DrFunmisticGlow:
How?!

Because I made a logical statement of an emotional one?

Don't have sex if you cannot afford to take care of the results.

Did you know how much was the medical bill? You need to ask your parents if they had found themselves in this kind of situation when giving birth to you, would they have been able to offset the bill? That's why people have medical insurance in advanced countries, this has nothing to do with ability to "afford".

GetMeRight:


Did you know how much was the medical bill? You need to ask your parents if they had found themselves in this kind of situation when giving birth to you, would they have been able to offset the bill? That's why people have medical insurance in advanced countries, this has nothing to do with ability to "afford".

I did, and they planned for every contingency plan when having me and my siblings. You put a stash towards antenatal bills, ask the hospital for delivery fees and how much a caesarian section can cost. Plan also for baby expenses for the first 6 months.


If a lot of Nigerians reasoned like this, we would have less births

Ok.
Where do I begin?

Firstly, your first paragraph doesn't really portray what you do. It should be in this case, rather than saying BLM, you say "Whites are racist", which is racism itself. This is also why I said you're equally yoked with the redpillers—sexism displayed by both parties.

One more thing from the first paragraph. It's not that men are privileged in our culture, it's that the burdens they encounter is mostly ignored. Women too have a lot of privileges established by the same culture which many times we fail to acknowledge. But that is a discussion for another day.

Now, unto why men are praised for philandering around. I fervently believe that men and women should maintain chastity till marriage, but that doesn't mean that I do not understand the psychology behind it.

You have to first understand that men and women are not the same. If you don't, you will always be confused about situations like this one. Note that I said the "same" and not "equal".

Across many species in the animal kingdom, the male is charged with wining the female over. From the chest-beating of the gorilla to the dance of the peacock and other birds, all these are done to impress the female species. The female species of these animals are very selective. They choose the strongest lion. The bird with the most beautiful and brightest feathers. This is to ensure that only the best kind of genes are passed on. In some cases, only one male gets to mate with all the females. Just as we can find only one lion in a pride of lions.

Now relating it to humans. Our women are equally selective, whether consciously or unconsciously, they look out for the charisma, intelligence, wealth, strength etc of their male counterparts. Whomever displays some of these attributes to a worthy degree has access to them. Therefore, men who get to sleep around with a lot of women are what they call "High-value men" because they surely have to display some of these attributes in excess. Those attributes that they implicitly state when they talk about their escapades is what is worthy of praise. A low value man CAN NOT find a partner.

On the other hand, "high value women" are women who are extremely desirable (not just physically) yet are still extremely hard to reach. A woman who is easily accessible on the other hand is a low level woman. This categorization is not due to cultural outlook but in fact, due to the way both parties are hard wired. The above are not my theories but well established scientific facts by psychologists. If you're chanced you can read up on some of the works of Sigmund Freud or listen to some lectures of Jordan Peterson, both are renowned psychologist. You might find it difficult to understand if you believe men and women are exactly the same and should be exactly the same in every context and situation.

Look at it this way. If there's a notorious robber who consistently scales the security of top banks, beating whatever encryption system have in place and bypassing the guards, whether or not what he's doing is a terrible thing, you can not divorce the fact that the robber must be extremely clever and smart.

Overlay this explanation to the Davido issue. He would continue to be praised because he has continued to show these attributes. In all honesty, what should confound you more is not why he is praised but why many women are willing to give themselves to him regardless of his history of babymamaism. If you can answer that, then you can surely understand why some people might insult these women. I am not a follower of celebrity news so I can't explain further why they do this beyond what I've said.

Regardless, MEN and WOMEN who sleep around do not get the best out of life. It always leads to their undoing. I'm not saying this in the sense of one cosmic or spiritual repercussion but that it is also psychologically damaging. This too is established in the books of those I mentioned earlier. So I hope you understand that neither I nor the speakers are giving a free pass for men to philander about.

About the Nairaland thread you mentioned. I have been visiting Nairaland for about a decade and I only found out about the existence of such a thread about a year ago. So in my opinion, it's pretty well hidden. Reddit has dedicated pages worse than that. Heck, even quora allows explicit images. So 'younger' ones who find the thread must have been looking for it which they could also find on any other part of the internet.

One thing you're also forgetting is that Nairaland is an anonymous forum. So frequent visitors and active posters on such thread are not (entirely) shameless. This is because they can not say this on Facebook. They can not be associated with it on LinkedIn. They can not talk about it on their WhatsApp status and they surely can not mention it in public. So you see, society doesn't condone it as you've said but they are only afforded it due to Nairaland's anonymity.

