There is this lady I'm so much in a woman! She's everything and more that I want in a woman. We have been dating for about a year and half, but the problem is that my parent don't want me to get married to her because she's from one of the south south states and I'm from the South East. They insisted I marry an igbo lady because I am the first son. We have been going back and forth on this issue for about 2 months. I insisted that I was going to get married to her regardless of whatsoever they think with or without their blessings.

Early last month, she got pregnant, I told my parent about the pregnancy thinking that it would further soften their hearts and make them come to terms about marrying her but it seemed worse. None of my family members are in support of the union, and this matter caused a big issue during one of the family meeting I once organised where I base.

she served in the Anambra and fell in love with the everything igbo, there is no Igbo soup she can't cook. She love everything about igbos and she's 100% willing to adapt to the Igbo culture. Give her 5 years from now she will understand and speak igbo like she is one of us since birth. She is that determined.

Now that she's pregnancy is in it 9th week, I don't want her to be my baby mama, I don't want our beautiful love story to turn sour. To be honest, I went to my hometown to for the festive period and I didn't find anyone that approved of me getting married to her from my family, extended families or relatives. Some swore that she has given me love portion to eat, others adviced that I should drop the idea of the marriage because no one is in support of the union. Not a single soul.

I tabled the matter to the UMU-NNA (meetings for men in the family usually done in the village) it went back and forth and the elders ruled that I settle it within my immediate family and that whatsoever my parent says, they are 100% behind their decision. My parent said No, and as for the pregnancy, they will be involved in their grand child's life in everywhere but they don't want me anywhere around the mother.

The frustration is real! I only find succour in my lady and the unborn baby. These days I can't even look into her eyes because I'm the reason she's in this predicament. From her side I have no issues. Her family is all welcoming and they approve of me but it's a brick wall at my end.

Some days ago my lady was painting a senerio to me about her colleague big sister's husband that was in this same predicament as i am, according to her, the husband's went ahead and did the court wedding and later on after delivery he did the trad and the husband's family later came around and became part of his family. For my lady to say such, seems she's also thinking I should do same. It could really backfire in my case because my family really get coconut head and I might be all alone with no family to run to in times of turbulence.

I'm in at a cross road. Do you guys reckon I take my lady's opinion because I see it as the only alternative if we are to be together. If you have ever been in this scenerio kindly share your experience.

Pls help a brother. Thanks in anticipation.

Cut your mother and the ones against you getting married to her off..
Cut them off and ride on with your life..I wonder how some horrible parent will keep telling you who and who you shouldn't marry..

You are the one getting married..you know what you want for yourself why not go for it..they can keep wailing as much as they want..

FERNANDEZISBACK:
Cut your mother and the ones against you getting married to her off..
Cut them off and ride on with your life..I wonder how some horrible parent will keep telling you who and who you shouldn't marry..

You are the one getting married..you know what you want for yourself why not go for it..they can keep wailing as much as they want..

Ahithophel counsel. I forgot we in nairaland.

Who you choose to marry is your business.

Your concern should be how you can nurture this relationship against the storm that is bound to come.

Court marriage is a good option but in the case of divorce, it favors the woman.

In any case, you are in for a rough ride. Show your mettle.

Stand your ground!
They will come around eventually.

SWATMan:


Ahithophel counsel. I forgot we in nairaland.

Shh..
This ain't your fictional book..

Godada:


Who you choose to marry is your business.

Your concern should be how you can nurture this relationship against the storm that is bound to come.

Court marriage is a good option but in the case of divorce, it favors the woman.

In any case, you are in for a rough ride. Show your mettle.

Boss, it have really been a hell of a
Roller-coaster ride. Can't remember when last I laughed. The whole issue has taken over my mental health

My brother, you are in a terrible situation that can make or mar you. What other reason did your parents give as the basis for their refusal. I know it's not easy letting go a precious lady you found and only you understands her worth, but you can't just go ahead as she suggested. How close are you to your mum? Go to her even if it means crying let her know that the lady is not what they think she is. Most times stereotypes or practical experience about a people can can lead to prejudice that would make them object to such union. BTW how come nobody likes her in your entire family? This is odd. My advise here is to thread with caution because you need their support to have a blissful marriage. If you ignore them, the future consequences would be unpalatable. Another problem you might encounter is the fact that your woman is now aware that she is not wanted in the family. If eventually you succeed in convincing your family to rescind their decision, she would never be free with them except she is the forgiving and understanding type which is rare. This is the devils alternative. Which ever option you choose, men are surely going to die. I wish you good luck.

