The Ugly Side Of Confession - Romance - Nairaland
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| The Ugly Side Of Confession by upendo98(f): 4:25pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
A lady posted a story here about how she cld save her marriage after both of them cheated on each other.The hubby confessed, but she of course was confused as to whether she should do the same. Then as usual yeah we replied in an effort to help her. So as I leave office today theres a story on radio, topic being 'sexless marriages' and the cause. A lady calls in with her story. She cheated on her husband and later confessed to him.He got pissed off at first then things took an ugly turn, they had to involve the elders/parents for reconciliation. As soon as they were back together,the hubby changed.He just couldnt trust her anymore and resolved to punish her. First he demanded that he sleeps with wife's sister or he leaves her. The 'stupid' wife gave in and yeah he had sex with her sis. As if that wasn't enough,hes denied her sex ever since. Then now hes seeing another woman and wants to marry her.Hes stopped providing in the house and tells the wife that it is his punishment for cheating. The wife says he loves him soo much she cant leave him.The hubby is torturing her as punishment. So my conclusion after hearing the story was 'just keep your mouth shut'. Thats crazy.What would you do if you were the wife/hubby?? |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by iice(f): 5:00pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
Someone you know and really care about. Always tell the truth to that person. In the case of something bad, avoid doing the bad thing in the first place. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Mynd44: 5:05pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
I would rather not tell cos some people are just a step away from being insane that that might just give them the push they need 1 Like |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Ranoscky(m): 5:13pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
The husband is a 'nyash burger' for bleeping his wife's sista as a pay back, and the wife is an 'as$ pie' for NOT confessing to the husband, while the husband confessed his infidelity to her. But I think the man is a b!tch as$ made for sendin his wife packin just b'cos he has found another unlimited pu-C giver [while he has recieved his pay back by bleepin his wife sista]! |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Nobody: 5:22pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
If you cheat just keep quiet about it. Period. Very few spouses can get over that kind of knowledge about their s.o. As liberal as I pride myself to be, I can't handle that kind of confession in a committed relationship, if you cheat, am out  so I don't do commitments anymore, 'cos I know for a fact most everybody will cheat if they can get away with it. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by eddy1977(m): 5:24pm On Jun 09, 2011 |
Its very unwise to confess some stuff especially sex. confessing will only make it worse. only confess if you are prepared to face the terrible consequences. most people are happy because of what they dont know.it keeps them going and staying positive in this negative world. i d rather not tell my girlfriend about my escapades to protect our relationship. my golden rule is to use condoms and play safe. can u imagine how disgusted we would be with our mothers if we knew their dirty past before they met our dads? why arent we mad?because we dont know it. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Nobody: 9:51am On Jun 10, 2011 |
Alot of confessions are unnecessary. confessing before the crime isnt bad e.g i am attracted to so and so but after the sex crime i dont think is necessary. IMO confession is to ease the guilt feelings of the offender (selfish reasons) can u imagine having to confess to your very good, caring husband or wife who you love that you have been having affairs. Anytime you see the nice spouse guilt will almost kill you so to save yourself you confess and you are relieved. The guilt is punishment enough so live with it. what do you want your spouse to do with the information? obviously forgive and forget. which i think is hard for most human beings and usually takes time but time they say heals all wounds so if you are truly sorry you can confess. And really sometimes what you dont know wont hurt you. The offender can look for a priest/therapist/counselor to confess to if the crime is weighing him or her down. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by coogar: 11:48am On Jun 10, 2011 |
upendo 98: i dunno why women complicate issues. if a married woman cheats, she should keep quiet and only own up when the husband finds out with a concrete evidence. no nigerian man will condone cheating if a woman confesses unforced. yes, honesty is a good thing but the lack of trust that will follow your honesty is more damaging. married women should think about the consequences when they are about cheating. if they decide to do it regardless, they should die with the secret(unless caught pants down). |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by monkeyleg: 11:56am On Jun 10, 2011 |
Ah, the provebial "everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to do what it takes". Tough, our actions have consequences. Society tells us today that we can do wrong, and then find a back door into Right. It doesnt work that way |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by OTEGA1: 11:57am On Jun 10, 2011 |
its not easy, but what i can say is if u are ready to take the risk of not confessing, be prepared for the day someone else spill the beans cos thinks just have a way of leaking out over time, then its going to be more terrible. avoind things like this the first time is always the best ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,. Women need o realise that when u cheat and u are caught there is a high possibility that u will be driven away and news spread fast, hence there is a high possibility that all potential men will always run from u cos of the likelyhood of doing it to them if they even risk dating u,no matter the best reason the woman may have for doing so, i just realise that women think that by having someone else in marriage is a way to pay back a cheating husband, but along the line they become traped in fear of teh unknown which in any case did not worth it in the first place. Families should learnt to pray together thats only when temtation like this can be avoided, cos the bible says Exhort oneanother daily while its called today lest ye be decieved by the deceitfulness of sin 1 Like |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by campella(m): 12:00pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
