Temmybaba08:
Wrong too
U growing up as a kid do you have that courage to tell your parent they are shouting at you when they're trying to scold you?

Begininng with traumatic experience earlier in life for me, I was anxiety riddled as a child, primarily since I bottled up my emotions, but my kid sister was open about her feelings. As a result she developed a deeper relationship with my parents, and they endedd up having to respect her since they couldn't get her to shut up about how she felt.

So what do I think is a better way to raise kids?

dacblogger:
Omo,it's not easy to raise a child...
You're doing the right thing by apologizing and I DNT think you're spoiling him either ..

Just take it easy on him, I think he will come around later on.

You can't be apologising anytime you discipline a child for wrong doing, and he's growing with this mindset, alright be prepared to apologise even when becomes rude.

bigcasava1:
coward my family is fine, you better channel ur advice to right person and stop being abscess with my comment. U go die! Maggot! I have a happy home. If care is not taking u among those evil initiating innocent children. Thunder ⚡ fire you and ur generations

I am afraid your very own words above betray your claims dude!

Originalsly:


Just curious... what happened with the food your daughter took? ... did her indomie have chicken and beef? .... and the one she was given none?... vegan?

Everything is there egg, green beans, carrot, meat. My annoyance is that she said indomie is not good for children, but she gave my daughter spaghetti, are they not noddles? With liver too, .Liver of what? Whether na human liver or dog liver I can't tell.

Kobojunkie:
I am afraid your very own words above betray your claims dude!

your type that came from dark world that's how I treat you. Am a radical christian. I go even fight you. Just fuvk off my world!

bigcasava1:
your type that came from dark world that's how I treat you. Am a radical christian. I go even fight you. Just fuvk off my world!

Which one be dark world again? Radical Christian? What is this one yammering abeg!

bigcasava1:


Everything is there egg, green beans, carrot, meat. My annoyance is that she said indomie is not good for children, but she gave my daughter spaghetti, are they not noddles? With liver too, .Liver of what? Whether na human liver or dog liver I can't tell.

Hmmm...... egg and green beans?.... and carrot and meat?? [s]I was going to seize it and eat it all myself[/s] ...that's very nutritious! But you never knew what she did with the food? .. and why didn't she replace the indomie with her spaghetti?... since her spaghetti is not noodles? That day was liver..... from somewhere.....what was the day before? ..fingers rebranded sausages? You should get the authorities to find out who what she has stored in her freezer.

InTheCloudySky:
Him telling you how he feels after you shout at him, is a good thing. This means he's intuned with his emotions, which is a great thing for a 7-year old. It's better than him keeping it in and acting out later. Believe it or not, the best way to be firm with him is to not shout (you can get your point across to him without shouting).

Him bringing the lunch box home a second time was an intentional move on his part, which again shows he's a smart kiddo. You've written his name on it in bold for him to see that it's his, so there's no reason for him to have brought home the boy's own again. His excuse that the boy had taken his cannot be true (again, because you've written his name on his own), unless the boy cannot read - to have taken your son's. Him blaming the boy and him asking you to buy him another one while brushing his teeth gives it away - that he knew what he was doing and he's merely trying to make you buy him another lunch box again.

He's definitely a smart kid, but it seems he's impressionable (easily influenced by others /what others have/what others are doing). You've to teach him to be confident in himself, to be content with what he has, and to not take things that don't belong to him. You also ought to be watchful of manipulative tendencies (manipulating people into doing what he wants), as that's what he tried to do with the lunch box thing.

Authoritative parenting is the best parenting style. Read more about it here: https://www.cnbc.com/2021/10/05/child-psychologist-explains-why-authoritative-parenting-is-the-best-style-for-raising-smart-confident-kids.html

He's a good kid and will be just fine.

Your premise is wrong, so your conclusion that he did it deliberately is flawed. She hadn't even written his name on it.

Teettyllayho:



You're very correct! He's told me I hate him before but I told him how much I love him. Thanks for the advice.

Your actions speak louder than words.

This is how adults end up in abusive relationships - thinking that their partner verbally abusing them like how their parents verbally abused them is normal and an act of love. It is not

Please, stop shouting at him and stop setting him up for verbally and emotionally abusive relationships in adulthood

Karleb:
For your child to say you should stop shouting at him actually shows disrespect.

Correct that!

No, it is not disrespect. It is him being assertive about his boundaries. Shouting is verbal and emotional abuse. It's not healthy for children or adults

How would you feel is someone frequently shouted at you? Please put yourself in the child's shoes

Kobojunkie:
Lol.... raising kids no be always template. Na trial and error!

Are you a woman? I thought you were a man

Karleb:


Stay there and be forming woke.

If the mother is angry, do you expect her to talk softly?

Work on an agreement with a 7yr old, wtf are you saying?

Can the kid say that to his teacher?

Yes, even in anger, shouting is not justified. She can walk away, cool down, then come back and communicate calmly

A 7 year old is a human being with their own thoughts and feelings. Parents need to teach them how to communicate those thoughts and feelings clearly and negotiate terms and conditions

Sadly though, Africans tend to dismiss the feelings of children and breed psychologically wounded adults

Kobojunkie:
1. These behaviours are learned so yes, even an angry mother can learn to tone down the shouting, and/or nagging. My mother did so after she realized she was getting nowhere with shouting and nagging at her six kids.