Dear Op,

Whatever you do,do NOT cut your parents off! You can disobey their wishes but do not Cut them off because of any woman,be it your wife!

Secondly, I can see she is pushing you to do a Court wedding. My dear man,that would be the biggest mistake you will ever make in your entire life. What ever happens,do NOT go for a Court marriage, because it mostly never ends well.

She wants that court marriage so as to secure her future with your properties and resources in case of divorce or separation or something similar.


A final word: "in your family,the only person who isn't related to you by blood is your wife"

Let that sink in.

odinson1:
Dear Op,

Whatever you do,do NOT cut your parents off! You can disobey their wishes but do not Cut them off because of any woman,be it your wife!

Secondly, I can see she is pushing you to do a Court wedding. My dear man,that would be the biggest mistake you will ever make in your entire life. What ever happens,do NOT go for a Court marriage, because it mostly never ends well.

She wants that court marriage so as to secure her future with your properties and resources in case of divorce or separation or something similar.


A final word: "in your family,the only person who isn't related to you by blood is your wife"

Let that sink in.

My fear exactly. It's all taking a toll on me

.

odinson1:
Dear Op,

Whatever you do,do NOT cut your parents off! You can disobey their wishes but do not Cut them off because of any woman,be it your wife!

Secondly, I can see she is pushing you to do a Court wedding. My dear man,that would be the biggest mistake you will ever make in your entire life. What ever happens,do NOT go for a Court marriage, because it mostly never ends well.

She wants that court marriage so as to secure her future with your properties and resources in case of divorce or separation or something similar.


A final word: "in your family,the only person who isn't related to you by blood is your wife"

Let that sink in.

@ OP.This guy has said it all. Take his advice to avoid regrets.

Like seriously your parents don't want you to marry her because she is not igbo, op am sorry to say this but this is purely bullshit, if you love her then marry her because if you end up marrying the one your heart don't want just to please your parents na you go suffer am and your parents won't be there if things start getting bad, honestly I hate it when I see Igbo parents stop their children from marrying an outsider because they are not igbo I just thank God my family don't have that backward mentality

FERNANDEZISBACK:
Cut your mother and the ones against you getting married to her off..
Cut them off and ride on with your life..I wonder how some horrible parent will keep telling you who and who you shouldn't marry..

You are the one getting married..you know what you want for yourself why not go for it..they can keep wailing as much as they want..

Dont listen to this idiot to avoid war that will last forever , that war will be between you and your family and you will live to regret it

Qatar2022:

Dont listen to this idiot to avoid war that will last forever , that war will be between you and your family and you will live to regret it

Baby boy what's your issue..

Mariangeles:
Stand your ground!
They will come around eventually.

It's not good advice because he didn't state reason why they refuse him marrying the girl and this kind things end up in war between the woman and the family , juju will surely come in

FERNANDEZISBACK:


Baby boy what's your issue..

You don't have respect woman

Qatar2022:

You don't have respect woman

Respect is reciprocal baby boy..

You parents are outdated and it's a pity you live in Africa. Over here, parents have a huge say in who you'll marry.

I advise you to listen to your family... They have their reasons.

Later on in life,you will look back to this day and be happy you listened to them.

Never marry some1 ur family do not approve of. I know of a 1st born who wanted to marry a girl from same state but different town. But his family was against the marriage. In order not to disappoint his parents he said he will never get married to any other woman!
This git the mum scared and she relented. Now the guy is married to same lady with kids

FERNANDEZISBACK:
Cut your mother and the ones against you getting married to her off..
Cut them off and ride on with your life..I wonder how some horrible parent will keep telling you who and who you shouldn't marry..

You are the one getting married..you know what you want for yourself why not go for it..they can keep wailing as much as they want..

You said you are afraid of being alone without family.

Lol your fiance and your child are your family, you are not alone.

Your parents and your siblings are your father's family.

Now it's time to create your own family. Life is about moving forward.

Let no one choose your family, the choice is yours

sorepco:
Never marry some1 ur family do not approve of. I know of a 1st born who wanted to marry a girl from same state but different town. But his family was against the marriage. In order not to disappoint his parents he said he will never get married to any other woman!
This git the mum scared and she relented. Now the guy is married to same lady with kids

Then that's his issue..

