Noah9:
I want to thank everyone for their advice and I really appreciate everyone involvement about the thread I created 2week ago. Here is the link.
https://www.nairaland.com/6933724/regretted-actions-please-me

Great people of this forum, honestly things have never been better ever since that incident and I wish our minds are like show glass so that y'all would see how sorry I am inside of me. I messed up and I'm really sorry.

5 days after I created that post above, My wife traveled with my daughter to her parents house to stay without telling me. Since that incident my wife haven't said a word to me, Not a single word. Sometimes I wonder if she's the same woman I married. I'm frustrated, incoherent and I'm losing my mind.

I've been good to her, I provide 85% for my family while she bring just 15% yet I don't complain, I'm romantic and good looking, since we married I don't keep female friends not to talk of cheating. Yet She denied me sex over 2 months without any reasons, that was why I acted that way and I'm so sorry.

On Tuesday here, My friend and I traveled to her parents house, they did not even welcome us well, I don't know what she must have told her parents but I explained myself, knelt down and asked for forgiveness.

She refused to come home with me, her parents were just starring at me like I'm some demon, I requested for my daughter but she refused to release her and I've already paid my daughter's school fees for the term. Her parents said they would register my daughter in a new school, that my wife need some space for now.

Please don't call me a weak man, I'm family oriented, I don't want broken home, if she needed some space that's not a problem, I can give her all the space in the world but let her come home. It's not proper raising a child in a broken home...I'm really losing my mind.

I faced query today at work because I traveled without informing my Boss which I know he won't allow me and I know how much would be deducted from my salary. what I'm going through now I can't wish my enemies and I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I messed up.

Beloveth Pls I need advice.

ravensckar:
Below is an excerpt from the Nigerian Criminal Code on the subject of discourse. Like I asserted before now, a man cannot rape his lawfully wedded wife;

Section 6 of the Criminal Code defines unlawful carnal knowledge as that which takes place otherwise than between husband and wife; and the offence is complete upon penetration. In other words, marital rape is not an offence in Nigeria. A husband cannot rape his wife. It is assumed that the wife gives implied general consent to sexual intercourse with her husband.

Breakingnews101:


This is probably the dumbest comment I've read from you ever! I'm shocked at your logic and disappointed with your analysis. Did you say this for likes? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you guys on Nairaland?

This is not a redpill / blue pill issue... this is a much more serious issue : spousal (physical) abuse that quickly escalated into RAPE!

No means no! Married or not...rape is rape! It's reached epidemic proportions in Nigeria. So many girlfriends/wives have been raped and traumatized by their boyfriends/husbands.

In the average uninformed Nigerian guy's mind, if a lady comes to visit it means she's interested in sex, no amount of dissuasion will make him not RAPE her on the day. It's so bad a lady that gets raped is even led (erroneously to believe she's the cause of the rape).Sad.

I'm a doctor (male) and I've had to treat rape victims during the course of my practice. It's a TRAUMATIC experience that scars the majority of sufferers all through their life...It's real and its unpleasant. The majority will not last a month outside the shores of this lawless country. You lot are a bunch of rapists and enablers.

You reffered to him as a good man, you met him before? How do you know? He raped you before too?
Not everyone is a masochist you know?

What if she stopped loving him for whatever reason??
So many 'what ifs' to consider in this story.
We haven't heard her side of the story...
People fall in and out of love all the time! You can't force someone to love you can you? Last time I checked it's not a crime to stop loving someone?

What's your definition of a weak man? A man that acknowledges his wrong and apologises for his wrong?
When did apologizing for one's wrongdoing become a sign of weakness?
Insecure, insignificant and inconsequential minds everywhere trying desperately to form redpill o!

What is your definition of a redpill man/strong man? A man that beats you repeatedly until you bleed, gets aroused and proceeds to rape you?
Remember again not everyone is a masochist like you! So don't crucify the poor girl for not having your desires.

I'm not for shameless begging and grovelling...If its not productive then its not productive. What's the point in continuing to grovel if the lady has moved on?

My points are :
1. He should be AWARE he effed up big time beating and raping his wife.

2. He should be sincerely sorry about this and apologise to his wife ...it's not all about him. Get respected members of both families involved if possible. Seek to understand and then be understood.

3. If he loves his wife, he should give her time to heal she just might come around, just might.

4. If she doesn't come around, he can't force her to...not amount of begging will change anything!

P.S This is NOT a redpill/ bluepill matter abeg.

Ladyhippolyta88:


I will not stare anybody of sex, but I very well know that you don't force someone into sex and they are at liberty to starve you of it if they want to because it is their body and not yours.

