Candidlady:



Isee kobojunkie peeping... Sure she got something to say


Lemme learn although idont pray for boy child!!!

Amen

Don't apologize to him whenever you scold him.
Whenever he misbehave, don't shout at him but let him be grounded and tell him to reflect on what he did.
Let all your kids knows that whenever they misbehave, they will be grounded by depriving them of what they love most.

Teettyllayho:

Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

Are you a single mother? Single parenting is bad. It prevents proper application of discipline and love, which won't help the child's development.

McEphiks:
On the contrary it doesn't. I remembered an incident that took me years to understand.

I wrote my common entrance exam in SANTOS (2002) when I was in primary 4 unlike my peers who have to wait another 2 years and I came 2nd among over 1k students.

Luckily for me, the student who came first didn't come for registration which technically mean I'm the best student in the school. After the first term examination I came 4th in a class of 80 and my dad beat the hell outta my head. He tied me to a chair and whipped me like he's never did before.

Year after year I saw him as a cruel man, cos to me that was a fair result. Years later after I've grown to be a man I asked him why he treated me that way cos I haven't forgotten about it and his response was "of you can overcome over 1k students and place second then you place 4th in a class of 80 you must have played too much or lose focus."

Truly that beating reset my brain.

Na too much of verbal scolding spoil this our generation. Sometimes action is needed, when ge grows he'll understand why he's getting the discipline.

You were naturally gifted, from your own right up, so it wasn't your dad's beating that caused you to excel. No,it was just your talent that aided you there.

I know of loads of kids - neighbors of ours back those years- who was subjected to pretty much similar levels pf punishment. Guess what? None of then did better by it and worse, many of them were instead scarred by the experience. The parents eventually realized and accepted their kids were not geniuses and let them be and only then did the kids begin to find their way. One turned out to be dyslexic, didn't realize this until adulthood - we just thought he was the dumbest, and he got severely beat by his ignorant parents to no avail.

Punishment is good, after all, there are consequences for every action in life. However, cruelty is unnecessary.

mybiz234:
Are you a single mother? Single parenting is bad. It prevents proper application of discipline and love, which won't help the child's development.

Stop yammering abeg!

How many of fhe kids raised in two parent homes turned out much better than kids raised in single parent homes for Pete's sake. Nigeria is your typical example of how there isn't much difference between being raised in a two-parent home and being raised in a single-parent home.

Kobojunkie:
Stop yammering abeg!

How many of fhe kids raised in two parent homes turned out much better than kids raised in single parent homes for Pete's sake. Nigeria is your typical example of how there isn't much difference between being raised in a two-parent home and being raised in a single-parent home.

You are right, but this woman's experience is because there is no father in place to regulate affection and discipline.

mybiz234:
You are right, but this woman's experience is because there is no father in place to regulate affection and discipline.

Even husband and wife teams have at some point experienced exactly what this women is here talking of. Nothing of her experience speaks of what you claim. Children are challenging to raise whether by one or even 20 adults. It is never a walk in the park and this has nothing to do with number of adults in the process.

Kobojunkie:
Grow a brain already!

You are not worthy to have been born - that single statement of yours - that you owe your parents nothing - renders you the most despicable and infantile dreg I have ever come across on this forum.

DeepSight:
You are not worthy to have been born - that single statement of yours - that you owe your parents nothing - renders you the most despicable and infantile dreg I have ever come across on this forum.

Again, grow a brain already!

Kobojunkie:
Children are challenging to raise whether by one or even 20 adults.

Oh so you know this and yet you were going on about how you owe your parents nothing?
What an asinine piece of shiit.

DeepSight:
Oh so you know this and yet you were going on about how you owe your parents nothing?
What an asinine piece of shiit.

Again, Grow a brain already!

One of the demerits of being a single mother, just imagine a 7 year old child telling his mom to stop shouting at him, at this my age self I no fit try am for my dad, if you don't beat the bad manners out of him now he himself will blame you for bad parenting in the future. Beat him now and let him hate you he will definitely love and thank you tommorow

INTEGRITYA1:
None of my children will try such nonsense with me, I don't try such with my parents. You dare not.

7 years old for that matter, what will happen by the time he reach 27 years.

If your kids can't bond emotionally with you, they will either find someone else to bond with on that level, or those emotions will slowly eat away at them from the inside.

Yes, those same voices in your own head that scream at you from in your head also scream from within your kids at them. So you have a choice to make as far as training your kids behaviorally and emotionally. Either you frustrate your own child for the sake of your ego and risk turning him or her into yet another Nigerian youth with no real life compass, or you help your child intelligently maneuvere those emotions in appropriate ways so he or she can turn out a much better breed than the crop of kids Nigerians have been churning out for many generations now.

You decide!

Kobojunkie:
You were naturally gifted, from your own right up, so it wasn't your dad's beating that caused you to excel. No,it was just your talent that aided you there.

