In Africa women are thought to be submissive is not about if the husband work or not a good wife can support the husband for some time till he is stable without outsiders knowing she is the breadwinner my uncle wife is the sole owner of their house it was part of her entitlement at work the money was being removed from her salary but my uncle still command and acted like the landlord and the wife still respect him

Marriage is not a competition between both sexes or a battle for authority. Couples are supposed to walk together to make life easier and more bearable for each other.

I don't understand all these men that try to absorb themselves of responsibilities by giving it several names and theories, and shifting them to their wives.

I spent the weekend at a relative's place. She is the busier one as per banker. Her husband is so hands on. He can just enter the bathroom and see soaked clothes and wash them, cook, iron, etc. They have a househelp and children. But he'll tell you that it is his house and his responsibility.

The wife on the other hand, hardly raises a finger to do a single thing. Remain small sef, they will spoon-fed her . He will yab her from today till tomorrow and they'll laugh over it. They understand each other.

OP it's their marriage. Let them run it as it suits them. When you get married, you will understand better.

Solosolojohquay:

1. In Africa women are thought to be submissive is not about if the husband work or not a good wife can support the husband for some time till he is stable without outsiders knowing she is the breadwinner

2. my uncle wife is the sole owner of their house it was part of her entitlement at work the money was being removed from her salary but

3. my uncle still command and acted like the landlord and the wife still respect him

I want to assume this is a response to my post:

When I hear 'in Africa' especially relating to marriage, I know it cannot be good news

Submission in marriage is not an African concept; the world all over teaches about submission. It is the meaning of the word that defers depending whose concept you are defining from. According to your definition, submission = doing house chores and allowing the husband to be rude, uncooperative and badly behaved; let me read with that in mind.

1. In line with your definition above, you expect a good African wife to be fine doing the chores while she is the breadwinner. In your earlier post, a husband earned the right to abstain from chores because he is the breadwinner. Luckily, the wife doesn't get that right in the good old African system. Ideally, should 'outsiders' know how the finance in the home is run?

2. Good for your Uncle

3. Your uncle is rude, uncooperative and badly behaved to his wife that is the breadwinner while she is handling all the chores? Interesting.

Are you a Christian?

So a woman's suppose to assist her husband financially when he's broke but man isn't allowed to assist his wife with chores

.... and we wonder why Africa is the anus of the world.

Solosolojohquay:
In Africa women are thought to be submissive is not about if the husband work or not a good wife can support the husband for some time till he is stable without outsiders knowing she is the breadwinner my uncle wife is the sole owner of their house it was part of her entitlement at work the money was being removed from her salary but my uncle still command and acted like the landlord and the wife still respect him

bukatyne:


I want to assume this is a response to my post:

When I hear 'in Africa' especially relating to marriage, I know it cannot be good news

Submission in marriage is not an African concept; the world all over teaches about submission. It is the meaning of the word that defers depending whose concept you are defining from. According to your definition, submission = doing house chores and allowing the husband to be rude, uncooperative and badly behaved; let me read with that in mind.

1. In line with your definition above, you expect a good African wife to be fine doing the chores while she is the breadwinner. In your earlier post, a husband earned the right to abstain from chores because he is the breadwinner. Luckily, the wife doesn't get that right in the good old African system. Ideally, should 'outsiders' know how the finance in the home is run?

2. Good for your Uncle

3. Your uncle is rude, uncooperative and badly behaved to his wife that is the breadwinner while she is handling all the chores? Interesting.

Are you a Christian?

Yes is reply to your post I forgot to quote you the first time yes am a Christian but I can't be exhibiting some characters or behavior in my marriage that my mum would come visiting and go to church next Sunday and be praying God heal my son and open his eyes ,I remember what the late ajimobi once said he said he used to open car door for his wife any where they go together until they visit his father one day and the man saw him opening the car door for his wife and the father called him and asked him in yoruba are you oko or husband literary means oko is the main thing and husband is mumu

Solosolojohquay:


Yes is reply to your post I forgot to quote you the first time

1. yes am a Christian but I can't be exhibiting some characters or behavior in my marriage that my mum would come visiting and go to church next Sunday and be praying God heal my son and open his eyes ,

2. I remember what the late ajimobi once said he said he used to open car door for his wife any where they go together until they visit his father one day and the man saw him opening the car door for his wife and the father called him and asked him in yoruba are you oko or husband literary means oko is the main thing and husband is mumu

1. Thank you for your honesty. You know what the Bible says about the marital relationship however, you are willing to align with your culture anytime you think Christianity is requesting for more than you can give. I like you have made up your mind not to be a Christian husband. Make it easier by sticking to traditional marriage and telling your girl before hand so she knows what to expect. I don't know how your mom's prayers are supposed to work though. Is God supposed to answer a prayer against His will?

