[b]My friend, they married and a year later the lady got this dream job in a foreign country.Still in Africa though not far.
Its a contract job of 5 years and its a full package meaning lots of allowances including travelling back to her country once a month. After all its Africa.
Note; she has been working very hard and studying to get a great  job and her husband supported her all through.Then finally the job came knocking and the husband on hearing its a foreign country went berserk;

a) He claims the marriage is still young and the wife must sacrifice her job for its sake
b) He fears he may land into temptation if left alone since, I mean the honeymoon isnt yet over kind of thing u know.

The wife on the other hand says;

a) If he supported me and loves me then he should sacrifice too and allow me to go
b) She insists that since she has been working hard to climb the ladder including praying and fasting, she cant let this chance pass by cz she will live to regret worse still she believes God opened the door and the hubby is just insensitive.

Now note this: They husband doesnt earn much but this job could be their dream come true.
At the time of being told the story they were not in talking terms and not sharing the bed/room together.Its gotten soo bad its a break or make situation.

Question now: who should sacrifice here and whey?[/b]

Well well well
i think d man shld jst mk d sacrifice
nt cos i m a lady yh
bt cosdey v bn lookin 4ward 2 it a very long tym

@Upendo, i can't help wonderin hw u get all diz ur real life stories. (u must b a trusted counsellor wif lot of troubled friendz.) well, bck 2 d topic, in my humble opinion, i tink d man shld mk d sacrifice. Though it won't be easy bcoz of d natural masculine ego n d feelin of being d head of d family, he shld be mkin d finally decision n all dat. However, considerin d fact dat HIS JOB ISN'T BRINGIN D REQUIRED INCOME N DIZ JOB CUD BE THEIR LUCKY BREAK, if i'm in his shoes, i'll let her go n probably move 2 d foreign country wif, if all goes wel, i cud find myself a job ova dere. So basically dey cud move 2gether n settle dwn in d country.

What they need to do is compromise, that is what marriage is all about.

And at what James said. He can also move.

@ james you make me laugh now. Okay am no counsellor. I even belive its criminal to disclose peoples files if you are a counsellor. Logistics and counselling? no co-relation at all.
Anyway. Where I get this stories? I kind of 'encourage people alot really cz I have had my own share of pain too. Am mature enough and the things I see young people going through and crying about is cz they dont talk about the REAL ISSUES.
Some threads I read here asking some questions,I can relate. Nothing is better than a real life experience.Learn what you can and sort of out stuff early befor u even tie the knot. Eat the meat and throw the bones then get some direction.
I really love what some people talk about here.Some very mature replies I love.
And as I said I post real stories not nolly/bolly/holly/lolipop stuff.

Okay back to topic, the guy I said has a job too and so can not move unless you want him to go be a 'house-husband'
Besides its only a 5 yr contract meaning they will be back.So should he leave his current job go live in the house as wife Goes to work then come back after 5 years?? He may get promoted here too you know.

@Upendo, its really 9ice of u 2 be always there 4 an emotionally distress soul. Thumbs up 2 U. @topic, 5yrs huh? Wel, isn't there a possibility dat wen d contract elapse, dependin on her performance on d job, she cud be retained? If there is, den dey cud stil move. Bt, wateva is d case i'm nt comfortable wif d idea of d lady leavin her husband 2 tk up d job, coz i'm 1 of those who blive dat men re naturally flirtitous, even dose wif d best intentions. Considerin d fact dat dey JUST GOT MARRIED, its highly risky 2 seperate frm her hubby n expect him 2 remain faithful n wait 4 her until whenever she returns. So, d bottom-line is, if she must leave den she shld insist on leavin wif him, otherwise she shld remain in d country n pray n hope dat anoda opportunity comes her way. (rmemberin, though, dat opportunity, esp. A golden opportunity lyk hers, cum but once)

The company is doing a project in the country and its a 5 year period.Wel I am not sure about her continuing later.
But see she can come back home once a month.Even if its conjugal rights surely cant a weekend alone recharge you and keep you going till her next visit??
I think hes jst bringing the infedelity story to scare her away.
I thought if she gave up on it,she will nevr forget or frgive the man and it will always crop up everytime they disagree. I think she should go.
But what about a baby The man needs baby. If she gets pregnant now imagine taking leave on the first year of a great job and the psychological effects of leaving a baby at home with husband,while you are in foreign land working.The job is very demanding mind you so even raising the kid in foreign alone is crazy.

jerseyboy:

Nairaland homepage is now TABLOID.

