Sirlancelot:
I won't bother you guys much. I married my woman last year June during the lockdown. Things were rosy for us as a young couple till we brought in a girl of 15 years from my wife's family to stay with us in order to help my wife with house chores and other things during the time she is heavily pregnant.

Mind you, from day one I have been dating my wife, this girl has been on my neck, telling me how she will come stay with me in Lagos if I get married to her sister. That would be my greatest undoing as I grudgingly obliged after many persuasion from her Mother as well. After my marriage, she came over to Lagos to join us.

Now, she is very useless to me. She will go to school from 7am to 5pm. After coming back from school, she will take another excuse to go for evening church and come back by 8pm. No help in doing house chores. COOKING, she no sabi.. My turn off about her now is that she can eat for Africa. The little provision I manage stock at home don't go anywhere now.

The last straw that break the camel back is that she always steals my babies food, like milk, biscuits etc.

My wife is in dicey situation because she once lived with the girl's mother for like 15 years back then, and such can't just pursue her away like plague.

Right now I am fighting the urge and anger to mess her up. I have advised her on numerous occasions but it seems she can not learn easily except with hard handling. Everything bad about human traits, she has it; Lies, false swearing and the likes.

Mature minded people in the house, if you are in my shoes, what would you do?

Oga na ur wife live with her mother not u, na u get ur house and you make the final decision. Except u want to harbor her also for 15yrs as well. Act first b4 she begin tie half wrapper pass ur front

Sirlancelot:
Boss it is not like that,I have two 8 months old boys already,they are eating deep on my pockets as regard feeding,this very girl eat alot as well.She does not render any help for me.i don't see her as maid

You obviously don't want her around so send her home to her mother, you are complaining about the food she eats, her going to school and church. You're also intolerant of the very thing I am almost certain you did growing up. Send the poor girl home abeg.

Sirlancelot:
I won't bother you guys much. I married my woman last year June during the lockdown. Things were rosy for us as a young couple till we brought in a girl of 15 years from my wife's family to stay with us in order to help my wife with house chores and other things during the time she is heavily pregnant.

Mind you, from day one I have been dating my wife, this girl has been on my neck, telling me how she will come stay with me in Lagos if I get married to her sister. That would be my greatest undoing as I grudgingly obliged after many persuasion from her Mother as well. After my marriage, she came over to Lagos to join us.

Now, she is very useless to me. She will go to school from 7am to 5pm. After coming back from school, she will take another excuse to go for evening church and come back by 8pm. No help in doing house chores. COOKING, she no sabi.. My turn off about her now is that she can eat for Africa. The little provision I manage stock at home don't go anywhere now.

The last straw that break the camel back is that she always steals my babies food, like milk, biscuits etc.

My wife is in dicey situation because she once lived with the girl's mother for like 15 years back then, and such can't just pursue her away like plague.

Right now I am fighting the urge and anger to mess her up. I have advised her on numerous occasions but it seems she can not learn easily except with hard handling. Everything bad about human traits, she has it; Lies, false swearing and the likes.

Mature minded people in the house, if you are in my shoes, what would you do?

Calmly talk to her with your wife. Tell her your predicament and then ask her what she thinks of it. Let her think up solutions on her own; you can suggest ideas to her if you notice that she's trying to think but struggling to come up with something. You could say, "What do you think of this idea? You think it's something that can be done."

There is nothing wrong in bring. People up this girl might help ur own children tomorrow the way you treat her will go a long way tomorrow
She can’t be that bad like you are making it look
Just dedicate a house chore to her even if she goes to church and come back she will do it

Righteousness2:
See her as your Daughter and Train her in the way you would do to your daughter if she was the one misbehaving.

This is the only reasonable thing you've said since you've been on Nairaland.