What are the reasons for their rejection of her? Is it because she's from another state or what?

I don't know why people make life so complicated for themselves. If you know for a fact that you're family won't accept a certain type of person due to their tribe, or life circumstances, then don't get involved with such a person.

For me, it was religion and I didn't want to lose my family, so I only dated, spoke to about marriage, and married from my own religion.

We come from communities, and if we want to remain in our communities, then we have to plan, and avoid things that work against the community norms.

You're family are happy to welcome your child, so forget about marriage, and do the co-parenting thing. I'm shocked that they would welcome a child out wedlock but refuse marriage outside your tribe.

FERNANDEZISBACK:

Respect is reciprocal baby boy..

Stop calling me baby boy before thunder fire you, why do you fill all the thread here with bitter/pained comment

FERNANDEZISBACK:

Respect is reciprocal baby boy..

Stop calling me boy before thunder go fire you, why do you fill all the thread here with bitter/ pained comments

Qatar2022:

Stop calling me boy before thunder go fire you, why do you fill all the thread here with bitter/ pained comments

You are still a baby boy if you can't respect your little self..

Anoymus44:
There is this lady I'm so much in a woman! She's everything and more that I want in a woman. We have been dating for about a year and half, but the problem is that my parent don't want me to get married to her because she's from one of the south south states and I'm from the South East. They insisted I marry an igbo lady because I am the first son. We have been going back and forth on this issue for about 2 months. I insisted that I was going to get married to her regardless of whatsoever they think with or without their blessings.

Early last month, she got pregnant, I told my parent about the pregnancy thinking that it would further soften their hearts and make them come to terms about marrying her but it seemed worse. None of my family members are in support of the union, and this matter caused a big issue during one of the family meeting I once organised where I base.

she served in the Anambra and fell in love with the everything igbo, there is no Igbo soup she can't cook. She love everything about igbos and she's 100% willing to adapt to the Igbo culture. Give her 5 years from now she will understand and speak igbo like she is one of us since birth. She is that determined.

Now that she's pregnancy is in it 9th week, I don't want her to be my baby mama, I don't want our beautiful love story to turn sour. To be honest, I went to my hometown to for the festive period and I didn't find anyone that approved of me getting married to her from my family, extended families or relatives. Some swore that she has given me love portion to eat, others adviced that I should drop the idea of the marriage because no one is in support of the union. Not a single soul.

I tabled the matter to the UMU-NNA (meetings for men in the family usually done in the village) it went back and forth and the elders ruled that I settle it within my immediate family and that whatsoever my parent says, they are 100% behind their decision. My parent said No, and as for the pregnancy, they will be involved in their grand child's life in everywhere but they don't want me anywhere around the mother.

The frustration is real! I only find succour in my lady and the unborn baby. These days I can't even look into her eyes because I'm the reason she's in this predicament. From her side I have no issues. Her family is all welcoming and they approve of me but it's a brick wall at my end.

Some days ago my lady was painting a senerio to me about her colleague big sister's husband that was in this same predicament as i am, according to her, the husband's went ahead and did the court wedding and later on after delivery he did the trad and the husband's family later came around and became part of his family. For my lady to say such, seems she's also thinking I should do same. It could really backfire in my case because my family really get coconut head and I might be all alone with no family to run to in times of turbulence.

I'm in at a cross road. Do you guys reckon I take my lady's opinion because I see it as the only alternative if we are to be together. If you have ever been in this scenerio kindly share your experience.

Pls help a brother. Thanks in anticipation.

Please go ahead and marry your lady. You're the one marrying her, not your mother, not your father, not your extended family. As long as you're an independent man, I see no reason why you shouldn't go for what you love. If your parents have ever loved you, they will eventually come around. If they don't, life goes on. It's not as if they have a tangible reason for objecting, just mere geographical location. Bunch of illiterates!

Ekejoestar:
What are the reasons for their rejection of her? Is it because she's from another state or what?

she's from another state. She is a calabar woman and I'm igbo. There reasons includes calabars being too fetish and they hardly stays in their husband's house for long. That's hasty generalisation as far as I'm concerned.

FERNANDEZISBACK:

You are still a baby boy if you can't respect your little self..

Woman now i know your problem