Imagine just telling a silly story about sex to a girl or boy friend, the reactions from both. How much more wife or husband? Truly, most confessions are not worth it. The priest is the rightful; person, and your God to do all the confessions. Some people who react so rashly to some confessions are those that commit them the most. My believe is that what you do know that will bring the slightest pain to your happiness especially in marriage, avoid saying even to your best friend or family. We must learn to be a little cautions. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by DaDoctor: 12:03pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
WETIN MAN DO GO FREE, WOAMN NO FIT DO AM GO FREE NA, SAUCE TO THE GOOSE ISNT SAUCE TO THE GANDER HERE IN AFRICA.[color=#990000][/color] MARRIED WOMEN SHOULD TAKE NOTE, THOUGH I DONT SUPPORT HUSBANDS CHEATING EITHER. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by sleekman(m): 12:10pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
These men on Nairaland sef. It is bad enuf when couples cheat but worse when a woman cheats. A woman holds d home 2geda so if there is a stupid, senseless woman dat wants to go ahead and cheat then she must be ready to deal with d consequences whether she confesses or her escapades are discovered. My advice women don't cheat, if you do or did pls be prepared to live with the consequence & don't complain. I remember back then if any of my women sleeps with someone else I could tell. I don't cause a scene but she'll sense that I know because my body just tunes out. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Nobody: 12:12pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
iice: That is ALL there is to be said. End of thread. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by coogar: 12:13pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
sleekman:  |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Bokoharam: 12:24pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
The story sounds made up. Why on earth would a man demand from his wife to sleep with a sister in-law, and a wife present her sister as an atonement object for the sin of 'cheating'? Was that the decision of the elders that were consulted? |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by MMM2(m): 12:45pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
the truth can't set u free. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Nobody: 12:56pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
Apart from the case being made up , can you use one example to judge all cases or are all men the same and would act the way the man in the made up story acted. The poster is only saying what she would do as a woman in the same situation. I pray I never meet a woman like you who can't own up to her crime. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Pweety4me(f): 1:03pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
To each his own, people don't even know what marriage is these days before they invest in it arrant nonsense really!  |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Nobody: 1:06pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
To add to your made up story , I have friends and family members who have forgiven their partners after she has confessed , it shows remorsefulness and a repentant heart. I would never accept any explanation of remorse/regret if it comes after I catch her. If a woman/man is truly repentant , has a conscience and loves the partner they would tell their evil deeds to their partners. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Lauradee01: 1:11pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
My people,lets call a spade a spade. Women are FORBIDDEN to have extra marital affairs. Look at this situation. A marriage of 18months. The wife is a 31 year old beautiful woman,childless. Six months into the marriage,the husband starts coming late from work and from outings and starts giving all sorts of excuses.Starts acting funny and all. Sex became a big issue,the woman never complained. Sex only happened when she initiates it. If she doesn't, he doesn't bother. Now she's worried because she wants to have children and the husband thinks she is putting pressure on him. The truth is that sexless marriages are a big deal in our society so i really do not judge people. If you do not give your spouse the required attention,someone else will dangle the carrot at them. It is now left for them to accept or not. God help us all. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by coogar: 1:14pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
apocalypse: confessed to what?confessed to having an affair or confessed to having sex as a married woman? there's a difference between those two and naija men despise extra-marital sex. the society still frowns at it. besides, it ruins the trust between a man and his wife. how can any man ever forgive and forget his wife after she confesses to sleeping around? what will be the man's state of mind whenever he travels knowing the woman will be alone for a while? |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by upendo98(f): 1:16pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
@ Bokoharam, no it wasn't the elders decision. The hubby started the punishment after they were done with the elders. He just couldnt forgive her. So after they were back together,he started making the demands saying he must sleep wth the inlaw as punishment (crazy I know). Now wht i dont know is how old this 'inlaw was but I imagine the sisters talked and out of the need to save her sis marriage she agreed to do it.Unfortunatley it dint atone for anything. They are just living together with the wife not willing to let go but the husband is making life a living hell for her. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by upendo98(f): 1:27pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