Sirlancelot:
Never have sexual feeling for her as I take her like my own bloodquote author=TotoGame post=107782223]

Well since she's 15 years ....she's ripe enough to collect prick

Fuvk the hell out of her tennage little pussy... at least she won't be "very useless to you"

You're a sick fucktärd! You should be kept far away from children. One day, person Papa go use old razor cut your useless preek

My advice

She needs to wake up early and do chores then prepare breakfast. When she comes back from school assist your wife and clean up the kitchen after dinner. Going to church till 8pm should stop as it's a risk for a girl of her age being outside by that time by herself.

Discuss the issue with your wife and decide how you need to train the girl. It is your responsibility to train her.

Call her and sit her down and spell out her new way of living. In the present of your wife.

I wouldn't hesitate in sending her away 'cos there's no need taking permission from the wife for any reazn whatsoever.

Those young people that don't make money don't know how to use things prudently. They abuse the use of food, especially provisions in the house.

I understand it perfectly. I have nephews that are like drums. As long as they are in the house, you can't see bread, biscuits, etc lying idly. They massacre everything, even baby milk, baby cereal, etc. And it can be very annoying when you open the tin of milk to use and it's all.gone.

The best thing to do is to give her own portion of milk, beverage, etc to her, whether a tin or more for the month and lock up the others you and your wife use. Let her know that she is to manage it for the month.

As per house work, she should be mandated to do some chores to assist since that's why she came. You guys need to remove sentiments and work around it.

Since you can't flog the hell outta her, send the hell of her outta your house!
Only if you are living your wife's family house

Sirlancelot:
I won't bother you guys much. I married my woman last year June during the lockdown. Things were rosy for us as a young couple till we brought in a girl of 15 years from my wife's family to stay with us in order to help my wife with house chores and other things during the time she is heavily pregnant.

Mind you, from day one I have been dating my wife, this girl has been on my neck, telling me how she will come stay with me in Lagos if I get married to her sister. That would be my greatest undoing as I grudgingly obliged after many persuasion from her Mother as well. After my marriage, she came over to Lagos to join us.

Now, she is very useless to me. She will go to school from 7am to 5pm. After coming back from school, she will take another excuse to go for evening church and come back by 8pm. No help in doing house chores. COOKING, she no sabi.. My turn off about her now is that she can eat for Africa. The little provision I manage stock at home don't go anywhere now.

The last straw that break the camel back is that she always steals my babies food, like milk, biscuits etc.

My wife is in dicey situation because she once lived with the girl's mother for like 15 years back then, and such can't just pursue her away like plague.

Right now I am fighting the urge and anger to mess her up. I have advised her on numerous occasions but it seems she can not learn easily except with hard handling. Everything bad about human traits, she has it; Lies, false swearing and the likes.

Mature minded people in the house, if you are in my shoes, what would you do?

First of all, she is a daughter to you people..

Secondly, every child must be under a parents.


Lastly, that child must abide by your rules and regulations...Even if it warrants being strict.

Munzy14:

First of all, she is a daughter to you people..

Secondly, every child must be under a parents.


Lastly, that child must abide by your rules and regulations...Even if it warrants being strict.

They made a mistake taking her in.
I understand that the wife was compelled to do it because of...

I think I know why that girl is acting that way...though it is quite complicated to explain.

Simdyofficial:
hope you know I hate nonsense. Thank you

C'mon is just my personal opinion. You can as well advice op, to ignore whatever nonsense i have to say

Sirlancelot:
I won't bother you guys much. I married my woman last year June during the lockdown. Things were rosy for us as a young couple till we brought in a girl of 15 years from my wife's family to stay with us in order to help my wife with house chores and other things during the time she is heavily pregnant.

Mind you, from day one I have been dating my wife, this girl has been on my neck, telling me how she will come stay with me in Lagos if I get married to her sister. That would be my greatest undoing as I grudgingly obliged after many persuasion from her Mother as well. After my marriage, she came over to Lagos to join us.

Now, she is very useless to me. She will go to school from 7am to 5pm. After coming back from school, she will take another excuse to go for evening church and come back by 8pm. No help in doing house chores. COOKING, she no sabi.. My turn off about her now is that she can eat for Africa. The little provision I manage stock at home don't go anywhere now.

