ronkebp:

Dayo, this is not about laziness, in as much as i understand all you are saying, but our mothers had help, my mum raised five of us and worked through raising us all with  helping hands from different house help and nannies that were afordable. Here in the States, na money, presently i have someone coming to my house to care for my child but na money, every two weeks i know how much am paying, moreover i feel as if my son is not being cared for as i would if i was home. Why are we working? is it not to compliment my husbands' income? If my husband is making alot and giving me enough, it would be a blessing for me to stay home and watch the child till he is upto school age, abi na immediately woman born pickin e dey go school, ? Infact, i don't mind working all thru if my husband decides to stay home iwth our child, no big deal, as long as one of us is doing it. Times have changed, kids need more care and better upbringing these days.

dayokanu:

So loading dishes in a dish washer is now the job or loading the clothe in washing machine is now the job?

No wonder.

dayokanu:

My own mom never had househelps while we were growing up our first househelp was when we were all grown and left home and she is much older. She never had dish washers, Washing machine, blenders, rice cookers etc that women of nowadays have, I said she didnt even have a car for a while!! And working has not killed her.

If women want to be Housewives then why do you need to educate the female child beyond elementary school? You are in US, You probably have student loans of about $50k, To just be a sit at home wife In yoruba called (ALABODO- Feed and phock). Does that make any sense? Why getting an education and spending exorbitantly on an education If all you wanna do is sit at home, wash plates and watch TV all day.

As a full time housewife who depends on her husband for survival, what lesson are you giving to your daughter?

Moreover, I have seen children raised by Working moms and sit at home moms and cant see any significant difference

Ndipe:

Being a fulltime housewife is itself work, because you are taking care of the kids, cooking and taking care other domestic duties in the household. It's ignorance to assume that fulltime housewives have it good. No, they dont, and dont even tell me that it's a waste of education for a woman to be a fulltime housewife after finishing college. The fact that she is educated and literate is positive proof that her education is not in vain. Personally, if I am very rich, I would want my wife to be a stay at home mom and take care of the kids in their infancy before transitioning to the corporate world. It's not easy. Give women a break, give housewives a break. Or if your daughter were to tell you that eventually, she would be a housewife after her education, you will choose not to educate her beyond elementary school? My parents are dead, and my senior brother and I took care of the responsibilities of educating our sisters. The youngest, after completing her bachelors decided to do business instead of working 9-5 and I supported her decision and told her that I am ok with it as long as she can live comfortably from it. Or should I have just said, "What a waste of resources after spending 4, 5, 6 years in college?" No!

Da Doctor:

@IICE.
Why u too like quarrel?
Na like this u want take dye loyal?

Because i had issues with you're post i too like quarrel.
What? Have i been scurrying your rest of your teeth? Coz i hear chatter in the wind
And i have no idea what loyalty has to do with anything we've said so far.

Anyway. . .you can analyze this one anyway you want. . .use the pragmatism to conclude a non-connected scenario. Yes loyal to planet zozo.

Ndipe:

Being a fulltime housewife is itself work, because you are taking care of the kids, cooking and taking care other domestic duties in the household. It's ignorance to assume that fulltime housewives have it good. No, they dont, and dont even tell me that it's a waste of education for a woman to be a fulltime housewife after finishing college. The fact that she is educated and literate is positive proof that her education is not in vain. Personally, if I am very rich, I would want my wife to be a stay at home mom and take care of the kids in their infancy before transitioning to the corporate world. It's not easy. Give women a break, give housewives a break. Or if your daughter were to tell you that eventually, she would be a housewife after her education, you will choose not to educate her beyond elementary school? My parents are dead, and my senior brother and I took care of the responsibilities of educating our sisters. The youngest, after completing her bachelors decided to do business instead of working 9-5 and I supported her decision and told her that I am ok with it as long as she can live comfortably from it. Or should I have just said, "What a waste of resources after spending 4, 5, 6 years in college?" No!

blank:

