Whatever angle you see this from it leaves a negative impact on the kids I.e. Staying or leavin the relationship. BEST option is to resolve whatever the issues are. Meet a counselor not family on how best to approach this

Why do you say men prefer to celebrate 50yrs anniversary with unhappy and vengeful wives. I would think women are the most hesitant to leave abusive relationships. Why the reversal?

pocohantas:
There is no good enough reason to subject yourself to such a life. This is how we end up with toxic parents who end up policing their kids at the age they should be enjoying retirement together.

But I understand this is Nigeria where men prefer to celebrate 50yrs anniversary with an unhappy and vengeful wife, rather than watch her go her own way.

We are too fixated on the length of marriage than the happiness therein. Many couples are finding solace outside. Some of them don’t mind coming to work on public holidays rather than staying at home with their spouses.

If it can be fixed and both parties are committed to fixing it. Then fix it. If not, move on…

DMerciful:
Why do you say men prefer to celebrate 50yrs anniversary with unhappy and vengeful wives. I would think women are the most hesitant to leave abusive relationships. Why the reversal?

Women initiate most divorce. How can these same women be the most hesitant to leave? Is it not on this NL that we see men hailing women who ENDURED abusive husbands?

brownemmanuel43:

Once the money is their, or once a man can provide the basic amenities, I mean standard basic needs, the wife tolerates alot. But once their is no more or the standard basic needs are not met or diminishes, that's when the woman will bring her through colour.
I'm talking from experience, then some men are not worthy to be called men. Some are boys in men skin,

Interesting perspective. I think it's because the woman loses respect for her husband when he can't provide basic amenities. Add to that both being stressed out by their financial situation

For the man who is abused,yes .
Because if he leaves his kids will suffer worse.

The same thing will happen to the kids.
The boys or girls will become abusive depending on gender of the abusive parent.

Abusive marriage could be a hell on its own.May God deliver His Children.

bepositive11:


Interesting perspective. I think it's because the woman loses respect for her husband when he can't provide basic amenities. Add to that both being stressed out by their financial situation

My brother, money brings peace in the home. Forget about love, love will only bring 2 people together, after that love will leave the 2 people to manage themselves.

brownemmanuel43:

My brother, money brings peace in the home. Forget about love, love will only bring 2 people together, after that love will leave the 2 people to manage themselves.

I disagree to some extent. To have a healthy family, both love and money is important

The problem is that many people don't know what love is. They confuse love with infatuation which fades over time. Love only grows stronger with time

What is love? It's a strong emotional bond that makes people to deeply care for each other consistently. It doesn't fade with time, even when you see their flaws

If a married couple truly loves each other, even during hard times, they would work together to get to a better place instead of tearing each other down

Love is required in a marriage to create a healthy environment for the kids

Emotions are very powerful

brownemmanuel43:

Once the money is their, or once a man can provide the basic amenities, I mean standard basic needs, the wife tolerates alot. But once their is no more or the standard basic needs are not met or diminishes, that's when the woman will bring her through colour.
I'm talking from experience, then some men are not worthy to be called men. Some are boys in men skin,

Then please what's your advice to Guys that would help in picking good women for Marriage?

Yes

What percentage of women being abused initiate divorce vs the total the total women being abused? This is the statistics and not versus men because most times men are the abusers. Men being abused may not initiate divorce, they just separate and get a small chic outside and they start coming home late or rarely.

Popular opinion suggest women have a higher tendency to stay in abusive relationships than men.

pocohantas:


Women initiate most divorce. How can these same women be the most hesitant to leave? Is it not on this NL that we see men hailing women who ENDURED abusive husbands?

DMerciful:
What percentage of women being abused initiate divorce vs the total? This is the statistics and not versus men because most times men are the abusers. Men being abused may not initiate divorce, they just separate and get a small chic outside and they start coming home late or rarely.

However, popular opinion suggest women have a higher tendency to stay in abusive relationships than men.

Good you know that. Now you can fo further to explain to us why men look for women that can ENDURE and celebrate anniversaries with them. Why men get very angry when they see women walk away, despite claiming to be the party benefiting less from marriages.

You have brought this endurance talk again, I thought I answered you in that other thread?

I believe you're now in the marriage institution, you'll know how important endurance is as time goes on.

pocohantas:


Good you know that. Now you can fo further to explain to us why men look for women that can ENDURE and celebrate anniversaries with them. Why men get very angry when they see women walk away, despite claiming to be the party benefiting less from marriages.

ethicallyright:
Yes, if you do not mind if the kids would grow to become abusive or risk being beaten to death one day.

It is instinctive for a smart mammal to put his/her offspring first.

More Cubs die of infanticide perpetuated by big cats and other carnivores of their kind than any other reason because these animals can never raise another Cat's cub.

This means that no matter how kind a step-parent is, they can never love a step-child more than their biological child.

If step-kids are maltreated and discriminated in polygamous marriages where their mothers are still present, what do you think will happen when they live with a new wife who knows that their mother is no longer in the picture?

Smart parents try to resolve their differences for the long-term good of their kids and it is an intelligent step towards self-preservation.

But if the marriage has broken down irretrievably, the separated spouse who takes custody of the children must place the safety and comfortability of the kids first.

That means, the separated parent must make it clear to the new spouse that he/she will not tolerate abuse of her existing kids in the new relationship. The parent must act on his/her word if the kids are abused.

