A dual citizen of Kogi and Kaduna state, a full-fledged northerner. So before you decide to come down hard on me, just know that I'm a Northerner like you, and a guy.

Since I left Kaduna to further my study after completing my secondary school education, I have encountered a lot of things perpetrated by my gender, against their wives and children precisely.

You go out on streets and see women and children roaming about begging while their husbands are elsewhere, idle.

I can't forget the first day I witnessed a delivery when I was a student on posting. I was so weak that I couldn't stand, had to squat. Not only that, but I began to ponder about women in general and had to agree with women who're in support of their bad kids because what they had to undergo during the birthing process is undescribable, and when I see a child disrespecting his woman, I feel sad and feel like spanking the devil out of the child.

I have seen pregnant women coming to the clinic without funds and with no relations with them. I have heard over the radio how a pregnant woman died in a hospital in Kano without any relations with her, no husband and as such the radio was used to announce her death for any of her relation to come and claim the corpse, and I blame the husband.

Furthermore, I witnessed how a young guy, with intestinal obstruction and in severe pain shouting while counselling his father to do what is required because the dad claimed he's waiting for the family of his wife(the boy's mother) to come. This man had to be forced to get a nasogastric tube for us to decompress the boy. This man has money on him, but he refused to willingly do what is necessary for his child. I could still remember the guy's voice crying that "zan mutu zan mutu" meaning "I'm dying/I'll die" in distress because of the pain. This father was adamant, the boy died during the night after he was transferred to the surgical ward.


I was in shock and heartbroken, like how could a father do this to his son?�

I was told by a colleague what happened during his shift. A young woman in her 20s came with a sick boy on her arms, a baby backed with a young one beside her. She came alone, with nothing, absolutely nothing.

Asked of her husband, she couldn't utter a word, tears. That her husband is at home, imagine at home and refused to do what is required.

During my internship, a woman who delivered needs blood and was asked about her husband, she doesn't know.

There are a lot of men out there, Muslims but not abiding with the Islamic rules in how to deal or interact with our families.

A lot of Muslims are tarnishing the religion with their actions and ascribing such devilish actions with Islam.

They don't fulfil their obligations and yet abuse their wives and children.


Our Islamic clerics and stakeholders (leaders, emirs etc.) needs to do more in calling out such men and making sure that justice is being served accordingly.

The immoralities our society is facing didn't start out of the blues but right from homes and the negligence of men towards their families is a great factor causing this menace.

Men neglect their families, and in a situation where they're separated with the mother of his children, and perhaps the children are with her, he tends to neglect them. A lot of men disappeared from their lives, and you only see them when any of his daughters are ready for marriage, and you see them at the forefront claiming dowry and other stuff.


Men need to do better, and since I am in the north and from the north, Northern men need to do better.

I didn't type this to demonize Northern men or men in general but to voice out what had been bothering me.

Our ladies and women deserved better. Especially those who are there for their kids and for their families. They deserve better. Instead of giving them the love and support they need, why hurt them.

There are men out there who are sacrificing their all for their families, but you see some men hurting their families. The sacrifices men do for their families are uncountable.


My message is for those who're hurting their families. My message is for those men and not the good men from the North, not the Northern men that are good but the bad ones.


This message is for us all to have a voice and use it against such wickedness bad men commit.


Our Islamic clerics and stakeholders, needs to do more in curtailing this menace.


Our ladies should stop rushing and no one should rush them into any relationship or marriage. God's time is the best.

Instead of rushing to regret, it's better to remain unmarried in your late 20s and 30s. It's your life and don't allow anyone to decide for you.

Keep praying and don't rush.


Idris Abdul Ahmed

Well, first of all, op, you'll live long for bringing up this topic and as well giving me the podium to say what I'm about to say..

Tbvh,I've been to Niger state and I was even privileged to spend about 3 months in-there.........No be joke,but what I saw with these my two godly eyes were eye sore....