Dayo, what u said is a BIG FAT LIE!!! How won't your mum have had help while also working? Did she back u guys as babies to the office? Abi she dey work for daycare? So she walked everyday to work? Was her office 2 streets away or she didnt mind being late? Na wa 4 u guys. If u want to lie, tell small small ones so that we can pretend we did not see it.

blank:

Dayo abeg leave story. Dropping your kids in Daycare is that not help? Whether u av a live in nanny or u av daycare, all na help. Go back and re-read your earlier statements. I live abd have lived all my life in Nigeria except for a brief stint abroad. My mum worked full time and we had a househelp as they didnt believe in daycares but as soon as the youngest was 1 and a half and started school, that was it. Just say the full truth and stop shading the stories, blurring the edges.

ronkebp:

Hmmmm, na waooooo i never see, , seriously??!!!!!!!!!

dayokanu:

If daycare is help then taking kids to Nursery school too is help, cos the teachers/aunties are helping too Taking them to primary school is help cos the teachers are doing work mom should have done.

Basically everyone had help. Is that your point? If yes I cant argue with that, We were sent to daycare, kindergarten, Nursery, Primary and Secondary school which means my mom had HELP.

Needless to say we didnt have washing machine, dishwashers, vacuum cleaners etc

Typically Pregnant women had 3-6months maternity leave and after that, Daycare straight, later to kindergarten, later to Nursery, Primary Secondary So we had help all the way from Daycare to Secondary. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

ronkebp:

Dayo, abeg stop talking onbehalf of the women, please, Do you think it is easy for a woman to take her child to daycare  and have other people care for them all because she wants to make money. it is because you are a man and don't know what real mothers go through, Am telling you, if not because of money palava (since that has been your point) Women (good mothers) would want to care for their children. In Nigeria, thank God the kids start kindergarten very early, so we kind of assume the kids are in school too, Just say that for you personally, you don't want your wife to sit at home, and stop generalising that women that sit at home and care for their kids are lazy, abeg, everybody have their own priorities, for you, job/bills and money are your priorities, for others', like me, my family, is my top priority,

Cuddlemii:

I love this topic.

I can never be a stay at home wife or housewife. I will remain a working class woman after my marriage. Being working class does not affect my being a home maker or having a successful home.

Marriage is not meant to kill your dreams but support your dreams or adjust your dreams to suit your family. Thats why you see a lot of wives are always frowning or snapping at people because they are not happy with staying at home. Some even take it out on their husbands because their husbands are living their own dreams

Plus staying at home is very risky for a woman with weight tendecies cos when your kids are off to school and you get bored, you would make the kitchen your companion and probably sleep most of the time. But the office gives you a touch of reality, you get to know the latest trends to wear for your husband, you will keep your brain active and you will be more enlightened. Some housewives would just isolate themselves from the world and start looking crazy or scruffy. Then their equally jobless friends would visit them at home and feed them with tales of their hubby cheating bla bla. The jobless housewife too would start policing the husband. Being a working class occupies your time and distracts you from irrelevant things as the only spear time you would have would be for your home.

Its better to be an asset than a liability. Even if you marry a wealthy man, what happens when he looses money or stops his responsibilities how do you want to help the family. There are even somethings that a woman is meant to provide for herself or family. So if you want to buy undies or sanitary towel, you would wait for your husband first to get those basic things. Men are very complex beings and get easily irritated and trust me I dont think they like liabilites at all, you need your hubby's respect.

Its even better for a wife to work for a while, get capital and start her own business atleast she got the experience.

Pregnant stay at home wives gain excessive weight during and after pregnancies but working pregnant women are able to manage the weight because they are active and see other working class wives with 5 kids who are still fit so it becomes competitive.

There is nothing wrong in helping your kids with funds, provision for school once in a while. Little emergencies crop to at home like money for fuel, gas, diesel and payment of the security guards or nepa bill etc. Everyone can't remain in darkness and your kids will not watch cartoon over the weekend because your hubby is not around. You need to take charge of things like this with your funds.