Prostitutes don't need to come to Nairaland to say this. They are many abound Instagram that are well known for the business they do with the picture of their faces for the whole world to see. I've also stumbled upon one here on Nairaland. Yet these people exist in the same society that you claim is hard on them.

Do have a nice day.

@Tadeknkeepcalm

_{Regarding your first paragraph, I think I'm done trying to convince you I have nothing against my gender. The mere fact that I am a man should be enough to let anyone know I don’t believe all men are sexists. If you must continue in that direction, you will have to start quoting some of my comments to support this your claim. Otherwise, we would be running in circles.}

There is a gender bias, and everything you wrote only goes to emphasize that bias (with reasons, of course). So it is safe to say we both agree on this bit. However, what I blame for this bias is society while you have accepted it as natural. You said the burden on the shoulders of men is ignored and I ask, who ignores this burden and why? I will answer you, it is society. And society ignores this burden because men as perceived as superior. This circles back to the need to eliminate gender bias. We need to understand that eliminating gender bias is not against men. While feminism might better a woman’s sense of self, it also reduces the burden on men.

I have heard the animal analogy a million times, and I have come to learn that it is an analogy we marshal out when it fits. Otherwise, we say “are we animals?”. First, I have never suggested that men and women are the same. However, the difference you highlighted is not a biological or natural factor but rather a social norm, and that is my point. For a couple of reasons, I believe the animal kingdom analogy does not do justice to your argument. First, there are also many known species of animals that have females as the dominant gender/leaders, but this does not apply to humans. Second, there are unpopular human societies where women go after and marry more than one husband, and an intrinsic behavioral difference should not change with time or region (except in the case of evolution). Morality is a purely a human thing. Animals don't have the institutions we have.

The point here is that the whole concept of what makes a gender "high-value" is a societal construct and not innate. If women were as rich as men, for example, rich men wouldn't be "high-value". Therefore, women seeking only rich men to marry or men sleeping around with women while still shaming them are societal norms that can and should be changed. Regardless of how long this has been the case, it is not ideal and we definitely shouldn’t live with it simply because that has always been the case. What constitutes a "high-value" man or women is subject to change. Consider this for a second; if it’s natural to treat men’s promiscuity with kid gloves, shouldn’t that imply that women seeking only rich men and refusing to work hard for themselves should also be a non-issue since that is what women are naturally expected to do? So why do the majority of Nairaland men complain from morning till evening about Nigerian women not bringing anything to the table? Are they not supposed to be just beautiful just like their counterparts in the forest? Why do these men accept their own as nature but whine all day about women? Well, they do so because they want a change. They are willing to add other things to what makes a "high-value" woman. I want the same change, I just have a more holistic perspective. We need to also review what makes a "high-value" man. I love to fact that you gave reasons for the bias, and I agree with you on most of them. However, while your "high value" theory might be valid, unlike you, I just don't think it should be left to nature. Women wouldn't be where they are today if such things were just left to nature.

Regarding the NL thread, Nairaland is structured in such a way that anyone can see new comments on the “Recents” page, so one does not have to be looking for it to find it. I was not looking for it. The other sites you mentioned don’t work this way (and whether they do or not does not make any difference since this is not about NL). Even if the thread is hidden, the grand point is that it exists proudly. We have both male and female sex workers on IG. They are patronized by both men and women. So if the so-called anonymous forum only has a thread specifically for men discussing their sexual adventures, it should account for something. I only mentioned the thread to exemplify the liberty enjoyed by us. This liberty is indisputable. So even if you believe the thread example is not a good one, your post shows that you at least acknowledge this laissez-faire.

I said society is biased. And you did a good job making that even clearer. The only difference between us is that you have accepted this gender bias as natural while I believe it can and should be changed. And I certainly know it can be ameliorated cause even within the human species, some societies are more biased than others. This difference implies a change is possible, and we can achieve it by calling people’s attention to it on platforms like this just like I do. Offering reasons like your natural theory only suggests you are willing to live with it, and while that's not surprising coming from a man, it would have been a bit easier to consider if the men on here weren't constantly complaining about women who are only interested in being beautiful. We simply can't have it all.

_{Sorry for that late reply. With my new position at work, I might not be as active as I used to be on here. Happy new year!}