Tell the OP to tell you the reason why his wife locked up for two months because she will not do it without reason.
I have never forced myself on a man and no man can force himself on me learn to respect women's bodies.

NoToPile:


Solid points, if he likes he should listen to advises of those who know nothing else to do but shout simp simp up and down and wannabe repillars.
There's some good advise there but I know he won't go with that, he needs some boys to validate his actions or inactions.

Ladyhippolyta88:
Point out the lie, do you force anyone to have sex with you without their consent have you not heard of bodily autonomy?it is the truth and you are the one not being reasonable.

Indeed, anyway she is not his property that his why he will keep suffering for his misdeeds, property my foot she did nothing wrong it is her body and you don't force the person to have sex with you when men do this to their wives their wives don't rape them
He didn'buy her and even if women were for sale you shameless men will not be able to afford them.
Your reasoning is so low the wife's family should throw his small money back at him no amount is too big for them to watch a beast kill their daughter because she did not have sex with him.It only a foolish woman that will settle for such a man like the OP and she will leave as the other one left too.

Abeg keep quiet will the some men foolishly rape her the worst they can do is carry another woman and not be all women dey dey affected or moved by that so it is nothing new.

You are the one talking trash that is why I am taking my time to correct you because you are just embarrassing yourself get raped and violated by your wife first and see if you will talking like this being dummies to whom?lol you think I will settle for low class men like you and the OP? I am too enlightened and educated to be a dummy in my own home.

I don't need to pray for anything because I didn't end up with a bush rat and beast in form of a man who can be stupid enough to force me into sex, tueh I don't sleep with beast lowlife in the form of men any woman going through that should deal with such a man before leaving the animal and run for her dear life you men think women of today are idiots.

Iyaebe:
I agree with the foolish family statement, imagine nobody in her family is scolding her for denying her husband his conjugal rights and keeping him in the dark for her silly behaviour. This weak man went further to start kneeling up and down in her in-laws family, such an overcooked vegetable man.When I get married and my husband dare acts weak or show any sign of weakness before my family, I will do the unthinkable and teach him a lesson on how to carry himself well and command respect before people, that's how my own dad is.No be me like this husband go take go do yeye with his knees before my family,outsiders or anybody as the case may be. He did not only disrespected himself but his wife as well but in this case his wife is a foolish woman.Very silly and weak op, I can never get wet for this kind of man lol.

Raalsalghul:
Bro ignore them (your wife especially) since you've apologized and they don't want to budge.

You already have her account number so keep sending the usual and keep records of transactions.

Also make sure you take out time to see your daughter may be bi-weekly but under no condition should you make another conciliatory move towards your wife.

I have a feeling she's tired of the marriage and you can use the ignore button to test that fact. She might return or not and that's what you'll use to guide your next line of action.

BigBashiru:

A woman/ wife is the PROPERTY of her husband; this may shock you but it is actually found in the Holy Bible.
Hence, there is nothing like marital rape.

princeeze1:


Wow, insightful, I just researched on this now and realized spousal rape is not a crime in Nigeria even if there is overwhelming evidence of lack of consent. So much for those shouting, he would have been jailed. His main crime is assault!

BigBashiru:

A woman/ wife is the PROPERTY of her husband; this may shock you but it is actually found in the Holy Bible.
Hence, there is nothing like marital rape.
This doesnt mean men should beat their wives or force sex upon them though... but legally speaking a woman should consent most of the time....

Ladyhippolyta88:


Lol no matter how you want to lie to yourself in year 2022 no woman is the property of her husband especially not in today's world where slavery is a crime.

A wife is not a slave to her husband that fam be owned and purchased.

The majority of democracies around the world are secular, not religious and so the Holy Bible is not a foundation of laws in Nigeria and the country is a secular one so what the Bible says is irrelevant here.

In countries that have established marital rape as a crime you will not bring in the Bible as your defence so that is a very silly premise, the law is the law while religion is religion and in some countries, there is marital rape which has been legally established

Stop reasoning like an illiterate it is embarrassing

Ladyhippolyta88:


Lol no matter how you want to lie to yourself in year 2022 no woman is the property of her husband especially not in today's world where slavery is a crime.

A wife is not a slave to her husband that fam be owned and purchased.

The majority of democracies around the world are secular, not religious and so the Holy Bible is not a foundation of laws in Nigeria and the country is a secular one so what the Bible says is irrelevant here.

In countries that have established marital rape as a crime you will not bring in the Bible as your defence so that is a very silly premise, the law is the law while religion is religion and in some countries, there is marital rape which has been legally established

Stop reasoning like an illiterate it is embarrassing

Noah9:
Sir, she did not tell me her reasons,
how would I know, when I'm not a witch.

