Sterope:
I was about to ask you to consider post partum depression until the part where she and mother haven't had issues yet. You should discuss what happened with her. I am curious to hear her excuse.


Personally, omugwo should be the wife's family. The woman is starting a new life. We have new mothers with new knowledge that contrast with our mothers' practices. It will be easier to stand her ground and for her mother or family to feel less offended when she opposes their approach.

Is this not common sense?

Moreover a wife will be infinitely more comfortable with her mother than with her mother in law but some men don't care.

safarigirl:


You are a man who will never have to give birth or have to fully participate in the care of a baby, so, it is easy for you to balance and talk about something you clearly have little understanding of.

Omugwo is one of the most important traditions in Africa, because new mums really go through a lot the first year of child birth, especially when they never had to care for a child before that

Do you think it is easy to wake up in the middle of the night to care for a baby? To not have any time to yourself? To constantly have to check if they are hungry or if their diapers are full, or if it's an actual sickness? Do you know it can drive some people mad?

I am very sure you have never had to stay with a baby for up to 12 hours without help, else, you would not have some of these considerations.

Cc @ Vickyvice

God bless you my dear, everyone just want to be termed "woke" of Social media....Nothing is wrong with the African culture of a new mother getting help from people close to her to take care of her new born baby....The one that even claimed their famy has money is most stupid of them all....

What kind of man are you? A woman you called wife pulled a knife against you and your Mum and you are here asking for opinions? Well, you may be living with your enemy in the name of wife.

The worst is, you let her come in and eating your food, living peacefully under your roof and at the end, you will pay her TF going back with lots of goodies.

If your mama curse you, you will be jobless for 10yrs, and your neighbors will be fucking that your so called wife of yours.

Make peace with your mother first and send that Jezebel to live with her parents for 3 months so they can reteach her some home trainings.

30naira:
I understand you and I agree with you, the husbands ought to help.

1. But in Nigeria, nobody will give a man time off work to go and look after a baby. If he is self employed, he has to go out to make money otherwise everyone will starve.

2. Simply put, the family can not afford the man's presence at home

in the west, for example, men didn't always get time off either. They has to agitate for it and only gained success less than 10 years or so ago here in the U.S. Before then, most men simply used things like vacation time or sick leaves to handle the major parts.

2. A man does not have to quit his job in order to play role of 'helper' when nursing his wife and child back to health. He can still bath his wife and child, prepare their meals, even feed them, before leaving for work and after wards. Men/husbands across the globe do this everyday. I don't see why a Nigerian man should get a pass as if he is busier than all men on earth or something.

Mariangeles:
Have you considered the fact that your wife might be going or might've gone through postpartum depression, which might've led to that behaviour?

Were she and your mum having problems before your wife got pregnant and had a baby?

N.B. Postpartum depression is not an excuse for bad behaviour, it is real.

You women are evil, imagine ur excuse. Why didn't the post partum depression make her pull a knife and fight her own mother.

OMEGA009:

I’ve not commented on Nairaland in ages cos it’s been taken over by jobless children hiding behind their cheap tecno phones to spill rubbish but sir, your comment provoked the common sense in me.

When I read the above sentence, I knew you were just a compound f0o! who needs the affirmation of strangers to validate his actions.

Your wife is suffering from post partum depression and all you can do is get angry at her mother? Why did your mum come to do Omugwo in the first place? Do you even understand the concept of Omugwo? It’s the lady’s mother that comes to do it (if she’s alive or available) so that her daughter can rest from childbirth and also learn the fundamentals of taking care of a newborn. But nooooo. You and your masochistic brain ran to call your mum first because you wanted validation as being the “Man” in your house. I don’t blame you 1 bit. I blame the lady that deemed it fit to open her legs for you, let alone carry your child. E-diot.

Hmmm!

How did you know "your masochistic brain ran to call your mum"?
How did you know the wife is suffering from "Post partum"?
How did you know "you wanted validation as being the 'man' in your house?
But she 'Sent' the guy's mum away because she get Psychological issues wen result from Child Birth abi? But come become normal wen her mama come ba?