Servant or Appenticeship before being a master: When you work for a company or someone, you would be more appreciative, submissive and respectful indirectly this becomes a part of you and it reflects in your marriage. When you start your own business, you would motivate your staffs and be apprecative of being your own boss without it getting into your head.

Character Formation: For example, you can't work in a company and start shouting or fighting customers and colleagues without being dismissed. These office etiquette and people's management becomes a part of you and the use of good communication skills and writting skills in the workplace could even help you tutor your kids to improve on their vocabularies. It helps anger management in a family.

Work experience could even come in handy when you want to start up a company with your husband, you would have all the required skills and save cost of employing the help of a strategist. You would be able to persuade and convince investors to do business with both of you.

Being a working class would set good examples for your kids to want to emulate. You serve as a role model. It brings out your kids independent and industrious side. All those aristo babes that strive for their family after the demise of their dad or the divorce of their parents could have been reduced if their mom had a source of income from her work, pensions, shares etc.

The only thing is you might get a job with lesser hour or more flexibility to give you more time for family

i was talking with my lil sister yesterday who happens to b going for batch B service. the talk was about what were her plans after service? The only thing that could come out of her mouth was marry a guy, who would let her have a shop near home so she can be a full time house wife.
i was disgusted becos why waste time and money to be educated to university level when she  will end up not using the degree than to have babies and stay @ home.
I as a person cant have my wife stay @ home as a full time house wife, then what is the essence of your degree. But @ the same time would not want her to have white collar job which will be time demanding, not having time for her family " i mean career hungry wives".

ronkebp:

^^^^^^i do not need to read it again, because i have read it, ""to your tenth oooo israel'', is my reply to that one, everybody have their own priorities like i earlier said, if you must know, am in my office right now, typing out, am not sitting home and cuddling my baby( which i would have loved to do) or washing clothes and dishes for 24 hrs, i have a nanny home with my child. Before i got married my life was all about my career, and i don't joke with it even till now, after i had my child, things changed, priorities changed, and that has not stopped me from working. All i said was that, if all things were equal, 'i would love to be home caring for my child in my own way', .and saying that is not a SIN or LAZINESS.

blank:

@ Dayo, we don hear. Pls marry your wife let her work from 5 to 9pm (cos of the traffic). If that works for you, no qualms. If someone else would rather stay at home and manage her house maybe run a business by the side, it’s her choice. your calling the person lazy is too mean. It’s her and by extension her husband's choice. I always remember the feeling of wishing my parents were more at home. It was me and my diary cos i only saw my parents’ weekends until my mum got a ministry job. Days spent listening to one yeye househelp telling us of her s excapades and of her talking dog is enough to reduce someone's IQ.

My problem is that you are romanticizing your early childhood. If the women choose to do that, don't call them names. Like someone said, as a woman, once i had my kid, my priorities changed. I used to be so ambitious and career driven. Once, during a discussion i had with colleagues, i said that having a husband is good but having ICAN is better. Now, i am the one wanting to give up work so i can stay with my baby.

Cuddlemii:

@ronke

That was very rude of you to refer to me as 'that one" like I am some entity or thing. I only made a comment and didn't even read your post or comment on it. I know where my priority lies and don't need you to analyze that for me. I said me being a working class lady would not affect my role as a home maker or a good wife and mother. I will like to pitch in my own quota to the family expenses and spendings. I believe you were dealing with Dayo and not cuddlemii.

As long as my goals are accomplished, I don't need to derive the method others but find what works for my whole family and off course my hubby would also be part of that decision.

Please madam, mind you grammer.

dayokanu:

Pls don't be annoyed, I am sure she doesnt mean it because she isnt a rude person.

I caused all these, In the meantime come and cuddle me and lets make out I mean lets make up

Cuddlemii:

Its ok. We all agree to disagree once in a while . As for the cuddle, take!!!