I know of loads of kids - neighbors of ours back those years- who was subjected to pretty much similar levels pf punishment. Guess what? None of then did better by it and worse, many of them were instead scarred by the experience. The parents eventually realized and accepted their kids were not geniuses and let them be and only then did the kids begin to find their way. One turned out to be dyslexic, didn't realize this until adulthood - we just thought he was the dumbest, and he got severely beat by his ignorant parents to no avail.

Punishment is good, after all, there are consequences for every action in life. However, cruelty is unnecessary.

You have a good point but there'd have been negligence on my part if not for the beating.

I'm not a parent yet, but I raised my siblings myself with the help of my dad.

Sometimes, you can know your child's ability, character and attitude so when they're giving less or being intentionally disobedient, they can be cautioned and if need be; disciplined with the rod. That's why spending time talking to your wards is as important as providing other basic needs for them.

A 5 minute conversation can tell you a lot about your child than you'll read in a book.

I get your point sir and i hope you understand me as well.

McEphiks:
You have a good point but there'd have been negligence on my part if not for the beating.

I'm not a parent yet, but I raised my siblings myself with the help of my dad.

Sometimes, you can know your child's ability, character and attitude so when they're giving less or being intentionally disobedient, they can be cautioned and if need be; disciplined with the rod. That's why spending time talking to your wards is as important proving other basic needs for them.

A 5 minute conversation can tell you a lot about your child than you'll read in a book.

I get your point sir and i hope you understand me as well.

I concur! Parenting is more than simply about using the rod.

uthlaw:
same as me,I don't pray for urgent 2k!

If you provide sufficiently for your kids and train them well, they wont ask no one for urgent 2k

Kobojunkie:
If your kids can't bone emotionally with you, they will find someone else to bond with on that level or those emotions will slow eat away at them from the inside.

Yes, those same voices in your own head that scream at you from their also scream from within your kids. Either you frustrate your own children for the sake of your ego and risk turning then into yet another Nigerian youth with no real compass, or you help them maneuvere those emotions in appropriate way so they turn out much better than the crop of kids Nigerians have been churning out for many generations now. You decide...

This intelligent fellow again. Who are you

Kobojunkie:
I concur! Parenting is more than simply about using the rod.

God help us

You're trying as a mother,make your rules and stand by it, these children tends to work on your intelligence sometimes you have to stand your ground,make him see reasons why he must stand out and be exceptional not to look like others but be himself

Teettyllayho:

Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

But I don't know if I'm too hard or too soft on him because I use to talk to him a lot. I only beat him when he does something serious (like going against my rules, or not doing his homework when he should).

These days, whenever I scold him, he would give me a sad look and he might even shout saying: "I've heard you!" Then, he will be alone in a corner for some time.

Sometimes, I'd go close to him and tell him why I had to scold him and he'd say "I don't like it when you shout at me" I'd apologize and hug him (I don't even know if I'm spoiling him by apologizing). .

I don't know how to scold without putting a bit of action at least. Shey I'll be whispering and scolding ni? Sometimes, I'll leave him and pretend as if I didn't see him when he brings up such attitude.

Last week, he mistakenly brought back someone else's lunch box home because they look very much alike. I told him it's okay that it happens and I promised to write his name in bold when he brings back his box the next day to prevent such from happening again.

Could you believe that he came back with the other person's lunch box again? When I asked him, he said he didn't see his lunch box and the boy that took his own. Then I asked: Did you tell your class teacher? Are you sure you know the boy?

His reply: I didn't tell my teacher because I know the boy and I went to his class but he wasn't there.

So, I figured that he must have gone to check once and didn't bother to check again. And he didn't bother to also tell his class teacher.

So, I was very mad this time and told him not to bring someone else's property home again, no matter what!

I think he would have told his teacher if he really valued his property because he told me something that made me really mad the next morning.

"Mummy, or will you buy me another lunch box since we can't find mine?" Luckily for me, he was brushing his teeth then and I was bathing for his sister. The resounding slap I gave him on his back brought back his senses.

I don't know why he always want something new. He spoilt the lunch box I bought for him and his sister o and he's using another one now. That is, he wants me to buy a third one while his sister is still using the first one? How na?

I don't even know what to think. Why would he want a new box when he's barely used the new one?

Then, he's always talking about how his classmates use to bring different kinds of food ( he wasn't like this before o).

I try as much as possible to make different foods for him too, and he's stopped complaining.

We recently changed his school and his new school has quite a lot of pupils. I Don't know if that's affecting him.

Honestly, I'm bothered about the changes and I don't know how best to address it.

I've made him understand countless times that he should always be content with whatever he has and he shouldn't compare himself with anyone.

I just finished with another round of lecture now and he has tears in his eyes saying:

"Mummy, stop shouting at me. It makes me sad"

I was heartbroken and felt guilty seeing him like this and I did everything possible to make him see why I had to shout or scold.

Please how can I scold a child without shouting? Am I spoiling him? Can someone help with tips?
Honestly, I'm tired!

Why won't him behave this way, when u are using Ajebo format on him?