@apocalypse. Now I said that this is a story from a 'radio' and the woman didnt wnt to disclose her identity.Its a daily show by the way where people call in and air their dirty linens to the public. Now why did I post it? Because earlier there's is this lady tht was seeking help here on NL over the same issue. You may want to read my reply to her post. Being a christian one thing I made clear to her was she must use WISDOM even though the bible commands us to 'confees our sins one to another so that our sins may be forgiven. I dont like making decisions for people I just laid down the options. I totally agree with the person thet said DONT DO ADULTERY whether or not you can deal with the consequences.Yes you may see say its nt possible but see what the consequences are? I am disgusted by this story too but I wanted you to see the ugly side of adultery and confessing later and nt be the proverbial ostrich. Are you prepared for such crazy reaction? Seriously it scared me wht the guy was doing though the woman was to blame. Test the waters.I would hate to confess and be killed. Thank God am set free. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Nobody: 1:28pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
The only reasons I wouldn't forgive a confessing partner are 1. She sleeps with a family member/relative ( either hers or mine ). 2. She sleeps with a close friend of mine and 3. She has confessed to such before - once bitten twice shy. Asides these reasons all other reasons should be forgiven even if it is with a colleague at work , provided she comes willingly to confess and not that she confessed cos you caught her. I believe if a woman confesses to her partner willingly she has made up her to stop such an act and would stop sleeping with the man even if she sees the said person on a daily basis ( like a colleague ) |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by upendo98(f): 1:40pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
1.Inbreeding 2.Betrayal 3.Repeat offender. I really dont see what the big diffrence is cz after all sex does happen in either case. If you are the 4giving type then note this 'love covers a multitude of sins' One thing most of us are missing here is 'what kind of partner do you have'? will he forgive and love you again. Many do and there are men and women out there who's marriages remain strong coz they don't keep secrets and yes they confessed to such things. But are we all the same?If I sense he 's the killer type and confessing will only worsen the situation then what option do I have? I run to God then.It sounds crazy. Any way. JUST DONT DO ADULTERY and be WILLING TO FORGIVE and love again Full stop. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by samm(m): 1:48pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
iice: Cannot be said any better! I tried to make this point in the original post the OP is referring to. You've simply stated it and this is the truth! |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Badesh(m): 1:48pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
Oh lady, thy confession hath brought thou further damages. Now you are stuck with all the facts on ground. But come to think of it, I ma cock sure that the he-goat called Mr. Husband must have had his preying eyes on your sister long before now and as such cannot claim to be a better person. You sure were insane to have agreed to the proposal of your sister. Meanwhile, the slut called your sister agreed to such indecent bargain?. Haven't both of you committed a taboo by so doing?. So long as you've found yourself in this situation, just deal with it else you'll find the guy bringing in a LovePeddler one of these days to patronize your bed. You might as well exercise some patience and plead with him to temper justice with mercy (of course that will be very hard to do) but since both of you are guilty of the same sin, seek for cleansing and start a new life. Meanwhile, if the guy proves to difficult considering the fact that even the elders have waded into the matter, just move on with your life and get screwed very well before coming home. Gbam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by coogar: 1:51pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
apocalypse: until she finds another man. you just don't kill this habit out of confession. it's more deeply-rooted. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by Nobody: 1:52pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
@ upendo 98 I'm not saying you're supporting adultery I'm just disgusted you'd say one should keep her mouth shut after such a deed. As a christian does your Bible not tell you to confess your sin , if keeping your mouth shut is the path you would take then I don't think you are a true christian. And as for you coogar , where do you get your stereotypes , who says men find it hard to forgive their wives after she has confessed to such a deed. Go check all your cases and you'll probably see why the men didn't forgive the cheating spouse was because it has happened again and again. A woman who continually cheats on her man doesn't love him and vice versa. Anybody wanting to support the keep shut path should have his/her head examined. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by samm(m): 1:59pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
monkeyleg: Excellent point. |
| Re: The Ugly Side Of Confession by coogar: 2:00pm On Jun 10, 2011 |
apocalypse: it's one thing for the man to tell everyone he has forgiven her, it's another thing to put it into practice. such deeds can never be forgotten. it stays with the man for the rest of his life. that she has done it before torments the man and every time he's away from home, the thoughts come rushing back again. as a result, the trust dies and when there's no trust - there's no relationship which eventually leads to the death of that marriage.
you have just made my point. the bare fact that the deed has a tendency to happen again and again is the reason forgiveness is hard in this kind of crisis. how do you stop the thoughts? most men want to forget it but it's not just possible. the moment i have 1% doubt my partner cannot be trusted, the relationship is as good as dead.
what people don't know does not kill them. a married woman cheats - why and how she did it is no longer important, what is important is the backlash. will she ever be trusted again? how would the society brand her? those are the issues. every time she gets home late, tongues will wag she must be coming from her lover. how many women can live with such stigma for the rest of their lives? |
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