2. SO a man opening the car door for his wife means he is mumu?

Let me ask: What is the use of a husband to a wife who has her own money and can take care of herself? What value are you bringing to the table?

Solosolojohquay:
Yes is reply to your post I forgot to quote you the first time yes am a Christian but I can't be exhibiting some characters or behavior in my marriage that my mum would come visiting and go to church next Sunday and be praying God heal my son and open his eyes

You say you are a Christian, and it never dawned on you to find out how this belief in submission in marriage started or where it came from?

When God created Adam, if you recall He created Eve as a Helper for Adam. Now, before you go assuming a Helper is some sort of servant, please also recall that in Jesus Christ, the Second Adam, God chose to install His own Spirit as our Helper. And I hope you understand that the Holy Spirit is meant to lead send guide us to carefully 0beying the teachings and commandments of God, not submit to you.

So God created Adam and Eve both as Sons of God, images of Himself, however, Man chose Sin over God and as a consequence, Man lost his status as Son of God. Now, submission you speak, is a curse placed on marriage by God as detailed in Genesis 3 vs 16 because of man's sin against God, and that curse is to end in Death for all men who love under it - the curse.

Jesus Christ, the Second Adam, came to redeem men from that very curse - and restore men to God's original design, as Sons of God. The salvation He offers requiring that men no longer live by and submit to the curse but instead to His Law.

Your parents and those before you were ignorant of God's Truth and remained bound to the curse as a result of this. So, you see how unwise to simply do things because your parents did it. For those who live in submission to the curse will never enter into God's Heaven since only those Holy(without sin and curse) can. And here on earth, it is impossible to live by the curse and Jesus Christ- recall you cannot serve two masters.

Op, on weekends I help wifey do some house chores. I help in anything I can, wash our 8 months old baby's clothes if there's any, I may help cook some meals too, etc. Both of us marry ourselves. I no want make my woman over work come dey look old or make she come give me excuse when knacking time reach because of tiredness

Solosolojohquay:


Yes is reply to your post I forgot to quote you the first time yes am a Christian but I can't be exhibiting some characters or behavior in my marriage that my mum would come visiting and go to church next Sunday and be praying God heal my son and open his eyes ,I remember what the late ajimobi once said he said he used to open car door for his wife any where they go together until they visit his father one day and the man saw him opening the car door for his wife and the father called him and asked him in yoruba are you oko or husband literary means oko is the main thing and husband is mumu

I pray God opens your eyes to punctuation.

Solosolojohquay:
In Africa women are thought to be submissive is not about if the husband work or not a good wife can support the husband for some time till he is stable without outsiders knowing she is the breadwinner my uncle wife is the sole owner of their house it was part of her entitlement at work the money was being removed from her salary but my uncle still command and acted like the landlord and the wife still respect him

@bold, why is this necessary? Why is it taboo for a woman to be given credit for her labor?
Why does she have to minimize herself so that outsiders (whose business it isn’t anyway) can assume the husband is the one doing what she’s doing?

bukatyne:


The man is the wife because he washes their baby & wife's clothes;

Is the woman also the husband because she pays some bills in the house?

Good question.

Kobojunkie:
I really dont follow at all. So, it is not sensible to expect you to wash your own child's underwear because.....

Because they contain shit.

Karleb:
Because they contain shit.

So your child should clean up his or her own shit?.

Hyerin:


Men are still stuck in the stone age. They've refused to grow and learn and actually adapt to changes that's why they keep on romanticizing and reminiscing about the past because then, misogyny was the state of things. Women suffered in silence and accepted their lot in life while they enjoyed the deification that came with simply possessing a phallus. Now that those days are largely gone and won't ever come back, they've embraced being perpetually stagnated and angry at the world now that their characters and behaviours are questioned thus, highlighting their inadequacies and deficiencies. They can no longer run under the cloak of "protector and provider" for shield since women work now. They can no longer make it a personality; they now have to actually develop one and this has left them shattered and disillusioned.

