who's child have told me specifically that he prays to never have a wife like his mother. This woman is an embodiment of crisis. I have stayed with her for just a month and I can tell you that I can never, ever go to her place again unless we have a family event.

It hurts me deeply that I castigate bad mothers online and offline but my grand aunt is a typical example one, you can't have a conversation with this woman without getting annoyed. I no longer pick her calls no matter the emergency.

The OPs mother is a bad mother. It's just too obvious from the narrative unless we want to deceive ourselves.

Mercychen:
Im sure if we ask your mum, she'll also say you are the toxic one.

Look, you can't just be going on and on about your mother like that, projecting her in a bad light while you paint yourself as the righteous one all through your brawl with her. I mean.. it takes two to tango.

Now, from what you said about your mother cooking for you while you're at work. Do you know you have a little bit at fault there?
Like how can you expect your aged mother to still be doing the cooking for you at your age. Or just because you feel you now work, she should slave for you? And to think she complaines about you being tightfisted.

Who wouldn't complain after serving you and you don't appreciate her well?

Have you ever playfully greased her palm one day and say " mama, I really appreciate how you cook and wait for me everyday o, oya take this"? I'm sure you have never because you see it as your right and her duty to do. which shouldn't be. She has done all that when you were still a little child and is not expected to still be doing it for you in your late 20s. Haba!
If she does it, it should be of her own volition and not out of compulsion like you're expecting.

About the filling of the gas scenario. I don't see anything wrong in what your mother did. She asked a very valid question which is, "with your sickness, shey you'll still go to work tomorrow"? And you fell yakata by answering in the affirmative. Shooting yourself in the foot. You don't know you're dealing with someone whos older and wiser than you.

You should have simply said, you're not sure. Better still, look for any smally around, tip him/ her to help you go fill the gas but the entitled you says no. Because the gas finished since morning, mum should have gone to fill it instead of waiting for a "working class" chick like you to come and fill it.

See, you're rubbing shoulders with your mum and it's very very wrong! No matter what, you can never ride your mother.

I remember my first job as a receptionist at DSTV those days. After claiming big girl outside, when I get home, I'll still carry out my duties and do my chores. Who born you? It's your turn to cook and you're expecting someone else to do it for you ( not even my mother o) other siblings. If you delay till 10pm. Everybody will cross legs and wait for you to come back and do your duty. So if you don't want to faint, just be running down home after your big "girlism" to do your work.

All your comments on this thread are so annoying, including you. Right now, you're starting to piss me off over by just quoting you. I can see how you have been subjected to toxicity and terming it normal. I don't envy and pity you at all.

In fact, let me report all your comments. They should be deleted. Seeing them just makes me fume. You should go back to medieval times.

UyaiIncomparabl:


All your comments on this thread are so annoying, including you. Right now, you're starting to piss me off over by just quoting you. I can see how you have been subjected to toxicity and terming it normal. I don't envy and pity you at all.

In fact, let me report all your comments. They should be deleted. Seeing them just makes me fume. You should go back to medieval times.

Don't you know what those who are acrimonious like you do when they are tired of life?

I don't remember forcing my comment down your throat/ path. You, being the nosy nairaland rat you are chose to go about nosing into all my comments even when you know it chokes the daylight out of you.

I will never change my pattern of comment because of a hater like you. So deal with it or get lost!

Now, listen. I warned you sometime ago with my old moniker to stay off my mentions. For your info, This is ASHIRAWEALTHY, AKA CALIDORA, AKA CHARISELEOS. So you know and avoid me.

Now, Im going to warn you for the last time.
STAY OFF MY MENTIONS!!!!

Keep your bad energy to yourself.

I won't warn you again.

Mercychen:


I will never change my pattern of comment because of a hater like you. So deal with it or get lost!

Now, listen. I warned you sometime ago with my old moniker to stay off my mentions. For your info, This is ASHIRAWEALTHY, AKA CALIDORA, AKA CHARISELEOS. So you know and avoid me.

Now, Im going to warn you for the last time.
STAY OFF MY MENTIONS!!!!

Keep your bad energy to yourself.

I won't warn you again.

I don't have time to quote all your rabid messages. What a nonentity you are. Like I care about your inconsequential monikers.

Now that I know the dummy girl behind the moniker, expect to be trolled big time from me.