Aboki just believe in lashing without thinking about how to cater for the end product of lashing . Almajiris everywhere...... Honestly cha,north still get like 100 years to get sensible mentalities like southerners cha

My brother

What you narrate here now, we hardly see such in the south.

Its not just northern men even southern men are the same. I am in my mid 20s and my mom was resposible for all my schooling. Dad stopped paying fees in nursery school.

Somehow related to your post is the topic (https://www.nairaland.com/6643241/nigerian-men-failed-women) I created earlier where I argued that Nigerian men have failed their women. However and expectedly, some blockheads disagreed.

nice one

Okay

They won’t pity theirselves

Lostchild:
My brother

What you narrate here now, we hardly see such in the south.

Is that all you have to say about the wickedness of some men after reading the post?

Sonnobax15:

Well, first of all, op, you'll live long for bringing up this topic and as well giving me the podium to say what I'm about to say..

Tbvh,I've been to Niger state and I was even privileged to spend about 3 months in-there.........No be joke,but what I saw with these my two godly eyes were eye sore....

Aboki just believe in lashing without thinking about how to cater for the end product of lashing . Almajiris everywhere...... Honestly cha,north still get like 100 years to get sensible mentalities like southerners cha

The Alimanjri system where children are not cared for, misapplication of allowance for polygamy, child marriage and ignorance/ lack of enlightenment is a breeding ground for irresponsible husbands.

No one to call them to order, easy to swap wives to maintain the four wives stipulated etc.

1. Polygamy should be banned for men below an income threshold.

2. Parents of Alimanjri children should be jailed.

3. Continuous religious sensitization on expectations.

4. Child marriage should be banned

5. Irresponsible fathers should be punished. If their local police can monitor things like haircuts and others, catching irresponsible fathers shouldn't be a hassle.

Gerrard59:
Somehow related to your post is the topic (https://www.nairaland.com/6643241/nigerian-men-failed-women) I created earlier where I argued that Nigerian men have failed their women. However and expectedly, some blockheads disagreed.

The backlash is expected. The thread is an insult to all men who are doing their very best to make sure their children are well catered for.

Seriously, I'd blame the women tho. They all want to marry who is ready.

@idrisaa951 men will keep finding incentives to be stupid provided women keep choosing them as spouses. This is why I don't pity women when they get thrashed by their so called husbands. You opened your eyes wide and married a rich fool, a greedy pauper, a demented gentleman, a lazy church bros, an incurable philanderer, a lillylivered sissy or a distinguished drunkard and you expect to live happily ever after...women should stop promoting the stupidity of stupid men by declining their advances and seek out true men of character and purpose, men who may not be perfect but are willing to change, grow and learn.

Karleb:


The backlash is expected. The thread is an insult to all men who are doing their very best to make sure their children are well catered for.

Collectively, Nigerian men have failed their women. I have nothing to do with few men (statistically irrelevant) who are trying their best to cater for their children to live in a dysfunctional country whereas their mates in South Korea created a safe and prosperous place for their children.

Seriously, I'd blame the women tho. They all want to marry who is ready

I don't know which post this reply is meant for, but the truth is: women are hypergamous. So, that is the natural state of women and should be expected.

It's quite a pity that u see things like this almost every part of d country, where some men just neglect their children, there's one dat happened in my street, d man had two wives, d junior wife left d children with d man bcoz d suffering became unbearable n left, dis man now took d children after like 2 years, he dropped d children at d lady's younger brother's place for more than a month plus n d said man is a brick layer dat works almost every day except on Sundays or during market days. When I was informed, I just asked weda he has been sending money de said no, dat he even pass by without branching to check on d 3 children. I pity for d lady's younger brother bcoz his marriage is not up to two years n here he is taking care of someone's children.

Unfortunately, the OP doesn't know Kogi and Kaduna is middle belt and not North.

Boss13:
Unfortunately, the OP doesn't know Kogi and Kaduna is middle belt and not North.

Or you don't know or deliberately trying not to know.

You can call it middle belt or North central, it's still North, and I love it that way.

Kaduna is north west.