It honestly beats me how men's thinking sometimes defies logic yet, they're still afforded the grace of being seen as "logical" even by women. Taking care of a child they helped create is seen as a chore and they feel, they're not as equally responsible. It's asinine the way they treat their seed; a part of them. If they don't want to be responsible for caring for their kids then they should simply not reproduce. A child needs loving and nurturing from both parents and when it's deprived from one side, problems set in. Alot of maladjusted people won't be the way they are if they had loving fatherly figures in their lives. Not one who drops school fees money and feels that's the only requirement needed; the height of parenting. Even when they are actively involved, they think it's praiseworthy. The barest of minimums.

You are right but not entirely right, it is not man's mentality alone but also of the female gender, in the form of mothers and even young ladies of your generation, in other words it is a societal decision which some both male and female will adhere to and some others will not go against, the problem now is finding who fits and have the same mindset as you.
Now, how many mothers will not raise eyebrows if they visit their sons and see him doing doing house chores on a regular just to help the wife out, imagine what will be of the wife from the mother-in-law's reaction. HUSBAND IS WILLING BUT YOUR FELLOW WOMAN IS AGAINST IT.
2nd point, some ladies of your generation(can't say your age and generation but you get the point), many of them will carry themselves by going to their boyfriend's house to spend the weekend and the only thing they show to feel accepted is to do house chores willingly in a bid to feel accepted, God help her she visits the family house and she does the little she could do, it is the females in that family house that will still accuse her of not been responsible. FELLOW WOMAN IS ENSLAVING FELLOW WOMAN FOR THEIR SONS AND BROTHERS TO FEEL APPROVED.
Personal experience, in school I lived in a hostel where we have only one female amongst 11 guys and we only have one toilet, this toilet is always clean but she traveled one time and by the third day it was getting dirty, I think I noticed on the fourth day and I washed it, when others came they were just saying I knew it is Kay(me) that washed it. When she came back she also said she knew I was the only one that can wash it, in my house I have never washed toilet before, but my dad does together with my mum and elder sister, a woman came to our house one day and saw my dad washing it, she asked why he was doing that when my mum is at home..
WOMAN QUESTIONING A MAN WHO IS HIGHLY DOMESTICATED.
I am the only son amongst three sisters, but yet I am highly domesticated, can do all what the society called female chores, helps my mum out in her shop which is in front of the house especially when it comes to thorough cleaning, women see me, they compliment me and say my wife will enjoy but not without ending it with, what about your sisters are they not supposed to be the ones doing that.
In all, many men are willing but won't do because their manliness will be questioned by women.

bukatyne:


The man is the wife because he washes their baby & wife's clothes;

Is the woman also the husband because she pays some bills in the house?

Let us get off the internet and look at this.

Men and women have responsibilities in marriages. You can't equate washing clothes to paying bills.

I don't expect my wife to lift heavy furnitures or go out at night to get things, that's my duty.

I'm a firm believer that women should contribute financially in the family, no matter how little it might be. No matter how rich I am, my wife's still gonna do her part financially, no matter how broke/rich she is. This is one of the main reasons why I'm against a woman sitting at home doing nothing.

Back to the gender based roles, same way you don't expect a man to wash napkins and underwear is the same way you don't expect a woman to lift heavy furnitures.

Not married by the way

Kobojunkie:
So your child should clean up his or her own shit?.

If I had a gun, I would have given you a head shot.

Didn't you read my previous reply? I said I'd dispose them.

Karleb:
If I had a gun, I would have given you a head shot.

Didn't you read my previous reply? I said I'd dispose them.

You have a lot of growing up, mentally, to do.

Kobojunkie:
You have a lot of growing up, mentally, to do.

I swear down, you are one annoying motherfuckkker!

Next time, learn and comprehend before replying.

Karleb:
I swear down, you are one annoying motherfuckkker!
Next time, learn and comprehend before replying.

You think yourself smart don't you, this after your initial statement "I believe no sensible lady would allow her husband wash napkin unless he insists".

I blame nairaland for being open to even those at your level of intelligence.