I'm also sure it's because of that incident, that's why her parents are acting up. She might as well add some lies.. Who knows.

Seriously I'm so depressed.

placeofallure:


I agree with most of you saying he should stop begging her.

He did bad but he's apologised.

Men have ego and if they can stoop to beg.... Who are we? Even God forgives.

I had a scuffle with hubby yesterday afternoon and he said things to me. In the evening, he came begging. He took back his words. It was a moment of anger, which I am responsible for. He then made promises of things he'd do just to appease me. The way he was reeling out promises, I felt pity, I had to let go. This morning alone, he's delivered three out of his promises. What else?

My problem here is why would she zip up for 2 months?

What has the man done that she found so unforgivable that'll make her to just recline into her shell?

Mr. Man, stop begging really. I believe in communication. She should talk to you before this issue degenerated to this level of having to leave the house.

Later, when the dust is a bit settled, seek to talk things through with your father-in-law. You might get lucky. Good luck to you man.

Noah9:
I want to thank everyone for their advice and I really appreciate everyone involvement about the thread I created 2week ago. Here is the link.
https://www.nairaland.com/6933724/regretted-actions-please-me

Great people of this forum, honestly things have never been better ever since that incident and I wish our minds are like show glass so that y'all would see how sorry I am inside of me. I messed up and I'm really sorry.

5 days after I created that post above, My wife traveled with my daughter to her parents house to stay without telling me. Since that incident my wife haven't said a word to me, Not a single word. Sometimes I wonder if she's the same woman I married. I'm frustrated, incoherent and I'm losing my mind.

I've been good to her, I provide 85% for my family while she bring just 15% yet I don't complain, I'm romantic and good looking, since we married I don't keep female friends not to talk of cheating. Yet She denied me sex over 2 months without any reasons, that was why I acted that way and I'm so sorry.

On Tuesday here, My friend and I traveled to her parents house, they did not even welcome us well, I don't know what she must have told her parents but I explained myself, knelt down and asked for forgiveness.

She refused to come home with me, her parents were just starring at me like I'm some demon, I requested for my daughter but she refused to release her and I've already paid my daughter's school fees for the term. Her parents said they would register my daughter in a new school, that my wife need some space for now.

Please don't call me a weak man, I'm family oriented, I don't want broken home, if she needed some space that's not a problem, I can give her all the space in the world but let her come home. It's not proper raising a child in a broken home...I'm really losing my mind.

I faced query today at work because I traveled without informing my Boss which I know he won't allow me and I know how much would be deducted from my salary. what I'm going through now I can't wish my enemies and I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I messed up.

Beloveth Pls I need advice.

jahlove4jah:
The worst thing to happen to you now is to loose your job.

You have made the mistake.

You have also taken the best steps to show how sorry you are. It's up to her now to decide if she will forgive and sort things out with you. Don't pressure her to do that her let her do it at her own time.


Focus on yourself and your job. Don't let this one mistake ruin you.

Stereotypes:



You are the sick person here and obviously a waste of space.

Please put links to the studies and peer reviewed journals that say lack of sex means the person will rape.

This is why people like you travel abroad and within a few months get locked up because you don't understand the simple concept around consent.

There are many ways to resolve lack of sex in a relationship / marriage that doesn't involve a beat down with forceful intercourse. He is not the first and will not be the last. Many couples go through periods where sexual intercourse may be an issue and many of them have not beaten or raped their partners.

Sensible men would NEVER EVER force themselves on anyone and would rather lay their cards on the table than allow themselves to be used as tools of destruction, but you wouldn't know because you're a fo.ol anyways.


Stay well sah!

Olaniyi Adedoja Bah, a fellow redpill like most commenters on this topic got 3 life sentences and 76 years for rape when he traveled to the United states.
The Op should thank his stars tha he lives in a lawless country like Nigeria.

Iyaebe:
Only a foolish woman denies her husband sex for no conc and genuine reasons, you should have ignored her and also refuse her when she starts showing interest, I so much hate it when a woman messes up a good man for no reasons especially if he takes care of her needs. Why are you even begging? Stop those nonsense apologies and act like a man,sometimes I like some of the teachings of the redpill, I hate weak men and they can never attract me.You've already apologized to her,stop going to her parents house to act like a simplyton,please read some of the redpill nuggets and apply it but don't add bitterness to it,it will help you act and reason like a real man.Moderator lalasticlala move to front page let nairalanders see my comment and know that I'm not biased and I have wisdom and very sensible too,let them also know that I'm just entertaining them with most of my comments.

olatunjithomas:



If you're being sued for defamation now, do you think you can ever get out of it?? Do you have proof to support your family allegations??

Make your mouth no put you for trouble.