See ehn! Shebi" our" brothers have start enjoying the Bandit they created in the North and "our" children are enjoying bullying leading to death already.

Just continue to support whatever you want to support ooo. The effect of our actions/reactions go soon reach us all. Nothing wen person plant wen him no go harvest bountifully.

#Peace

Verysmart101:
My friend getat.You seem so immature honestly.Wat will make a woman threaten her husband's life even with a knife and u think she's alright? Did ur mum ever do such to ur father?

Only the OP can answer that very question for us hence the reason why I call for him to spill the details that led up to that happening.

Who knows, maybe the husband and mum threatened to take the baby away from her ... Op needs to fill us in on what led up to it.

You should be happy your wife did not kill herself and the baby. As you dey so, did you go into the labour room with her? I guess no. Now that she is back home the first person she sees is someone she dislikes and your mum have come to bathe her. Your wife needs her privacy.

DjBigMoni:
Thank God for safe delivery, even though it was CS everything went successful.

So my mum came around for Omugwo first and ever since my wife had been having issues with her. it got to the extent my wife pulled a knife on my mum and I, she even fought my mum before she left.

So her mum now came around for Omugwo also and I have not been giving her face even despite she has apologised with my wife also and even her Dad. But I'm still finding it difficult to forgive her don't know why.

If she indeed, pulled a knife at your mother....... The next person that would be facing that knife, is you .........

You need to also investigate her past, present and future life ........

A word is enough for the wise ........

. .

Mariangeles:


No dey talk wetin you no know. If you no understand, ask!

Wetin you think say omugwo be for? Vacation?
You think say na about food, and toys, and echetara'm na echetara'm?

Omugwo for Igbo land na to help woman wey just born pikin.

To help her with herself and the baby, until she's strong enough to handle things herself.

I know of many women who gave birth and take care of their baby without external help from any one

The op. Na mumu man.

safarigirl:
1. You are a man who will never have to give birth or have to fully participate in the care of a baby, so, it is easy for you to balance and talk about something you clearly have little understanding of.

2. Omugwo is one of the most important traditions in Africa, because new mums really go through a lot the first year of child birth, especially when they never had to care for a child before that

3. Do you think it is easy to wake up in the middle of the night to care for a baby? To not have any time to yourself? To constantly have to check if they are hungry or if their diapers are full, or if it's an actual sickness? Do you know it can drive some people mad?

4. I am very sure you have never had to stay with a baby for up to 12 hours without help, else, you would not have some of these considerations.

Cc @ Vickyvice

1. You are absolutely wrong!

2. It is a terrible tradition as it strips men of opportunity to fully participate in the caring for of their own wife and baby.

3. Tit isn't easy , but it can be done by the man and woman who had the baby coming together as a team to.

4. Again, you are absolutely wrong! You marry a husband so you can have help for these things. Engage the help you married in these things.

DjBigMoni:
Thank God for safe delivery, even though it was CS everything went successful.

So my mum came around for Omugwo first and ever since my wife had been having issues with her. it got to the extent my wife pulled a knife on my mum and I, she even fought my mum before she left.

So her mum now came around for Omugwo also and I have not been giving her face even despite she has apologised with my wife also and even her Dad. But I'm still finding it difficult to forgive her don't know why.

So you mom came and your wife just pulled a knife on her and you and fought her for no reason?

Tell us the whole truth.

DjBigMoni:
Thank God for safe delivery, even though it was CS everything went successful.

So my mum came around for Omugwo first and ever since my wife had been having issues with her. it got to the extent my wife pulled a knife on my mum and I, she even fought my mum before she left.

So her mum now came around for Omugwo also and I have not been giving her face even despite she has apologised with my wife also and even her Dad. But I'm still finding it difficult to forgive her don't know why.

What gave your wife the moral abi liver to threaten your mum including you with a knife?

She lacks zero respect for you. She's the husband and you are the wife.

