I hear people say things like " If not for the kids, I will abandon this marriage"... what does this mean? Will a person have to endure and tolerate an abusive spouse because of the kids?


What are your thoughts on this?

No, call a round table and settle it once for all instead running around the bush. Lastly anyone who is leaving should leave without dragging the other.

Not a good reason, abusive marriage has a great negative influence on the kids,it damage them beyond your imaginations and in turn they become abusive themselves when they grow up.Children needs a good atmosphere for proper upbringing, its best you walk out of an abusive marriage for the sake of the mental health of the kids.Staying in an abusive marriage causes more harm than good, walk away for your own sanity and that of the kids.

Iyaebe:
Not a good reason, abusive marriage has a great negative influence on the kids,it damage them beyond your imaginations and in turn they become abusive themselves when they grow up.Children needs a good atmosphere for proper upbringing, its best you walk out of an abusive marriage for the sake of the mental health of the kids.Staying in an abusive marriage causes more harm than good, walk away for your own sanity and that of the kids.

nice one

Staying in an abusive relationship depends on alot of factors... For instance if your partner has resources and wealth and probably just goes nuts once in a while well it could be managed. But in terms of a poor partner who is abusive and still doesn't offer anything to the relationship that one na straight red card....

Most times,it's the kids that are always affected by the aftermath of a broken home, abusive marriage.........Tho it's something that no one will or must have wished for but,at times, taking a complete walk out of it is the best option ever.

No

Depends on the definition of abuse:

Some issues are two people fighting with the best weapons they have while other issues are really one party abusing the other.

Even when the abuse is established, it depends if it can be seen (physical, verbal/emotional) or not seen (sexual, financial) etc.

Separation/divorce and enduring an obviously abusive marriage both have very negative impact on kids.

The best option still remains marrying the right person for you.

If per chance you get entangled with an abusive spouse, exhaust all options of resolution and curtailing them before a divorce.

If you are married in the Church, then you need to follow biblical principles for marriage and divorce. That would reduce incidence of abuse hence no need for a divorce.

@ethicallyright
It is instinctive for a smart mammal to put his/her offspring first.

More Cubs die of infanticide perpetuated by big cats and other carnivores of their kind than any other reason because these animals can never raise another Cat's cub.

This means that no matter how kind a step-parent is, they can never love a step-child more than their biological child.

If step-kids are maltreated and discriminated in polygamous marriages where their mothers are still present, what do you think will happen when they live with a new wife who knows that their mother is no longer in the picture?

Smart parents try to resolve their differences for the long-term good of their kids and it is an intelligent step towards self-preservation. [/b]

But if the marriage has broken down irretrievably, the separated spouse who takes custody of the children must place the safety and comfortability of the kids first.

That means, the separated parent must make it clear to the new spouse that he/she will not tolerate abuse of her existing kids in the new relationship. The parent must act on his/her word if the kids are abused.

---

[b] Disclaimer

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother who makes it clear that she values her existing children more than you because she'll love them more than your own children when she gives birth to them.

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother whose ex-husband or baby-father is still alive because she'll always be attracted to him because they share a child.

As a bachelor avoid marrying a single mother whose ex-husband is dead because what killed the ex-husband may kill you too.



@me
Wonderful submission. Fully agree with you.

If you love your children then you should make the sacrifice.

Well during the olden times, to have kids is the essence of marriage nothing like love blah blah blah but truth be told, adults get married now because of finance and convenience. is not about kids anymore it's about what can I get from this man or woman ? the goal is actually to make their kids to be financially independent in future. The world is getting richer so still together with your spouse or not is your own personal decisions. For me ooo if you're in abusive marriage bow out and face your kids Maka ndu gi !!!! People no to strong again for this life ooo, one slap person don die. Prevention is better than cure. Run away people problems plenty now some na personal mental problem sef

There is no good enough reason to subject yourself to such a life. This is how we end up with toxic parents who end up policing their kids at the age they should be enjoying retirement together.

But I understand this is Nigeria where men prefer to celebrate 50yrs anniversary with an unhappy and vengeful wife, rather than watch her go her own way.

We are too fixated on the length of marriage than the happiness therein. Many couples are finding solace outside. Some of them don’t mind coming to work on public holidays rather than staying at home with their spouses.

If it can be fixed and both parties are committed to fixing it. Then fix it. If not, move on…

Even if it’s as a result of being unequally yoked, it’s not supposed to lead to abuse. But, has underlying factors:

1. As a student of psychology, I understand that every abuse has an underlying factor that hasn’t been caused by the victim but only triggered by some certain things. sometimes the root is spiritual than it’s psychological, though, psychology addresses it as “TRAUMATIC DISORDER.”

2. It could be due to ignorance, when purpose isn’t known abuse is inevitable. As much as poverty, stress, pride, and even lack of interest among many things could result to abusive relationships, the understanding of purpose would not allow permit it..


To answer your question, no the children are no excuse to remain, you didn’t marry for the children, they’re only essential-loving byproducts of your union, as you could have agreed not to have them anyway. But it’s important that they’re considered as they’re here now.


I am not of a school of thought that says to endure for children, but one that says, “ensure you see to it that the marriage works to favor all parties involved.”


Many will disagree with me, but I’m not seeking your agreement, I’ve shared my knowledge.


See the link to see what happens when you fight your spouse:
https://www.instagram.com/p/CVCq-9eg67t/?utm_medium=copy_link

Once marriage dun dey abusive/violence separation should be the best bet.
As a volunteer in an NGO that deals on domestic violence and child abuse, marriage is one hell of a thing.
Men should make dough before venturing into that hell of institution. 99% of domestic violence/abusive marriage is being caused by lack of finance

hmm

If its a life threatening relationship..run with your life and your kids if possible. You also deserve happiness and not just your kids

guy every condition is unique, I can't feel your pain like you, so use your brain, nairaland can't do. all the thinking for you.

I think its a stupid mentality .. Cux if d victim gets killed,it will even be worst for d kids..

No o

No.

You'll just teach them that abuse is normal, and they'll repeat it with their future spouses.

Single life matters









Guys wey no get girlfriend get peace of mind

Never.
Pick a date, arrange yourself well and when the monster has gone to work or travelled,get a bus and pack your stuff and kids away.

No.

Do not remain in an abusive relationship for any reason...this advise goes for both male and female!

Abusive marriage is NO

The kids for whom you are trying to ensure might grow up worse than you ever imagined.

A stupid thing to do. But this is the poverty capital of the world a lot of women married as poverty alleviation programs. They cant take care of the kids, if she goes to court for child support na 10k court go award last last. If they leave their kids behind too new wife will maltreat them. Women stop marrying scum bags

HOLLY GRAM WTF MAN

Lemme park here and learn