Junk news has become the order of day e.g Do women fart?

@poster
this is a no-brainer (unless the hubby is the "gorilla thinking" type)
she should ask her future employer that her husband`s flight tickets be included in the package and they should move together. hubby can find a job wherever they are, since it is all for the best of their union.

not every married couple can do that, especially not the ones with insecure partners. . . . . . . . . . . but hey, at least husband is honest!

Her man friend probably found her the job so they can rendezvous in a foreign country without any fears of being caught. The man's fears are logical and I don't know why a newly married woman who should be more interested in raising a family is chasing job this way. Money is not everything and I bet you if she leaves for that job against his will, she can as well prepare her mind for the divorce of the century because the man will replace her asap.

@ jersey boy hi. relax pliz
you know some 'worthy contributions that people post in NL on some threads do answer some of the questions in other threads. I learn alot too from what I post so its not soo much a tabloid thing.It what we can learn out of real life situations.Then we get answers.
Really some topics maybe off the hook but well I thought theres a place for complaints.And if I dont like a thread or have anything to say, I dont post.Just ignore and let those who have something proceed.It will make your life easier for real.
On that note really why dd u bring up that 'fart' story here? funny.
thanks anyway for ur perspective.

The couple need to sit down and weigh their options. That the man is not earning much now doesn't hinder his future potential (I say this from experience). But more importantly, the lady, though she has landed this neat job, needs to candidly ask herself which comes first - marriage or career? Both of them then have to MEET HALFWAY. That's what marriage is about. I wish them the best.

Wow this is serious oooo, but there should be a confirmation that her boss or bosses knows that she is married, and can move with her family to her work destination, please know that we are humans, no matter how money is important, our emotions supersedes all of that, He loves his wife, cool she got her dream job, but she should also be sensitive enough to know if that job will cause some catastrophe in her marriage, Please Poster there should be some questioning that needs to be asked.
1. does her boss knows she is married ?
2. can she move with her family ?
3. which country is she planning to go? (u never stated the country)
4. what kind of job is that? (by the husband i guess)

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
this is a no-brainer (unless the hubby is the "gorilla thinking" type)
she should ask her future employer that her husband`s flight tickets be included in the package and they should move together. hubby can find a job wherever they are, since it is all for the best of their union.

not every married couple can do that, especially not the ones with insecure partners. . . . . . . . . . . but hey, at least husband is honest!

.Exactly what I was thinking, the guy can move with her, that is if his ego let's him,

[b][size=16pt] I think both of you should go.  Whilst there, he could even find a more suitable and better job than what he's doing at the moment there in Nigeria.

In addition, the move could even open up more and further opportunities for both of you to aspire to other parts of the world.  This is why I get upset with the unsupportive and controlling attitudes of the sons of Adam, African Branch.  

Because, they married you (and you married them as well, since it takes two to get marry) they think you are their property therefore, they can make decisions about your life/future - not these days, gentlemen, you just have to compromise, else!

Also, it seems your husband is a home boy and perhaps, felt the move could threaten or dis-stablize his secured home life.  It could be he is not aggressive/confident enough in handling the challenges of starting a new life in a foreign land.

But hey, there's nothing there to be afraid of, just following the crowd - whatever others did to survive, join them as long as its legal.  In life, you have to take risks, and this could be one of those you have to take.

However, if he continues to reject the ideas, just go it alone - your future is as important as his simple, and he will eventually come round to your thinking and realise that you meant well for the family.

Failing that, and he's still adamant, tender your resignation of the job of a housewifery and make out a cheque worth of the dowry he paid, to gain your freedom.  Our men need to wake up to the realities of modern marriage/life

He will find plenty of women who will be begging him to marry them in Nigeria and you will have plenty choices there too.  It's a win, win and everyone is happy, abi?