I remember such incidences in SCOAN (TB Joshua)

Vickyvice:
my brother forget this omugwo yeye philosophy wey poor people invent. My sisters are married and given birth, but my mum no go. She just arrange baby accessories,,, clothes, toys, and their soaps, powder, foods and fill their kitchen with assorted foods, by waybill them abroad,. What's omugwo? Na low mentality slang. Like say we be low grade family, na so my mum go mumu leave her lecturing work wey she even dey look for more time to conclude research, dey urge to go abroad for omugwo, as if she's the first mother in law in d world, or na she be the first grandmum on earth, I hate to hear this useless term,,, omugwo. Africa and their useless mentality. It's is devised to attempt control the husband.

Omugwo is cultural and very rich people do it. Its not useless, if you don't know why it's done keep your filty mouth shut!

Tallesty1:
Like we don't have mothers and daughters that do not talk to each other.

Get behind me with biased opinion please.

You asked a question and I provided clarity. If you disagree with my opinion, by all means do so without being pathetically Juvenile.

DjBigMoni:
Thank God for safe delivery, even though it was CS everything went successful.

So my mum came around for Omugwo first and ever since my wife had been having issues with her. it got to the extent my wife pulled a knife on my mum and I, she even fought my mum before she left.

So her mum now came around for Omugwo also and I have not been giving her face even despite she has apologised with my wife also and even her Dad. But I'm still finding it difficult to forgive her don't know why.

Its a difficult balance but you are the man of the House, if your wife does not feel comfortable with your mum then by all means let her be, its her house and if its her Mum she feels conffy with during these times let it stay so. No one is in charge of her emotion than herself. Sometimes our parents still think they run our house No they dont.We all hope we get enough funds to have things like BQ for guest to live in so there can be personal spaces within the house. If one has not enough space for two grown women, by al means no omugwo.my 2cent

DjBigMoni:
Thank God for safe delivery, even though it was CS everything went successful.

So my mum came around for Omugwo first and ever since my wife had been having issues with her. it got to the extent my wife pulled a knife on my mum and I, she even fought my mum before she left.

So her mum now came around for Omugwo also and I have not been giving her face even despite she has apologised with my wife also and even her Dad. But I'm still finding it difficult to forgive her don't know why.

You are not a man. You allow your wife belittle your mum and allow her own mum to come instead.

I spit on your shapeless head

Spineless men everywhere

Vickyvice:
my brother forget this omugwo yeye philosophy wey poor people invent. My sisters are married and given birth, but my mum no go. She just arrange baby accessories,,, clothes, toys, and their soaps, powder, foods and fill their kitchen with assorted foods, by waybill them abroad,. What's omugwo? Na low mentality slang. Like say we be low grade family, na so my mum go mumu leave her lecturing work wey she even dey look for more time to conclude research, dey urge to go abroad for omugwo, as if she's the first mother in law in d world, or na she be the first grandmum on earth, I hate to hear this useless term,,, omugwo. Africa and their useless mentality. It's is devised to attempt control the husband.

I agree on some points, however its only a Jobless mother in-law that will go and spend 3 weeks in the name of omugwo.Also I dnt understand how you can go and spend 3 weekd in a one bed flat with a man and his wife and a new born

[s]

shantti:


You women are evil, imagine ur excuse. Why didn't the post partum depression make her pull a knife and fight her own mother.

[/s]

You lack understanding, so there's no point educating you.

Kobojunkie:
Can you be a bit less cryptic abeg. [b]Giving us random bits of what transpired [/b]after the major quarrel will not help you or us any.

What led to your wife threatening your life?

Why do you in return insist you will deal with her after all the pleading?

for no matter any reasons should any woman embarkon such toxicity... Someone said it could be as a result of the pregnancy, and now that she's given birth, she's still displaying her witchcraft. there is no moral justification for her actions cos fighting an elderly woman who is old enough to be her mother is evil and should be condemned it it's entirety. had I be the man,no one will step her foot inside my house especially her mother or I'll vacate the house and the marriage....

All these is ad a result of lack of proper upbringing from the parents especially the mother. Will you fell good in any way if your brother's wife beat up your mother or if your daughter in-law fights you for whatever reasons?

Kobojunkie:
Only the OP can answer that very question for us hence the reason why I call for him to spill the details that led up to that happening.