The last straw that break the camel back is that she always steals my babies food, like milk, biscuits etc.

My wife is in dicey situation because she once lived with the girl's mother for like 15 years back then, and such can't just pursue her away like plague.

Right now I am fighting the urge and anger to mess her up. I have advised her on numerous occasions but it seems she can not learn easily except with hard handling. Everything bad about human traits, she has it; Lies, false swearing and the likes.

Mature minded people in the house, if you are in my shoes, what would you do?

Just 15 years and you expecting her to do all the work in the house? So much so you could refer to her as useless? She is still a kid bro. Cut her some slack. She can handle some chores before and after school but don't expect her to handle everything. Just set clear tasks that she has to be responsible for.

As per eating to much, I don't see any wrong doing on her part. If she steals baby food, it's probably because she is under fed.

For the lies, swearing and others, those things may be permissible where she is coming from. It's up to you and your wife to show her the right path

If you're not capable of treating her the same way you would treat your baby when he/she is 15, take her to her parents.

Mariangeles:


They made a mistake taking her in.
I understand that the wife was compelled to do it because of...

I think I know why that girl is acting that way...though it is quite complicated to explain.

It is a debt the wife owes the girl's mom ...in my understanding.

Explain, I want to understand from your own perspective.

But ya wuru m, I won't tolerate that..If situations made my wife not to act, then I will step in to act with a tighter hands..

If she can't abide by the rules, I will show her the exit door...If I allow these stupidity to continue, ya ga turu ime outside, Her mom will come for my wife's head which I won't take lightly...So it is best she relax, why I step in to read the riot act...Inukwa m nwa 15years iwa m ishi n'ulo m kwa...

Similar stuff happened to my uncle's wife...My uncle travelled on business..The little girl is my Aunt's elder sister's daughter..She was given a free hand..Until the next door neighbour in the compound atuwa ya ime...A bachelor who was friendly with my uncle's family..

He ran away, his people came to pack his property sha..my uncle use every means to track him, but no result..

Las las, my Aunt's family blamed her for all that..for being free with her...One nonsense I won't take lightly...

Privacy is best, if you have need call, if we can, we will...if not everyone move.

That nuclear family privacy is very very important..And necessary to help the man fortify his family foundation with his wife and the kids coming one by one.

Brother ,
no need going about complaining.
It's your house, be a man that you are meant to be and send her back to her parents ASAP before she causes an irreversible damage.
Explain everything to her parents when she gets to them and move
on.
Meanwhile start looking for another house help.

Munzy14:

It is a debt the wife owes the girl's mom ...in my understanding.

Explain, I want to understand from your own perspective.

But ya wuru m, I won't tolerate that..If situations made my wife not to act, then I will step in to act with a tighter hands..

If she can't abide by the rules, I will show her the exit door...If I allow these stupidity to continue, ya ga turu ime outside, Her mom will come for my wife's head which I won't take lightly...So it is best she relax, why I step in to read the riot act...Inukwa m nwa 15years iwa m ishi n'ulo m kwa...

Similar stuff happened to my uncle's wife...My uncle travelled on business..The little girl is my Aunt's elder sister's daughter..She was given a free hand..Until the next door neighbour in the compound atuwa ya ime...A bachelor who was friendly with my uncle's family..

He ran away, his people came to pack his property sha..my uncle use every means to track him, but no result..

Las las, my Aunt's family blamed her for all that..for being free with her...One nonsense I won't take lightly...

Privacy is best, if you have need call, if we can, we will...if not everyone move.

That nuclear family privacy is very very important..And necessary to help the man fortify his family foundation with his wife and the kids coming one by one.

I ma na nwunye op wubure nwa nga ha, so the girl is used to her (nwunye op) serving her, and not the other way around.
So, even now that nwunye op is married and in her own home, the little girl still has that sense of superiority over her and doesn't feel the need to do chores, especially for someone she's always seen as a "maid".