You can't because of marriage blight your own future - you are an individual and you're gifted and talented in your own right so, use the skills God gave you to better your life and the life of your family. If he doesn't want a better life for himself, that's his own choice but he can't make that choice for you,   

Look after yourself and your career! [/size][/b]

If the reverse were the case. . .the man would have jumped at the chance. The wife would have had NO choice but to sit at home while he lived his so-called bread-winning dreams.

Anyhoo, personal choice. As for me?

I would move before anyone said 'Jack Robinson'! I am not used to putting others before myself and my needs. Call me selfish. . .and return the favor too. I nor send yo message to love me die!

The man is free to waka if he chooses.

a) He claims the marriage is still young and the wife must sacrifice her job for its sake

I am sure Arnold told Maria that once upon a time. Till they set up a 'maternity' ward inside her bedroom and a child almost became a man under her nose!
Hilary Clinton dey for house dey do 'housewife', Bill Clinton dey 'Lewinsky' all over Arkansas and 'White House'. . .till she got smart.

b) He fears he may land into temptation if left alone since, I mean the honeymoon isnt yet over kind of thing u know.

Booolsheet! He is prolly cheating as we type all these. I know this 'holier-than-thou' types!

The wife on the other hand says;
a) If he supported me and loves me then he should sacrifice too and allow me to go

Absolutely correct. He is being selfish. . .not to mention jealous. I would pay him no mind. Typical African man. Always jealous of a woman's successes and NEVER supportive.

b) She insists that since she has been working hard to climb the ladder including praying and fasting, she cant let this chance pass by cz she will live to regret worse still she believes God opened the door and the hubby is just insensitive.

The man go leave her sef to marry another wife down the road. She should not pay him ANY attention. This man is an enemy of progress!

Tufiakwa!

Na for h-inside plane I for call the 'husband' tell am the news.

Shioooooooooooor!!!

My career comes first. Worked too hard to be cut down by anybody.

Divorce might be costly, but not impossible. If it gets to that obnoxious level, that is.

I belive the lady should accept the Job, with or without the support of her husband. The husband is just feeling insecure. The lady should equally asured the husband of her love and faithfulness. but she need to take the job. They can see each other twice a month. each partner travelling once a month.

wow, now thats some serious s[i]hi[/i]t!

^{scratching my ballz&walking away}I WILL BE BACK!!!

okay anything

upendo 98:

Now note this: They husband doesnt earn much but this job could be their dream come true.
At the time of being told the story they were not in talking terms and not sharing the bed/room together.Its gotten soo bad its a break or make situation.

Question now: who should sacrifice here and whey?

Well is not an easy choice, But since they are already staying apart from eachother suggest some level of disconnect. This is the time they need to stay close to each other the more and discuss ideas. No body know their relationship better than the concerned and the major decision lies within them.
If it were me Hmmmmmm, I will let her take the job since is a dream job, meaning is what we have actually been praying for, both in terms of finance and career break through, it doesnt matter if it is the he or she that gets it.

What can be done is this:

1. She Starts the Job and we observe the progress of the job (Say during a year period) and how we manage ourselves
2. She is not oblige to work for the 5years of the contract, so if #1 above is not working then she can quit. 
3. During this observation time (say Within a year) we look for another dream job(Since we got one, another should not be impossible to get) either for her or for myself that will keep us together, either in that foreign country or back in Nigeria

I believe that should be my initial decision, I can't understand how a couple can move from praying together for a dream break through finally get what they call a break through and begin to stay apart from eachother, Where they praying to find something that will make them separate?, I believe as a couple nothing can be resolved if u stay apart, they must remain firm and tackle the issue same way they got the job by togetherness,

STAY WELL

well way i see it, there isnt much of an issue here

1. the marriage is over either way you look at it.