You're not spoiling him, you're just over bothering yourself. Keep keeping on. Keep talking/shouting, but make sure he stops asking u why are u shouting. We're not in America abeg. Though, he'll outgrow it at some point. I've learnt not to worry about these boys jare.. I think this our generation worry too much. These kids will be fine.

Kobojunkie:
Even husband and wife teams have at some point experienced exactly what this women is here talking of. Nothing of her experience speaks of what you claim. Children are challenging to raise whether by one or even 20 adults. It is never a walk in the park and this has nothing to do with number of adults in the process.

Kids are supposed to be raised by father and mother, not by single parents.

Absence of a parent can affect the child's development

elmagnifico411:
You're not spoiling him, you're just over bothering yourself. Keep keeping on. Keep talking/shouting, but make sure he stops asking u why are u shouting. We're not in America abeg. Though, he'll outgrow it at some point. I've learnt not to worry about these boys jare.. I think this our generation worry too much. These kids will be fine.

Let's stop with these useless demarcation particularly since we mostly exists in a world with no boundaries. That child might find himself in America or working with americans someday only to find himself severely emotionally handicapped by the fact that he was denied the training necessary to intelligently hone them as a child..

Just as you are to train your child physically, mentally, behaviorally, you are also to help train them emotionally so they understand how best to deal with the myriads of emotions they experience each day.

The only problem I see here is that you are emotional and that's because you are a woman and I don't blame you.

Shey the young man has a father na, My younger ones don't have fear for my mum or dad because they are like You, but once they hear my name everyone behaves because I beat you like we are agemates.

I throw away emotional when I am lecturing them because it's for the betterness of their future, my younger bro friend recently got a girl pregnant and my bro was secretly telling his friends that I was the one that made him stay away from that guy and the girlfriend that was allocated to him.

Today he has successfully completed learning a tailoring skill, and he's still thankful to me for that because most times I beat him and disgrace him publicly so that he would go to work after closing from school or in holidays.

NB: A little conversation is what does it all, be direct and blunt when conversing and don't show emotions, well you can't do it properly because you aren't a man.

mybiz234:
Kids are supposed to be raised by father and mother, not by single parents.

Absence of a parent can affect the child's development

That is what your parents told you, right?

However, now that you are now grown up, you pugh to have realized by now, this from intelligently accessing the real world around you, that children who are raised in single-parent homes turn out just as well as children who were raised in two-parent homes.

Absence can affect but it can also not affect, depending on how well the single-parent was able to wear both shoes.

Many of our world leaders today were raised in single-pareng homes. That didn't stop them from themselves going on to intelligently and maturedly handling the world before them. Then we know of many who were raised in two-parent homes and remain a menace to world peace.

Your child talking back to you at that age is not a good sign.

Be firm with discipline and telling him his wrong.

You need to be firm.

Your child needs to observe that you are firm on a position concerning his excesses. He apparently observes you a lot!

He will adjust with time.

Never forget prayers and counseling sessions.

* clears throat *

This is why I like to born girls. Cos I no wan use hand beat my son to stupor. I no get time for their politics.

Sorry, summarize what you've just posted. Mio gbo geesi.

Kobojunkie:
Let's stop with these useless demarcation particularly since we mostly exists in a world with no boundaries. That child might find himself in America or working with americans someday only to find himself severely emotionally handicapped by the fact that he was denied the training necessary to intelligently hone them as a child..

Just as you are to train your child physically, mentally, behaviorally, you are also to help train them emotionally so they understand how best to deal with the myriads of emotions they experience each day.

Kobojunkie:
Your child is right to tell you when you are hurting him emotionally with your training. When you cane them, don't they cry out? They at least have that right to exclaim, you then decide whether you will learn from their pain or continue to blindly damage them as you will.

.

Kobojunkie:
Wrong!

If your shouts are causing him anxieties, he has a right to let you know. You both then need to work on an arrangement that limits the Shouting and gives you both piece of mind.

Rubbish...this is petting!
Instigate fear in him and at the same time show him love.

Just relax your mind ... he is still a child,but that doesn't mean you won't correct or spank him when he does anything bad
In my own opinion it seems your Child doesn't like being shouted at .... anytime you are angry try to correct him without raising your voice.
As funny as it make sound, even as an adult when you shout at me I won't bulge ...but when you correct me with a calm voice it sinks inside my head and I heed to correction immediately

Teettyllayho:

Please I need advise from people with grown up kids.

Honestly, parenting is not easy. I don't even know what to do anymore.

My first son is 7 but he is kind of slow. However, he's above average in learning and he's learning at his pace. I understand all of this and I'm always happy to guide him.

Shouting reflects a lack of self control and indiscipline on the parents parent; how do you want to instill in a child what you don't have.

Nigerian parents can be extremely violent, I am a living witness.

No matter how aggressive or repetitive you are, a child will always be a child.

Discipline is very important, but without love; you are only building a violent bully which most Nigerians eventually turn out to be.

Don't give up though.