Who knows, maybe the husband and mum threatened to take the baby away from her ... Op needs to fill us in on what led up to it.

The OP will certainly not state the actual incidences that led to such outburst.

Notice how he claimed she threatened his life "just because" he said he'd still deal with her after she'd apologized.

He seems to me as the kind of man who trivailizes his actions but magnifies that of his wife.

They have frustrated that woman in her most vulnerable moments and got the worst reaction from her yet absolved themselves of any responsibility that contributed to such reaction.

Why is it not happening to her now that her own mother is around?but wait..why did the man's mother come first..what is actually the cause of the fight?

Mariangeles:
Have you considered the fact that your wife might be going or might've gone through postpartum depression, which might've led to that behaviour?

Were she and your mum having problems before your wife got pregnant and had a baby?

N.B. Postpartum depression is not an excuse for bad behaviour, it is real.

Kajaard:


You are not a man. You allow your wife belittle your mum and allow her own mum to come instead.

I spit on your shapeless head

Spineless men everywhere

I don't think it was a physical fight.SO what do you have him do, beat up the wife or send her packing? or mayB the wife should have gone to the Mums house for the early days of child birth right
Women with their hormones are all over the place during thi period got to respect this!

Mariangeles:
[s][/s]

You lack understanding, so there's no point educating you.

Go and sit down

Bro.... I strongly advise you read up on Post Partum Depression ..... you will be a wayyyy better position to understand your wife's behaviour ... anticipate other such "madness" and be prepared to bring such situations under control. You have to know the nature of the beast .... even you may not be safe from such an attack. For now ... keep knives out of reach as much as possible... or at least ... keep shifting them around.

dawnomike:
Her actions is as a result of post partum trauma... Forgive her and let it go!!!

there is no such nonsense...alcohol only brings out one's inner character not producing new ones. besides, why is it not peculiar with every pregnant women?... don't tell me it only affect some percentage of them

Munzy14:

MIL VS wife issues na God go settle the matter...

It is a very delicate issue.
O wuhu ihe ike ike...it takes wisdom.

Forgive. Though difficult but do it

What did your Mum do that made your wife, a new mother who should ordinarily be very happy, to pull a knife on both you and your mother?
Did you remind your mother when she arrived that she was not in her own house? Did you remind her that she was a visitor in another woman's house? Did you remind her that the kitchen is not her own and if she wants her own kitchen, she should go home to her husband's house? Did you remind her that your wife is the woman of the house and not her?
It is easy for us to blame wives every time. It is good to love our mothers. But we also owe them a responsibility to tell them what time it is, if they themselves do not know the time. If a mother in-law shows respect to the woman of the house, they will not have any serious problem let alone pulling of knife. And I am sure your wife told you severally to bring your mother into line before you and your mother frustrated the poor woman and she pulled a knife. Your wife is not your subordinate. Her creator said she should be submissive to you , not subordinate herself to you. You should sit down with your wife and humbly find out how she feels and everything that happened and apologise to her, while promising her it will never happen again. Else, next time, she may not only pull a knife. If you don't know what it means to have a partner, don't go getting married. And stop saying your wife fought your mother. Your wife was in her house minding her business when your mother came and fought her.
Congratulations on the new birth. Praise your wife, buy her something special she will like and welcome her mother with an open heart. If her own mother starts misbehaving towards you, tell your wife to call her to order too.

DjBigMoni:
Thank God for safe delivery, even though it was CS everything went successful.

So my mum came around for Omugwo first and ever since my wife had been having issues with her. it got to the extent my wife pulled a knife on my mum and I, she even fought my mum before she left.

So her mum now came around for Omugwo also and I have not been giving her face even despite she has apologised with my wife also and even her Dad. But I'm still finding it difficult to forgive her don't know why.

sunjai:
I had postpartum depression. My husband wasn't around when I gave birth so he couldn't understand, I was also trying to endure the excesses from his siblings which made it worse. But in all I tried to endure. Till now, I'm still fighting it but I'm managing it well.

Sorry dear.
Keep hanging on.
It'll help to talk about it with someone who understands.