---

Disclaimer

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother who makes it clear that she values her existing children more than you because she'll love them more than your own children when she gives birth to them.

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother whose ex-husband or baby-father is still alive because she'll always be attracted to him because they share a child.

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother whose ex-husband is dead because what killed the ex-husband may kill you too.

THIS IS A WHOLE LIE.

BUT FOR ME , IF IM OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE. IM OUT OF MARRIAGE FOREVER.

FOR me TO LEAVE. A MARRIAGE, THE ACTRACTION HAS ENDED.
ONCE I LEAVE I LEAVE, IF YOU LIKE BECOME DANGOTE OR BUHARI


IF STAYING WITH A MAN, WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO BE IN MY RIGHT FRAME OF MIND TO TRAIN MY CHILDREN. THE BEST FOR ME IS TO LEAVE.

BECAUSE, IM MORE PRODUCTIVE, WHEN MY MIND IS POSITIVE.

I CANT FAKE IT.

And die in the process, thereby making the children suffer.

Vision101:
If you love your children then you should make the sacrifice.

bepositive11:


I disagree to some extent. To have a healthy family, both love and money is important

The problem is that many people don't know what love is. They confuse love with infatuation which fades over time. Love only grows stronger with time

What is love? It's a strong emotional bond that makes people to deeply care for each other consistently. It doesn't fade with time, even when you see their flaws

If a married couple truly loves each other, even during hard times, they would work together to get to a better place instead of tearing each other down

Love is required in a marriage to create a healthy environment for the kids

Emotions are very powerful

Yes u are absolutely right, Love is good and beautiful. Mind u, we are talking about Nigerian love and I have come to realise that Nigerian love has being one sided.
Who is ready to sacrifice for love in this century?

DMerciful:
You have brought this endurance talk again, I thought I answered you in that other thread?

I believe you're now in the marriage institution, you'll know how important endurance is as time goes on.

Back to sender

Where the two elephant fight it is grass that suffer. Pls, consider your children

I don't mean it in a bad way. Sometimes you need endurance even for yourself. Endurance in the Bible is a virtue. When inlaws or visitors come, you may need endurance to cope throughout their stay without transferring aggression to your husband due to their shortcomings.

pocohantas:


Back to sender

No.I lost a Client 2015 while working as a legal Mediator for matrimonial disputes.She was at my office on a Thursday,telling me about her husband abusing her and showed me deep scars.Tuesday the next week,she was dead.She slumped and died during a beating session..So no,if your partner is abusive..Carry your bag and run for your dear life.Abusers don't change.It's either you leave alive or leave there in a bodybag.The kids they are supposedly staying for will one day leave the house to start their own lives.Also what about their psychological well being.Raising kids in an abusive marriage is teaching the kids that being an abuser or enduring abuse is normal, which it isn't!

DMerciful:
I don't mean it in a bad way. Sometimes you need endurance even for yourself. Endurance in the Bible is a virtue. When inlaws or visitors come, you may need endurance to cope throughout their stay without transferring aggression to your husband due to their shortcomings.

I don’t need endurance for that. They need common sense to be good visitors. If they behave well, we would all be fine. No one would need to ENDURE bad behavior because we all have a breaking point.

brownemmanuel43:

Once the money is their, or once a man can provide the basic amenities, I mean standard basic needs, the wife tolerates alot. But once their is no more or the standard basic needs are not met or diminishes, that's when the woman will bring her through colour.
I'm talking from experience, then some men are not worthy to be called men. Some are boys in men skin,

WHEN YOU MARRY BOYS.

THE ENDURANCE NA FOR EVER.
YOU JUST BE WISHING A NATURAL SEPARATION

Once violence gets involved, leave!

You can't wake a man pretending to be asleep.
Suit yourself.

pocohantas:


I don’t need endurance for that. They need common sense to be good visitors. If they behave well, we would all be fine. No one would need to ENDURE bad behavior because we all have a breaking point.

What do you mean by abusive?

If the parents' marriage is unhappy and abusive as I understand the word, the childhood will not be happy either so they better go their separate ways. Kids suffer in dysfunctional homes a great deal.

But if it is about bumps in the road aka a normal crisis some marriages go through at times then it might be worth holding on to your spouse for a while until things get better. Sometimes couples come out closer and stronger after mastering a crisis.

It is difficult to give a one fits all answer and we would need to define the word abusive first.

DMerciful:
You can't wake a man pretending to be asleep.
Suit yourself.

Good you know. I would never buy that concept of enduring, especially when it is one party expected to keep enduring the excesses of the other (and his family).

You could DM me you know perhaps there's a reason you wanna discuss enduring. I'm merciful

pocohantas:


Good you know. I would never buy that concept of enduring, especially when it is one party expected to keep enduring the excesses of the other (and his family).

Iyaebe:
Not a good reason, abusive marriage has a great negative influence on the kids,it damage them beyond your imaginations and in turn they become abusive themselves when they grow up.Children needs a good atmosphere for proper upbringing, its best you walk out of an abusive marriage for the sake of the mental health of the kids.Staying in an abusive marriage causes more harm than good, walk away for your own sanity and that of the kids.

Iyaebe, how many have you walked away from? Alai ni telorun.

There is no reason whatsoever to stay in an abusive marriage. What do you think the kids will grow into when raised in such environment? They will grow up to see domestic violence and abuse as a norm.

Baamivic:
Where the two elephant fight it is grass that suffer. Pls, consider your children

And die in the process?