Feminists wet dream. Feminisation of men.

Karleb:


Let us get off the internet and look at this.

1. Men and women have responsibilities in marriages. You can't equate washing clothes to paying bills.

2. I don't expect my wife to lift heavy furnitures or go out at night to get things, that's my duty.

3. I'm a firm believer that women should contribute financially in the family, no matter how little it might be. No matter how rich I am, my wife's still gonna do her part financially, no matter how broke/rich she is. This is one of the main reasons why I'm against a woman sitting at home doing nothing.

4. Back to the gender based roles, same way you don't expect a man to wash napkins and underwear is the same way you don't expect a woman to lift heavy furnitures.

Not married by the way

Ok, let me do this in theory with you since you are not married.

I do not do internet based discussions

1. Why can't you equate washing plates to paying bills? Or better still: according to your model, what are the roles of men & women in marriage?

2. Ok, how often do you think you would lift heavy furniture or go out at night?

3. Interesting. So let me picture this: you expect your wife to work & earn so she can contribute to the finances (let's say 30% based on your post) and still be responsible for all the chores (especially recurring) in the house. She would probably work same hours you do, contribute say 30% to the running of the home and still do all the chores. (Why doesn't she make the balance 70% and kick you out of the picture Just looking at the best use case for resources).

4. You would wash much more napkins than move furniture (if the man can even do it alone).

Let me wait for your answer to my first question before I ask another one.

Kobojunkie:
You think yourself smart don't you, this after your initial statement "I believe no sensible lady would allow her husband wash napkin unless he insists".

I blame nairaland for being open to even those at your level of intelligence.

Since you've decided to be suffering from self induced dyslexia, I will explain to you like a kid.

No sensible woman would expect her husband to wash a baby's napkin because they are always full of shit and men hates washing shit generally, unless of course the man insists.

Likewise, no sensible man would expect his wife to lift heavy furnitures because women generally hates it due to obvious reason, unless of course she insist and I expect a sensible man to say no to that anyways.

bukatyne:


When I hear 'in Africa' especially relating to marriage, I know it cannot be good news

Hahahaha
Not true

bukatyne:


Ok, let me do this in theory with you since you are not married.

I do not do internet based discussions

1. Why can't you equate washing plates to paying bills? Or better still: according to your model, what are the roles of men & women in marriage?

2. Ok, how often do you think you would lift heavy furniture or go out at night?

3. Interesting. So let me picture this: you expect your wife to work & earn so she can contribute to the finances (let's say 30% based on your post) and still be responsible for all the chores (especially recurring) in the house. She would probably work same hours you do, contribute say 30% to the running of the home and still do all the chores. (Why doesn't she make the balance 70% and kick you out of the picture Just looking at the best use case for resources).

4. You would wash much more napkins than move furniture (if the man can even do it alone).

Let me wait for your answer to my first question before I ask another one.

When I made my contributions, I did from the point of view of a responsible man and woman doing their very best to make their marriage work.

1. We're talking house chores here, washing diapers is easily related to lifting heavy furniture for example. You can't equate household chores to financial duties.

2. That is just an example, there are many household duties that belongs to either gender.

3. Like I said, some chores are for men only. Fine, women do alot of household chores but it doesn't negate the fact that men still do chores.

3i. I don't expect a woman to work just for her to contribute, I want her to work because their is dignity in labour, I want her to make a career for herself and the idea of a woman sitting at home has never made sense to me.

3ii. A lot of women work and still do house chores successfully, because it's their responsibility to their family. The want their marriage to work.

3iii. If a woman thinks she doesn't need a man because she supports financially and still do chores, then marriage is not for her.

4. I don't Gerrit. I believe I have talked about this in the points above.


Let us stop doing man vs woman abeg.

APCNig:

They may not be complaining, but that's why they die early

The poor health systems in Nigeria, the poor health seeking behaviour in men and bad habits like smoking alcohol isn't the main issue right?
It's washing baby clothes that will make them die early
Anyway, why are Oyibo men living longer despite providing for their families and doing house chores? They do it so well, yet they're living to their 80s and 90s comfortably.
Even Nigerian women that work full time, contribute to the household, yet do all the house chores and raising the children still live longer than the husband who only co-contributes.