Comment rubbish next time I come across your moniker and receive it hot from me. Rubbish.

UyaiIncomparabl:


I don't have time to quote all your rabid messages. What a nonentity you are. Like I care about your inconsequential monikers.

Now that I know the dummy girl behind the moniker, expect to be trolled big time from me.

Comment rubbish next time I come across your moniker and receive it hot from me. Rubbish.

Im not surprised. A responsible lady with a life outside nairaland will never utter such gibberish but you didn't fail to disappoint as usual.

Carry on. Like your trolling me will do anything? How dumb.

Mercychen:


Just the same way you're looking at things from your own point of view. From all the op narrated, it's not the same as your evethough you feel so. Her case is a normal thing.

Imagine now, you say someone is toxic but you're here calling a man that birthed you "ass".. you see where the problem lies?

You are so used to toxicity that you now see it as normal. God have mercy on Nigerians.
Nothing normal about what OP stated about her mother.
You Nigerians love to mother worship even if the mother was a witch.
If the op was talking about her dad, I'm sure you would have agreed because to you people "men are scum" and "women are angels"

Mercychen:
Im sure if we ask your mum, she'll also say you are the toxic one.

Look, you can't just be going on and on about your mother like that, projecting her in a bad light while you paint yourself as the righteous one all through your brawl with her. I mean.. it takes two to tango.

Now, from what you said about your mother cooking for you while you're at work. Do you know you have a little bit at fault there?
Like how can you expect your aged mother to still be doing the cooking for you at your age. Or just because you feel you now work, she should slave for you? And to think she complaines about you being tightfisted.

Who wouldn't complain after serving you and you don't appreciate her well?

Have you ever playfully greased her palm one day and say " mama, I really appreciate how you cook and wait for me everyday o, oya take this"? I'm sure you have never because you see it as your right and her duty to do. which shouldn't be. She has done all that when you were still a little child and is not expected to still be doing it for you in your late 20s. Haba!
If she does it, it should be of her own volition and not out of compulsion like you're expecting.

About the filling of the gas scenario. I don't see anything wrong in what your mother did. She asked a very valid question which is, "with your sickness, shey you'll still go to work tomorrow"? And you fell yakata by answering in the affirmative. Shooting yourself in the foot. You don't know you're dealing with someone whos older and wiser than you.

You should have simply said, you're not sure. Better still, look for any smally around, tip him/ her to help you go fill the gas but the entitled you says no. Because the gas finished since morning, mum should have gone to fill it instead of waiting for a "working class" chick like you to come and fill it.

See, you're rubbing shoulders with your mum and it's very very wrong! No matter what, you can never ride your mother.

I remember my first job as a receptionist at DSTV those days. After claiming big girl outside, when I get home, I'll still carry out my duties and do my chores. Who born you? It's your turn to cook and you're expecting someone else to do it for you ( not even my mother o) other siblings. If you delay till 10pm. Everybody will cross legs and wait for you to come back and do your duty. So if you don't want to faint, just be running down home after your big "girlism" to do your work.

God help you if it's the day waterboard switch off water. Even if it's Babangidas State House ( at Okotiebor then) you'll go and fetch water that night. Every one does her duties without being reminded.

Just cool down for your mum and learn to respect her.
Remember, you too will be a mum one day and you won't want your daughter to rub shoulders with you.

Peace.

you made valid points.

God bless you.

the girl and her mum are both faulty.
no one should blame the other completely

make i talk?

anthonyuncle:


you made valid points.

God bless you.

the girl and her mum are both faulty.
no one should blame the other completely

God bless you too dear.

Understanding is what is lacking in most mother and daughter relationships.

It is well.

Mercychen:
Im sure if we ask your mum, she'll also say you are the toxic one.

Look, you can't just be going on and on about your mother like that, projecting her in a bad light while you paint yourself as the righteous one all through your brawl with her. I mean.. it takes two to tango.

Now, from what you said about your mother cooking for you while you're at work. Do you know you have a little bit at fault there?
Like how can you expect your aged mother to still be doing the cooking for you at your age. Or just because you feel you now work, she should slave for you? And to think she complaines about you being tightfisted.

Who wouldn't complain after serving you and you don't appreciate her well?