Nwunye op on the other hand, after living most of her life with a family and serving them, needed time to grow mentally after getting married.
She needed enough time to get rid of that inferiority complex that comes with living and serving a family that isn't yours.
She needed time to grow into her own person. To be confident enough to say " this is my own home"
So, it was way too soon for her allowing the girl to come live with them.

Somehow, I believe she's afraid to call that girl to order because she has always seen her as " the daughter of the house" and she's still afraid of what her mother might say or think of her.
She still cares what people think, but I don't blame her.
It is left for her husband to step in and act on her behalf. He needs to put the girl in her place in his house or she leaves.


I hope you get the point I'm trying to explain.

Mariangeles:


I ma na nwunye op wubure nwa nga ha, so the girl is used to her (nwunye op) serving her, and not the other way around.
So, even now that nwunye op is married and in her own home, the little girl still has that sense of superiority over her and doesn't feel the need to do chores, especially for someone she's always seen as a "maid".

Nwunye op on the other hand, after living most of her life with a family and serving them, needed time to grow mentally after getting married.
She needed enough time to get rid of that inferiority complex that comes with living and serving a family that isn't yours.
She needed time to grow into her own person. To be confident enough to say " this is my own home"
So, it was way too soon for her allowing the girl to come live with them.

Somehow, I believe she's afraid to call that girl to order because she has always seen her as " the daughter of the house" and she's still afraid of what her mother might say or think of her.
She still cares what people think, but I don't blame her.
It is left for her husband to step in and act on her behalf. He needs to put the girl in her place in his house or she leaves.


I hope you get the point I'm trying to explain.

Clear now...plus it seems the wife bonded well the girl when she was with them, ugbua o huru ya ka nwa ya sef...Very tight corner.

That's why the husband need to act fast because, it is eating him up...No room for liability nowadays.

NAPTIP.

tooth4tooth:
.
From your statement , the bolded is the remaining avenue that needed exploration.

TotoGame:


Well your useless dad is also a pedophile cus he impregnated your mum when she was 14

Don't be too surprised..I know your history

I will find you and when I do you will pay dearly,I will make a scapegoat out of you ,I promise

Munzy14:

Clear now...plus it seems the wife bonded well the girl when she was with them, ugbua o huru ya ka nwa ya sef...Very tight corner.

That's why the husband need to act fast because, it is eating him up...No room for liability nowadays.

A si o huru ya ka nwa ya, o gahu a ra ya ahu I gwa ya ihe o kwesiri I gwa ya.

Mariangeles:


A si o huru ya ka nwa ya, o gahu a ra ya ahu I gwa ya ihe o kwesiri I gwa ya.

Wow, so the woman ka huru ya as superior ya?.. nwunye m luru, awuo slave na ulo nke ya..nawa o.

I won't tolerate that o...After me, next wu nwunye m before anyone else under our roof..

The situation now is OP first, the girl second then nwunye OP third....

Munzy14:

Wow, so the woman ka huru ya as superior ya?..
nwunye m luru, awuo slave na ulo nke ya..nawa o.

I won't tolerate that o...After me, next wu nwunye m before anyone else under our roof..

The situation now is OP first, the girl second then nwunye OP third....

It is a feeling mostly females can understand.

When we were growing up, among our friends were also girls that "stayed" with a family.
You can easily tell them apart from the other children because of how "less" the feel of themselves.
Also, children tend to recognize any form of weakness, and they tend to take advantage of that.

Mariangeles:


It is a feeling mostly females can understand.

When we were growing up, among our friends were also girls that "stayed" with a family.
You can easily tell them apart from the other children because of how "less" the feel of themselves.
Also, children tend to recognize any form of weakness, and they tend to take advantage of that.

Wow...Uwa umu nwaanyi dikwa iche o.

Munzy14:

Wow...Uwa umu nwaanyi dikwa iche o.

Very.
We don't feel things the same way.

Mariangeles:


Very.
We don't feel things the same way.

Very different in man's world...No segregation at all.