BabaIbo:
[s][/s]
Go and read the law guiding marriage or marital issues in Nigeria with respect to consents in marriage and stop asking me silly question

You claimed you are married and you didn't read that before you signed your marriage contract/certificate(if at all there is any)

Like I said I made that statement because you're being s*lly.
With the way you folks visit different places when searching OR praying for life partners, one would think you will be reasonable when you finally meet one.
I'm 95% sure you're not married, 80% sure your older ones are also on the same boat

He paid her bride price, so he bought her

Your d*fected sense couldn't see I made that statement because of your failure to accept she was wrong by starving him of sex in their union

Go home and tell your old*r male siblings/relatives to keep quiet.
Who says they are all moved by that?
But that will save him the stress, and again he wouldn't need to worry over her.
Infact, making it official(2nd wife) will be better.
If she like make the thing rotten after that na she know, as long as the man is getting serviced adequately from the other, and if she tries the same her papa house(or divorce) straight

You will receive what people that did that before you received, efulef*

What will a man like me be doing with a woman that has every tendency to be fo*lish and wh*rish like you in the first place?
My prayers and the prayers of my loved ones over me won't even let that happen.
A woman that sees no wrong in starving his husband sex but shares it freely to her secret lover. Tah!

Trash as usual.

As long as you see no wrong in a woman denying her legally married husband sex(his conjugal right) for no serious/meaningful/known reason, everything you typed are trashes.

You can claim whatever you like here but I am not the type to be moved by the usual Nairaland faceless people lies/bragging

D*llard, you didn't end up with a... yen yen yen, meaning you are married, right?
So you got married without going for marriage class, because if you do you would have come across "SEX" as a topic. It is an important topic in every religion

Who knows if you're a baby mama or the type they put at home without doing the needful on them

You can write whatever you like, one thing is certain you are not what you're claiming.

Even ladies better than you in all ramifications that tried it with their men knw where they found themselves(divorce).

You're not fit to dust the shoes of some women that doesn't deny their husbands of their conjugal right even when their union is experiencing friction at some point in time.

BigBashiru:


The Bible is my standard....

Iyaebe:
Only a foolish woman denies her husband sex for no conc and genuine reasons, you should have ignored her and also refuse her when she starts showing interest, I so much hate it when a woman messes up a good man for no reasons especially if he takes care of her needs. Why are you even begging? Stop those nonsense apologies and act like a man,sometimes I like some of the teachings of the redpill, I hate weak men and they can never attract me.You've already apologized to her,stop going to her parents house to act like a simplyton,please read some of the redpill nuggets and apply it but don't add bitterness to it,it will help you act and reason like a real man.Moderator lalasticlala move to front page let nairalanders see my comment and know that I'm not biased and I have wisdom and very sensible too,let them also know that I'm just entertaining them with most of my comments.

ravensckar:
Perhaps he didn't put his assertions aptly. But under the Nigerian law, there's nothing called 'spousal rape'. Try to research about it so that you don't end up being the 'illiterate'.

PS- ignorance is no excuse in law.

Iyaebe:
You are not a wise man, now I believe the statement that indeed academic intelligence is way different from wisdom which you obviously lack.You are just shouting rape but you never really addressed the situation that lead him into the silly act which I condemned him for in my statement. Learn to tackle issues from the root cause if you want to go smoothly and far in life.On a normal day I know what to type to cause wahala but this is a family issue and I don't want to be biased. If a man is responsible and doing his duties (80%),the woman has no right to be silly and feel so comfortable in her silliness while been supported by her equally silly family. If the op were to be my brother, I bet you that woman will not return back smoothly, its going to be a tough ride for her and none of my brothers can be this silly.

Ladyhippolyta88:


It is not the standard of the law so pray not get caught up with the law

placeofallure:

[s]
I agree with most of you saying he should stop begging her.

He did bad but he's apologised.

Men have ego and if they can stoop to beg.... Who are we? Even God forgives.

I had a scuffle with hubby yesterday afternoon and he said things to me. In the evening, he came begging. He took back his words. It was a moment of anger, which I am responsible for. He then made promises of things he'd do just to appease me. The way he was reeling out promises, I felt pity, I had to let go. This morning alone, he's delivered three out of his promises. What else?

My problem here is why would she zip up for 2 months?

What has the man done that she found so unforgivable that'll make her to just recline into her shell?

Mr. Man, stop begging really. I believe in communication. She should talk to you before this issue degenerated to this level of having to leave the house.

Later, when the dust is a bit settled, seek to talk things through with your father-in-law. You might get lucky. Good luck to you man.
[/s]

BigBashiru:


There's nothing like marital rape in the Nigerian criminal code.... someone recently quoted it on this thread....