Have you ever playfully greased her palm one day and say " mama, I really appreciate how you cook and wait for me everyday o, oya take this"? I'm sure you have never because you see it as your right and her duty to do. which shouldn't be. She has done all that when you were still a little child and is not expected to still be doing it for you in your late 20s. Haba!
If she does it, it should be of her own volition and not out of compulsion like you're expecting.

About the filling of the gas scenario. I don't see anything wrong in what your mother did. She asked a very valid question which is, "with your sickness, shey you'll still go to work tomorrow"? And you fell yakata by answering in the affirmative. Shooting yourself in the foot. You don't know you're dealing with someone whos older and wiser than you.

You should have simply said, you're not sure. Better still, look for any smally around, tip him/ her to help you go fill the gas but the entitled you says no. Because the gas finished since morning, mum should have gone to fill it instead of waiting for a "working class" chick like you to come and fill it.

See, you're rubbing shoulders with your mum and it's very very wrong! No matter what, you can never ride your mother.

I remember my first job as a receptionist at DSTV those days. After claiming big girl outside, when I get home, I'll still carry out my duties and do my chores. Who born you? It's your turn to cook and you're expecting someone else to do it for you ( not even my mother o) other siblings. If you delay till 10pm. Everybody will cross legs and wait for you to come back and do your duty. So if you don't want to faint, just be running down home after your big "girlism" to do your work.

God help you if it's the day waterboard switch off water. Even if it's at the State House ( the only source of getting water those days whenever waterboard switches off) you'll go and fetch water that night. Every one does her duties without being reminded.

Just cool down for your mum and learn to respect her.
Remember, you too will be a mum some day and you won't want your daughter to rub shoulders with you.

Peace.

This is good advice. Kudos.

My mental health is at stake and I dont know if there is anyone in this kind of situation.. I have no perfect words to describe my mom. Always have issues with my dad and the rest of my siblings, She speaks without regards to one's age or how you feel, there are times I cant control my anger and we exchange words.. Am in my late 20's, from a muslim home, yet to be married but in a serious relationship now, my mom clearly hates the guy am seeing just because he is married and a secondorian, a business man whom I know is a good man and can cater for the family. She use bad words like that illiterate, a ghanian and old man, someone who is in his 40's. I have told her severally, am not getting younger, living with you alone is hell for me. Why then do you hate someone who loves your daughter, I dont know how I survive the corona period, because she made my life unbearable, until I got a job, yet she still troubles me. How do you stand a mom that wishes your blessings go to your other siblings, she tells you to your face. She wished my elder sister was the one who got this job because she would hv given her more, and I told her as long as you dont appreciate what I give you, I cant be my sister, I can go and on and on, my mom quarells with everyone, my dad, my siblings, she doesnt know how to communicate or speak to a grown child, yet she claims you are challenging her or being rude to her. All my life, I have never had that mother to daughter relationship because you tell her something today, she insults you with it tomoro. How can a mother tell you that anytime my lover calls me, she feels so disgusted that what am doing with such a low class,
My mother is someone who doesnt know how to make sacrifice for her children without complaining, even cooking, she complains that I cant go to work and expect her to cook for me, how much am I giving her at the end of the month. Should a mother say this to her child.
I need to see a counsellor, my mental health is at stake. My mother has no plain respect for her children, she says mean words and yet expect you to swallow it because she is your mother. Yet cries wolf when you reply her
Am moving to a new place soon, for those of you who may think how can an adult still be living with her parents.. I live in the north and its very degrading for a single girl to live alone, I never wanted that kind of life, my reason fr even moving out its because my parents are relocating.
Ok what broke the camels neck yesterday was after work, came in so tired and sick, without even relaxing, my mom was telking me to take the gas out for filling, this was something dat finished since morning bfr I left for work. And I told her, I cant go, I feel sick, the next thing she said was but hope as you are sick, you would go to work tomorrow. I said ofcourse, this work is my saving grace. Its the reason I take care of my needs. That was how my mom started saying some mean things, things you will never say to a child.. Aaah my mother is my greatest frustration on earth.. How did I get so unlucky, if you have a mom who is your friend, you are blessed. I cant really blame her. Her mother was also absent from her life, she lacked parental love.
But I know so many mothers who didnt have it good but yet love their children equally. Pls advise me, correct me, my mind is full, my head hurts, my heart aches.. Who has such a mother like mine.