2. Yes! 7-year-olds are young, not daft. They understand what an agreement is. I even have a 3-year-old who I worked an agreement with just this past Sunday and so far so good. He even reminded me of our agreement last evening right as he returned from preschool.

3. Why not?

Very well said. How did you learn all this? Not many Nigerians get this

Karleb:


You obviously don't know what you're typing.

This your comment should be directed to you

Beremx:
Imagine a child telling his mother not to shout at him, that means if you shout at him when he’s a teenager, he will slap you.

Madam, start now to correct him especially with cane. No too much shout shout or else his misdemeanor will get out of hand.

Speaking from experience

Caning a child does nothing but break them down

Sure, they won't assert their thoughts and feelings anymore but they won't assert their thoughts and feelings in other relationships too

Physically abusing children is no different from physically abusing an adult. How would you feel if someone should cane you right now?

bepositive11:
Very well said. How did you learn all this? Not many Nigerians get this

Life experiences.

Kobojunkie:
Life experiences.

Ok

Teettyllayho:


Hmm. Is this true? Male children don't fear their mothers?

Dad comes around during weekends.

this depend the kind of mother as a grown up man I still fear my mum till today, because dad doesn't know how to scold, in fact my friend respect my mum more than theirs all because of how she handle so called stubborn children

OP, what kind of school does he go to? Sounds like an affluent school. Not saying that's a bad thing, but the kids around will definitely influence him.

My parents were upper class by Nigerian standards, but I never went to schools "commensurate with their salary". I was made to grow up alongside kids from other homes that were struggling- didn't appreciate it at the time but now I do. It definitely shaped my attitude towards money and caring for my belongings, as well as attitude towards my elders. Your son might benefit from a change of school. One where he can receive a dirty slap if he talks to his teachers anyhow. It won't be long before he realizes that his parents deserve even more respect than his teachers.

She a single mom. That's why she never mentioned the dad

bepositive11:


No, it is not disrespect. It is him being assertive about his boundaries. Shouting is verbal and emotional abuse. It's not healthy for children or adults

How would you feel is someone frequently shouted at you? Please put yourself in the child's shoes

If he wants to be assertive about his boundaries, let him get a job and pay his bills.

But if he is under a parent, he has a job and that is to be responsible, else he'll get scolded.

You people need to read the OP, read my comment then read the OP again before sliding in my mention.

Remains just small and you'll regret not taking good actions on the just 7yrsbold boy.
He's been rude and growing ARROGANT already.
This is Africa.
We scold our children.
These days i have the course to thank my parents for being so strict in me. Those children i kept friendship with in mushin are now hard smokers

Yes

Teettyllayho:

Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

I ask my mother on this matter, she believes that you are spoiling him. She thinks you should get to the bottom of this lunchbox matter, because she believes that he did the old bait and switch. Go to the school and ask questions, visit the principal and the teachers

Please be friendly with your son, no matter what...

There are some kids who acts like adult, but I think whatever it is, he was born with that.

It's okay to use the rod sometimes, but make sure you always calm down and let him know why?
Do not let him be afraid of you or telling you things, that's the worse because if he makes outsiders his best friend, you have lost him for good, comes 10yrs to come

Always listen to him whenever he tells you his mind, not beating always...

When he tells you about other peoples children, you can softly make him understand and respond back by saying
"Those children are different from him and you can only buy him a new one when the other one is bad. Tell him to always be content with whatever you give him and always remind him that you love him very much"

Not everything is beating, sometimes talking to him sinks down from mother to son.

Please make your son your best friend, don't make him sad or scare away from you.

Children who they beat always mostly turns out to be very notorious when they grow up because they are already used to beatings in the house while they seek companionship outside and you know what that means..

As for the lunch box, you should have gone to his teacher yourself, i mean, he is only 7.

The truth is your son is being bullied in school.
Ask Him questions about school.
Try to find out who is his seatmate or best friend.
Ask him what he discusses with his friends in school.
So many shit happens in school that our kids aren't telling us.
Most all, use the Bible to council your son and tell him Bible stories.

olabodesamdex:
As for the lunch box, you should have gone to his teacher yourself, i mean, he is only 7.

I concur

When your papa Dey flog you, en Dey apologize
Stop apologizing when you scold him..
He knows you won’t do much, that’s why he’s misbehaving..

Kobojunkie:
Wrong!

If your shouts are causing him anxieties, he has a right to let you know. You both then need to work on an arrangement that limits the Shouting and gives you both piece of mind.

abi? After all nor be millitery grade parents still dey raise courch gobblins whe no fit adjust well to society?

Mariangeles:


Going by what I’ve read, what the boy truly truly needs is his father to be more involved in his life and in raising him. (Thankfully, he has a father.)

Children, especially boys (emphasis on especially boys ), can be very very difficult at that stage he’s in, and in most cases, only their fathers (or fatherly figures) can handle their situations at that stage.

I’d advise op to have a serious talk with the boy’s father about his new behavior, as he’s the best person to handle the situation.

Old woman...



I trust you to always deliver.