2. since there is no mention of a child i presume so, which means things are much easier to break up


all this talk, it is clear nobody will be satisfied whatever the outcome and personally i do hate being in a position where a woman will someday open her very big mouth to accuse me of holding her back./

the chap cannot be expected to go do house husband in some foriegn country, thats very very irrational.
u are silly if u think a man who isn't down with a move will compromise to go siddon look whilst the wife goes out and comes back with the paycheck.

whilst it may be wrong for him to keep her in nigeria too.

the separation arrangement is simply not worth the hassle, here even boyfriend/girlfriends dont handle long distance relationships well, much less a young, irrepressionable couple


BEST SOLUTION> QUIETLY MUTUALLY WALK AWAY FROM THE MARRIAGE, this problem will break the marriage irretrievably.

nice concept for a topic tho, DEVILS ADVOCATE (the movie) anyone?

MONEY IS THE ROOT OF EVIL. thats the real isue here, masked as ambition/selfishness and all other whatnots. they have failed this exam already,

The issue here is the kind of job the guy does,i strongly beleive that finance has a role to play in marriage and at same time the marriage is too young for them to live apart,is a dangerous venture for one to leave his newly married wives at the mercy of the cold and endless nights,no one is above temptation,solution both of them should come back to a roundtable and reach a compromise,but i advise that if the job is so attractive the man should make the move,they neither be happy leaving a low and poverty striken life(my one cent)

@ UncleDumo

1. does her boss knows she is married ? YES
2. can she move with her family ?   NO. The husband cant risk living his secure job to just go play house hubby and theres no guarantee of job there for him. Hes ok with his job.
3. which country is she planning to go? (u never stated the country)      RWANDA
4. what kind of job is that? (by the husband i guess) logistics.Import/export
5.They dont reside in Nigeria.But East Africa.

Nobody wants to compromise here cz each belives they are right.Do people discuss such things b4 they even marry
Seriously I left them to God. how much advise can one give

Bloody kids roaming nairaland the man should move where na?

upendo 98:

[b]My friend, they married and a year later the lady got this dream job in a foreign country.Still in Africa though not far.
Its a contract job of 5 years and its a full package meaning lots of allowances including travelling back to her country once a month. After all its Africa.
Note; she has been working very hard and studying to get a great  job and her husband supported her all through.Then finally the job came knocking and the husband on hearing its a foreign country went berserk;

a) He claims the marriage is still young and the wife must sacrifice her job for its sake
b) He fears he may land into temptation if left alone since, I mean the honeymoon isnt yet over kind of thing u know.

The wife on the other hand says;

a) If he supported me and loves me then he should sacrifice too and allow me to go
b) She insists that since she has been working hard to climb the ladder including praying and fasting, she cant let this chance pass by cz she will live to regret worse still she believes God opened the door and the hubby is just insensitive.

Now note this: They husband doesnt earn much but this job could be their dream come true.
At the time of being told the story they were not in talking terms and not sharing the bed/room together.Its gotten soo bad its a break or make situation.

Question now: who should sacrifice here and whey?[/b]

The man's fears are very logical. If the lady leaves for that job, that mariage is damned, PERIOD!

Contrary to what she thinks, God did not open that door but rather the devil did to destroy her young marriage. If she truly believes in God, then she should learn to be a bit more patient for God's own blessings cos he does not bless with conditions such as these that can threaten marriages.

On the other hand, if there are provisions for the spouse to accompany the lady and the man can humble himself to that level (which is advisable), then that would be a much more ideal situation.

If we go according to the bible (according to God), A woman is meant to support the man in Achieving God's purpose for his life.



So when we have a newly wedded wife leaves her home (I believe the wife is the home builder) moves to the others side of the world, not there to satisfy her husbands need, Well I guess this is a recipe for a car crash

So that she would go there and have a field day 'misbehaving' with colleagues and her boss(es)? Most (young) wives need not be given such leeway. They already misbehave under their husbands' noses, let alone when left alone in a far away place? I remember the case of the young wife Zain worker who got entangled with her boss while on a foreign assignment a few years ago. . .just one case (unlike most) that got unlucky to be exposed.

Well. That's what poverty/lack of adequate finances does to a man. It compels him to eat shyte by granting his wife licence to 'do and undo' in the name of working hard to bring home the bacon. Whatever.