I have such mum and I have deviced a way to relate with her from a distance. she still acts like she wasn't expecting me to succeed despite all I have been through with my kids and she loves to stay around me but I already set my boundaries firmly because she is still my mum.

I took the following steps to overcome my mum's toxic behaviours:

1. Hold on to God and make him your best friend through prayers ,ask God anything,pour our your fears,wishes, needs and let him fix things in his own pace.

2. Be independent and make sure u have a job or source of income. If possible get your own space and move out ,you can't have a sound mental mind listening to toxic words everyday.

3. Love and believe in yourself always.

4. Work extra hard and be determined to achieve beyond expectations.

5. Set your boundaries in your relationship and be firm with it.( Be in control of your decisions)


6. Keep your mouth closed and avoid every form of confrontation with her,the motive is to provoke you to act and she will end up using your actions against you.

7. Be private and don't spill things about yourself to her. Always give a neutral answer politely if asked.

Nature has already chosen us to come through our parents. And it can never be changed. Some are lucky and some are unlucky. Just find a way to love yourself and accept she is your mum , set your boundaries and be politely firm and know how to relate with her without being hurt. You will be fine. Don't let whatever she says define you,instead Channel her negative words positively and see how respect will flow naturally from her to you.

Cheers!

My mental health is at stake and I dont know if there is anyone in this kind of situation.. I have no perfect words to describe my mom. Always have issues with my dad and the rest of my siblings, She speaks without regards to one's age or how you feel, there are times I cant control my anger and we exchange words.. Am in my late 20's, from a muslim home, yet to be married but in a serious relationship now, my mom clearly hates the guy am seeing just because he is married and a secondorian, a business man whom I know is a good man and can cater for the family. She use bad words like that illiterate, a ghanian and old man, someone who is in his 40's. I have told her severally, am not getting younger, living with you alone is hell for me. Why then do you hate someone who loves your daughter, I dont know how I survive the corona period, because she made my life unbearable, until I got a job, yet she still troubles me. How do you stand a mom that wishes your blessings go to your other siblings, she tells you to your face. She wished my elder sister was the one who got this job because she would hv given her more, and I told her as long as you dont appreciate what I give you, I cant be my sister, I can go and on and on, my mom quarells with everyone, my dad, my siblings, she doesnt know how to communicate or speak to a grown child, yet she claims you are challenging her or being rude to her. All my life, I have never had that mother to daughter relationship because you tell her something today, she insults you with it tomoro. How can a mother tell you that anytime my lover calls me, she feels so disgusted that what am doing with such a low class,
My mother is someone who doesnt know how to make sacrifice for her children without complaining, even cooking, she complains that I cant go to work and expect her to cook for me, how much am I giving her at the end of the month. Should a mother say this to her child.
I need to see a counsellor, my mental health is at stake. My mother has no plain respect for her children, she says mean words and yet expect you to swallow it because she is your mother. Yet cries wolf when you reply her
Am moving to a new place soon, for those of you who may think how can an adult still be living with her parents.. I live in the north and its very degrading for a single girl to live alone, I never wanted that kind of life, my reason fr even moving out its because my parents are relocating.
Ok what broke the camels neck yesterday was after work, came in so tired and sick, without even relaxing, my mom was telking me to take the gas out for filling, this was something dat finished since morning bfr I left for work. And I told her, I cant go, I feel sick, the next thing she said was but hope as you are sick, you would go to work tomorrow. I said ofcourse, this work is my saving grace. Its the reason I take care of my needs. That was how my mom started saying some mean things, things you will never say to a child.. Aaah my mother is my greatest frustration on earth.. How did I get so unlucky, if you have a mom who is your friend, you are blessed. I cant really blame her. Her mother was also absent from her life, she lacked parental love.
But I know so many mothers who didnt have it good but yet love their children equally. Pls advise me, correct me, my mind is full, my head hurts, my heart aches.. Who has such a mother like mine.

You have no idea how disappointing you are as a daughter. Leave the married man and there will be peace all around you. You mum is the best gift you but you will not know until she is gone. Keep moaning, idiot.

Just hope you'll remember how toxic your mum is to you who's even a daughter and not blame your future sis in law when she maintains minimum contact with this type of mother in law cos ur mum must show herself sha

Sorry op, you are one of the unlucky ones to have a bad mother. Build your own family, give and get all the love you desire from your kids & husband.