ImaIma1:
Marriage is not a competition between both sexes or a battle for authority. Couples are supposed to walk together to make life easier and more bearable for each other.

I don't understand all these men that try to absorb themselves of responsibilities by giving it several names and theories, and shifting them to their wives.

I spent the weekend at a relative's place. She is the busier one as per banker. Her husband is so hands on. He can just enter the bathroom and see soaked clothes and wash them, cook, iron, etc. They have a househelp and children. But he'll tell you that it is his house and his responsibility.

The wife on the other hand, hardly raises a finger to do a single thing. Remain small sef, they will spoon-fed her . He will yab her from today till tomorrow and they'll laugh over it. They understand each other.

OP it's their marriage. Let them run it as it suits them. When you get married, you will understand better.

Na poor or jobless man dey do all these ones, trust me.

Changing diapers = lifting furniture

The things one reads on NL

Hathor5:
Changing diapers = lifting furniture

The things one reads on NL

I should ignore this. But...

I typed washing napkins especially the ones full of shit. Lift (heavy) furniture is just an example of what I believe a man should never allow his woman to do.

Karleb:


I should ignore this. But...

I typed washing napkins especially the ones full of shit. Lift (heavy) furniture is just an example of what I believe a man should never allow his woman to do.

It's your child's shit after all. I see why you are better suited to lift furniture but I don't see what qualifies a wife more to wash off shit. It's not like her nose is less sensitive.

Hathor5:


It's your child's shit after all. I see why you are better suited to lift furniture but I don't see what qualifies a wife more to wash off shit. It's not like her nose is less sensitive.

If she chooses to wash them, all well and good but I would support her if she decides to dispose them.

I hate washing shits, the fact that it's my child's would not change that.

Yes indeed. Misogyny and the patriarchy cannot be sustained if women weren’t helping to uphold it.

cayorday89:

You are right but not entirely right, it is not man's mentality alone but also of the female gender, in the form of mothers and even young ladies of your generation, in other words it is a societal decision which some both male and female will adhere to and some others will not go against, the problem now is finding who fits and have the same mindset as you.
Now, how many mothers will not raise eyebrows if they visit their sons and see him doing doing house chores on a regular just to help the wife out, imagine what will be of the wife from the mother-in-law's reaction. HUSBAND IS WILLING BUT YOUR FELLOW WOMAN IS AGAINST IT.
2nd point, some ladies of your generation(can't say your age and generation but you get the point), many of them will carry themselves by going to their boyfriend's house to spend the weekend and the only thing they show to feel accepted is to do house chores willingly in a bid to feel accepted, God help her she visits the family house and she does the little she could do, it is the females in that family house that will still accuse her of not been responsible. FELLOW WOMAN IS ENSLAVING FELLOW WOMAN FOR THEIR SONS AND BROTHERS TO FEEL APPROVED.
Personal experience, in school I lived in a hostel where we have only one female amongst 11 guys and we only have one toilet, this toilet is always clean but she traveled one time and by the third day it was getting dirty, I think I noticed on the fourth day and I washed it, when others came they were just saying I knew it is Kay(me) that washed it. When she came back she also said she knew I was the only one that can wash it, in my house I have never washed toilet before, but my dad does together with my mum and elder sister, a woman came to our house one day and saw my dad washing it, she asked why he was doing that when my mum is at home..
WOMAN QUESTIONING A MAN WHO IS HIGHLY DOMESTICATED.
I am the only son amongst three sisters, but yet I am highly domesticated, can do all what the society called female chores, helps my mum out in her shop which is in front of the house especially when it comes to thorough cleaning, women see me, they compliment me and say my wife will enjoy but not without ending it with, what about your sisters are they not supposed to be the ones doing that.
In all, many men are willing but won't do because their manliness will be questioned by women.

Karleb:


Since you've decided to be suffering from self induced dyslexia, I will explain to you like a kid.

No sensible woman would expect her husband to wash a baby's napkin because they are always full of shit and men hates washing shit generally, unless of course the man insists.

Likewise, no sensible man would expect his wife to lift heavy furnitures because women generally hates it due to obvious reason, unless of course she insist and I expect a sensible man to say no to that anyways.

I believe I speak for my sisters when I say we don’t enjoy washing shit either.
We do what needs to be done because we are expected to.