Sirlancelot:
I won't bother you guys much. I married my woman last year June during the lockdown. Things were rosy for us as a young couple till we brought in a girl of 15 years from my wife's family to stay with us in order to help my wife with house chores and other things during the time she is heavily pregnant.

Mind you, from day one I have been dating my wife, this girl has been on my neck, telling me how she will come stay with me in Lagos if I get married to her sister. That would be my greatest undoing as I grudgingly obliged after many persuasion from her Mother as well. After my marriage, she came over to Lagos to join us.

Now, she is very useless to me. She will go to school from 7am to 5pm. After coming back from school, she will take another excuse to go for evening church and come back by 8pm. No help in doing house chores. COOKING, she no sabi.. My turn off about her now is that she can eat for Africa. The little provision I manage stock at home don't go anywhere now.

The last straw that break the camel back is that she always steals my babies food, like milk, biscuits etc.

My wife is in dicey situation because she once lived with the girl's mother for like 15 years back then, and such can't just pursue her away like plague.

Right now I am fighting the urge and anger to mess her up. I have advised her on numerous occasions but it seems she can not learn easily except with hard handling. Everything bad about human traits, she has it; Lies, false swearing and the likes.

Mature minded people in the house, if you are in my shoes, what would you do?

If she were your daughter, what will you do? Send her away? When you find the answer then you will know how to manage your situation. She is your daughter now, so treat her as you would to your child. Scolding, slap, beating, advice, etc. Na so them take raise us

OP, unfortunately I have to be honest you sound like a wicked person. You also lie because I don't think the girl goes to church everyday. If you are going to treat her bad, take her to her mother in peace please.

Kick her out,thank God I and my hubby have decided no family visitors staying for long till further notice. No time. I am a very accommodating person but when I don't want someone I don't find it difficult at all to kick that person out.

Baba,I mean it,its not been easy with me lately as I do menial work which they didn't even pay me for 4 months,now a small girl cone dey add her walaha yo my own

perryy:
Poverty is a bastard.

Normal teenage behaviour.

This kind matter get as e be. It boils down to the wife's lack of understanding and whatnot. Honestly most women are damaged goods psychologically, so they lack socio-psychological awareness, especially after they think they have nothing more to lose (after one mumu man successfully marries them and they've given birth).

Besides, I'm always disgusted by all these useless men who leech on their sister's husbands. What is a fully grown man with hairy blokos doing sleeping and eating upandan like an idiot in his YOUNGER sister's husbands house? Hotel no dey for the town? There are very low budget, anyhow kurukere guesthouses abi hotels of about 3-8k in any town. If you no get money, stay there rather than carry your uneven belle go inconvenience your sister and her husband. Worrifuck. If you can't afford even the cheapest hotel and condition makes it unavoidable for you to spend some time in your sister's husband's house common sense should tell you to comport yourself like a ghost.. With utmost humility and near invisibility, to constitute as little a nuisance as possible. Not throw your felele weight around forming respected bros.

That said, I'm an advocate of diplomatic/long-rope autocracy, so here's the thing.

1. Start by assuming it was a harmless mistake by a 'low-brained' wife. Tell her clearly that you're pissed off at such behaviour, and that it must never happen again. Then watch her reaction. If she's genuinely apologetic, then no be issue. It's one of those petty transgressions that must be overlooked or forgiven.

2. However, if she's unapologetic and giving off nonchalant vibes such as yen yen yen, he is my elder brother who trained me in school, bleh bleh, why are you so immature or insecure duh duh duh duh, then you have to introduce your no-nonsense Idi Amin side. Kick both of them out. Let her go and live with him. It should take their entire village to beg you before you allow her back to your good graces.

3. Otherwise, if you condone her intentional bad behaviour, you're finished. These Nigerian beeshes are always about their own family... Their own mother. Their own father. Their own siblings. They don't give a rat's ass about your family as the husband. It's a tragic joke, so you need to be brutal when dealing with this kind of scenario.